# Looking For Insight Into My Friend's Personality Quirk (Gives The Bare Minimum Of Information) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2020, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479 "2020-02-04T16:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/41 "2020-02-06T17:26:11Z")
> [@BeagleJesus](#): > > OK I think I understand where the disconnect is coming from now. You’re leaving out the first part of the scenario. > > I don’t start off the convo with Bob using monosyllable responses to questions. In my experience the convo starts off as normal, a few pleasant polite exchanges and inquiries, etc. No problems there. Fast forward to later in the convo after Bob has asked me like 250 inane questions about shit I don’t care about in an effort to keep the convo flowing and my responses get shorter and shorter. This is why I have been referring to Bob as a JAQ-off. I figure somewhere around question 500 I am past done with the convo and my responses are strictly monosyllable hoping Bob takes a clue that it’s time for him to move on as I try to resist the urge to flat out tell him to fuck off and leave me the hell alone (as politely as I can which isn’t very polite). > > I don’t expect Bob to follow any arbitrary unspoken rules I created. I expect Bob to know when he’s worn out his welcome and walk. Here’s a clue: If you are speaking with someone and convo devolves into every response to your every question is monosyllable then _maybe_ that person doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. If you guys think that’s unfair to Bob then we are just going to have to agree to disagree. I would point out that you are expecting us to understand a scenario that has only played out in your head. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![BeagleJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5daacb/32.png) [@BeagleJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeagleJesus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/42 "2020-02-06T18:20:33Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I would point out that you are expecting us to understand a scenario that has only played out in your head. Just sayin’. Post 33 If you’re not gonna bother to actually read the thread then maybe you shouldn’t reply. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/43 "2020-02-06T18:33:48Z")
> [@BeagleJesus](#): > > Post 33 > > If you’re not gonna bother to actually read the thread then maybe you shouldn’t reply. Just sayin’ Maybe you need your own thread (I’d try MPSIMS) since your made up scenario has fuck all to do with the OP’s. ---
**Author:** ![BeagleJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5daacb/32.png) [@BeagleJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeagleJesus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/44 "2020-02-06T19:00:42Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Maybe you need your own thread (I’d try MPSIMS) since your made up scenario has fuck all to do with the OP’s. My contribution to the thread was to explain how I can sometimes turn into monosyllable man during a convo and I laid out a scenario where that has happened. Since OP was inquiring about the behavior of a colleague/friend I thought it was a useful contribution. Acsenray asked me expound on my original post and the convo took off from there. It’s not my fault you and others failed to keep pace with the conversation and didn’t realize that your comments were off base as it pertained to the situation I was talking about. But hey you keep pretending I was the one who was wrong here. Or are you trying to insinuate that anecdotal experience is unwelcome in a thread soliciting opinions? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/45 "2020-02-06T19:13:59Z")
I think this is the part that possibly applies to the OP’s friend Bob– > [@BeagleJesus](#): > > I acknowledge my actions range from less than polite to assholish and I’m ok with that. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/46 "2020-02-06T19:35:09Z")
I don’t know anybody like that, but my wife does something similar that bugs me. She’ll tell me some story about a conversation she had with someone. That person says some thing interesting that begs a question, then… nothing. I’ll say “… AND?” and my wife says “That’s it.” In her little stories, she NEVER asks follow up questions! Aggravating as hell. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/47 "2020-02-06T21:29:23Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Yeah, just go up to him and say “Did you know you tend to give unhelpful answers? Do you know why do you do that?” > > 😛 If you can’t bear to do that, even in a polite way, then you have much bigger communication issues to work on than Bob does, I imagine. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/48 "2020-02-07T17:52:50Z")
**HeyHomie** , do you have any more information about this friend? Like age or profession? I’m reminded of my sister, who was worse about this when she was a teenager (like every teenager, probably) but still has remnants of it. My sister has not been diagnosed with anything, but people have observed that she has some signs of ASD: monotone way of speaking, the palate of a 5-year old (think chicken nuggets, cheerios, and pizza – but no tomato sauce on the pizza), sensitive to lights/sounds/textures, and asexual. She was home-schooled through elementary school, and when she gets done with work, she likes to come home and write fanfiction, play computer games, or watch movies. She does not like to go out and is very uncomfortable in social situations. One of her first jobs was in retail, and she confessed to me that if she saw a customer, she would try to walk the other way and pretend she didn’t see them, because she was terribly uncomfortable interacting with strangers. She has a nerdy sense of humor and is comfortable socializing with her close friends, but uncomfortable socializing with people outside of that. And if your friend is in any way like her, then I would guess his behavior is a combination of a few things: (1) That he takes most things literally, possibly due in part to not having a whole lot of exposure to conversational nuances if he spends a lot of time in his bedroom, or watching sitcoms/movies where answers like his are given for cheap laughs. (2) That he is uncomfortable with unscripted conversation. Therefore his responses would represent an inability to simultaneously participate in a conversation and think on his feet, and perhaps also somewhat indicative of a desire to get out of the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/49 "2020-02-07T18:26:25Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > **HeyHomie** , do you have any more information about this friend? Like age or profession? > > \ Bob is 28, a farmer. He bears many similarities to your sister, but I don’t think he’s on the ASD spectrum. I think that he is more likely a man who had a difficult upbringing, has been beaten down by life, and carries around a lot of hostility, for reasons not germane to this thread. Although like your sister, he’s a giant nerd. ---
**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/50 "2020-02-07T19:04:07Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > **HeyHomie** , do you have any more information about this friend? Like age or profession? > > I’m reminded of my sister, who was worse about this when she was a teenager (like every teenager, probably) but still has remnants of it. My sister has not been diagnosed with anything, but people have observed that she has some signs of ASD: monotone way of speaking, the palate of a 5-year old (think chicken nuggets, cheerios, and pizza – but no tomato sauce on the pizza), sensitive to lights/sounds/textures, and asexual. She was home-schooled through elementary school, and when she gets done with work, she likes to come home and write fanfiction, play computer games, or watch movies. She does not like to go out and is very uncomfortable in social situations. One of her first jobs was in retail, and she confessed to me that if she saw a customer, she would try to walk the other way and pretend she didn’t see them, because she was terribly uncomfortable interacting with strangers. > > She has a nerdy sense of humor and is comfortable socializing with her close friends, but uncomfortable socializing with people outside of that. And if your friend is in any way like her, then I would guess his behavior is a combination of a few things: (1) That he takes most things literally, possibly due in part to not having a whole lot of exposure to conversational nuances if he spends a lot of time in his bedroom, or watching sitcoms/movies where answers like his are given for cheap laughs. (2) That he is uncomfortable with unscripted conversation. Therefore his responses would represent an inability to simultaneously participate in a conversation and think on his feet, and perhaps also somewhat indicative of a desire to get out of the conversation. This is off topic, but I’ve never met anyone else who didn’t like sauce on their pizza, so I wanted to give your sister a big Aspie High-Five! She sounds a lot like me, and it was just fun hearing about her. On topic-ish, I have been known to give short, one-word answers, if I wanted the annoying person to go away and quit asking me questions. It takes a while because some people are stubborn/oblivious and don’t know when to take a hint. But those are situations where they’re trying to strike up a conversation, and not something simple, like, “where does Jenny live?” In that situation I would just tell the person where she lived, if I knew. And I wouldn’t be rude to someone I liked unless it was one of my days where conversation was painful, and I was having trouble making the words come out. Which happens sometimes. I’m only rude if I think you were rude first. But of course with my brain being wired differently “My rude” isn’t always “your rude.” To me, the guy in the OP probably isn’t doing it due to cluelessness or disability. But without being in his head it’s hard to tell. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/51 "2020-02-07T19:28:55Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > If you can’t bear to do that, even in a polite way, then you have much bigger communication issues to work on than Bob does, I imagine. Say what? I merely crafted sentences that asked him to explain his brief unhelpful answers but which also could be _answered_ with brief unhelpful answers, making the whole thing self-defeating. That was the joke. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/52 "2020-02-07T20:10:28Z")
> [@Caldazar](#): > > 1. I’m a typical introvert, and day-to-day conversation is effortful for me. If I’m tired or in a bad mood, I’ll give these kinds of vaguely-informative-but-not-really types of responses. Even the most introverted among us know that if you answer questions like that, eventually people will stop talking to you. Even the most introverted among us don’t want that. > [@](#): > > One solution is to ask an open-ended follow up question, such as “anything else I need know?” yes The way I read the OP, it sounds like his friend is one of those people that think it’s funny. If someone randomly did that here and there, it might get a chuckle. Maybe OPs friend doesn’t realize it’s not funny. The same way some people don’t realize telling the same joke over and over, to the point where your friends learn to avoid certain words that will make you say it because they’re sick of hearing it (think Michael Scott’s ‘that’s what she said’). l ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/53 "2020-02-07T20:27:46Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Bob is 28, a farmer. He bears many similarities to your sister, but I don’t think he’s on the ASD spectrum. I think that he is more likely a man who had a difficult upbringing, has been beaten down by life, and carries around a lot of hostility, for reasons not germane to this thread. > > Although like your sister, he’s a giant nerd. I think you have your answer, supported by other examples in this thread. He’s an angry, hostile person, and he’s behaving in an angry, hostile manner. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/54 "2020-02-07T21:38:29Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I knew someone kinda like that once, and it was totally a power trip/dominance thing. The grownup equivalent of playing Keep-Away (where a taller kid dangles something juuuust out of reach of a smaller kid) or of taunting someone with “I know something youuuuu don’t know!” > > Those kids on the playground, that you remember pulled that shit? They grow up into people like OP’s friend. I’d actually argue it’s more likely the kids being taunted turning the tables on everyone; now that they have information that others want, they are in control and can make everyone dance whatever jig they choose. I think it’s totally a control/power thing- if they cough up everything they know right off, they can’t make you do what they want / have a measure of power over you by making you go out of your way to extract that information. You see this all the time in workplaces where one person has built a little personal fief by controlling information- they are very jealous and controlling, and supplicants for that information usually have to jump through a few flaming hoops just-so, and then they get exactly the information they asked for, and no more. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2020, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/55 "2020-02-08T16:09:04Z")
> [@TheMysteryWriter](#): > > This is off topic, but I’ve never met anyone else who didn’t like sauce on their pizza, so I wanted to give your sister a big Aspie High-Five! She sounds a lot like me, and it was just fun hearing about her. Interesting! So have you been diagnosed? ---
**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2020, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/56 "2020-02-08T18:21:13Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Interesting! So have you been diagnosed? Yes, I attended something called job rehab and they paid for testing. I found out in my early twenties. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2020, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/57 "2020-02-08T19:09:59Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > I have a friend, coincidentally named Bob who is much like that. His wife has been ill (a number of problems) and my wife and I keep asking about her and he always gives minimal information until I prod him. He recently drove to Florida and we knew the trip would be hard on her (but the Montreal winter is also very hard on her and they decided to go just as soon as she was cleared; also she cannot fly on account of respiratory problems). So I asked him how long was the trip. I got an answer: 2000 km. On the other hand, he talks incessantly; just not on personal matters. It’s quite possible that he just doesn’t want to talk about his wife’s medical problems with you; possibly because he considers that private info, possibly because she considers it private info, and possibly just because he’s already had to explain what’s going on with her in detail to six other people who are more directly involved with the case and he really, really doesn’t want to go into it all again. – as far as answering ‘should I bring anything to the party?’ just with ‘yes’, the person might well have no idea what, specifically, you should bring. Some potlucks come with instructions about what to bring; others really are just luck, and no instructions are given. If the person routinely answers that way, though, that’s probably not what’s going on. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/58 "2020-02-09T01:11:09Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > You know perfectly well when someone asks you the “do you know…?” question, that their actual interest is in the piece of information they’re asking if you know about. And they know that you know that! Your answer “yes” is trying to re-train them to ask the question in the way that YOU prefer, but it’s not the way most people in society prefer - otherwise we’d already be doing it that way (also, trying to re-train your fellow adults is kind of obnoxious in itself) > > So please be non-egotistical, accept that people in society have reasons for doing things a different way than you’d prefer, and that we don’t do it that way because we’re all dumb, we do it that way because it, practically speaking, works better. As a slightly deaf person, I am cursed with people who _don’t answer the question that was asked_. When I ask “are you going to work today?”, I don’t care if you are taking Friday off, so you need to make up the hours, because you’ve got a deadline coming up. As a technical person, I am cursed with people who _don’t answer the question that was asked_. When I ask “how do you migrate a database to SQL 2000?”, I don’t care if “It’s 2020, it’s been 20 years since SQL 2000 was released”. As a member of society, I take particular care to craft my questions in a clear and unambiguous form. Your assumption that I’m asking a question in a particular form because I mean something different, doesn’t, practically speaking, make my life better So I’m less judgemental about the value of deliberate speech than you are. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/59 "2020-02-09T03:33:29Z")
TV Tropes has an entire section called [The Mathematician’s Answer.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MathematiciansAnswer) ---
**Author:** ![Disgruntled\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@Disgruntled\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disgruntled_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479/60 "2020-02-09T06:00:45Z")
> [@Isosleepy](#): > > Those who reply “I don’t know, CAN you?” To “can I ask a question?” are not just annoying jerks, they are also dumber than a dead pig’s ass. Since “can I ask a question?” conclusively proves that the inquisitor can, in fact, ask questions, wtf is with the “I don’t know”? > Some people just like to make others slightly uncomfortable in conversations by being deliberately obtuse, uninformative or rude. Sometimes I then feel the need to make them feel very uncomfortable. Talk about whatever I know they really don’t want to talk about. I am one of those people and yes, that is a rude answer. I never really liked that approach. When talking in an official job capacity the answer is a casual “If you can you may” which generally still moves the conversation along and the reason I do it is because for me it works. The second answer I have used, which does indicate that I am mildly annoyed is “apparently yes you can.” I don’t do this as a passive/aggressive things or am socially awkward or to be a jerk. I sincerely love the language and it’s foibles and play with literal meanings a lot. It doesn’t appear to come off as trying to stonewall people, shrug. I consider it my Gilligan side. If someone ever does tell me it bugs them I wouldn’t do it with them but I’d find conversing with them less pleasant. I have had people I know tell me to knock it off if the time is inappropriate and I didn’t realize this but that doesn’t sound like the OP’s friend. For me, thinking these things are not a choice. They are how I initially absorb information. It happens super quick but the thought is there first and it amuses me. It’s Gilligan or the guy in Clue who said “Mrs Peacock was a man”. They seem different but they’re not. They are playing with the literal interpretations. I think I’d get along with Bob though. I absolutely don’t mind being on the receiving end when it happens. I enjoy the game. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-insight-into-my-friends-personality-quirk-gives-the-bare-minimum-of-information/847479.md?page=4)