# Looking for Opinions on How to Reduce Female Orgasms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 21, 2006, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255 "2006-03-21T05:48:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Stentor\_2.5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@Stentor\_2.5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor_2.5)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/21 "2006-03-21T14:29:14Z")
To me it sounds more like anticipation and excitement than an actual orgasm. She might try visiting a hypnotherapist, breathing exercises, biofeedback, basically anything that can help her relax and be more in control during sex. Out of curiosity, does she experience memory loss at all, such as not being able to remember the sex act itself? It’s something I’ve noticed in myself during intense emotional situations. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/22 "2006-03-21T14:29:27Z")
Get her to keep breathing. Slowly and deeply and to concentrate on the breath- on \*not \* tensing up, breathing faster or holding her breath- she can’t think about anything else except the breath. Things that work with guys (thinking about baseball and the scrotal tug come to mind) won’t work with women. Stop-start might be worth a go- you start off until she feels like she’s about to orgasm- then you stop. Completely- no moving, no touching, no kissing, nothing. Until she doesn’t feel like she’s about to come. Then start back from where you were. Repeat the process for as long as you can. Have her do stuff for you… don’t touch her at all, then, when you’re happy, make her happy (well, it shouldn’t be difficult). ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/23 "2006-03-21T14:40:50Z")
I would soooo abuse this situation. My perverted mind immediately thinks that she needs a good bondage session. Tie her up so she has to resist the restraints while you have your way with her. If she is struggling to move you can get your groove on and possibly blow her mind to new levels. Or tie her up and then put one of those wearable vibrators (butterfly?) on her. Then leave the room and go drink a scotch while watching the football game. Return every 10 minutes or so to wipe the sweat off her brow and whisper sweet nothings in her ear…then leave again if she is still orgasming. Oooh! Get a remote control one and play with the speeds while in another room. This of course requires that you film it and post a link to the ftp site… -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/24 "2006-03-21T14:46:12Z")
> [@Grossbottom](#): > > This is what she’s doing! But she’s not a man. The first time it happened we were fooling around in my car and I was just untucking her shirt and kaboom. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it, I’ve just never heard of a girl having such a short fuse. Don’t share if you’re not comfortable, but did you ever get him to relax? Anything you’d be willing to share would be great. Eventually, he calmed down. But I do mean _eventually_. I have a high sex drive, myself, so I just kept at him as often as he could tolerate. He wasn’t superman; he ran out after two or three times. I could see this being a problem with a female, since they can keep going… Damn. I am tentative to say “FAKING IT!”, since I know everyone is different, and hell, maybe she’s got some hypersensitive nerve endings that cover her entire body. However, it does seem a little teensy bit suspicious. I would recommend talking to her about this, and frankly. Has this happened to her with other people in the past? And you truly should bring up your discomfort; not with her orgasms, hell, they’re a wonderful, sexy thing, be sure to reassure her of that - however, relationships are about both of you, and if you are not getting pleasure from it, you should be able to say so and see if you can work out a solution. As much as her orgasms are wonderful, and it’s great that she’s getting so much pleasure, \*you \* deserve some pleasure, too. If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you like to know if you could help your partner enjoy sex more? I hope she is concerned with your needs as well as her own, and it seems to me, from what I read, that your needs are not being met (even if you manage your own orgasm, is it satisfying, or are you overwhelmed by everything else enough to not enjoy as much as you might otherwise?) Okay. Sorry if I’m not making sense; I haven’t slept in a long, long time, and it’s 6:45am - it seems to make sense to me right now, so I’m going to hit submit. If it’s all rambly-like, I apologise, but I think the heart of what I wanted to say is in there. Good luck, good luck! ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/25 "2006-03-21T14:58:15Z")
I’ll throw my experience with this in the ring as well. I’ve had experience with two opposite extremes. One girl I dated for quite a while just could not come very easily and not at all through intercourse alone. She needed additional direct stimulus of a little bullet vibrator. She said that’s always been the case for her and fortunately for me, I was the only guy to date that didn’t freak out when the toys came out, nor was my manhood threatened by them. In fact, I loved buying the stuff for/with her. But not having her be able to “arrive” without some serious effort did become a bit of a chore from time to time. But as far as chores go, I quite liked that one. Another girl was orgasmic to the extreme. I mean quick, intense and one after the other after the other. I felt like a rock star at first but then I did begin to feel a little ancillary to the process. Once she got rolling it was pointless to keep count because she just kept rolling with the O’s. It was only after she’d physically exhausted herself, and me to the point of having muscle cramps in our thighs and abs that she’d finally stop. But an hour later, she was ready to go again. To be frank, I loved the experience with both of these women but it felt a little more rewarding to be with the one that took some extra work. Don’t know why except that I think I felt like my extra effort was a little more appreciated. As to the OP, I’m thinking that you should just not worry about it too much. After a little time passes, I think you will both get past the novelty and initial excitement of the new relationship and she may regain some control over her hair trigger O’s. Also, perhaps you should look into those creams at the adult toy stores that are supposed prolong the man’s ability to maintain an erection before arriving. I think they are mostly topical anesthetics that you can apply to her most sensitive trigger spot (clit) and that may calm things down. But probably not as you’re applying it initially. Maybe you should let her do that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/26 "2006-03-21T15:39:45Z")
> [@Grossbottom](#): > > Does anyone have some tips for reducing a woman’s rate or intensity of orgasm? Staying up all night watching Southpark and playing Grand Theft Auto seems to do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/27 "2006-03-21T15:41:22Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Eventually, you’ll wear her down to the point where she’ll just not have another “O” in her. I already tried that, it was The Plan this last weekend. My preparations were perfect, my performance was virtuoso, and it was like hurling gasoline onto a campfire. She can’t settle down long enough for me to have a decent time myself. > [@Stentor 2.5](#): > > Out of curiosity, does she experience memory loss at all, such as not being able to remember the sex act itself? No, she’s mentally fine afterwards. > [@Tomcat](#): > > My perverted mind immediately thinks that she needs a good bondage session. Yeah, I thought about that this morning. Restraint options will be investigated. I don’t know if she’ll trust me enough to let me use cuffs but it’s worth a go. > [@QuickSilver](#): > > Also, perhaps you should look into those creams at the adult toy stores that are supposed prolong the man’s ability to maintain an erection before arriving. I think they are mostly topical anesthetics that you can apply to her most sensitive trigger spot (clit) and that may calm things down. Oh hey, I’d forgotten about those. > [@Anastasaeon](#): > > Okay. Sorry if I’m not making sense No, you made sense. I just haven’t wanted to spoil anything by making her feel awkward or embarrassed, so I’ve avoided talking directly about it. But I suppose I should be a grown-up and try to talk about it before I handcuff her to the furniture. Or run away. Good ideas, thanks everyone! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/28 "2006-03-21T15:49:28Z")
Ok, please don’t be angry that I’m bringing this up. My ex GF was seeing this woman briefly who was like that. She was taking Ecstasy. I’m not suggesting your lady friend is doing this also but it’s just something I thought I’d throw out there. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/29 "2006-03-21T16:33:57Z")
> [@Stentor 2.5](#): > > Out of curiosity, does she experience memory loss at all, such as not being able to remember the sex act itself? Yeah, that helps avoid the awkward moment when you have to kill them to prevent being identified. > [@Stentor 2.5](#): > > It’s something I’ve noticed in myself during intense emotional situations. Nothing like a body in the trunk to refresh the memories, eh? 😃 I’m so going to hell for this… ---
**Author:** ![Vesper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c68b51/32.png) [@Vesper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vesper)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/30 "2006-03-21T17:42:47Z")
I know it’s easy for me to say but, if you’re having sex with someone you absolutely should be able to talk frankly about sex with that person (and not while in bed/in the act). Ask her if she’s always been that way, if she enjoys it or wants to have more control over it, and tell her how it makes you feel. If you care about her enough to want to continue the relationship (and it sounds like you do), open communication is the only thing that will facilitate that. It probably sounds trite but in my experience it is so easily forgotten. And on a slight hijack, in regard to some of the other comments in this thread (not the OP), I am fascinated by the impact of the female orgasm on the male ego. To begrudge a partner’s pleasure because it doesn’t feed your ego enough is unbelievable to me. I now appreciate my SO even more. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/31 "2006-03-21T17:57:28Z")
> [@Vesper](#): > > And on a slight hijack, in regard to some of the other comments in this thread (not the OP), I am fascinated by the impact of the female orgasm on the male ego. To begrudge a partner’s pleasure because it doesn’t feed your ego enough is unbelievable to me. I now appreciate my SO even more. :rolleyes: How’s that view from the horse you rode in on? (It’s not the right forum but I’m sure you know how the saying actually goes.) I’ve not read into anybody’s post as being begrudging in any way. Seems to me, a good sexual relationship is a two way street. Both partners must get pleasure out of it. If something doesn’t work for one, it’s likely to stop working for the other in pretty short order. Glad you and your SO are so appreciative of one another but I wonder how you’d make out if he/she wasn’t providing you with the same level of satisfaction you were offering him/her. Bet that horse of yours would start looking a bit better. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/32 "2006-03-21T18:48:47Z")
> [@Grossbottom](#): > > I don’t think so, these are all pretty intense. And I think you’re right this is…not normal. I really wish everyone in this thread would quit with the generalizing and analysis. There is a huge range of “normal” when it comes to sexual responses, and women having frequent and intense orgasms falls well within that range, making it, indeed, perfectly “normal”. Many women experience orgasms via stimulation of body parts other than genitalia, and some don’t even need to be touched at all, a phenomenon The Master Cecil refers to as [psychic orgasms](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/000505.html). He concludes that: > [@Cecil Adams](#): > > It seems clear that while men, on average, can come more readily than women, **women have a much greater range of sexual response** –and some can reach heights that leave guys (and a lot of women) shaking their heads in disbelief. But believe it you must. I participated in that survey, so I can attest. Just don’t ask me to tell you which responses were mine. 😉 > [@Vesper](#): > > I know it’s easy for me to say but, if you’re having sex with someone you absolutely should be able to talk frankly about sex with that person (and not while in bed/in the act). Ask her if she’s always been that way, if she enjoys it or wants to have more control over it, and tell her how it makes you feel. If you care about her enough to want to continue the relationship (and it sounds like you do), open communication is the only thing that will facilitate that. It probably sounds trite but in my experience it is so easily forgotten. This is exactly the answer I was going to give. Open and honest communication is the only way to resolve this. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/33 "2006-03-21T23:00:34Z")
They say (you know, _they_) that most of sex is in your head. One thing you could try, if she’s interested in getting a little less interested, is having her think about something other than sex (work the next day, what to wear, anything). That might reduce her hair-trigger response to something manageable for both of you. I have no problem with you saying this is a problem for you, **Grossbottom**. A big dick is a great thing, too, but not so much if you’re a tiny woman. It does have to be good for both for it to continue to be good for either. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/34 "2006-03-22T04:50:25Z")
Bleh. Some people are just quite sensitive. We’re not necessarily faking it or crazy. Yes, it’s a pain in the … well. It can _really_ get in the way of sensual touch. But then the upside is a lot of orgasms so I think I’ll deal. On a practical note - consider the way you touch and try to change it up. I found firm touch as opposed to fluttery sort of stroking is much less intense and easier to tolerate a reasonable amount of without overreaction. The bondage suggestion is a good one too. It doesn’t have to be anything heavy to help. But that’s really dependent on whether she’s interested in that. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/35 "2006-03-22T06:03:01Z")
I vote for possession by demons. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/36 "2006-03-22T06:09:37Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > I vote for possession by demons. So, you’re recommending an exorcism then? Whaddya reckon will happen when the crucifix… Oh, never mind. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/37 "2006-03-22T07:23:51Z")
> [@](#): > > Also, perhaps you should look into those creams at the adult toy stores that are supposed prolong the man’s ability to maintain an erection before arriving. I think they are mostly topical anesthetics that you can apply to her most sensitive trigger spot (clit) and that may calm things down. Some of that stuff is dangerous. I’d suggest extreme caution before putting foreign substances anywhere near her delicate bits. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/38 "2006-03-22T15:18:57Z")
> [@Giant\_Spongess](#): > > I’d suggest extreme caution before putting foreign substances anywhere near her delicate bits. …and so we come full circle to the OP. Poor bastard’s barely getting away with his life as it is. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/39 "2006-03-22T15:28:37Z")
Are you sure she’s not just ticklish? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255/40 "2006-03-22T15:39:10Z")
I’ve kept many a woman from having an orgasm in my time. I really don’t know my secret. It’s just a gift, I guess. Could be my cologne, I don’t know. Like some people can calm a rampaging tiger just by looking at it, I can cool the female libido. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-opinions-on-how-to-reduce-female-orgasms/349255.md?page=3)