# Look out motherfuckers, I'm grabbing a rifle and climbing a tower! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 18, 2007, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585 "2007-09-18T05:04:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/41 "2007-09-18T19:54:16Z")
eh. The ratio of vitriol to level of the offenses seems out of balance. Too full of sound and fury, signifying… well, not quite nothing, but almost nothing. …almost like a Dennis Miller rant. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/42 "2007-09-18T20:04:36Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] eh. The ratio of vitriol to level of the offenses seems out of balance. Too full of sound and fury, signifying… well, not quite nothing, but almost nothing. …almost like a Dennis Miller rant. [/QUOTE] A pre or post 9/11 rant? I rather enjoyed the Pre-9/11 rants. The Op seems closer to that level of rant than the new version of Dennis Miller. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/43 "2007-09-18T20:07:38Z")
**Euthanasiast** , is there any space left for me in that tower? I don’t know a rifle from a slingshot; can I bring some water-filled balloons instead? I can fill’em with pee if that’s better. I am having a crappy day; I could use killing somebody. Or at least make them stink. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/44 "2007-09-18T20:12:08Z")
This is a great pitting. I was hoping to hear what you were going to do to the neighbor’s dog and or the neighbor. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/45 "2007-09-18T20:21:40Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] A pre or post 9/11 rant? I rather enjoyed the Pre-9/11 rants. The Op seems closer to that level of rant than the new version of Dennis Miller. YMMV [/QUOTE] Wow. That’s cruel even for the pit. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/46 "2007-09-18T20:26:54Z")
:eek: and all this time I thought Euthanasiast was a misspelling of enthusiastic. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/47 "2007-09-18T20:42:19Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] Wow. That’s cruel even for the pit. [/QUOTE] Wait, that was a compliment. I am saying he is not terrible like the new version of Dennis Miller. Jim (I don’t want him shooting at me after all) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/48 "2007-09-19T01:18:00Z")
This is great! Love it. > [@](#): > > And I hope that your Hell is filled with sights and sounds and wonders that could only be described in abstract, puke-inducing parlance that outlines mind-fuck scenarios not unlike you witnessing recovering crack addicted Garbage Pail Kids performing full cavity searches on McDonald’s employees after a twelve hour shift of burger flipping and scab snatching–Oh, and somewhere in there you get piston fisted by a gorilla with a hand full of bukkake and a hunch that in your colon there grows a bushel of nanners. Classic ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/49 "2007-09-19T01:28:34Z")
[QUOTE=velvetjones] Thank you for that. I share your rage on all counts. But this made me laugh out loud. [/QUOTE] This was my favorite line as well. If you’re not writing a column somewhere, you oughta. This was Rage Comedy Gold. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/50 "2007-09-19T01:33:04Z")
Great vitriol and anger, but low-key offenses. 10 for pure emotion, 10 for good rhetoric and funny imagery, maybe 5 for righteousness of anger. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/51 "2007-09-19T03:38:22Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] Wait, that was a compliment. I am saying he is not terrible like the new version of Dennis Miller. Jim (I don’t want him shooting at me after all) [/QUOTE] Oh sorry, I misread. I thought you were saying he was as terrible as the new version of Dennis Miller but now I see you meant he was as terrible as the old version. The latter being less cruel than the former. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/52 "2007-09-19T05:41:13Z")
**Euthanasiast** in the pit is a required read for me like **Scylla** posting elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/53 "2007-09-19T10:03:38Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] White suburban soccer mom here to explain\*: “yanking it to manga”–person appears to be masturbating to comic/graphic art images on his cell phone. Google Manga porn and stand back. (NSFW) “golden showers”–usually a sexual practice involving peeing on the partner\*\*, but for gang initiation, I suppose it means public urination. - I speak jive, too. 😉 \*\*whether this provides pleasure for the pee-er or the pee-upon (or both) is unknown to me. I’d like it to stay that way. [/QUOTE] As I suspected. Holy crap! People do this in movie theaters? ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2007, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/54 "2007-09-21T00:17:50Z")
[QUOTE=Mellivora capensis] As I suspected. Holy crap! People do this in movie theaters? [/QUOTE] Admittedly, I haven’t actually _witnessed_ it, I was just drawing an inevitable conclusion based on the downward sloping curve of civility. You should start seeing it within the next couple of years or so, given the current data trends. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/55 "2007-09-21T15:38:17Z")
[QUOTE=Euthanasiast] **To anyone here that can’t control little Scooter Jr. in public:** First of all, and before I begin this grand mal brain-fucking of the apocalypse, I just wanted to thank you all for coming in and give a mighty, crotch-shaking _ **fuck you!** _ shout out to each and every one of you. I admit freely that nothing would give me greater pleasure than to command a battalion of diseased Girl Scouts in ripping duct tape from your genitals and beating you to death with your frozen, shit-stained undies. And I hope that your Hell is filled with sights and sounds and wonders that could only be described in abstract, puke-inducing parlance that outlines mind-fuck scenarios not unlike you witnessing recovering crack addicted Garbage Pail Kids performing full cavity searches on McDonald’s employees after a twelve hour shift of burger flipping and scab snatching–Oh, and somewhere in there you get piston fisted by a gorilla with a hand full of bukkake and a hunch that in your colon there grows a bushel of nanners. **To the police, who blow through stop signs and speed when there’s no emergency:** Eat hot murder, you hypocrite mother fucker! **To anyone here that can’t shut the fuck up for two hours in a movie theater:** You pus-sucking self-centered, witless, worthless, taint-licking shit maggot! If only your mother had taken five seconds away from her daily grind of watching **The Price is Right** reruns and hackneyed soap operas (a half-eaten bologna sandwich resting under one of her saggy tits), then perhaps she could have back-handed the ever-lovin’ shit out of you and followed it up with a little admonition about shutting your fucking trap in a movie theater. But _nooooo_, instead she chose to catch up on her back issues of The Weekly World News, her lips moving with the text, and occasionally burping up a little mail man spunk. So now I have to listen to your idiot running faux-Truffaut fucking commentary or watch with burning hatred while you yank it to manga pix on your cell phone. But fuck it, you know, because even if the manager _would_ take a moment away from ‘puttin’ the moves’ on the school girl skank behind the concession counter–with the cold sore and the tramp stamp on her ass–long enough to shine a flashlight on your pathetic little yang and tell you, “If you’d give it a rest, Slappy, it wouldn’t always be so fuckin’ red.” He’d certainly not even dare to cast the beam toward the gang initiation golden shower taking place in the front row, would he, you vacant-headed suck bag? So think about all of that while you reside in the hell I created for you, an eternity of feeding your grandmother bacon while she takes a bath, fuck stick. **To all you fuckers in traffic… every. fuck. one of you:** I could fucking kill you. You are the worst of the bunch because you destroy _lives_. You don’t understand the fundamental dynamics of manning an automobile because you spent too many years not getting your head all the way inside the vehicle before slamming the door on it, so now I’m asphalt-surfing Highway 17 on my motorcycle like fucking Duane Allman with a bad thyroid, while you apply cake batter to your face in the rear view mirror to hide the bruises you got from your boyfriend, who beat you like a fucking pinata after you freaked out on him for calling out your younger, hotter sister’s name during sex (the one that works the concession stand at the movie theater). What the hell? You always wanted a man just like daddy, right? The strong, silent type with more boundary issues than South Texas after dark, but why piss on me? Jesus Fucking Christ fisting a three-balled Himalayan Yak, how about put the fucking eyeliner down and man the fucking ship, Captain Cum Guzzler! And if it isn’t this low rent, Mary fucking Kay strumpet who has to make certain she colors between the crows feet, even if she can’t drive between two simple fucking white lines, it’s the rest of you self-important me-monkeys who can’t drive from the house to the convenience store without whipping out your cell phones like some coked-up Jack Bauer, initiating a fucking call to someone, _ **anyone** _, but your own God damned thoughts! What’s going on in that shit melon rolling around on your shoulders that you can’t bear to be left alone with your own thoughts? Or is it that your head is just emptier than a crib at Britney Spears’s house? Five years ago you were a complete fucking technophobe, now all of a sudden you’re fucking Agent 86?! **PUT. THE FUCKING. PHONE. DOWN** , you pickled hag! Nobody gives a rancid cheese fuck that your nine year-old got her period, and you’re on your way to the store to pick up a box of Cotex. Wait four more years, until she’s pregnant. Then you can make all the mascara-running, woe-is-me calls you want, like the shit bag, worthless cum dumpster of a mother that you are! **To the neighbor down the street that thinks my yard is a toilet for your dog:** Fuck you! [/QUOTE] Hey Euth!I dont want to intrude or anything but my training tells me your upset about something ,Hey,Hey? Its like a jungle sometimes makes me wonder how you keep from going under? As a Trainee counsellor I’d advise multiple weapons ,plenty of ammo,body armor and clothing to blend in with your background NOT DPM ,a radio tuned to the local news station and whatever vantage point you choose to vouchsafe your protest against the unfairness of life make many small and random holes in the brickwork to use your instrument of expression to keep the poor bastards who would much rather be at home with their families but who are going to kill you, guessing . Or better yet try other approaches . But I have to say it I would love to kill the cunts your on about myself. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/56 "2007-09-21T18:56:05Z")
Wow. That rivals the so-called Ultimate Flame [Error](http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3a3709544a6e.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Ryle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@Mark\_Ryle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Ryle)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/57 "2007-09-21T19:52:09Z")
[QUOTE=Euthanasiast] Five years ago you were a complete fucking technophobe, now all of a sudden you’re fucking Agent 86?! [/QUOTE] Proficient cell phone use by women fooled me, for quite a while, into thinking they had all overnight become Agent 86’s. Teenage girls are the most impressive. Witnessing their extremely skillful manipulation of a not uncomplicated electronic device, I made that Hasty Generalization. It’s the fallacy of generalizing from an isolated case. They _are_ universally skillful – with that one thing. A running gag on _Get Smart_ was Barbara Feldon making short work of efficiently operating some spy gadget with which Max had only just been fumbling and experiencing endless difficulties. She then returns it to him and, after listening patiently to his lame excuses, says, “Oohh Max.” That was the real Barbara Feldon, I always felt. Good line, **Euthanasiast** ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/58 "2007-09-21T21:59:57Z")
[QUOTE=Jackmannii] Whilst feeling that the OP was a tad…vitriolic, I do rate the following highly as a potential bumper sticker: [/QUOTE] Yeah, “pickled hag” is going right up there with my other phrases used to keep from cursing. It sounds just obscene enough. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2007, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/59 "2007-09-22T06:56:16Z")
> [@](#): > > I didn’t get as much anger and vitriol from this as I did look-at-how-creative-I-can-be. Eh. It’s like the Pit version of a haute coture runway show–certainly not an everyday, practical sort of vitriol, but rather a master of the craft taking form and style to the next level. All I know is it left me feeling like a nursing home patient, 'cause I’ve got tears in my eyes and pee in my pants. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585/60 "2007-09-22T13:55:46Z")
[QUOTE=Euthanasiast] Fuck you! [/QUOTE] Oh, now. That’s just going too far. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/look-out-motherfuckers-im-grabbing-a-rifle-and-climbing-a-tower/419585.md?page=2)