# Looking for the perfect drug. **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 13, 2000, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975 "2000-09-13T02:02:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![theuglytruth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@theuglytruth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theuglytruth)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/1 "2000-09-13T02:02:34Z")
I’m looking for the perfect drug. It must match the following criteria: 1. It must be legal in the US 2. It must make feel happy at all times 3. It must give me lots of energy 4. No dangerous side effects 5. No visible signs to others that I am on it 6. Non addictive 7. No dangerous mental side effects 8. Can still perfom my job 9. No sexual side effects The closet I can get is No-Doz, but it cramps my stomach and makes me paranoid. Execdrin kicks ass too, but depending on when I take it, puts me right to sleep in a state of listlessness. Sorry, hippies, but “Get high on life” will not do. Any suggestions Dopers? ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/2 "2000-09-13T02:16:08Z")
"One that won’t make me nervous, wondering what to do! "One that makes me feel like I feel when I’m with you– “When I’m alone with you!” OK, now that I’ve dated myself–I’m afraid you’re probably out of luck. I’d say caffeine probably comes the closest, although it fails partially on several and completely on others (namely #6). And since when have hippies been “getting high on life”? There were still plenty of drugs at the last Phish show I went to. Dr. J ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/3 "2000-09-13T03:05:18Z")
How about sex? I mean, OK, it can be addictive, but 'tain’t nothing wrong with that! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/4 "2000-09-13T03:09:13Z")
I’d be satisfied with something that combines the effects of coke and beer with raging boners. Hey designer drug makers: get to work! ---
**Author:** ![theuglytruth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@theuglytruth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theuglytruth)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/5 "2000-09-13T05:11:31Z")
Sorry, but sex saps my strength. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/6 "2000-09-13T05:50:46Z")
How about epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline)? It’s produced by your body so it’s fairly safe (all-natural and designed specifically for your body) and would be impossible to make illegal. I’m fairly sure that hospitals carry it (they take a big syringe of it and stab heart attack victims in the heart with it if their heart needs a major jumpstart. I suppose it would be addictive, though (as in adrenaline junkies doing extreme sports). Epinephrine is freakin’ powerful, too. The human body produces less than 20mg (maybe even 10mg) of it over the course of a lifetime. A dose of 1mg might kill you; now THAT’S a powerful drug! Of course, I could be completely in the wrong about this… ---
**Author:** ![darkcool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@darkcool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/darkcool)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/7 "2000-09-13T06:04:38Z")
Xanax, w/ Dr.s RX. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/8 "2000-09-13T06:15:23Z")
\*Sorry, but sex saps my strength. \* Yeah, but by that point, do you care? More importantly, I guess, is ‘Can you still perform your job while doing it?’ If yes, what’s your job, and can I apply? –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Jorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@Jorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jorge)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/9 "2000-09-13T06:22:12Z")
Betel Nut. Means you’d have to go shopping in the Asian or Pacific markets nearest you. Also, depending on how you take it, might look like you were chewing some kind of red tobacco, if you figure that violates #5. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/10 "2000-09-13T06:27:57Z")
[hijack–with apologies] > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DoctorJ \* > \*\*"One that won’t make me nervous, wondering what to do! > "One that makes me feel like I feel when I’m with you– > “When I’m alone with you!” > > OK, now that I’ve dated myself– > Dr. J \*\* I’m with you, Dr. J. Loved that group. Sigh…[/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/11 "2000-09-13T06:39:05Z")
Enlightenment? Meets all except 2 and 3, and it may make those moot. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/12 "2000-09-13T07:11:48Z")
I’m surprised nobody mentioned this before but: At least 9 hours of sleep a night. A healthy breakfast, and plenty of breads and grains throughout the day. Plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables in your diet. Drink at least 5 glasses of _WATER_ every day. Try to get some form of exercise for at least 20 minutes every day, and moreso if you have a primarily sedentary lifestyle. Drink half a glass of wine every evening. Abstain from smoking and other drugs. Drink alcohol only in careful moderation. Eat your spinach Get all of your vitamins and minerals. * * * The basic point to get across here is simply that there’s no one realistic way to get all the things yer hoping for. There’s no perscription drug that can excuse you from living healthy. And living healthy is what’ll fill all those requirements for ya! -Ashley ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/13 "2000-09-13T17:01:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max the Immortal \* > \*\*How about epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline)? \*\* I think taking adrenaline recreationally would probably be an exceptionally bad idea, especially if your family has any history of heart problems. It would probably fail to meet your criteria 3-5, 8. Maybe if you worked out the right dosage, though… Having a heart arhythmia, I myself would be a fool to take it without a EMS person handy with a defibrillator. Input from anyone who has taken this for kicks? ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/14 "2000-09-13T17:04:50Z")
I can’t seem to access my previous post to correct my spelling… ---
**Author:** ![MJH2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@MJH2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MJH2)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/15 "2000-09-13T17:11:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ashtar \* > \*\*The basic point to get across here is simply that there’s no one realistic way to get all the things yer hoping for. > > There’s no perscription drug that can excuse you from living healthy. And living healthy is what’ll fill all those requirements for ya! \*\* She does have a point, though I am agreeing with her for a somewhat different reason that you all might imagine. There is no one drug that will satisfy all of your criteria. That’s why people keep looking for (and finding) new ones. Plus, I think Ashley’s regimen just _might_ violate criterion #6, “Must be non-addictive”. Since a healthy diet and lifestyle is only effective if followed consistently, one could argue that it is “addictive”. Unless “you can stop any time you want to?” … No offense, Ashley, I’m just try to be humorous, I’m not impugning your lifestyle. I live pretty much the same way – except for the 9 hours of sleep thing. Sometimes that a tough one. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/16 "2000-09-13T17:59:47Z")
**LSD-25** meets all of your criteria except for #1. Well, maybe #8, depending on your job. ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/17 "2000-09-13T18:50:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max the Immortal \* > **How about epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline)? …** It is available over the counter… Have you ever heard of Primatine Mist? Read the label. 🙂 There are side effects… Increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, etc. Basically, what you are doing is artificially inducing the body’s flight or fight response. This has its advantages if you use it for legitimate short term use, but it can cause long term problems if it is overused. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/18 "2000-09-13T19:10:35Z")
hey **Meephead** , what is this primatine mist? What are it’s uses? and how expensive is it? ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/19 "2000-09-13T19:21:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by red\_dragon60 \* > \*\*hey **Meephead** , what is this primatine mist? What are it’s uses? and how expensive is it? \*\* It is an over the counter asthma inhaler. That is the only real legitimate use. Should be less than $15US. Check out [www.primatene.com/products/primatene\_mist.asp](http://www.primatene.com/products/primatene_mist.asp) For side effects and such, check [www.healthysource.com/pycnogenol/asthma\_epinephrine.html](http://www.healthysource.com/pycnogenol/asthma_epinephrine.html) ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975/20 "2000-09-13T19:39:19Z")
Yeah, a couple of puffs of Primatene will get you feeling somewhat high for a short period of time. I wouldn’t do too much, I saw a guy once inhale about 15 puffs and he started freaking out and said he was having a heart attack. He lived, but he probably won’t do it again. What does this ‘Betel Nut’ do, exactly? You can get REALLY messed up on nutmeg, but it’s not something you would be able to work on and the trip it sends you on often lasts more than 24 hours and can be quite unpleasant. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looking-for-the-perfect-drug/32975.md?page=2)