# Lose the goatee, Tubby; and other free personal makeover advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863 "2007-08-08T14:56:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/101 "2007-08-10T16:28:47Z")
Awkwaaaaaaard. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/102 "2007-08-10T17:35:03Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] Hey, I owe you an apology … I was joking around earlier with my comment on your appearance. I didn’t realize that was actually a picture of you, and I never would have made any comments if I’d known that. That wasn’t cool of me. My apologies. [/QUOTE] Don’t worry about it. It’s a baaaad picture. I just haven’t grown into my new face yet. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/103 "2007-08-10T18:08:45Z")
Yesterday I saw an overweight white guy with this wavy chin beard thing. All I could think of was Victor Buono playing King Tut in the 60’s Batman series. Why would he do that to himself??? ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/104 "2007-08-10T21:25:23Z")
I just want to say: If you have any sort of a beard, you must have a mustache above it. No exceptions. Mustaches shall not be trimmed width-wise. By noon, the trimmed area will be re-growing and you’ll just have some ugly 5-o’clock shadow happening on your lip. Black and Hispanic men seem to be the worst offenders for this. “Line beards” are just wrong. They do not look good on anyone. Stop fooling yourself. It looks like you drew on your face with Mommy’s mascara. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/105 "2007-08-10T21:32:02Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] I just want to say: If you have any sort of a beard, you must have a mustache above it. No exceptions. [/QUOTE] Not even for the Amish? I realize they’re not exactly fashion statements, but I suspect they might not really care what we think of their no-mustache bearded look. I guess I could ask one at the local Amish market, but there are worse faux pas than a beard without a mustache, if you know what I mean. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/106 "2007-08-10T22:08:01Z")
OK, the Amish get an exemption. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/107 "2007-08-10T22:17:57Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] “Line beards” are just wrong. They do not look good on anyone. Stop fooling yourself. It looks like you drew on your face with Mommy’s mascara. [/QUOTE] While I generally agree here, there are some people who are dramatically helped with that facial hair. Generally, it’s a guy who is in good shape, but has a fat face and the beard helps angle things up. The only example I can think of ATM is the rapper 50 Cent: [if you look closely here, you can see that nice jaw angle he’s got there is pretty much a result of his sculpted fancial hair on the sides.](http://www.mattszabo.com/50%20Cent2-thumb.JPG) Oh and [another from the side.](http://pages.stern.nyu.edu/~lj320/50%20cent.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/108 "2007-08-11T04:02:38Z")
[QUOTE=TheMerchandise] Oooh! Oooh! Help me! I like to wobble around in four inch stiletto heels. Certainly, I look sensible and fabulous, but I feel like strangers are getting frustrated with me as I take twenty minutes to teeter up and down stairs. What advice can you give me? [/QUOTE] Wear really, really short microskirts so at least half of the population isn’t frustrated. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/109 "2007-08-11T07:28:17Z")
I shaved my beard into a goatee today in your honor, **Sauron**. ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/110 "2007-08-11T07:46:07Z")
Dear Sauron: I’ve just thought up a great new idea. Microskorts. I’m thinking denim here. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/111 "2007-08-11T14:46:42Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] OK, the Amish get an exemption. [/QUOTE] It isn’t so much an exemption as a recognition that the beards of the Amish are far from their worst fashion transgression. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/112 "2007-08-11T15:29:01Z")
But the Amish _are_ stylish! They’re wearing very stylish versions of 19th century clothing! ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/113 "2007-08-11T20:18:42Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] On my recent vacation, I saw the worst comb over ever. On the left side of his head, he had hair maybe half an inch long. Just about the part, it was a good foot long. The first time I saw him, the comb over had fallen, making him look like he had a freakish gray pony tail. [/QUOTE] I think you saw my Dad. And no, I’m not kidding. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2007, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/114 "2007-08-11T20:33:02Z")
Dear **Sauron** , I’m gay and, for work, I own 3 pairs of pants and 4 shirts – 3 of them polos. Am I really gay? Signed, Gayman G. McGayGuyerson Your OP, while judgmental as hell, was written with such style, wit and aplomb, who the hell cares if it was judgmental. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/115 "2007-08-12T14:47:56Z")
That must look fantastic on a driver’s license. McGayGuyerson, Gayman G. Not to be too persona, but what does the “G.” stand for? 😛 Let’s not be _too_ gentle with our dear **Sauron**. After all, William F. Buckley is an evil vile hate-spewing conservative. The fact that he’s remarkably well-spoken and excellently-read does not change that fact. 🙂 ( said solidly in jest. ) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/116 "2007-08-12T21:29:24Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] \Your OP, while judgmental as hell, was written with such style, wit and aplomb, who the hell cares if it was judgmental. [/QUOTE] I don’t like the way you spell “judgemental.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Typo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Typo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/117 "2007-08-12T22:33:57Z")
I’ll be darned. The Compact Oxford actually has that as an alternative spelling, although I confess I don’t think I’d ever be able to spell it that way without feeling guilty somehow. Sorry for the hijack. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/118 "2007-08-12T22:58:53Z")
[QUOTE=Veuve\_ClicquotNJ] You’d have a field day with the co-worker I described in this thread: > **[Long fingernails...REEEALLY long](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=406275)** > > I work with a woman who has long fingernails. Long. Really long. Verrrrrry long. I’d say with conviction they are at least 5 inches long. No, really. Maybe 6 inches. I swear. Long enough that they curl under on the ends. She types with her... 😃 VCNJ~ [/QUOTE] The linked pics in that thread actually made me whimper which is, I think, a first for me on the SDMB. Congratulations. And **Sauron**? Really, an excellent OP. And kudos to whoever mentioned bra straps. Himself and I were just discussing this today, and it’s just completely trashy. Ech. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/119 "2007-08-13T00:16:55Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] Dear **Sauron** , I’m gay and, for work… [/QUOTE] I read this as, “I’m gay for work…” and wanted to know how I could get your job. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2007, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/120 "2007-08-13T04:51:27Z")
[QUOTE=krisolov] Dear Sauron; What’s your position on mens short sleeve button down shirts; with or without tie? I maintain: tacky, either way. What say you? [/QUOTE] Says old school IBM tech to me. With or without tie. Assuming it’s a thin white cotton shirt. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863.md?page=7)