# Long term unrequited love, is it creepy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 15, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569 "2012-01-15T04:04:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/1 "2012-01-15T04:04:32Z")
I’m thinking of Futurama here but the same formula is in a million shows, guy loves girl but girl hates guy(never the other way around). Until after years she doesn’t, or her body is under alien control, or mind control, or etc. So if this chick you like hates you, remember just keep at it for YEARS. This lesson brought to you by the entertainment industry. ---
**Author:** ![CatherineZeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@CatherineZeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatherineZeta)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/2 "2012-01-15T04:18:32Z")
Of course it’s creepy. But the episode where Fry re-arranges the stars for Leela and she didn’t notice did make me feel a bit bad for him despite the fact that he’s a cartoon character. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/3 "2012-01-15T04:31:10Z")
> [@CatherineZeta](#): > > Of course it’s creepy. > > But the episode where Fry re-arranges the stars for Leela and she didn’t notice did make me feel a bit bad for him despite the fact that he’s a cartoon character. I’m so sick of Fry and Leela’s creepy/borderline abusive relationship it has put me off seeking out the new seasons, after one of the DVD movies had Fry spending years becoming a man Leela could love I gave up. There were several points where they could have left them a couple and let it fade in the background and be a source of relationship humor, but nah they hit the reset button every time. ---
**Author:** ![CatherineZeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@CatherineZeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatherineZeta)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/4 "2012-01-15T04:36:38Z")
Unfortunately I stopped watching Futurama- I liked it a lot, but I lived without cable for two years and got out of the habit of TV watching (I know I can download episodes, but I get distracted by other things when I’m on the computer). The last episode I saw was the final one of its first run, where Fry has the hands of the devil and succeeds in getting Leela through “his” musical talent. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/5 "2012-01-15T08:55:38Z")
> [@grude](#): > > guy loves girl but girl hates guy(never the other way around). Lucy/Schroeder. Sally/Linus. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/6 "2012-01-15T09:29:02Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Lucy/Schroeder. Sally/Linus. Eh those are kids, if they were adults and the guys single would anyone buy it? ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/7 "2012-01-15T13:29:15Z")
> [@grude](#): > > guy loves girl but girl hates guy(never the other way around). Just off the top of my head, Amy (Wendie Jo Sperber)/Henry (Peter Scolari) from _Bosom Buddies_. Donna/Josh from _The West Wing_, I think would count. It’s probably a result of most gainfully employed Hollywood writers being men. If there were more women being hired to write in Hollywood, there’d probably be more female characters feeling unrequited love. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/8 "2012-01-15T13:44:50Z")
> [@grude](#): > > This lesson brought to you by the entertainment industry. Is it disgusting to wear the same clothes day-after-day? Is it creepy when no one ages? How about when people act as if major events in their life simply didn’t happen? Or when people live far, far above the poverty line despite showing no outward signs of gainful employment? It’s creepy in real life–which, of course, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening–but it’s par for the course in formula TV. This message brought to you by suspension-of-disbelief brand condoms. What’s in _your_ wallet? ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/9 "2012-01-15T16:02:21Z")
> [@grude](#): > > guy loves girl but girl hates guy(never the other way around). They’ve since dropped this storyline, but at the beginning of **Community** , Annie had a long-term unrequited crush on Troy, who was oblivious to her feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Monkey\_Chews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Monkey\_Chews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkey_Chews)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/10 "2012-01-16T01:38:18Z")
Ugh - I’m re-watching season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and there is Xander/Buffy. Well, she of course doesn’t hate him, but she makes very clear to him that she in no way returns those feelings. It seems like Xander will not shut up about it. And yes it’s creepy, and annoying, and he comes off as an arsehole. As an example of unrequited love for a girl for a guy - there’s Willow’s feeling for Xander. But it seems less creepy because Willow is not carping on about it all the time and running interference on Xander. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/11 "2012-01-16T10:30:55Z")
> [@Monkey\_Chews](#): > > Ugh - I’m re-watching season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and there is Xander/Buffy. Well, she of course doesn’t hate him, but she makes very clear to him that she in no way returns those feelings. It seems like Xander will not shut up about it. And yes it’s creepy, and annoying, and he comes off as an arsehole. > > As an example of unrequited love for a girl for a guy - there’s Willow’s feeling for Xander. But it seems less creepy because Willow is not carping on about it all the time and running interference on Xander. To be fair though, while Xander did hold a torch for the Buffster for the longest time, he was rather upfront about it and he did have other flirtations besides - Pr. Preying Mantis, Inca Mummy Girl and Faith spring to mind. To me, it only becomes really creepy when the person with the unrequited love doesn’t even try to find, or even actively denies the requited kind but is content with watching. Waiting. Fantasizing. Plotting. As it stands, like you say, Xander came off more like a bit of an ass than a guy with binoculars jerking off in the bushes. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/12 "2012-01-16T14:18:51Z")
> [@grude](#): > > So if this chick you like hates you, remember just keep at it for YEARS. This lesson brought to you by the entertainment industry. And not just the recent entertainment industry, of course. For instance, the book _Vanity Fair_ pokes fun at the idea by repeatedly mentioning how dull and unworthy the girl in question is, and that it’s ridiculous that anyone could possibly carry a torch for her for 20 years. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/13 "2012-01-16T15:31:33Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > To be fair though, while Xander did hold a torch for the Buffster for the longest time, he was rather upfront about it and he did have other flirtations besides - Pr. Preying Mantis, Inca Mummy Girl and Faith spring to mind. Exactly right. Xander’s attraction was unrequited, but he remained a reasonably well adjusted individual. He had his flaws, but he was hardly a creep. > [@](#): > > To me, it only becomes really creepy when the person with the unrequited love doesn’t even try to find, or even actively denies the requited kind but is content with watching. Waiting. Fantasizing. Plotting. Right. Unrequited love isn’t inherently creepy, even over a long period of time. It can be, but neither time nor the unreciprocal nature make it necessarily creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/14 "2012-01-16T15:41:08Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Eh those are kids, if they were adults and the guys single would anyone buy it? Peggy on “Mad Men” certainly has a long-unrequited crush on Don Draper. True he was married for a long part of the show’s run so far, but that didn’t stop him from boinking women left & right. (I mean, he even did it with Bobbie Bero!) And he was single for a whole year last season. I loved the scene in last year’s finale when Peggy is “congratulating” Don on getting engaged again. Peggy is clearly putting on her bravest face, and Don remarks “She reminds me of you.” You can almost hear the knife twisting around in her heart. I would imagine that a real-life unrequited love like that would be a little creepy (though mostly just very sad & pathetic), but it does make for good TV drama. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/15 "2012-01-16T16:57:07Z")
To me the absolute worst is when the one holding the torch is very open about this with their love, and the love while not reciprocating DOES allow the faintest of hopes by occasionally offering or actually having sex, or saying they don’t love them but they could in the future. This takes it into the land of abusive, both people involved are clearly fucked mentally and you feel both sorry and angry at both of them. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/long-term-unrequited-love-is-it-creepy/609569/16 "2012-01-16T17:56:33Z")
Honestly, there’s not many ways to handle unrequited love from a friend that isn’t horrible for either or both parties. Clean break and avoiding the other entirely sucks, seeing someone as a friend who you know pines for you sucks, and giving in out of pity/lust/hope it’ll work out utterly sucks. Best you can really hope for is that the friend eventually falls out of love (or in love with another) but that, too, is somewhat bittersweet.