# Looking for jokes: What the difference between... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536 "2010-02-18T21:28:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/1 "2010-02-18T21:28:48Z")
I always enjoy a good joke thread, so I thought I’d start one for type of jokes that begin with: “What’s the difference between \_\_\_\_ and \_\_\_\_?” I’ll start with a couple of my favorites: …an African pygmy and a woman jogger? One is cunning runt. OK, that one’s not so nice. How about: … a lady in church and a lady in bathtub? One has hope in her soul. One more to finish on a clean note: … a Pulitzer Prize writer and a Utah carpenter? One is Norman Mailer. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/2 "2010-02-18T21:41:46Z")
…a rooster and a shyster? One clucks defiance. Then, after a string of these: …toilet paper and a shower curtain? (I don’t know, what?) So you’re the one! ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/3 "2010-02-18T22:28:36Z")
…a baby and an old man? Depends. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/4 "2010-02-18T22:31:10Z")
An ancient one passed down from Homer’s time: \*Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer/a doctor/a professor and God? A: God doesn’t think he’s a a lawyer/a doctor/a professor.\* ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/5 "2010-02-18T22:54:12Z")
What’s the difference between a member of the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer? A. One says, “Hey, you, get off of my cloud!”, and the other says, “Hey, McCloud…!” ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/6 "2010-02-18T23:07:14Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > An ancient one passed down from Homer’s time: > > \*Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer/a doctor/a professor and God? > > A: God doesn’t think he’s a a lawyer/a doctor/a professor.\* A variation on the same theme: What’s the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only has to worship one God. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/7 "2010-02-18T23:29:48Z")
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist only takes your skin. - Mark Twain What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches… What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick. How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road? ``` The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk. How can you tell the difference between a dead snake and a dead attorney on the road? No brake skid marks in front of the lawyer. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/8 "2010-02-18T23:43:38Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to Mundane Pointless Jokes I Must Tell. ---
**Author:** ![eldowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@eldowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eldowan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/9 "2010-02-18T23:50:46Z")
Q: What’s the difference between a magician and a chorus line? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts. * * * I _love_ this style of joke, this is going to be one of my favorite threads! I sure hope it gets to be rather large. ---
**Author:** ![Soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/10 "2010-02-18T23:52:53Z")
Not precisely the same formula, but my favorite: What’s the difference between a duck? One of its legs is exactly alike. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/11 "2010-02-19T00:04:44Z")
What’s the difference between an astronaut and Michael Jackson? One _walks_ on the moon, and the other was a pedophile. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/12 "2010-02-19T00:05:34Z")
The first one of these I ever learned, so it’s stupidly clean: What’s the difference between a dunce and a fisherman? One hates the book, the other baits the hook. What’s the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenberg? One’s a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other’s a dirigible. ---
**Author:** ![Stealth\_Potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Stealth\_Potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Potato)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/13 "2010-02-19T01:53:06Z")
Everybody loves [viola jokes](http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/viola.html), right? What’s the difference between a violist and a seamstress? A seamstress tucks up the frills. What’s the difference between a viola and a washing machine? Vibrato. What’s the difference between a viola and a chainsaw? If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet. What’s the difference between the first and last desks in a viola section? Half a measure. This one’s not in that form, but it’s hilarious nonetheless: How do you get twelve violists to play in tune? Shoot twelve of them. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/14 "2010-02-19T02:21:01Z")
> [@Stealth\_Potato](#): > > Everybody loves [viola jokes](http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/viola.html), right? What’s the difference between a viola and a violin? A viola burns longer. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a bassoon? You can hit a baseball a lot further with a bassoon. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/15 "2010-02-19T07:19:14Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > What’s the difference between a viola and a violin? > A viola burns longer. Also: What’s the difference between a violin and a viola? There’s no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger. What’s the difference between a dead possum in the road and a dead trombonist in the road? The possum was probably on his way to a gig. What’s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? You only have to punch the information into the drum machine _once_. ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/16 "2010-02-19T08:08:48Z")
What’s the difference between a camel toe and a moose knuckle? About 200 pounds. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/17 "2010-02-19T09:46:02Z")
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a prostitute with diarrhea? The corn husker shucks between fits. ---
**Author:** ![BeeDubU2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BeeDubU2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeDubU2)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/18 "2010-02-19T11:39:58Z")
What’s the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? A rooster yells, " COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!", and a prostitute yells," ANY COCK’LL DO!" btw, that joke was told to me by a 12 year old, my first summer as a camp counselor… ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/19 "2010-02-19T13:23:39Z")
What’s the difference between a toilet and Convenience Store Clerk? A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time. What’s the difference between a blonde and a Mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with; the other is used to carry groceries. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing? The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out And in honor of The Great One and the Olympics: What’s the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky? Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods. …there’s more where these came from… ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/20 "2010-02-19T13:42:32Z")
What’s the difference between a [insert sorority name] and a bowling ball? You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536.md?page=2)