# Longest You've Gone Without Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567 "2008-12-03T21:22:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/81 "2008-12-04T19:38:45Z")
Well - I’ve been married for 20 years. 😉 A six month dry spell is not unknown. It’s been at least four months and I don’t see any rain clouds on the horizon. This is the most sucky part of marrrage. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/82 "2008-12-04T19:40:43Z")
Since my first time, I’d say only a year or so. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/83 "2008-12-04T20:11:46Z")
I have to say this, though. Truly. I’m glad for when I went without, for whatever reason. Because of the long dry spells - I do feel like I became a born again virgin in many ways. And I definitely enjoy it so much more now and recognize how vital it is to the bones of a good relationship. I’ve had good sex without having a great relationship - but I’ve never had a great relationship that didn’t involve at least good sex. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/84 "2008-12-04T21:14:38Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > Well - I’ve been married for 20 years. 😉 > > A six month dry spell is not unknown. It’s been at least four months and I don’t see any rain clouds on the horizon. This is the most sucky part of marrrage. So _you’re_ the guy who married my ex! I should have mentioned that I spent eight months on Guam, which was like not having sex for about 30 years. In the military, GUAM stands for “Give Up And Masturbate”, not without reason. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/85 "2008-12-04T21:30:45Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Since **faithfool** has advised that it’s okay to ask questions of respondents, I’d like to know, from those of you who have no physical maladies, or deceased spouses, but have gone without for at least 6 months, why? > > If you’re single, and have the desire, it seems to me there are more outlets and resources available than ever before (e.g.: social networking programs and organizations, dating and matchmaking sites, etc..), even for those who may be socially awkward, in addition to the traditional parties, get-togethers with friends, and plain old fix-ups. After my divorce from my first and only sex partner I dated a bit but nothing went very far, perhaps due to my reluctance to have sex. Looking back, I had an exaggerated fear of unintended pregnancy. I was working with a couple guys who were in terrible shape financially due to child support payments and they took a lot of grief from the exes and I was determined that that would never happen to me. And it hasn’t. 🙂 I would say I have an average (at least) sex drive. I was blessed with a very active imagination and so far, flying solo has been sufficient. I’ll always be open to the possibility of a relationship but I don’t pursue it. I really don’t like the idea of casual sex or one night stands but “… never say never.” ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/86 "2008-12-04T21:47:05Z")
About 3 to 4 years. Sometime before my wife died to my wedding night on August 19, 2006 ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/87 "2008-12-04T21:56:16Z")
> [@Valerieblaise](#): > > So… to sum up, I abstained from sex to do the work on myself that I thought I needed to do in order to find the kind of person I want to be with. Which isn’t to say I’ve achieved perfect mental/emotional health, but I’ve at least learned enough to be a better judge of character and to know what I’m really looking for in another person. I’m so much happier and better off for my time-out from sex. > > I’m sorry this was so long. _admiring applause_ MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/88 "2008-12-04T22:25:36Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Since **faithfool** has advised that it’s okay to ask questions of respondents, I’d like to know, from those of you who have no physical maladies, or deceased spouses, but have gone without for at least 6 months, why? The short answer is that no one wants me. I’ve asked why, but the only answer I’ve ever gotten is “no, you didn’t do anything wrong.” > [@](#): > > If you’re single, and have the desire, it seems to me there are more outlets and resources available than ever before (e.g.: social networking programs and organizations, dating and matchmaking sites, etc..), even for those who may be socially awkward, in addition to the traditional parties, get-togethers with friends, and plain old fix-ups. Those websites are a joke, seriously. I’ve created a profile on a site which got absolutely no response other than two form-letters, and now it just sits there, accomplishing nothing. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it. And another profile on another site, where the only person who was remotely nice to me for longer than 3 emails suddenly had insurmountable “scheduling difficulties” when I suggested meeting in person. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/89 "2008-12-04T22:34:01Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > I’ve created a profile on a site which got absolutely no response other than two form-letters, and now it just sits there, accomplishing nothing. Maybe the profile needs some tweaking, then. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/90 "2008-12-04T22:36:08Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > The short answer is that no one wants me. I’ve asked why, but the only answer I’ve ever gotten is “no, you didn’t do anything wrong.” > > Those websites are a joke, seriously. I’ve created a profile on a site which got absolutely no response other than two form-letters, and now it just sits there, accomplishing nothing. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it. And another profile on another site, where the only person who was remotely nice to me for longer than 3 emails suddenly had insurmountable “scheduling difficulties” when I suggested meeting in person. And, on top of all that, you’re dragons have died. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/91 "2008-12-04T22:42:25Z")
Since I lost my virginity…mmmmmaaaybe two weeks at the outside. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/92 "2008-12-04T22:54:36Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Since faithfool has advised that it’s okay to ask questions of respondents, I’d like to know, from those of you who have no physical maladies, or deceased spouses, but have gone without for at least 6 months, why? My 1,5 years are related to first way to much work (in a new city), then suddenly moving countries, then setting up in a new country, then a new job and then it taking a while to pick up the social codes in my new surroundings. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/93 "2008-12-04T23:36:23Z")
> [@InterestedObserver](#): > > (but I tell you, it sure FELT like a dry spell for the last few of those!) Yeah, shouldn’t we be counting from when we **wanted** to have sex? It would only be fair to the 40 year old virgins, no? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/94 "2008-12-05T00:13:16Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Jesus, I feel bad for some of you! I came in here to bitch because I haven’t gotten any for 5 months. I am married though, so I think that’s practically a deal-breaker. You other marrieds, barring illness and such, how the hell do you put up with no sex. Come January, it will most likely end my marriage (well, among many other things, many of which a lot of you may know about!) As in the song, “…masturbation’s lost it’s fun…” you know, that Greenday song. I needs my sex and shouldn’t have to apologize! _Longview_ is one of the most accurate songs about depression I’ve ever heard. My sex life has always been incredibly complicated. I have post traumatic stress disorder but I was also influenced by a young, hip Aunt who taught me to be very open and embracing of all kinds of sexuality. That means I’m perfectly comfortable discussing sex on a message board and think about sexual freedom in a very idealistic way, but I’m very cautious and discerning when engaging in the physical act myself. The heavens must be aligned perfectly for it to happen. My husband knew going into our relationship that our union would not exactly be an oasis of sexual pleasure. At the time, he naively said he would be happy just holding my hand and cuddling with me for the rest of my life. The poor bastard. In the past, the number one reason for my lack of sex drive was the PTSD, more specifically the flashbacks, performance anxiety and severe depression. Nothing kills sex drive like depression. We’ve worked through a lot of that and I am pretty psychologically healthy, so the two biggest factors are 1) even though he is really attracted to me, I have a pretty low self-image. I am going to have to tackle my sense of physical self-esteem before we make any significant improvements. 2) For the last year I have been really physically ill. I am getting treatment now and things will be improving, but it’s been a rough go. 3) He is a doctoral student and I commute 3 hours a day to work and back. We never have time, and when we do have time we’re completely exhausted. I also suspect that we’re so in the habit of not having it that we just overlook it on our list of priorities. I have to admit, I have always felt really abnormal because of how infrequently I have sex (I sure write and think about it a lot, though. Another weird nonsensical thing.) Reading this thread makes me aware just how much we as a society have elevated frequency of sex to mythological proportions. I’m sure some of us do have a lot of sex, and some of us never have sex, and some of us have it from time to time. I don’t feel like such a freak any more. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/95 "2008-12-05T00:29:32Z")
I just wanted to thank everyone again for their candor and not passing judgment on those of us who have what many would consider ‘unnaturally’ long dry spells. This thread has been enlightening and, like **olives** , it makes me not so alone and freakish. I pray that for each of us lacking in enough (or any) physical intimacy, there’s a wealth of other completely wonderful and purposeful things to fill our lives. I definitely think we deserve it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/96 "2008-12-05T01:20:21Z")
Let’s see, it’s the first week of December, so that makes it right about 13 years. Main reason being “inconvenient living arrangements”. About six months after the last time I got laid, I had a major financial crisis which resulted in my moving into the local men’s homeless shelter. I stayed there for eight years while I worked on getting myself out of debt. I moved out of the shelter a little over four years ago … and into a house with a deeply religious man who’s about my dad’s age and who doesn’t want any hanky-panky going on in his house (and I respect his wishes). I got enough sex in my 20s to keep me mostly happy, but I also spent most of my 20s drunk (the primary contributor to the following financial crisis) and not learning to properly relate to women while sober. Or relate to sober women. Or what have you. Sobered up at 28, had sex for the last time at 29, and then moved into the shelter just before my 30th birthday. Of course, living in a men’s homeless shelter doesn’t provide a lot of opportunity to learn to relate to women, and in any case I avoided even pursuing relationships with women because I could never really figure out a good way to casually bring up the topic of my living arrangement and still retain a woman’s interest. Now I’m 42 and have taken the admittedly defeatist position that I’ve gone this long without and it hasn’t killed me, so why make the effort to try to get some. And of course I’m so damned out of practice at even showing interest that I don’t even bother to try. I mean, there’s an attractive young lady down at the tobacco store who actually seems to dig me, and after several months I still can’t even work up the nerve to ask her what her name is ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/97 "2008-12-05T01:20:43Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > Since I lost my virginity…mmmmmaaaybe two weeks at the outside. See, you’re just bragging. > [@](#): > > **A man walks into a confessional, the following conversation ensues:** > > Man: Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times. > Priest: ‘Are you sorry for your sins?’ > Man: 'What sins? ’ > Priest: ‘What kind of a Catholic are you?’ > Man: ‘I’m not Catholic I’m Jewish.’ > Priest: ‘Then why are you telling me all this?’ > Man: ‘I’m telling EVERYBODY!’ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/98 "2008-12-05T01:33:43Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I mean, there’s an attractive young lady down at the tobacco store who actually seems to dig me, and after several months I still can’t even work up the nerve to ask her what her name is ☹ Aww. Please ask her name. What if she wants to get to know you too? Maybe nothing will come of it, but at least you’ll have a name to the friendly face. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/99 "2008-12-05T02:30:11Z")
2 years, early '97-early '99. Right now it’s been 5 months. It would’ve been a year and a half (since my ex moved out), but I met a nice young man in July who was, shall we say, quite friendly and accommodating. Maybe he regretted it 'cause I haven’t heard from him since. ☹ Right now the thing that’s stopping me from going out and painting the town red with whoever strikes my fancy is the small matter of not being divorced yet. I don’t know why that didn’t stop me back in July. Maybe it was knowing that I have no intention of going back to my ex, or that, to my knowledge, he’s done much more than that before and since that incident. For now, until the papers are signed, I will have to content myself with, well, myself. Just watch, though, I will probably end up meeting someone soon that will put that resolution to the test, because that’s the kind of luck I have. Whoa, I really spilled my guts here. Sorry. :o ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567/100 "2008-12-05T04:15:28Z")
My longest dry spell was between #1 and #2, 12 months, while in college. #1 was a two- or three-night stand (depends on how you count 'em), then the next year was a great gal who I dated for 18 months. Next longest was 11 months, seven of which I was deployed on a boat with 2,200 other (male) Marines and a bunch of (male) sailors. A nice Irish nurse in Majorca may have been able to lessen that a tad, but I was still distraught over getting dumped two weeks before departure. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longest-youve-gone-without-sex/475567.md?page=6)