# Long Distance Relationship--Disaster? Or can it work? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 13, 2018, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545 "2018-08-13T20:00:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/21 "2018-08-14T14:37:20Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > If you are a person who is not accustomed to a lot of travel, I can see where 3 hours seems like long distance. But for others, that distance is a daily commute. Exactly. Not a desirable one necessarily, but a doable one. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/22 "2018-08-14T15:25:38Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > You should plan on alternating weekends at each other’s places. Drive over on Friday night and come back on Sunday night. This. My brother and his now-wife did this except that they flew. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/23 "2018-08-14T18:20:12Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > Three months after mizpullin and I were married, I got a job offer on the other side of the world. Since jobs were scarce and we weren’t in a position to turn away money, I went. This was in the early 80’s, before cellphones and email. Long distance phone calls cost a fortune (that we didn’t have). So we communicated for six months only via handwritten letters. > > We’re still married, and will celebrate our 40th anniversary soon. This is just insane…and amazing. We had marathon cell phony and Skype sessions, plus spending our work days chatting online with each other just to make it through, I can’t imagine doing that kind of distance when technology like this isn’t available. I tip infinity hats to you good sir and ma’am ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/24 "2018-08-14T20:03:45Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > We had marathon cell phony and Skype sessions, plus spending our work days chatting online with each other just to make it through, I can’t imagine doing that kind of distance when technology like this isn’t available. I spent my freshman year of college (1983-84) with a girlfriend who lived three hours away from me. We got to see each other once a month or so, for a weekend, but otherwise, it was one or two long-distance phone calls a week (and this was when long distance rates were still pretty expensive, so we’d call each other at like 6am, to take advantage of the low overnight rate), and sending letters to each other every day or two. In the end, the relationship didn’t last, but it wasn’t the distance that killed it, it was lack of maturity, on both of our parts. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/25 "2018-08-14T21:30:59Z")
I was in several LDRs, and they were a blast! Lots of phone time in between visits, and then a long weekend together every three weeks or so, and those visits were INTENSE! We would totally focus on each other and on having fun. Knowing that your time together is limited really helps you focus on having a great time. There is a significant chance that it will not work out in the long run, but what have you got to lose? I say go for it. If one or both of you gets tired of it, or finds somebody better and closer, you will at least have some good memories. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/26 "2018-08-15T09:43:19Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > This is just insane…and amazing. > > We had marathon cell phony and Skype sessions, plus spending our work days chatting online with each other just to make it through, I can’t imagine doing that kind of distance when technology like this isn’t available. > > I tip infinity hats to you good sir and ma’am Thank you! I should have mentioned that we lived together for a year before this. So we had an established relationship prior to the separations (we did this for several years). Somewhat off topic, but during those times there was no access to phones, radio, TV or any entertainment formats (working near the Arctic circle tends to isolate one). So the majority of those years were spent cut off from the normal culture. Now I’m reliving part of it, Netflix/DVD-ing my way through MASH and Magnum PI. I think I’ll start on Hill Street Blues next. I’ve never seen a single episode of it. (or “Dallas” or “Dynasty” etc.) > [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > …and then a long weekend together every three weeks or so, and those visits were INTENSE! As young newlyweds, we experienced the same, umm “intensity” when reconnecting after six months apart. I told one of my friends that the second thing I did after walking in the door was put down my suitcase. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/27 "2018-08-15T10:17:44Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > I’d say that IME, 2.5-3 hours isn’t terrible… That’s how long the drive between TBB’s house and mine took in regular traffic (slow and cranky but not officially stopped) and we lived in the same county. My brother’s distance to his college gf’s town wasn’t so big, but it was big enough they could only see each other on the weekends; thing is, in Spain this is actually pretty normal for college students who don’t attend the same school, even if they happen to live in the same town. The drive was considered a bummer but that’s it. Married in 1999; parents of two high schoolers. Most of my married coworkers have managed to make “weekend relationships” work, from dating to kids already finished college; some call home daily, some have a few quick whatsapp messages, some know that if their “Family” messaging group lights up someone is in the hospital or getting married. You two will have to figure out the logistics of getting together and of communicating, both in person and not, but yes it can work. > [@Panther\_Modern](#): > > One thing you need to keep under control is your jealousy. It’s really easy to fall into this if your SO is hanging out with other people. Only a problem for people who are jealous. That’s one headache I’m very happy I didn’t get. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/28 "2018-08-15T11:57:08Z")
> [@alliw76](#): > > I’ve been seeing someone for a few months now and things are going really well. Last week, he was offered a job that will result in him relocating. It will be about 2.5 to 3 hours away. We talked and both agree that we want to continue seeing each other. I am just curious what experience anyone has had with this. Did it work? Was it a disaster? Any suggestions? My sister’s been in a long-distance marriage for about a decade now. He’s in South Bend, IN, she’s in Alexandria, VA, they fly back and forth pretty frequently. Seems to be working for them. 🙂 ETA: They’re both in their mid-60s. ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/29 "2018-08-15T12:28:55Z")
> [@Panther\_Modern](#): > > One thing you need to keep under control is your jealousy. It’s really easy to fall into this if your SO is hanging out with other people. > > Nothing will kill a LDR faster than jealousy and resentment. > [@Nava](#): > > Only a problem for people who are jealous. That’s one headache I’m very happy I didn’t get. All true, but not really about long distance - it’s no different for any relationship. If you or your SO has “the jealousy thing”, all of that person’s relationships are doomed until they get over it. Relationships that include a jealousy component should be viewed as temporary flings IMO. (Because they are.) I’m not claiming everyone is supposed to be in “open marriages” or something, no, that’s crazy - but not trusting your SO in this way is poison. If you can’t trust someone, leave them. If you can’t trust anyone, you’re not ready for a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/30 "2018-08-15T20:18:21Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Only a problem for people who are jealous. That’s one headache I’m very happy I didn’t get. That’s how it was for me. I was happy when she’d hang out with her male friend because it got her out of the house and gave her something to do with other people (she was a bit isolated). I never once felt anything close to jealousy. She on the other hand? Not so much… ---
**Author:** ![senoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@senoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/senoy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545/31 "2018-08-15T20:52:43Z")
It only works if she gets temporarily transferred back to your branch, she breaks up with her commitment-phobe boyfriend and you decide to quit your job and move to Colorado with her to take care of her aged parents. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-distance-relationship-disaster-or-can-it-work/819545.md?page=1)