# Lose the goatee, Tubby; and other free personal makeover advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863 "2007-08-08T14:56:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/141 "2007-08-14T13:53:50Z")
You too, huh? 😃 (And the word “tubby” in the same sentence doesn’t help. :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/142 "2007-08-14T14:11:21Z")
It’s not MY fault if you people are twisted sickos. Of course, I know what you’re referring to, so I guess I’m not much better off, either. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/143 "2007-08-14T15:51:00Z")
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist] So, you’re saying I should get some short sleeve, button-down shirts? [/QUOTE] I always KNEW you were a psychopath. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/144 "2007-08-14T16:32:33Z")
[QUOTE=msmith537] [QUOTE=5-4 Fighting:] So, what should I wear with my black polyester pants tomorrow – the black polo shirt of the black polo shirt with the white stripes? And can I borrow your white belt?\* QUOTE] That depends. Are you going to work tomorrow and do you work as either a) a bartender at the W Hotel or b) a football referee? [/QUOTE] I’m trying my damndest to work in **Miller** ’s reading of my OP as "I’m gay for work . . . " with these two options, but I’m trying. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/145 "2007-08-14T17:32:10Z")
[QUOTE=msmith537] Only Jahovah’s Witnesses, engineering nerds and psychopaths wear short sleave button-down shirts. [/QUOTE] I’m guessing you (a) live in a big city or (b) golf or (c) are a white-collar worker, probably in a large company. I’m also guessing you’ve never been to Hawaii. If you step out in the street in this small Montana town, especially when it’s 90 degrees F outside, you’re not going to see many long-sleeved shirts. The preppy-type tourists are wearing polo shirts. The bikers and some of the locals are wearing t-shirts. A few of the older ranchers are wearing long-sleeved flannel shirts buttoned all the way up. The lawyers and the mortician are wearing long-sleeved dress shirts with ties. The rest of us are wearing nice cool button-down shirts with short sleeves. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/146 "2007-08-14T18:28:53Z")
Short-sleeve buttoned [_casual_](http://www.beallsflorida.com/page?name=page-department-style&styleid=109340&Rf=department) shirts are fine. The ones that are short-sleeve that claim to be [_dress_](http://www.garmentlot.com/servlet/the-70/short-sleeve-men's-dress/Detail) shirts are the territory of nerds, JW’s and psychopaths. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/147 "2007-08-14T18:48:30Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] **Cologne/Perfume wearers** : This tip crosses gender boundaries, because both men and women tend to overindulge in the smell-good stuff. I tend to give women a pass on this to a certain extent, because the commercials for perfume never actually show the perfume being applied. They show women diving into pools, and snuggling with rugged, handsome men, and sometimes bringing home some bacon and frying it in a pan. How this is supposed to sell perfume is beyond me. [/QUOTE] Duh. They’re amping up for the premier of “Squee,” the bacon-scented perfume, this Christmas. Guaranteed to get a man’s attention. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/148 "2007-08-14T19:40:44Z")
[QUOTE=TroubleAgain] Short-sleeve buttoned [_casual_](http://www.beallsflorida.com/page?name=page-department-style&styleid=109340&Rf=department) shirts are fine. The ones that are short-sleeve that claim to be [_dress_](http://www.garmentlot.com/servlet/the-70/short-sleeve-men's-dress/Detail) shirts are the territory of nerds, JW’s and psychopaths. [/QUOTE] Sorry. There is no such thing as a short-sleeved dress shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Dunawake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dunawake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunawake)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/149 "2007-08-14T21:46:17Z")
So what’s the final verdict on [Henleys](http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/21cxne3V9cL._SS400_.jpg) ? I like them in general, but then…I can’t even match colors properly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/150 "2007-08-14T22:02:00Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] It’s not MY fault if you people are twisted sickos. Of course, I know what you’re referring to, so I guess I’m not much better off, either. [/QUOTE] What do you mean, it’s not YOUR fault? Listen, once you’ve crafted the One Ring To Bring Them All And In The Darkness Bind Them, plausible deniability pretty much goes out the window. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/151 "2007-08-14T22:35:44Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] What do you mean, it’s not YOUR fault? Listen, once you’ve crafted the One Ring To Bring Them All And In The Darkness Bind Them, plausible deniability pretty much goes out the window. 😃 [/QUOTE] That, my friend, is an excellent point. Any counter, **Sauron**? ---
**Author:** ![Typo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Typo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/152 "2007-08-14T22:39:01Z")
Sauron didn’t do the twisting himself, he just took advantage of the potential for twistedness. Lazy bugger, letting man’s corruptable nature do most of the work. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/153 "2007-08-14T22:53:33Z")
[QUOTE=TroubleAgain] Short-sleeve buttoned [_casual_](http://www.beallsflorida.com/page?name=page-department-style&styleid=109340&Rf=department) shirts are fine. The ones that are short-sleeve that claim to be [_dress_](http://www.garmentlot.com/servlet/the-70/short-sleeve-men's-dress/Detail) shirts are the territory of nerds, JW’s and psychopaths. [/QUOTE] And mainframe programmers. Those guys transcend “nerd” and take it to a frightening new level. Dress shoes, black socks, khaki shorts, short-sleeve pinpoint oxford shirt and a tie, usually with shop teacher glasses. \ ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2007, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/154 "2007-08-14T23:41:11Z")
[QUOTE=scout1222] I always KNEW you were a psychopath. [/QUOTE] S-C-O-U-T-1-2-2-2. Right. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2007, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/155 "2007-08-15T00:20:24Z")
Yikes! ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2007, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/156 "2007-08-15T12:59:12Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] What do you mean, it’s not YOUR fault? Listen, once you’ve crafted the One Ring To Bring Them All And In The Darkness Bind Them, plausible deniability pretty much goes out the window. 😃 [/QUOTE] I didn’t CREATE man’s baser instincts. I just learned to use and exploit them to my advantage. Kinda like Captain Kangaroo. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2007, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/157 "2007-08-15T13:41:58Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] I didn’t CREATE man’s baser instincts. I just learned to use and exploit them to my advantage. Kinda like Captain Kangaroo. [/QUOTE] You, my friend, invoke disturbing mental pictures. Like the one of the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne atop Barad-Dur, getting annoyed when Mr. Moose causes a torrent of ping-pong balls to fall on his head. Perhaps the free peoples of Middle Earth should have just learned to tell some knock-knock jokes, instead of doing all that bothersome questing. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2007, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/158 "2007-08-15T13:59:33Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] You, my friend, invoke disturbing mental pictures. Like the one of the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne atop Barad-Dur, getting annoyed when Mr. Moose causes a torrent of ping-pong balls to fall on his head. [/QUOTE] So much heartache and bloodshed could have been avoided if Bunny Rabbit had just left my damn carrots alone. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2007, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/159 "2007-08-15T14:13:14Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] Duh. They’re amping up for the premier of “Squee,” the bacon-scented perfume, this Christmas. Guaranteed to get a man’s attention. [/QUOTE] I very much need to purchase this. Where might I find it? On line? In a regular store? In a boutique? At the Sharper Image? TELL ME WHERE!!! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2007, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863/160 "2007-08-15T14:17:56Z")
[QUOTE=Missy2U] I very much need to purchase this. Where might I find it? On line? In a regular store? In a boutique? At the Sharper Image? TELL ME WHERE!!! [/QUOTE] Stop & Shop? Publix? Piggly Wiggly? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lose-the-goatee-tubby-and-other-free-personal-makeover-advice/414863.md?page=9)