# Lonliness vs. Being Alone **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 11, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063 "2005-03-11T18:53:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/21 "2005-03-12T08:39:49Z")
To me, being “alone” signifies the physical condition of not being around other people. Being “lonely” signifies the mental/emotional condition of wishing that the current population state of my given surroundings would change, either by adding more people (if I’m “alone”) or getting rid of all the unnecessary people (if I’m not “alone”). Loneliness isn’t cured just by being around people. It’s cured by being connected to people. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/22 "2005-03-12T09:18:51Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > Illness has caused me to have little contact with the outside world (except for the medical sectors of it). Thanks to the Internet, I have no problem with loneliness. First of all, I love the name **pinkfreud**! Secondly, glad to hear the internet is allowing you to connect with others. People can be lonely even when they are with their spoiuse or family. If you don’t feel a connection to other people, you feel the lack of connection. Being alone, to me, implies you just want to read a book, surf the net, or watch Casablanca on tv while you sprawl on the sofa with a blanket and a bowl of something unhealthy. However, I am a firm believer that nobody needs to feel lonely. There are a gazillion ways to overcome that. Go to a bar, volunteer at a hospice or hospital, join a club, visit people at a nursing home, join the Democratic party to ensure we get a real President next time…lots of things to do. For the homebound who are ill, it isn’t quite as easy, but there are others like you who do meet in groups and it doesn’t take a genius to Google to find the organizations in your area. I think a lot of people who are lonely are just too lazy to get off their fat asses and go out and at least TRY to meet someone. Last I heard, seldom does someone knock on your door and ask to be your friend. You have to get up, get dressed and go out to make the effort. ---
**Author:** ![BobT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e8cbc/32.png) [@BobT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobT)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/23 "2005-03-12T17:27:35Z")
Loneliness situations: As stated by others I can be a large crowd and feel totally alone if I don’t know anyone and it’s a close-knit group, say my friend’s coworkers. However, my friend is not the same way when she is in a similar situation. Loneliness happens to me nearly every Mother’s Day. Both of my parents are deceased and my father’s birthday is on May 4. It’s a long period of feeling pretty lonely and even abandoned, but I work through it. Literally by working on Mother’s Day and metaphorically by going out to a movie. (Here’s a tip: Movies to avoid on Mother’s Day “The Joy Luck Club” and “Bambi”). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/24 "2005-03-12T18:33:41Z")
**Being Alone:** _“I vant to be alone.”_ – Greta Garbo **Loneliness:** “A visitor is all I ask – a temporary companion to help me pass a few short hours in my lonely life…” – Gene Hackman as The Blind Hermit, from **Young Frankenstein** **Desperation:** “So, what is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” ---
**Author:** ![sweetfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@sweetfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetfreak)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/25 "2005-03-12T18:36:36Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I don’t know that it’s something I can necessarily articulate. I’m hardly ever lonely when I’m alone, but I’m quite often lonely around other people. It’s…I guess it’s as much a feeling of connection as anything else. When I’m puttering around by myself, I feel connected to me, because I’m free to let all my most natural tendencies come out. I can metaphorically (and often physically) sit around in my underpants watching crap tv, quilting, and talking to the dogs in funny voices. Around people I don’t know well or connect with, I have to watch what I say and do all the time, and it’s kind of oppressive. I feel like I’m not being me, but rather what other people want to see from me. So I don’t have any connection to them, and I’ve lost my connection to myself. That’s loneliness. Thank you. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/26 "2005-03-12T20:35:19Z")
I’m the youngest of six children. When we all get together with SO’s and kids and everything, we can fill a house, and I love every one of them. Still I’m perfectly content being alone. This may be because there’s six years between my sister and I so when I was young, I had to find ways to entertain myself when my the older kids didn’t feel like playing with me. -Lil ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/27 "2005-03-12T23:19:02Z")
> [@neisha](#): > > What is the difference for you? Lonliness is when you don’t know anyone that you can relate to and get along with so if your lonely you could be in a room full of people and still be lonely. Being alone is time for yourself so you can think and reflect on whatever you want and you can end your time alone whenever you feel like, if your lonely then it is harder to end because you either have to go out and make friends or make huge changes in your personal situation or even personality. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/28 "2005-03-13T03:38:27Z")
Maybe that’s part of it - you choose alone for yourself, but you don’t choose lonely, and you’d change it if you could. I’m not sure if family size has anything to do with feeling lonely or liking to be alone. I’m from a family of four kids, and I love my alone time, and I have rarely felt lonely in my life. In fact, I think I’ll start a poll about this. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/29 "2005-03-13T03:47:01Z")
Okay, [here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5941601#post5941601) the poll thread. ---
**Author:** ![Dancer\_Flight](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dancer_flight/32/7601_2.png) [@Dancer\_Flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dancer_Flight)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/30 "2005-03-13T05:30:14Z")
To me, alone is a value-judgement free state. I can be alone by choice (physically, I leave the presence of people). I can be alone by choice (mentally, shut out the crowd at will). I can be alone by circumstance (no one else is around). Loneliness is a desire for a connection not present, and as others have noted, can occur even in a crowd. I was an only child by the way. -DF ---
**Author:** ![Canadiangirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Canadiangirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadiangirl)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/31 "2005-03-14T15:42:02Z")
neisha - I don’t know what it feels like, really, I suppose. Coincidentally, many of my friends are from multiple children families and I’ve heard them describe it. I’ll try again: I have spent much time alone…I moved to an unknown city, in an unknown first job out of high school…didn’t know anyone but still went roller blading at the local arena (Kytheria - do you remember the double rink downtown 1/2 ice, half roller blading?); used to go to the local pub with a new mag or newspaper, have a pint and dinner without thinking I was strange for going out by myself (only strange because, when I tell people, they think it’s odd); and keeping in mind that that was a long time ago and the city was a lot safer then; could read for hours, etc. I was never bored or what most describe as “lonely”. I lived on my own until I was 37 when I got married. Now, I am married to a man who spends lots of time at home and at times, I could scream to have some space to myself (it’s a very small house and there’s really no where to go to be “alone”). In the summer, I spend a lot of time in the back yard. I’m not sure I ever should have got married - not because I don’t love my husband but because being in the presence of people constantly gets on my nerves. Actually, my husband mentioned that after about a year of marriage, that he felt perhaps I thought it wasn’t everything I thought it was. That may be true at times, still. I don’t “miss” the absence of other people…with the single exception of my mom whom I miss so much it hurts. But when other people aren’t around, I don’t particularly miss them or their absence. I know this sounds kind of strange but I’m desparately trying to answer your questions while attempting to make sense. On the other hand, I have friends who can’t stay alone for more than an hour without going crazy. They simply need to talk or be around people all the time. Does any of this make any more sense, neisha? ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063/32 "2005-03-15T18:25:57Z")
“They’ll call us lonely when we’re really just alone” - Aztec Camera, _Oblivious_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lonliness-vs-being-alone/294063.md?page=1)