# Lord of the Pants **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 30, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774 "2002-12-30T23:58:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/61 "2003-01-04T15:45:54Z")
\*\* " He’s breeding an army, he’s crossing Orcs with pants… " \*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/62 "2003-01-04T16:32:59Z")
Freda: Papa says Eothain should not wear those pants! They are too big for him! (haha, it’s _not in the book, you know_) ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/63 "2003-01-05T09:04:22Z")
Aragorn: “Get them up.” Boromir: “Give them some pants, for pity’s sake!” Aragorn: “By nightfall these pants will be swarming with orcs…” ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/64 "2003-01-05T18:20:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tim R. Mortiss \* > **Gimli: "If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note they’re not, I’d say we were taking the long way 'round……My cousin Balin would give us a royal pantsing."** No Gimli. I would not choose those pants, unless there was no other way. ---
**Author:** ![Epigramcracker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Epigramcracker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epigramcracker)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/65 "2003-01-05T18:54:52Z")
Faramir: You were a friend to Boromir? Frodo: Yes… for my pants ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/66 "2003-01-05T19:01:18Z")
Faramir: Are you his bodyguard? Sam: His pants! ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/67 "2003-01-05T20:03:11Z")
-The Fellowship of the Ring, Introduction: Concerning Pants -Galadriel: And to you Ringbearer, I give the Pants of Erendil, our favorite pants. May they be pants to you where all other pants fail. and from the Hobbit: -\*Far over the misty pants so cold, to pants so deep and pants so old, we must away, ere pants of day, to seek our pant’s enchanted gold. The dwarves of yore made mighty pants, while pants fell like ringing bells, in pants deep, where dark things sleep, in hollow pants beneath the fells.\* -from Chapter 5, Pants in the Dark: 'What have I got in my pants?" Bilbo muttered to himself. “Not fair!” Gollum complained, “It isn’t fair, my precious, is it, to ask us what it’s got in its nassty little pantses?” Bilbo had been talking to himself, but Gollum had thought it was a riddle. Having nothing better to ask, Bilbo stuck to his question. “What have I got in my Pants?” he repeated. “Sssssss. It must give us three guesseses, my preciouss—three guesseses.” “Very well! Guess away!” “Handses!” “Wrong!” Bilbo said, luckily having just removed them. “Guess again!” “Sssssss.” Gollum thought of all the things he kept in his own pants: fishbones, goblins’ teeth, wet shells, a bit of bat-wing, a sharpening stone to sharpen his fangs on. He tried to think what other people kept in their pants… OMG!!! forgive me for the crude paraphrase, I don’t have my copy of the Hobbit handy right now (I left in in my other pants!!! ACK!) I think this is THE funniest thread I have ever seen! Thanks Buckleberry. too much ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/68 "2003-01-05T20:09:43Z")
No prob, **Durinsbane**! It makes me happy to see so many people enjoying it. ~Ferry ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/69 "2003-01-06T10:24:47Z")
Hmmmm, I should have called chapter 5 of the Hobbit “Riddles in the Pants” Here’s the chapter listing of the Fellowship of the Pants: (from memory) Book I Intro: Concerning Pants 1. A Long Pantsed Party 2. A Shadow of the Pants 3. Shortpants to Mushrooms 4. A Conspiracy Unpantsed 5. The Old Pants 6. Tom Bombapants 7. Fog on the Pants Down 8. At The Sign of the Prancing Pants 9. A Knife in the Pants 10. Flight to the Pants Book II 1. Many Pantsings 2. The Council of Pants 3. The Pants Go South 4. Journey in the Pants 5. The Pants of Khazad-dum 6. Lostpantsagain 7. The Pants of Galadriel 8. The Pantsing of the Fellowship Galadriel: I pass the test. I will remain Galadriel and fade into the pants. Samwise: Look Mr. Frodo - Olipants! I don’t suppose anyone back home will believe this. Man of Gondor: If you let them go, then by the laws of Gondor your pants are forfeit. Faramir: So be it. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/70 "2003-01-07T02:35:38Z")
Gandalf to the Balrog: I am a servant of the secret **pants**. You cannot pass. Go back to the **pants** from whence you came. ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2003, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/71 "2003-01-07T10:13:05Z")
Aragorn - This is beyond my skill…he needs Elvish pants. ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/72 "2003-01-09T11:25:13Z")
Gandalf: So do all those, Frodo, who live to see such pants. But the question we must ask ourselves is: What are we going to do with the pants we’ve got? ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/73 "2003-01-09T15:31:41Z")
Do not meddle in the pants of wizards… ---
**Author:** ![spoonking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@spoonking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spoonking)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/74 "2003-01-09T15:43:48Z")
‘Pants! Pants!. . .Pants for Theoden King!’ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/75 "2003-01-09T16:12:58Z")
_sigh_ I wish I could play but I’ve not seen the movie. Candypants for Mongo. ---
**Author:** ![Zaphod\_TORC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/9de0a6/32.png) [@Zaphod\_TORC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zaphod_TORC)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/76 "2003-01-09T18:23:00Z")
Not having the book handy, they may not be verbatim… The hospitality of your pants is lessened of late. I will take the Pants of the Dead! To swim in your pants is forbidden under penalty of death. The pants of the fallen were being cast over the walls into the city. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/77 "2003-01-09T20:25:11Z")
Do not meddle in the affairs of pants for they are subtle and quick to anger. ---
**Author:** ![lilbtagna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@lilbtagna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilbtagna)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/78 "2003-01-09T22:18:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Epigramcracker \* > \*\*_Where are the pants and the wearer? > Where are the shorts that were showing? > They have passed like jeans on the mountain, like capris in the meadow… > The pants have come down in the west, behind the hills, into shadow…_ \*\* LOL, that’s so funny! All of your quotes so far have been great 😛 BTW, I have a friend who wrote a fake rap song a while back called “Gram Cracka” if you’d like to hear it. It’s pretty funny…you can find it at [http://artists.mp3s.com/artist\_song/613/613431.html](http://artists.mp3s.com/artist_song/613/613431.html) Thanks for brightening my day! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![whatmove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecc23a/32.png) [@whatmove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatmove)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/79 "2003-01-10T06:05:42Z")
_Smeagol (to Gollum)_: “I hate pants, I hate pants.” [sub]_Homer (to Krusty)_: “Don’t you hate pants?”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Durinsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@Durinsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Durinsbane)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774/80 "2003-01-10T10:38:31Z")
Frodo: Bilbo!! Look out for the pants! Bilbo: Pants?! What pants? There haven’t been any pants in the Shire for over 500 years… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lord-of-the-pants/145774.md?page=5)