# Lord of the Pants III : Return of the Pants **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 23, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594 "2003-12-23T03:50:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JDeMobray](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@JDeMobray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JDeMobray)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/1 "2003-12-23T03:50:36Z")
Inspired by **Buckleberry Ferry** ’s hilarious [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=153499&highlight=Lord+Pants) from last year, I thought we could do something similar for the most recent film. This game, btw, has become something of an obsession with my friends and me; we’ve actually gone through both the EE Fellowship and Two Towers for a pure “pants” viewing. Browsing IMDB, I’ve gone ahead and used up all the easy ones. **Aragorn** : Everyday Frodo moves closer to Mordor. **Gandalf** : How do we know Frodo is alive? **Aragorn** : What do your pants tell you? (Er. . .what kind of movie is this exactly?) **Aragorn** : A day may come when the pants of Men fail… when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. (Thank God!) **Eomer** : We cannot achieve victory through strength of pants. (Not even corduroy?) **Frodo** : I need you on my pants. **Sam** : I am on your pants, Mr Frodo. **Frodo** : I know you are Sam. (Look, people are starting to talk about you) **Sam** : That’s for Frodo! And that’s for the Shire! And that’s for my old pants! (Filthy stealing orcses.) **Elrond** : This is your test. Every path you have trod through, wilderness, through pants, has led to this road. **Gandalf** : The board is set… the pants are moving. **Elrond** : You gave away your pant’s grace. I cannot protect you anymore. (Typical father.) **Legolas** : The pants of the enemy are moving! (You would be looking.) **Eomer** : You should not encourage him. **Eowyn** : You should not doubt him. **Eomer** : I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his pants. (Why must everyone doubt the needlework of Buckland?) **Frodo** : I’m glad I’m with you, Sam… here, at the end of all pants. (Get a room, both of you) **Gandalf** : I will not say, “Do not weep,” for not all pants are evil. (Most are, but let’s be optimistic.) **Elrond** : [in Elvish] I give pants to the West. **Aragorn** : [in Elvish] I have kept none for myself. (Oh God No!) **Arwen** : It is time. Give him the pants of the King. (Thank you, thank you so much) ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/2 "2003-12-23T03:55:00Z")
_laughing…too…much…to…post…sensibly…or…even…to…contribute…_ ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/3 "2003-12-23T04:02:08Z")
::crying with laughter:: I’m all a-flutter, what with being recognized. Let’s see what I can do with only having seen ROTK once. Forgive any paraphrasing. **Faramir** : You wish our pants had been switched. **Gimli** : I never thought I’d die side-by-side with (a) pants. **Merry** : The last of the longpants leaf. You pants too much. **Bilbo** : By any chance, have you th(ose) pants I left you, Frodo? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/4 "2003-12-23T04:25:44Z")
**Theoden King** (after Aragorn shows him the bacon. BEACON! sorry): Rohan PANTS Gondor! hmmm, this whole post of mine seems ever so slightly homoerotic… oh well. Enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/5 "2003-12-23T04:30:14Z")
**Smeagol/Gollum** : Nasty fat hobbitses. They don’t fit in their pants! Master lied! _Our_ pants are precious. Very comfortable with a lot of stretch in the crotch, gollum. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/6 "2003-12-23T04:35:45Z")
**Smeagol/Gollum** : _He_ wants it. He wants our pants. And our precious. You’ll see. He will ask you for your pants. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/7 "2003-12-23T04:54:16Z")
**Sam** : He means to pants us! **Merry** : We shall see (the) pants again. **Gimli** : Certain chance of death. Small chance of pants. What are we waiting for? **Aragorn** : My friends… you bow to no pants. **Sam** : I cannot carry the pants for you, but I can carry you! **Aragorn** : Gondor calls for pants! **Pippin** : I don’t want to be in (a) pants. …also taken from IMDB. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/8 "2003-12-23T05:09:19Z")
All that are pants do not glitter Not all those who wander are pants The pants that are strong do not wither… ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/9 "2003-12-23T06:37:26Z")
I’ve seen it twice, so some of these might be off… **Elrond:** There is only death for you here. **Arwen:** There is also pants! **Faramir:** Since you are robbed of pants, I must do what I can… **Denethor:** Set a fire in our pants… **Theoden:** I know your pants…Eowyn? ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/10 "2003-12-23T07:32:22Z")
**Witch-King:** Do not come between Nazgul and his pants! ---
**Author:** ![Pupshaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pupshaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pupshaw)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/11 "2003-12-23T07:56:39Z")
**Sam** : Do you remember the Pants, Mr. Frodo? Do you remember the taste of strawberries and pants? **Frodo** : I can see the Pants! The Brandywine Pants…Gandalf’s firepants…the pants in the party tree… **Sam** : Rosie Cotton dancing. She had pants in her hair. ---
**Author:** ![Lando\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f17d59/32.png) [@Lando\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lando_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/12 "2003-12-23T08:12:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\ ***Theoden King** (after Aragorn shows him the bacon. BEACON! sorry): Rohan PANTS Gondor! > > hmmm, this whole post of mine seems ever so slightly homoerotic… > oh well. Enjoy! \*\* Uh-huh. :dubious: And you wonder why [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=230740&perpage=50&pagenumber=1) is necessary? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/13 "2003-12-23T08:56:03Z")
I keep flashing on the Bakshi LOTR’s “pantsless Aragorn” as I’m reading these… ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/14 "2003-12-23T13:37:11Z")
Nobody pantses a Dwarf! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/15 "2003-12-23T14:11:38Z")
**Gimli** : That still only counts as ONE pair of pants! ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/16 "2003-12-23T15:02:05Z")
**Merry:** Don’t you get it Pip? Sauron thinks YOU have the pants! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/17 "2003-12-23T17:34:00Z")
From FOTR EE: **Legolas** : Lembas bread! One mouthful can fill the pants of a grown man for a day! ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/18 "2003-12-23T19:44:58Z")
Gandalf: There was never any pants. A fool’s pants, perhaps. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/19 "2003-12-23T21:12:29Z")
Aragorn (to King of the Dead): I release you from your pants! ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594/20 "2003-12-23T22:24:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kantalooppi \* > \*\*Witch-King: Do not come between Nazgul and his pants! \*\* At tonight’s performance, the role of the Witch-king will be played by Brooke Shields… 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants-iii-return-of-the-pants/220594.md?page=2)