# Longest You've Gone Without Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567 "2008-12-03T21:22:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/61 "2008-12-04T08:37:51Z")
I thought I was going to win with 12 years. I am trying to figure out how people can be so differently wired, so to speak. Do people really need it that badly? It stumps me, I don’t want it at all. Reasons? Well, for one, no one has come near me in that long (I am female). For another, I don’t want to be used, so the man in question would have to want to be with me alone forever for me to even consider it. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/62 "2008-12-04T08:53:30Z")
Longest dry spell is around 1,5 years… that sucked. But usually when not in a relationship (like now, sigh), it averages out to once every 2-3 months. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/63 "2008-12-04T09:28:22Z")
Hey, there can be many reasons for not having sex as much as you want/need, even when married or shacked up or with a partner. My DH (and ftr we never married “officially” despite 23 yrs of considering ourselves such and 2 kids) had a much lower sex drive than I did, even in the early days, though then he made an effort to keep up :D. It only lessened as time passed, but we had about a 7 yr honeymoon IMO (and then we had our first kid…that naturally slows things down) but we managed to comprimise well for many more yrs. And when it was good, it was VERY good, so I accepted quality over quantity gladly. In the end, he got sick. We had issues. (other than him being sick, I mean, and preexisting his illness). By a few yrs before his death, we were broken up for all intents and purposes, but couldn’t separate due to his health and financial reasons. We slept in different beds for months. He would occasionally present me with a hard-on and I would accept it, sure, because 1. I still loved him and always will and 2. I was horny as hell, but other than that, not much. I spent YEARS in a realtionship I knew in my heart was doomed and tried despite all odds to save it because it WAS, for many years, a great thing. I know now I should have left YEARS ago, years before it ended as it did. And I put up with less sex and less good sex than I should have for years (though to be fair, he was a fantastic lover overall and for most of the time we were together) It is hard to let go of and give up on something that has been so good for so long and/or your best friend (which he was to me). People can give up a hell of a lot for that sort of connection. But in the end, I felt I had lost my best friend long before I actually did…it’s not all about the sex, though that is a sign. And faithsfool, thanks for acknowledging my loss. I so often hesitate to bring it up in mixed company because I know it makes so many uncomfortable and I don’t want pity. But thanks for your sincere comment. I know how awkward it is. (fucking DEATH…so DAMNED awkward!!! ) ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/64 "2008-12-04T10:04:54Z")
3 years. Lost my virginity at 21, lost my nookie source at 22. Haven’t had any since, though negotiations are currently ongoing. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/65 "2008-12-04T10:05:49Z")
I’m still a virgin at just shy of 42. When I was working, I was in a position where visiting a professional would have been an extremely career-limiting move (not to mention other penalties like prison…) - unlike some people I take such matters most seriously. Now I’m not working, I’m keeping the funds for myself. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/66 "2008-12-04T12:06:05Z")
About 6 months. This was between losing my virginity and getting together with my now-husband. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/67 "2008-12-04T12:08:31Z")
To sodding long ☹ ---
**Author:** ![3acresandatruck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e79b87/32.png) [@3acresandatruck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3acresandatruck)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/68 "2008-12-04T12:10:29Z")
It’s over 11 years now. When she ditched me and married a better man, I don’t know…I guess I lost hope. I haven’t even had a date in all this time\*. Why’s it been so long? I’m short, fat, and…well, not downright ugly, but nobody’s gonna call me handsome. I never had any social skills worth mentioning; after all these years, any skills I had are gone or rusty. Plus I’m grayer, balder and wrinklier. The chances for the future are not looking good here. And I have no idea how to find a prostitute without getting killed or mugged or arrested, plus I fear it would be a depressing experience anyway. \*Tried online dating, but the ladies see my photo and lose interest. Can’t say as I blame them. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/69 "2008-12-04T13:31:20Z")
With my first husband Grumpy, it was not uncommon for us to go 2-3 years without actual “insert A into B” sex. Not that I didn’t want it, he just declared that “sex was too much work and energy and he would just rather jack off to porn.” His doctor gave him a sample prescription of Viagra, which I was eager to try. Grumpy always had a reason why he wasn’t ready - I actually looked in the cabinet one day to realize it had actually gone so long that it expired. Of the 5 pills he received, we still had . . .5 left. We even went for marital counseling where our pastor literally told my ex that his not having sex with me was a sin besides just being incredibly unbelievable. I was willing to try or do anything (ANYTHING) to satisfy any sexual fantasy Grumpy had. I would buy sexy lingerie, watch his pornos and read his mags trying to figure out what turned him on. As Charlotte Dopers will remember, I even suprised him in bed one evening on his birthday, wearing nothing but 2 unwrapped reese’s peanut cups as nipple covers and singing “Happy Birthday” like Marilyn Monroe. Grumpy smiled, patted my head, popped the 2 candies in his mouth and then jumped in to bed and turned out the lights with a “thanks, honey.” When I actually announced I was divorcing him, he was shocked. When I cited our obvious lack of passion as one of the reasons, I pointed out that we were literally glorified roommates who happened to sleep in the same bed. I asked him if that was really how he wanted to spend the rest of his life, and his answer was “yeah, why not?” Needless to say, I was a bit of a wild, lowered standards, let-me-at-your-pants kind of gal for several months once we were separated, just to take the sexual-deprivation edge off. Now, happily, i’m able to report a very healthy sex life. But I admit, if I were to find myself single again, I don’t think I would be as laissez faire about casual sex again. Because I’ve had much better than that and I don’t think I could go back to random, meaningless insertion. ---
**Author:** ![Dryfreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@Dryfreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dryfreeze)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/70 "2008-12-04T14:06:16Z")
When I was 16 in Highschool I took a bet that I couldn’t go 1 year without … … save one or two exceptions I would have won =). I spent two years in Iraq on two different tours in two different lifestyles (1st - single, 2nd - married) Still, probably 8-9 months without. Now that I am getting a divorce its been about 1.5 months and for some reason it is killing me. During the whole “fighting” stage of our relationship we “banged” like crazy uhg . . .hmm. . options avaible, set target, prepare to fire . . . ---
**Author:** ![Stormcrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/0ea827/32.png) [@Stormcrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stormcrow)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/71 "2008-12-04T14:21:06Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > Hetero male here. Five years. > > I’d LIKE to change that, but I’m just not willing to lower my standards (no one-night stands, no drunken hookups, etc), and apparently, the rest of the world is also unwilling to lower THEIR standards. 🙂 Truth be told, I haven’t tried very much the past couple years, either. > > AFAIC, if there’s no interest in/possibility of a LTR, there’s no sex. This is my take on it as well. My longest dry spell was 7 years, and I’m currently on a 3 year spell. Haven’t met a woman who I was interested and who was available in… a really, really long time. Haven’t dated a woman who I would currently consider to have been LTR material since before I could legally drink (I’m now 42). I don’t go out to bars anymore, am not willing to get involved with anyone I work with, and none of my female friends (I’ve got plenty of those!) are attractive to me in that way. I can’t say that I’ve been trying very hard. I’ve gone on very few dates over the past ten years. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/72 "2008-12-04T15:11:34Z")
For me it was just one horrible date after another till I kind of gave up. Luckily I took a chance on the current gf - she even told me she was planning to only go out with me once but I changed her mind on that first date 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/73 "2008-12-04T15:28:20Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > our pastor literally told my ex that his not having sex with me was … incredibly unbelievable. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/74 "2008-12-04T16:57:29Z")
I’m lucky, in a sense - I lost my virginity to the lady who is now my wife, so, since that first hump, I haven’t gone more than a month or so without sex. Not always frequent enough, but we have lulls and peaks, so to speak. I made it until 26 without, so it’s all good… Joe ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/75 "2008-12-04T17:02:40Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Jesus, I feel bad for some of you! I came in here to bitch because I haven’t gotten any for 5 months. I am married though, so I think that’s practically a deal-breaker. You other marrieds, barring illness and such, how the hell do you put up with no sex. Come January, it will most likely end my marriage (well, among many other things, many of which a lot of you may know about!) As in the song, “…masturbation’s lost it’s fun…” you know, that Greenday song. I needs my sex and shouldn’t have to apologize! Well, our sex dry spells have generally been mutual lulls - just not happening. But certainly, we were both available to each other, just not feeling it. If she consistently rebuffed my overtures for bullshit reasons (you’re STILL on your period? It’s been 11 weeks…), it would be grounds for a serious discussion. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/76 "2008-12-04T17:33:25Z")
I really appreciate people’s openness and honesty here where you can get a picture of reality. One of my biggest pet peeves is on TV or movies where a character will admit to not having sex for (gasp!) 6 months and all the other characters groan and wince and act like that character is the biggest social outcast they have ever come across. ---
**Author:** ![dactylic\_hexameter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@dactylic\_hexameter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dactylic_hexameter)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/77 "2008-12-04T17:36:38Z")
3 years I think…Lost my virginity at age 20 to a guy I love (and who loves me), but due to unfortunate circumstances, we were never able to get a relationship going. He’s now engaged to someone who he met in law school. Haven’t had sex since. My most recent offer (turned down), was from a friend of my father. He was 30+ years older than me. I was tempted, simply to scratch the itch, but thought it would be a little too strange/awkward, considering I used to call him “uncle X”. Also, my dad would have killed both of us if he ever found out. Last reason for the dry spell: I’m not a small woman. I know there are men who prefer more meat on the bone, but 22 yo guys tend to be more self-conscious about dating a fat chick. I’d happily go for someone older, but it’s hard to meet older men. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/78 "2008-12-04T17:46:19Z")
One year and ten months. I didn’t mind though…my ex was a psycho and I had no desire to get involved with anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Daniel\_Shug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@Daniel\_Shug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel_Shug)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/79 "2008-12-04T19:19:51Z")
To answer the OP, since my divorce, this past October makes seven years. As to why? I realize I’m in the extreme minority on these boards for my reasons, but it simply is spiritual choice. The system of beliefs I’ve committed to require celibacy outside of marriage, and I’ve made the decision that my spiritual commitment and obedience is more important than my own physical urges and the things I want. Being a healthy, hetero male, that doesn’t mean its easy at all. With all humility possible, I know I don’t look like a frog, and I exercize to keep myself in good shape, so its not for lack of opportunity. Sometimes the craving gets so strong I really do think I’m going crazy, and masturbation lost its thrill so long ago, its not even desirable anymore. While actual sex is missed extremely, I miss the intimacy more. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/80 "2008-12-04T19:37:28Z")
About 13 years, for religious reasons. My partner threw me over and decided to commit to someone else and a couple of years later I had a spiritual experience that led me to recommit myself to my beliefs and the guidelines of my church. How do I go on living? Somehow I muddle through. I enjoyed sex but I guess maybe I don’t have a super-strong sex drive otherwise, and it’s possible my meds temper it. I don’t know; I started on them some years after not having sex (and no, I’ve always been depressed, not just because of doing without!!). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567.md?page=5)