# Looking for jokes: What the difference between... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536 "2010-02-18T21:28:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![banjoDavid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@banjoDavid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/banjoDavid)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/41 "2010-02-19T23:27:18Z")
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle? You don’t spill beer on a violin. What’s the difference between a violinist and a fiddler? About $45,000 a year ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/42 "2010-02-19T23:37:48Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Heh. That’s the one I _didn’t_ learn. Had to learn to read tenor clef for playing the bassoon, but that was needed only rarely. Bassoon music is written mostly in bass clef, only using tenor clef for the most upper part of the bassoon’s range to avoid masses of leger lines. > > Then again, alto and tenor clef are basically the same clef, because it’s movable - IIRC, whichever line the clef is centered on is “G”. > > Never hit a baseball with my bassoon, though 😛 YDRC (you don’t remember correctly). The **treble** clef is the one that centers on G. The clef you are referring to is the **C** clef, and the middle is centered on middle C. (The bass cleff is an F clef.) ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/43 "2010-02-19T23:53:59Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > YDRC (you don’t remember correctly). The **treble** clef is the one that centers on G. The clef you are referring to is the **C** clef, and the middle is centered on middle C. (The bass cleff is an F clef.) Thanks for the correction - I last played the bassoon about 25 years ago, so wasn’t entirely sure if I had the right note. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/44 "2010-02-19T23:56:58Z")
What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? Nobody cries when you cut up the bagpipe. …between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? The epileptic shucks between fits. …between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? The woman in church has hope in her soul. …between a woman having a real orgasm and faking one? Who cares. ---
**Author:** ![eldowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@eldowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eldowan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/45 "2010-02-20T00:17:13Z")
Here is another ‘whats the difference’ joke, but in bad, bad taste. [SPOILER] dead baby joke warning… [SPOILER] Whats the difference between a dead baby and your girlfriend? I don’t kiss your girlfriend when we’re done screwing. I’ve got a few more like it. If there’s enough interest I can post them. Though they’d probably be better in a ‘dead baby joke’ thread. [/SPOILER][/SPOILER] I know, it is horrible. Still funny though… ---
**Author:** ![Blut\_Aus\_Nord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Blut\_Aus\_Nord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blut_Aus_Nord)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/46 "2010-02-20T00:25:51Z")
> [@eldowan](#): > > I know, it is horrible. > Still funny though… What’s the difference between a baby and a train? A train doesn’t die when I ride it. ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/47 "2010-02-20T02:01:46Z")
> [@Stealth\_Potato](#): > > What’s the difference between a violist and a seamstress? > A seamstress tucks up the frills. A variation: What’s the difference between a soprano and a seamstress? A seamstress tuck and frills. ---
**Author:** ![Neverender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/848f3c/32.png) [@Neverender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neverender)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/48 "2010-02-20T02:46:52Z")
What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? You can’t marmalade your cock up someones arse. ---
**Author:** ![dragoncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@dragoncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragoncat)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2010, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/49 "2010-02-20T04:56:00Z")
What’s the difference between Florence and Aix-en-Provence? There are lots of girls named Florence in Aix-en Provence, but there aren’t any girls named Aix-en-Provence in Florence. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2010, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/50 "2010-02-20T13:13:48Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Hey, respect the viola! > > What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra? > > A bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. How did I forget that one? That was one of my favorites in high school. We’d rip on our band teacher with that one. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2010, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/51 "2010-02-21T13:09:08Z")
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama canal? One’s a dizzy bitch and the other’s a busy ditch. What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can’t unload bowling balls with a pitchfork. ---
**Author:** ![Bacon\_Salt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/65b543/32.png) [@Bacon\_Salt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bacon_Salt)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/52 "2010-02-23T07:26:31Z")
One from Celebrity Jeopardy that still makes me laugh: What’s the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One’s a sick duck-- I can’t remember how it ends, but your mother’s a whore. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/53 "2010-02-24T06:13:54Z")
What’s the difference between an oral & a rectal thermometer? The taste. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536/54 "2010-02-24T16:06:16Z")
Just read this one: Q: What’s the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? A: A pigeon can still drop a deposit on a Ferrari. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-jokes-what-the-difference-between/529536.md?page=2)