# Looking For Insight Into My Friend's Personality Quirk (Gives The Bare Minimum Of Information) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2020, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479 "2020-02-04T16:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2020, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/21 "2020-02-04T23:02:13Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > You should probably ask him and not us, if you want the real answer and not a variety of reasons for that kind of behavior. Yeah, just go up to him and say “Did you know you tend to give unhelpful answers? Do you know why do you do that?” 😛 My instinctive response to such answers would be to be an ass right back. You want to learn somebody how to answer questions right, make them regret answering wrong. HIM: We’re meeting at Jenny’s house at 7. ME: Should I bring anything? HIM: Yes. ME: Okay, I’ll just bring myself then. You’re bringing everything else, right? I’ll just call ahead and let her know you volunteered. ME: Where is Jenny’s house? HIM: In Salem. ME: Inside the _cat?_ Are you _nuts??_ ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2020, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/22 "2020-02-04T23:25:11Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Unfortunately, I tend to encounter the opposite - someone giving \*waaaaaaaay \*more info than I’d ever use. Just give me an address, and maybe a landmark or two. I don’t need to know that 20 years ago, some jerk cut down the beautiful oak that was in the yard next to the house with the 37 birdbaths - or was it 36?? > > :smack: I knew someone that used to do this all the time: “Here’s the directions: Turn left at the gas station, then right at the oak tree, then two streets down, turn right at the church, then it’s 2nd house on the left.” “Or, you could go straight at the gas station, loop around on circle drive, then through one light and left at the church and the house is right there.” “Or, you you could turn left at the burger place three blocks past the gas station, then veer left at the Y and turn onto the dead-end street. When you are half way down that street there is a little access road that is usually open, you can just go down that to get to the next street and then you will be behind the church, from there just go around to the other side and the house right there.” “Or, if you want to come up I27, you would take the exit one earlier, the one near that giant car vending machine thing, it’s technically exit #14B, but the sign is a little confusing so just look for…” By the time the process is over, I’m typically aware of every major street and landmark in the city, and I still don’t know how to get where I’m going. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2020, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/23 "2020-02-04T23:36:44Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > I might be guilty of this in specific circumstances. No, I **am** guilty. When someone asks me a yes/no question, I tend to answer yes or no. So, colleague: “Should I bring something to the party?” Me: “Yes.” Library patron: “Do you know where Harry Potter is?” Me: “Yes.” Partly this is because I am annoyed by lazy speakers. The library patron is not really asking if I, a children’s librarian, know where the Harry Potter books are. She wants to know **where** the Harry Potter books are. So ask that. Is your library management aware that this is how you respond to library users? Because I imagine it’s got to make for a really excellent review come raise time. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2020, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/24 "2020-02-04T23:37:13Z")
Don’t snicker. I type alot of words on this MB. But IRL I’m very quiet. I tend to wait on questions to speak to people. It drives my family nuts. I’m not doing it to be contrary. Sometimes I’m just not able to speak. I usually don’t think I have any pertinent info to add. If you ask a direct info needed query, I’ll answer with as few words as possible. You: Is Sue bringing pie? Me: Yes. I’m not adding what kinda pie or the fact that Sues pies are not great. Unless you ask. You: Is Sue bringing Apple Pie? Me: I’m not sure if it’s Apple or Peach. But she’s bringing pie. Ask direct questions to your friend. Or call Jenny and ask her can you bring something. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2020, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/25 "2020-02-04T23:51:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Don’t snicker. I type alot of words on this MB. But IRL I’m very quiet. > I tend to wait on questions to speak to people. It drives my family nuts. > I’m not doing it to be contrary. Sometimes I’m just not able to speak. > I usually don’t think I have any pertinent info to add. > If you ask a direct info needed query, I’ll answer with as few words as possible. > > You: Is Sue bringing pie? > Me: Yes. > I’m not adding what kinda pie or the fact that Sues pies are not great. Unless you ask. > > You: Is Sue bringing Apple Pie? > Me: I’m not sure if it’s Apple or Peach. But she’s bringing pie. > > Ask direct questions to your friend. Or call Jenny and ask her can you bring something. And yet your answers here are still significantly more informative than the ones in the OP. If asked “Should I bring anything?”, how would you respond? Just “Yes”? ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2020, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/26 "2020-02-05T01:10:55Z")
Odds are is he is deliberately being a jerk. If so, your response could be, “Please don’t be deliberately annoying, give me a useful answer.” If he makes even more of a game of it, walk away. There is also, however, the possibility he is more socially stupid than malicious. That is, he thinks he is schooling you about language, or he developed the habit as an amusing tic and then, not realizing how dickish it is, kept doing it. Or, he is a vague listener and can’t be bothered to respond fully because he doesn’t care enough about other people. My husband (along with most of his siblings) has a strong habit of avoiding answering anything directly or seriously. He evades, ignores, jokes, anything to avoid answering. I don’t know exactly why (and if you asked him, he would evade, ignore, joke …) It is a habit he doesn’t seem able to even see in himself much less change. This is why I hesitate to come down wholly on the “he’s being a jerk” side. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2020, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/27 "2020-02-05T01:23:25Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Do any Dopers know anyone else who is like this? Yep. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2020, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/28 "2020-02-05T01:24:56Z")
Your friend Bob ------ is that not his real name and is he dead by any chance? If so he may have been my father. I got home once to the following message on my answering machine “Dad here. Guess I have to sleep alone for a while - your mothers in the hospital”. Click. And when I tried to call back, no answer. Slight panic. A couple hours later; bigger panic. Called an old friend who was a chief nurse at one of the hospitals – what do I do? She made some magic on the computer and learned mother was in HER hospital, had broken her hip, and was scheduled for surgery in the morning. As I was getting up that AM to head for the hospital the phone rings – “Dad here - can you pick me up in about an hour? Your mother is having a pin put in her hip” Yeah – I know. And any good reason I couldn’t reach you when I tried to call back? “I unplugged the phone so I could get some sleep”. Well I’m glad one of us did. :smack: It was actually more a ROFLMAO by the end of the day. But Dad was always like that. A sentence was usually less than 10 words and a paragraph was one sentence long. Every exchange, every conversation, contained at least one round of Twenty Questions. Rarely did it annoy me; I didn’t know it was unusual having grown up with it. Now his one BIL – my Uncle Gunny – with him the rule was never reply to a question with a question. If he asked if you wanted to go to the park either say yes or no. If you asked “what for?” you got a never-mind and he went about his business. The stuff he came up with – either in cases like the above or something simple like “got any plans?” were always such fun and/or such an adventure that we learned to always say yes or no ---- usually yes. And again, it was just something in our lives we dealt with. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2020, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/29 "2020-02-05T01:34:28Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Yep. Really? Not until post #27? I’m disappointed 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2020, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/30 "2020-02-05T01:48:59Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > I might be guilty of this in specific circumstances. No, I **am** guilty. I agree with those describing this as jerkish behavior. If a library employee were to behave like this, I would hope that management would take corrective measures. > [@HeyHomie](#): > > My friend Bob drives me up the fucking wall when I try to talk to him. We’re he my friend, the second response like this would elicit a “what the fuck is your problem, Dude?” Have you ever reached that limit? > [@jackdavinci](#): > > Like if I am talking about something that involves someone the listener doesn’t know, I may say “someone I know” or “my friend” or whatever. And then they ask “who?” > > That just grinds my gears to a screeching halt. What possible answer could satisfy them? I’d it that hard to craft an appropriate response? Like “It doesn’t matter; you wouldn’t know him.” Or “This guy o know at work?” Or whatever? > [@](#): > > And people have a weird habit of phrasing questions in yes/no format always, no matter that rarely being appropriate, and even when it might be, the real answer is an exception. Or finding other ways to ask “around” what they really want to know rather than being direct. > > And sometimes people have a way of asking even innocuous questions in such a way as it feels like answering would somehow inadvertently be promising your first born child to them. > > So I’m guessing the answer is one of the following: > > 1. they are confused > 2. they aren’t in the mood for chit chat > 3. something about the way you specifically talk is annoying or threatening I would consider these to be among the least likely reasons. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2020, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/31 "2020-02-05T07:22:00Z")
I knew someone kinda like that once, and it was totally a power trip/dominance thing. The grownup equivalent of playing Keep-Away (where a taller kid dangles something juuuust out of reach of a smaller kid) or of taunting someone with “I know something youuuuu don’t know!” Those kids on the playground, that you remember pulled that shit? They grow up into people like OP’s friend. ---
**Author:** ![BeagleJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5daacb/32.png) [@BeagleJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeagleJesus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/32 "2020-02-06T13:25:21Z")
What the hell are you two on about? A (hypothetical) person I am interacting with is annoying me and in return my interactions with them become less than polite and engaging. The longer the annoying person continues to persist the less polite and engaged I become until my interactions become monosyllable. When did I say the other person is responsible for my behavior? I acknowledge my actions range from less than polite to assholish and I’m ok with that. Passive aggressive is not something I would have ascribed to my actions…but the shoe does seem to fit so… Where did I say that I expect others to abide by rules that only exist in my head? If anything the annoying person who expects me to engage when I’m obviously not interested is the one who is expecting me to abide by the rules that exist in their heads. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/33 "2020-02-06T14:29:57Z")
> [@BeagleJesus](#): > > Where did I say that I expect others to abide by rules that only exist in my head? I’m just spit balling here, but one example is that you are assuming that everyone should somehow know not to ever ask you where Jenny’s house is (or any other person other than your own house) because you aren’t Jenny. For most humans, that type of question falls within a category of interactions that is firmly in the “ok” bucket because it’s typically asked in a context in which there is a reasonable chance the answer will be known by the person being asked. Not only is it reasonable, it’s actually kind of polite and efficient in a crowd not to inundate one person with all of the questions, but instead to spread out the process of distributing information. So, that’s an example of a rule that is in your head but not really an agreed on social convention. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/34 "2020-02-06T14:31:31Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I knew a guy once in college who gave over-detailed answers to an unimaginable extreme. Others who knew him also remarked that there was definitely something wrong with him, and had other kinds of odd-ball stories to tell too > > Someone: “Do you know the way to Professor X’s office?” > > Him: “Yes. Walk in the front door of the building. Take seven steps forward and turn ninety degrees to the left. Walk three steps forward. Push the upper button on the wall next to the elevator door. Wait for the doors to open, then take four steps forward into the elevator. Turn one hundred and eighty degrees around, and push the fourth-floor button. When the doors open on the fourth floor, take four steps forward. Turn ninety degrees to the right. Walk twenty-seven steps forward. Turn ninety degrees to the right. Knock on the door in front of you.” > > No kidding. He talked like that all the time. OP, be glad of what you got, and be careful what you wish. Damn. I know what happened to him!!! That asshole married my sister! On a visit to their place, he told me to clean up a spill with three paper towels. No more, no less, I suppose. No it wasn’t ironic and it had nothing to do with Holy Granada. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/35 "2020-02-06T14:41:42Z")
Damn autocorrect ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/36 "2020-02-06T15:11:47Z")
> [@BeagleJesus](#): > > What the hell are you two on about? A (hypothetical) person I am interacting with is annoying me and in return my interactions with them become less than polite and engaging. The longer the annoying person continues to persist the less polite and engaged I become until my interactions become monosyllable. > > When did I say the other person is responsible for my behavior? I acknowledge my actions range from less than polite to assholish and I’m ok with that. Passive aggressive is not something I would have ascribed to my actions…but the shoe does seem to fit so… > > Where did I say that I expect others to abide by rules that only exist in my head? If anything the annoying person who expects me to engage when I’m obviously not interested is the one who is expecting me to abide by the rules that exist in their heads. As you seem to admit, the behavior you describe is classic passive-aggressive behavior: > [@](#): > > Passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by a pattern of passive hostility and an avoidance of direct communication. Inaction where some action is socially customary is a typical passive-aggressive strategy (showing up late for functions, staying silent when a response is expected). Such behavior is sometimes protested by associates, evoking exasperation or confusion. It may be an expression of difficulty in dealing with one’s negative emotions. [Passive-aggressive behavior - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior) If we are all supposed to walk on eggshells around you and remember what social norms you do and do not abide, then your behavior is problematic and by definition dysfunctional. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/37 "2020-02-06T15:57:30Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > … “Do you know where Harry Potter is?” Me: “Yes.” Partly this is because I am annoyed by lazy speakers. The library patron is not really asking if I, a children’s librarian, know where the Harry Potter books are. She wants to know **where** the Harry Potter books are. So ask that. And really, I’m not a jerk… You guessed right about the library patron’s question. This is called _human language._ “Literally” doesn’t always mean _literally_. “Do you know …” isn’t always a yes/know question. Most of us learned this in elementary school. Do I need a cite? “Knave, knowest thou the way to the Leaky Teat Tavern,” from Shakespeare, perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/38 "2020-02-06T16:18:31Z")
> [@BeagleJesus](#): > > What the hell are you two on about? A (hypothetical) person I am interacting with is annoying me and in return my interactions with them become less than polite and engaging. The longer the annoying person continues to persist the less polite and engaged I become until my interactions become monosyllable. > > When did I say the other person is responsible for my behavior? I acknowledge my actions range from less than polite to assholish and I’m ok with that. Passive aggressive is not something I would have ascribed to my actions…but the shoe does seem to fit so… > > Where did I say that I expect others to abide by rules that only exist in my head? If anything the annoying person who expects me to engage when I’m obviously not interested is the one who is expecting me to abide by the rules that exist in their heads. But this isn’t about someone making idle chit-chat over the cubicle wall. In the OP’s example YOU are the one that initiated the conversation about Jenny’s party. Don’t get pissy about people asking entirely relevant follow-up questions. ---
**Author:** ![BeagleJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5daacb/32.png) [@BeagleJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeagleJesus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/39 "2020-02-06T16:46:56Z")
OK I think I understand where the disconnect is coming from now. You’re leaving out the first part of the scenario. I don’t start off the convo with Bob using monosyllable responses to questions. In my experience the convo starts off as normal, a few pleasant polite exchanges and inquiries, etc. No problems there. Fast forward to later in the convo after Bob has asked me like 250 inane questions about shit I don’t care about in an effort to keep the convo flowing and my responses get shorter and shorter. This is why I have been referring to Bob as a JAQ-off. I figure somewhere around question 500 I am past done with the convo and my responses are strictly monosyllable hoping Bob takes a clue that it’s time for him to move on as I try to resist the urge to flat out tell him to fuck off and leave me the hell alone (as politely as I can which isn’t very polite). I don’t expect Bob to follow any arbitrary unspoken rules I created. I expect Bob to know when he’s worn out his welcome and walk. Here’s a clue: If you are speaking with someone and convo devolves into every response to your every question is monosyllable then _maybe_ that person doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. If you guys think that’s unfair to Bob then we are just going to have to agree to disagree. ---
**Author:** ![BeagleJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5daacb/32.png) [@BeagleJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeagleJesus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/40 "2020-02-06T16:51:51Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > But this isn’t about someone making idle chit-chat over the cubicle wall. In the OP’s example YOU are the one that initiated the conversation about Jenny’s party. Don’t get pissy about people asking entirely relevant follow-up questions. No, I was describing a scenario where _I_ resort to monosyllable responses to questions asked of me after the person I am speaking with has become annoying. I didn’t initiate shit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479.md?page=3)