# Lord of the Pants **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 30, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774 "2002-12-30T23:58:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/1 "2002-12-30T23:58:51Z")
I’ve had an idea for a Lord of the Rings game. I haven’t seen any games in the forums, so if it’s not allowed, do let me know and shut me down. My idea is thus: Take a line from Lord of the Rings (any novelization or theatrical form will do; please specify book and page number if appropriate) and change one word to “pants.” Laughter ensues. For example: Nobody tosses a dwarf! Becomes: Nobody **pants** a dwarf! Now you try! Legolas: Shall I describe it for you, or shall I get you pants? Legolas: He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn; you owe him your pants! Gimli: Let us go through the pants of Moria. Aragorn: Pants down, Legolas. (translated from the original Quenya) Aragorn: Open war is upon us, whether you would pants it or not. Frodo: I wish the pants had never come to me. ~Ferry, giggling. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/2 "2002-12-31T00:19:30Z")
Oh. I thought this was going to be a send-up on Michael Flatley. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/3 "2002-12-31T00:25:20Z")
Begun, this pants war has. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/4 "2002-12-31T00:33:02Z")
You shall taste pant-flesh! ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/5 "2002-12-31T00:47:56Z")
Oh my! This game has been ALL over the web–what a blast. My friends and I got _dangerously_ hooked a while back and did an almost complete “Fellowship of the Pants.” Unbelievable. I think some of my all-time favorites from that were **“You’ve been into Farmer Maggot’s PANTS!”** and the ever-classic, **"There’s one dwarf yet in Moria who still wears PANTS!"** Oh jeez. Here’s another good one: **"Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee, have you been PANTSDROPPING??!!" "I ain’t been droppin no pants, Mr. Gandalf, Sir!"** aaaah ha ha! oh dear. ^^ ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/6 "2002-12-31T00:52:03Z")
One ring to rule them all One ring to find them One ring to bring them all And in the darkness pants them. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/7 "2002-12-31T00:55:40Z")
**Bryan Ekers** , I don’t think you get it. But yes, that is where I got my inspiration. **Epigramcracker** , I hope I’ll be seeing more of you on this boards, as you are a veteren of the sorts! Legolas: Pants for Gandalf… Frodo: Mordor, Gandalf, is it left or pants? Legolas: Lembas. Just one bite can fill the pants of a grown man. ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/8 "2002-12-31T00:56:56Z")
Boromir: **I ask only for the strength to defend my pants!** Aragorn: **They were once pants. Great kings of pants.** Arwen: **It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my pants.** Nazgul: **Give up the pants, She-Elf!** Gandalf: \*\* YOU. SHALL NOT. PAAAAANTS!!\*\* and on to tTT… Wormtongue: **Who knows what you’ve whispered to your pants…** Uruk-hai: **Looks like pants are back on the menu, boys!** Saruman: **Send out your Pants Riders.** Sam: **That there’s some pants in the world, Mr. Frodo! And they’re worth fighting for!** Aragorn: **…You fell!** Gandalf: **Through fire. And pants.** Legolas: **A red sun rises. Pants have been ripped this night.** Aragorn: **Not idly do the pants of Lorien fall!** oh god. i have to stop. LOL–oh jeez. ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/9 "2002-12-31T00:59:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry \* > \*\ ***Epigramcracker** , I hope I’ll be seeing more of you on this boards, as you are a veteren of the sorts! > \*\* aw gee! i’m touched. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/10 "2002-12-31T01:01:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Epigramcracker \* > \*\*Boromir: \*\*I ask only for the strength to defend my pants! **Gandalf: \*\* YOU. SHALL NOT. PAAAAANTS!!** Ah, you’re to be a true classic on this board, m’dear! With my favorite character up in only two posts, might I add! ::hands fake!One Ring to Boromir to do with it what he will:: …farmer Maggot’s pants…hee hee ~Ferry ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/11 "2002-12-31T01:02:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry \* > **Bryan Ekers** , I don’t think you get it. But yes, that is where I got my inspiration. Oh, I _got_ it, it’s just that I never bothered to read Tolkien. “Do you expect me to pants?” “No, Mister Bond, I expect you to PANTS!” “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a pants!” ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/12 "2002-12-31T01:03:46Z")
I can see we’ll be having fun with you, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/13 "2002-12-31T01:05:39Z")
**Gandalf** : “BILBO BAGGINS! I am NOT trying to rob you; I’m trying to pants you.” ---
**Author:** ![mogiaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mogiaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mogiaw)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/14 "2002-12-31T01:06:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\*Oh. I thought this was going to be a send-up on Michael Flatley. \*\* Me too ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/15 "2002-12-31T01:17:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Orange Skinner \* > \*\ ***Gandalf** : “BILBO BAGGINS! I am NOT trying to rob you; I’m trying to pants you.” \*\* AAAAAAH!!! ROFL. woah there. oh goodness. gee, [BuckleberryFerry] is totally invited to my birthday party! XD hmm. and just because we’re all HUGE BOROMIR FANS!! (yow YOW!): \*\*By the blood of OUR people are YOUR PANTS kept safe! And _what_ would a _ranger_ know of these pants? Give them some pants, for pity’s sake! I will find no pants here. I heard her voice inside my pants.\*\* (eek, that could be bad!) \*\*One day, our paths will lead us there, and the tower guard shall take up the call, that the Pants of Gondor have returned! Have you no faith in your own people? Yes, there is weakness, there is frailty, but there are PANTS also! They will take the ring, and you will beg for PANTS before the end! It is not yours save by unhappy pants!\*\* (ah ha ha! it rhymes!!) **I would have followed you to the end… My brother… My captain… My _pants_.** hooray for boromir of the pants! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/16 "2002-12-31T01:25:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Epigramcracker \* > **I would have followed you to the end… My brother… My captain… My _pants_** From the very beginning of your post, I was wating for this one…yay…:🤗: Boromir: Have you ever been called home by the pants? Legolas: The pants of Gondor! Boromir: It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a pants. Such a little pants. Legolas: …and you have my pants… Pippin: You need people of intelligence on this mission…quest…_pants_ Arwen: If you want him, come and pants him! Boromir: What is this new pants? Gandalf: Pants. ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/17 "2002-12-31T01:30:58Z")
_Where are the pants and the wearer? Where are the shorts that were showing? They have passed like jeans on the mountain, like capris in the meadow… The pants have come down in the west, behind the hills, into shadow…_ ---
**Author:** ![jack\_ss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c77e96/32.png) [@jack\_ss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_ss)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/18 "2002-12-31T01:41:28Z")
Gandalf: I am keeper of the sacred Pants of Arnor, and you shall Not Pass!!! Frodo to the gatekeeper: We’re headed to the Inn of the Prancing Pony, and our business is our pants. Sam: Un-pants him or we’ll have at you, Longshanks! Aragorn: You have stout pants, little one, but that will now protect you. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/19 "2002-12-31T01:43:59Z")
It’s the same joke. Over and over and over. The. Same. Damn. Joke. So why can’t I stop laughing? “In pants, in the ground, lived a hobbit. Not nasty, dirty, wet pants, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet dry, sandy, bare pants with nothing in them to sit down on or eat: they were hobbit-pants, and that means comfort.” ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/20 "2002-12-31T01:48:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*they were hobbit-pants, and that means comfort." \*\* …don’t I know it. ^\_~ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774.md?page=2)