# Looks like I'm a crime victim **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 23, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262 "2008-10-23T22:24:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/41 "2008-10-24T21:19:45Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > So the OP can tell the guy he’s forgiven, after he calls the cops. Don’t be obtuse. That’s not forgiveness. What you propose is like donating $50 to charity then telling all your friends how awesome you are. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/42 "2008-10-24T21:29:09Z")
> [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](#): > > Don’t be obtuse. That’s not forgiveness. > > What you propose is like donating $50 to charity then telling all your friends how awesome you are. Well yeah, but if you’re already planning on telling all your friends how awesome you are, don’t you think the charities would prefer to at least have the 50 bucks? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/43 "2008-10-24T21:36:54Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Well yeah, but if you’re already planning on telling all your friends how awesome you are, don’t you think the charities would prefer to at least have the 50 bucks? We’re still talking about a father getting arrested, right? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/44 "2008-10-24T21:44:13Z")
> [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](#): > > We’re still talking about a father getting arrested, right? Sure. Now what’s this about you giving me fifty bucks? Look, it is my humble opinion that somebody who steals paychecks is probably a father figure the kid can do without. Forgiveness is great and awesome and stellar, etc., but the OP’s gonna feel like a fucking chump when the guy steals somebody else’s paycheck. ETA: When you kill somebody’s kid, and they forgive you, you still go to jail. You just don’t get executed. If the OP forgives the paycheck thief he can appeal for clemency once the guy is charged. He can’t forgive the guy on everyone’s behalf, just his own. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/45 "2008-10-24T21:50:18Z")
> [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](#): > > We’re still talking about a father getting arrested, right? Because parenthood now entitles you to take other people’s stuff? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/46 "2008-10-24T21:50:57Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Sure. Now what’s this about you giving me fifty bucks? > > Look, it is my humble opinion that somebody who steals paychecks is probably a father figure the kid can do without. Forgiveness is great and awesome and stellar, etc., but the OP’s gonna feel like a fucking chump when the guy steals somebody else’s paycheck. > > ETA: When you kill somebody’s kid, and they forgive you, you still go to jail. You just don’t get executed. If the OP forgives the paycheck thief he can appeal for clemency once the guy is charged. He can’t forgive the guy on everyone’s behalf, just his own. Don’t get defensive. **Blalron** said he felt bad about this dude getting hauled away in front of his kid. I suggested forgiveness and you went all life-lessony. Forgiveness is forgiveness. It’s just an option. PS: your edit is the kind of extrapolation that might make Fox News shudder in its sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/47 "2008-10-24T22:09:04Z")
> [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](#): > > Don’t get defensive. **Blalron** said he felt bad about this dude getting hauled away in front of his kid. I suggested forgiveness and you went all life-lessony. Forgiveness is forgiveness. It’s just an option. > > PS: your edit is the kind of extrapolation that might make Fox News shudder in its sleep. Why? Crimes affect everyone, not just the victim. That’s why criminal cases are prosecuted by the people, not the victim. ---
**Author:** ![Hodge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Hodge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hodge)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/48 "2008-10-24T23:12:05Z")
> [@Hodge](#): > > My friend is furious, not only at Ken, but at himself for both trusting the guy and not being more careful with his bookkeeping. He immediately fired Ken and banned him from the office but stopped short of calling the cops. His reasoning was that Ken is divorced, doesn’t have a penny to his name, with a family who’s disowned him. He’ll never get any of his money back if Ken lands in jail, so it’s in my friend’s best interest to get him to work off some of his debt. > [@ivylass](#): > > I don’t understand this reasoning. No, your friend may not get his money back. But Ken is a _criminal_. He needs to be punished. Letting him get away with it just emboldens him to continue the bad behavior. I tend to agree with you. I think my jaw dropped when told me that he wasn’t going to prosecute. But I can sort of see it from my friend’s point of view. Apparently when he and his wife confronted Ken, he broke down in tears, begged their forgiveness and promised to do anything he could to pay it off. My friend thought he was genuinely sorry. Personally, I’m absolutely certain that Ken is remorseful and has good intentions but I’m equally as certain that he’ll pull this kind of stunt again in the future and be equally as remorseful the next time he gets caught. I don’t think he’ll change until he deals with his addiction problems and/or gets thrown in jail. On the other hand, my friend feels he can afford to give Ken one more chance to redeem himself (and maybe get a little of his money back). He’s no fool, though, and when he says one more chance he means it. And Ken knows it. Even one slight hint of a misstep on Ken’s part and he’ll call the police. Only time will tell whether the guy can shape up. I hope so, but I’m not holding my breath. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/49 "2008-10-25T01:06:20Z")
> [@Hodge](#): > > Personally, I’m absolutely certain that Ken is remorseful and has good intentions but I’m equally as certain that he’ll pull this kind of stunt again in the future and be equally as remorseful the next time he gets caught. I don’t think he’ll change until he deals with his addiction problems and/or gets thrown in jail. QFT. One drawback to “forgiveness” is the likelihood you’re just passing the problem on to the next victim. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/50 "2008-10-25T01:42:16Z")
Sometimes people are tempted and do stupid things; sometimes people have no morals and are great con artists. The older one is, the more likely one is to suspect the latter. We had a small business and paid over minimum wage; we hired a young pregnant woman (we had very good luck with young mothers as employees). She was good at her job; we decided to keep her on until her water broke and schedule around her for a couple of months, give her time to decide if she wanted to come back. She started ripping us off for $25 - 50 a night. For less than a week’s wages, she lost her job. And she was a good worker; we would have kept her on, given her a raise, made her a shift manager … she wasn’t on a CEO track, but she could have used us as a way out of the minimum wage hole. But for her, being a good worker was just part of her low-rent con. We didn’t take legal action; the police weren’t interested, and we couldn’t afford a civil case … But every time I saw another one of our Young Mothers busting ass and juggling baby-sitters, I wanted to slap that thieving little bitch silly for making them look bad by association. Prosecute if you can afford it, and leave mercy to the judges and the over crowded jails. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/51 "2008-10-25T02:46:28Z")
Years ago a co-worker lost her check or had it stolen, not sure what happened there, someone else cashed it and they forged her signature and spelled her name wrong - even though it was spelled correctly on the front of the check. That’s not just a stupid criminal, that’s a stupid bank teller. ---
**Author:** ![TheTyrant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thetyrant/32/19111_2.png) [@TheTyrant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheTyrant)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/52 "2008-10-25T03:34:05Z")
> [@Hodge](#): > > Personally, I’m absolutely certain that Ken is remorseful and has good intentions but I’m equally as certain that he’ll pull this kind of stunt again in the future and be equally as remorseful the next time he gets caught. I don’t think he’ll change until he deals with his addiction problems and/or gets thrown in jail. > > \ > > Only time will tell whether the guy can shape up. I hope so, but I’m not holding my breath. Well, for what it’s worth, he’d likely have more luck dealing with his addictions while incarcerated than out on his own. (And, no, I’m not one of those who believes addiction [or possession] is a crime. Far from it. However, if your addiction leads you to crime–I believe you deserve the same treatment as those who commit crimes simply because they’re sociopaths who believe they don’t have to follow the rules the rest of us do.) Completely off-topic – the second result this evening while googling “incarceration and addiction” is an article about NARCONON opening a “treatment center” back home in Atlanta. Ugh. =( Way way back during my college days, I worked in a big (now nonexistent) drugstore chain. I was a “service assistant,” which essentially meant you were management and responsible for taking all of the crap shifts and regularly working doubles–opening and closing the store–while making about two bucks more an hour than you were as a cashier. However, you’re also sort of an auxiliary member of the “management mafia” and you get to know all the dirt. One morning, it’s a couple hours after the store has opened, and I’m stocking the shelves in the feminine hygiene aisle when I receive an urgent telephone call. The manager of the most successful store in the region–the district manager’s GOLDEN BOY–is being cuffed and taken out of his store. OUR assistant manager won’t be in that day, because he has to go cover the other store. Unfortunately, the thieving manager’s wife (who was a pharmacist for the company) was working in OUR store while our pharmacist was away, and I’m instructed not to say a word to her about it until they can get another pharmacist in there. Oh yeah, the “dumb criminal” part. It appears that the manager of the most successful store in the region was simply NOT TAKING DEPOSITS to the bank. No, not skimming. Not sneaking a few bucks out of the bag every now and then. Just taking the deposit bag home and pocketing all of the cash. I guess he got away with it a few times and thought no one would ever notice. (I actually always wondered why it took them so long to notice a store that typically pulled in 30 to 50 grand a day missing a few deposits.) Anyway, when they went to the guy’s house, they found all of the personal checks from the deposits he’d failed to take to the bank. The dude didn’t even get rid of the checks. Dumbass. :smack: I was young and impressionable, and on that day I learned a lesson that I have carried with me ever since. Just because someone is older and has a title that’s more impressive than yours is no reason to assume they’re smarter than you. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/53 "2008-10-25T09:29:44Z")
> [@hawksgirl](#): > > I say do a little police work, catch them and punish them now, but he was apparently content to wait until they commit a felony. Credit card fraud is not a felony in your jurisdiction? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/54 "2008-10-25T15:35:53Z")
> [@hawksgirl](#): > > Hey, me too! I’m a substitute teacher. Yesterday I had to take all of my classes to another building for a presentation. One period I assumed I had turned the key the same way as every other time. Apparently I was wrong, the door didn’t lock. No big. Get a home a few hours later, check my email… fraud alert on my credit card…charges at gas stations and, oddly, a mixed martial arts equipment store… call the company, cancel the card, file a police report. Effing high schoolers, junior criminals. \*\*The cop didn’t even seem interested in investigating it since “no one was hurt”. I say do a little police work, catch them and punish them now, but he was apparently content to wait until they commit a felony. \*\* And that’s why they’ll do it again to someone else and people wonder whythey can’t get enough subs around here. Did you notify your credit card’s fraud department? In my case, I didn’t have to do a thing…not even file the police report. The Visa Fraud Dept did all the work and were quite motivated to do so since they were the ones who were out the money. They take credit card fraud very seriously and it is indeed a felony. You shouldn’t have to do any of the leg work…have the pros at your bank do that. ---
**Author:** ![hawksgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@hawksgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawksgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/55 "2008-10-25T15:41:37Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Credit card fraud is not a felony in your jurisdiction? You know, I said that but I don’t really know. It was less than $200 before I cancelled the card, so I assumed from the low amount and the cop’s attitude that it was not. His other thing was that he said the card does not belong to me, I borrow it from the credit card company, so I’m not the victim, the company is? I guess he’s not interested in finding criminals for companies. I’m still pissed off about the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![stegon66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@stegon66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stegon66)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/56 "2008-10-25T16:30:12Z")
One of my co-workers was just last week taken away in handcuffs. Turns out she’d been increasing tip amounts on her credit card transactions. Hardest thing was letting her come into work and chatting her up while waiting for the cops to get there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/57 "2008-10-25T16:45:04Z")
Years ago, before we shared a name and a checking account, my now wife accidentally stole and deposited one of my checks. I think a lot of tellers are less than diligent in checking such things. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/58 "2008-10-25T18:21:47Z")
> [@Professor\_So\_And\_So](#): > > That’s really gross behavior, **featherlou**. How did you find out that person stole your money? We were a very small company with few employees - I’m trying to remember now how we ascertained it was him, but we were pretty sure (he was the only one with access to the staff room or something). ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/59 "2008-10-25T19:42:39Z")
> [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](#): > > Then ask for the money back and don’t press charges. Give him a mulligan. Probably not his choice. The theft was from the employer, out of the company safe. The company has to reimburse Blaron, and decide what to do about the thief. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262/60 "2008-10-26T10:42:32Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > QFT. One drawback to “forgiveness” is the likelihood you’re just passing the problem on to the next victim. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the perpetrator of the crime gets away with the consequences. Ken can be forgiven, but he’s still have to face the consequences of what he had done. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/looks-like-im-a-crime-victim/469262.md?page=2)