# Longtime friends make good on pact to marry at 50 if still single **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 13, 2018, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046 "2018-06-13T19:29:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2018, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/1 "2018-06-13T19:29:40Z")
[This](https://www.today.com/style/friends-make-good-pact-marry-50-if-still-single-t130136) is just sweet. > [@](#): > > A deal is a deal. And this one’s sealed with a kiss. > > Several decades ago — they don’t remember exactly when — lifelong friends and high school sweethearts Kimberley Dean and Ron Palmer made a pact. They would marry each other if neither had tied the knot by the time they both had reached 50. Here’s wishing them the very best. (Yes, I know that both of them had already tied knots and then untied them; get over it! :)) ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2018, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/2 "2018-06-13T23:24:50Z")
This is the best story I’ve read all day! I’m wishing the happy couple all the best and many years of happiness! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2018, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/3 "2018-06-13T23:46:25Z")
Color me skeptical. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2018, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/4 "2018-06-13T23:54:36Z")
Color me jealous. And thinking that they would probably have been better off if they hadn’t waited for the deadline to be reached before acting on it. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/5 "2018-06-14T00:01:42Z")
This relationship is very special. I wish them all the best. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/6 "2018-06-14T02:44:41Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Color me jealous. And thinking that they would probably have been better off if they hadn’t waited for the deadline to be reached before acting on it. Yeah but they didnt act on it. There’s probably a reason for that, a reason they never got married before. This doesnt strike me as the foundation for a successful marriage. They obviously see marriage as important and a good thing. When they were young, they imagined a far off forlorn future where they had both made it to 50 without ever marrying. They both agreed, if life gets that shitty, theyll just say fuck it and marry each other! I mean, i wish them well, I just don’t see this being a happy union. This sounds like a mediocre rom-com starring Jason Bateman. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/7 "2018-06-14T02:52:23Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Color me jealous. Yeah, I know the feeling. I like to think it’s never too late, though. Anybody here want to make a pact; if we’re both still single at 90 we get hitched? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/8 "2018-06-14T02:53:35Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Yeah but they didnt act on it. There’s probably a reason for that, a reason they never got married before. This doesnt strike me as the foundation for a successful marriage. > > They obviously see marriage as important and a good thing. When they were young, they imagined a far off forlorn future where they had both made it to 50 without ever marrying. They both agreed, if life gets that shitty, theyll just say fuck it and marry each other! > > I mean, i wish them well, I just don’t see this being a happy union. This sounds like a mediocre rom-com starring Jason Bateman. Forming a long friendship certainly does create a solid foundation for a long-lasting marriage. There are many reasons why people don’t get married earlier; timing, for one, is a simple reason. I think it’s a great story and I think there’s a good chance it will end well. I hope it does. Caveat: I only base that on the article’s contents. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/9 "2018-06-14T05:37:46Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > Forming a long friendship certainly does create a solid foundation for a long-lasting marriage. There are many reasons why people don’t get married earlier; timing, for one, is a simple reason. > > I think it’s a great story and I think there’s a good chance it will end well. I hope it does. > > Caveat: I only base that on the article’s contents. Hey, opinions differ. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/10 "2018-06-14T14:03:08Z")
Question I have is whether a deal like that alters the calculus in terms of other romantic opportunities. Meaning, suppose you’re one of this couple and you’re 45. You know that there’s a pretty good chance that you can marry the other in five years (ignoring the age difference for simplicity) since it’s more likely than not that the other will still be single. Now you’re contemplating a different relationship. Do you automatically rank it against the (likely) possibility of the pact-based marriage? If so, then the pact itself could be part of the cause of your remaining single. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/11 "2018-06-14T15:50:33Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Question I have is whether a deal like that alters the calculus in terms of other romantic opportunities. > > Meaning, suppose you’re one of this couple and you’re 45. You know that there’s a pretty good chance that you can marry the other in five years (ignoring the age difference for simplicity) since it’s more likely than not that the other will still be single. Now you’re contemplating a different relationship. Do you automatically rank it against the (likely) possibility of the pact-based marriage? If so, then the pact itself could be part of the cause of your remaining single. I heard an interesting idea once about how to make a tough decision. Flip a coin, and in that moment before you lift your hand to see the coin, you’ll be thinking “I hope it’s heads” or “I hope it’s tails”, and that’s how you know which choice to make. What you’re describing here sounds similar. If you go on a first date and find yourself thinking “I hope this works out so I don’t have to go through with the pact”, or “I hope I don’t like him/her so I can go through with the pact”, that feeling shouldn’t be ignored. I don’t mean to compare selecting a spouse with something as capricious as a coin flip, but sometimes the feelings they generate can help us figure out what we really want. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/12 "2018-06-14T15:55:13Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Hey, opinions differ. 🙂 Yep. 🙂 Hey, I noticed in the picture that she’s quite attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/13 "2018-06-14T16:09:24Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > I think it’s a great story and I think there’s a good chance it will end well. Somewhere around 49% chance, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/14 "2018-06-14T16:44:01Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Somewhere around 49% chance, I think. Well let’s see how long it lasts, the marriage of Ron Palmer and Kimberley Dean. gSearch link, for future reference: [marriage of Ron Palmer and Kimberley Dean - Google Search](https://goo.gl/LYB9nw) ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/15 "2018-06-14T16:53:51Z")
I had a platonic friendship with my current wife for several years before we started a romantic relationship. So that’s not the problem. The problem is the whole idea of the pact. “Eh, you’re fine, but nothing special. I’m pretty sure I’ll find someone better than you. But if I can’t after a few decades of trying, I guess you’ll be my 237th choice.” Every relationship is a compromise. There’s always someone better out there. But are you actually going to end up with that better person? There’s no such thing as “the one”, there’s only 0.667s that you round up to one. And so, before I started a romantic relationship with my current wife, I took a look at her imperfections and shortcomings with wide-open eyes, and went ahead anyway. Her imperfections and shortcomings haven’t went away over the past 19 years, that’s for sure. But they’ve mattered less and less. So the point is, if you’re looking at someone as a romantic partner, and rejecting them because of their shortcomings, how is waiting a couple decades going to mitigate those shortcomings? I’m perfectly willing to accommodate my wife’s many, many flaws, just like she tolerates mine. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have married her. Yeah, I married her so I wouldn’t end up alone and rejected when I was 50, so that part checks out. But why would I wait until I was 50? Why not 20 years ago? That’s what doesn’t check out. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/16 "2018-06-14T17:04:20Z")
I think the pact is being played up by the media. It makes for a story, and stories sell. But the one article I read showed some insights to their long-lasting friendship, and that makes for a strong foundation. The pact is, to me, being blown out of proportion. > [@Lemur866](#): > > Every relationship is a compromise. There’s always someone better out there. Wise words, indeed. Fully agree. When itcomes down to it, marriage and love are choices you make every day. Sometimes every minute, if there’s someone else tempting you. Love isn’t a feeling (well, of course, it is). Love is a choice. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/17 "2018-06-14T20:19:04Z")
I didn’t read into it as, sure, you are ok if I don’t find someone else, or hey, you will always be second best like I think some people did. I just thought, they had this agreement, they were young and life took them in different directions. I think it’s sweet that they both actually remembered about it. I am no where near a hopeless romantic, but maybe it was just meant to be. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/18 "2018-06-14T20:46:54Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Yeah, I know the feeling. > > I like to think it’s never too late, though. Anybody here want to make a pact; if we’re both still single at 90 we get hitched? Anybody I’d be willing to make such a pact with I’d propose to immediately - and if they said “no, but try again in X years”, I’d interpret that as a flat “no”. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/19 "2018-06-14T21:05:27Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Anybody I’d be willing to make such a pact with I’d propose to immediately - and if they said “no, but try again in X years”, I’d interpret that as a flat “no”. Right, that’s my point. If I’m not good enough to marry today, how exactly are you expecting me to be good enough to marry 20 years from now? I’m going to get better somehow? Because I can assure you that I’m not going to get better. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2018, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046/20 "2018-06-14T22:06:41Z")
Does this mean they are just going to fast-forward right to the sexless phase of a failed marriage? Sounds fun. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/longtime-friends-make-good-on-pact-to-marry-at-50-if-still-single/816046.md?page=2)