I think that people typically seek partners at a level of “attractiveness” similar to themselves. Attractiveness includes lots of dimensions, looks, health, wealth, power, intelligence, humor, etc. (and yes, we all prioritize those features differently.) Many people try to make themselves more attractive to potential mates, in large part to attract people they find more attractive, to move up on their own ranking. Some do it by losing weight or working out, or being elected to high office. Others do it by moving to a place where the attributes they have are more valuable. (That often means finding a niche in your existing country where the people find you more attractive, but it can include moving to a different country.)
The words i choose were “leveraging his comparative privilege”.
The reasons for the age range are not just a hard and fast code, in that they are just guidelines. I dont want to date women so young that we have nothing in common at all. Or women so old that I might outlive them. Its a choice, everyone makes choices. Exceptions can happen of course, but a woman of 35 is a full grown woman.
And when I actually get there I will met woman with no idea of their actual age, like I can do on the datings sites. Different set of rules in real world encounters. Right now I am only testing the waters from afar.
But do they meet my high standards? I am learning this is actually a thing in the Philippines, hooking up your relatives. It kind of makes me a bit leary to show up at mass by myself when I get there. But not so much that I wouldnt go.
I had expected some push back from people about my choices, thanks to the mods for srepping in.
Again, what people may not realize is that I am meeting people thru dating sites and its the wild, wild west out there. Putting limits on who I want to talk with is neccesary because there are thousands of questionable people on these sites and you need to cull out many of them.
Now back to advice, there has been some great input so far. Please continue.
Sure, and I think we all realize that patriarchal culture in many places results in more restrictive conditions for women than for men. So women tend to be under more pressure to leverage personal attractiveness and charm in order to get financial security, while at the same time being disparaged as “gold diggers” if they do.
But yeah, that’s a baked-in sociocultural imbalance that I don’t think it’s fair to blame individual men for.
On the general topic of expat/local relationships you might want to take a look at this thread. It’s not at all relevant to the logistics of living there, but some of what that the OP, I, and other posters said about the OP’s messed up relationship might be useful cautionary info for you.
If I might toot my own horn a bit, start at my post #47 and the next few by others.
As someone who has lived in East Asia for over 35 years, IMHO, societies in general are judgmental and being outside the norms results in being given a derogative label.
For some, the advantage of living as an expat is that there are certain circumstances where one can live “on the fringe” of society, in that one is physcially there but separate from the mainstream society.
This can be for a number of reasons, including not speaking the language or not being subject to the same expectations as the locals, but it doesn’t mean that the society there isn’t judgmental.
Good bet there’s a hostile stereotype and a decidedly derogatory term for “male US/euro sex-hungry retirement-aged expat” in every local language from Portugal all the way around the coastline to Vladivostok. And throughout Latin America as well. Heck, I stumbled upon a colony of them in the Dominican Republic, and I bet that wasn’t the only one in the DR.
Over the years I have musingly/ jokingly considered becoming one myself. Ultimately in my case it doesn’t make sense in any dimension, much less in every dimension. I’ll take my chances here in the USA.
Meh, pretty much desribes the world. But in the states people are more vocal about it with total strangers and often put a political twist to it as well. I dont see myself really worrying about when as you say I can be in my own bubble much of the time.
Yes, I’ll need to go to the markets, the malls, the gym and wherever just like I do here. And I don’t give a damn what people think here already and doubt that a total stranger in a foreign land can get under my skin. As I mentioned earlier, I have traveled quite a bit. A lot of it in Mexico, and I do not look Mexican or speak Spanish.
But when someone on a board that doesn’t know me from other than a few statements they picked through, I will call them out on it and let them know if I feel insulted. Doesn’t mean I dont respect other aspects of what I have seen from them. Just an isolated incident.
Still, i wish this thread had not taken a such a turn into relationship advice. But I familar with this place to know that these things happen.
A few years ago, one of our golfing buddies decided to move there after he retired. He and his wife were Filipino. Forget where he moved to - not Manila. Within 2 years he was back. The biggest thing I recall him complaining about was oppression - curfews and the like. But this was under Duterte.
Only other bit I’ve got is from a niece who recently spent quite a bit of time in Manila (coaching their women’s underwater hockey team!) She couldn’t believe how bad the traffic was, and commented on the drastic gap between the wealthy and the poor. Oh yeah - and the crazy heat/humidity.
Was this during Covid when they had the curfews? I’ve talked with many people recently and no one has mentioned anything about curfews. Not that it would matter to me that much, as I don’t go out at night anyway. I do hear about issues in western Mindanao and that there are travel advisories for Americans not to go there, perhaps they have had curfews.
Secondly, I am not even considering spending much time in Manila because I know from people I work with from their that it is a horrible place to live. Traffic, flooding, unbearable heat and humidity and just overcrowed in general. That’s why I’m looking into Davao City, which is much smaller and spread out, low crime rate and less impacted by Typhoons and the flooding they bring due to is location.
Still, I appreciate the input and will look further into the curfew experiance you mention. This type of information is most useful to me. Thanks.
Last I saw him was several years ago, so I assume it was pre-covid. Sorry I don’t recall any specifics. As I recall, he owned a farm somewhere outside of a sizable city. My impression was that he felt the purported law-and-order policies were oppressive - even on law-abiding folk. I also believe he missed some of the creature comforts and conveniences he had been accustomed to. But again, my recollection is meagre.
This guy was a very “Americanized.” Light-skinned, mild accent, seemed “Spanish.” We used to golf with some other guys who were far more - uh - Filipino seeming. (Apologies for my ignorant phrasing.) Small in stature, darker skin, pretty heavily accented speech. As I recall, they owned farms in the Phil, spent a lot of time them, and claimed to live like kings.
Whatever you do, I’d suggest you consider a trial period with an escape plan should things not work out as you’d hoped. Good luck!
This pretty much desribes the 3 Filipinos Iriends I work with, they consider themselves kings in the Philippines becasue frankly they are. They have great jobs here, even by American standards and support their families back home, they are pretty much revered by their relatives and friends back home. They are also active in the church. After just mentioning to one of them years ago that I was considering going there he offered to hook me up with many fine providence relatives.
So I have been there already on business and plan on going there this winter to get a lay of the land for three weeks on vacation. So I am still in the planning and collecting information stage.
I am going to retire no matter what, either somewhere in the Phil or other country. Doubtful its going to be the US. I’m not going to just hook up with someone, but it is part of the equation. I’m going to hook up with someone no matter where I end up, but main criteria is location, location, location and how it benifits me.
Excellent advice. About half of westerners who move to the Philippines give up and return to where ever they came from within 2 years. I’ve already said I don’t want to live there more than 6 months of each year. It’s wise to not burn your bridges. Be a snowbird if possible.
If you (any you) have to retain a residence in the USA, that completely defeats the idea of living more cheaply in the PI (or wherever) by stopping all those US-priced expenses and replacing all of them with PI/wherever-priced expenses.
It needs to be “instead of” rather than “in addition to” your normal US-based expenses.
I suppose one could sell any / all of their US real property, cheaply store some fraction of their US worldly possessions, sell or dispose of their car(s) and everything else, then head off to the PI/wherever. Intending to either lease someplace new in the US if they chicken out, or remotely dispose of the storage stuff if they elect to stay an ex-pat.
I would not be surprised to find that for a typical middle-class homeowner, the round trip cost of a two-year foray into ex-pat world would be net, net, more expensive than having stayed put. But it would be an adventure to remember.
Suggesting that if someone’s primary motivation for doing this ex-pat experiment is economic, they have a very high likelihood of failing at their real goal: saving money.
Our OP has work experience living in the economically disadvantaged world. That ups his odds on success from the generalized 50/50 that @Mr.Duality reports. Enough? Tough call.
Just this year I pretty well rebased my life from zero existing possessions after leaving my wife with all the stuff we had gotten together. Even living simply it can add right up to a tidy pile-o-cash rebuilding a household.
I just spoke with a co-worker that was born in the Philippines and is now a US citizen here working as a senior level manager for an automotive company. He is telling me that you can get cheap flights all over Southeast Asia and that flights to Australia are not that expensive. I would not necessarily be island bound.
And yes, I have been to SE Asia, including the Philippines and I have experienced the heat and humidity. Not a major issue for me. But I do appreciate your concerns.
The major concerns my friend has is present relationship strains with China, government corruption and being targeted as an easy mark by the locals.
I’ve run the budget numbers and I don’t see this being anywhere near being true unless you spend money like a drunken sailor. I have done budgets on 8 figure projects for major companies, many of which involve forgein operations and so I like to think that I have a bit of experience in this area.
And yes, I intend to sell everything, and if the Philippines doesn’t pan out there are other options other than returning to the US. I have run risk analysis and do have contingency plans.
I’d nose around Expedia and a few airline websites before believing that. Living in SE Asia has a great deal to recommend to it, but “and the airfares everywhere are cheap!” wasn’t part of the reason for me. (Indonesia may be a special case though, I don’t know.)
I am learning this is actually a thing in the Philippines, hooking up your relatives. It kind of makes me a bit leary to show up at mass by myself when I get there. But not so much that I wouldnt go.
