# Losing a baby has proven too much. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2002, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391 "2002-07-29T16:50:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/21 "2002-07-29T19:39:13Z")
Oh, **Tibs**. I’m so very sorry. Try to take one moment at a time, and try to remember that you will feel better eventually. It takes time, and sometimes it seems never-ending, but you’ll pull through. I second the recommendation for counseling. It’s great to get a chance to vent. And for hands on therapeutic work, I found leather work to be very healing. BAM! BAM! BAM! all that hammering was a balm to my soul. I know you don’t know me well, but I’m a good listener and I’m online practically all the time, so feel free to email or im me. {Tibs} ~karol ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/22 "2002-07-29T19:43:16Z")
I probably can’t say anything better than what’s been said already. But I will say this: Write it down fast and dirty everyday and don’t look read it. Then pick it up in a year, and see how you’ve evolved. Know that your family is added to our prayers. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/23 "2002-07-29T19:51:19Z")
Shit. I hate it when I sound condescending. I don’t mean to sound like I’m taking you lightly with my “you’ll feel better eventually,” Tibs. I just remember being in very similar circumstances, and feeling like it would NEVER end…but eventually, it did. Just hang in there by whatever means necessary, and know that your friends and the world will still be waiting when you get back on your feet emotionally. ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/24 "2002-07-29T19:54:08Z")
**Tibs** , my heart hurts for you. A year ago my husband and I split up. There were days when I thought “if I can make it through the next 15 minutes I’ll be o.k.” There were times I would get into my car and drive and scream as loud as I could. I couldn’t eat. One day as I driving home I said to myself “if I were dead I wouldn’t have to feel the pain.” But I never considered suicide–it just struck me how much it hurt. What I’m trying to say is that you will have days that SUCK. And that’s o.k. That’s how grieving works. I add my voice to the suggestion of getting therapeuticized. There’s nothing un-manly about it. It will help you work through the grief, loneliness and anger. Talk to your friends. I thank everyone who listened to me–sometimes that’s all I wanted was to vent. Keep yourself occupied. Fortunately I had a job that I just started (that I love) and the Wonder Pony to take care of and ride. And remember that time is the only healer. It’s trite but true. Your grief will pass. ---
**Author:** ![islandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@islandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/islandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/25 "2002-07-29T19:56:39Z")
You are in my thoughts and prayers. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/26 "2002-07-29T20:47:19Z")
Tibs. Dang… wish I knew what to say. Suffice to say that I think I know a little bit of how you feel (GrizzWife and I were expecting boy/girl twins nearly two years ago, and our daughter died three days after being born) But, if I may, let me offer this site [http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/forums/index](http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/forums/index) The IVillage site earlier posted is probably a site better suited for your trauma, but you might also find some help at FertileThoughts. Best wishes. “If you gotta be a bear, be a Grizzly. If you gotta be a shark, be a Great White!” \ ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/27 "2002-07-29T21:36:41Z")
Oh, **Tiburon** , I’m so sorry. ☹ Know that you are in my prayers. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/28 "2002-07-29T22:15:12Z")
Be gentle with yourself. Our thoughts are with you. ---
**Author:** ![OldBroad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@OldBroad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldBroad)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/29 "2002-07-29T22:28:05Z")
Try an organization called \*Compassionate Friends[/] - a support group for people who have lost children of any age - from miscarriages to adult children. A friend of mine found support and comfort from her local group. It is not uncommon for the loss of a child to cause a relationship to unravel. Folks in this group have had just about every experience you can imagine and some you can’t that resulted from the death of a child. They’re on the web at [www.compassionatefriends.org](http://www.compassionatefriends.org) Time does help to heal, but getting from here to there can be a bear. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/30 "2002-07-29T22:45:32Z")
Just one more set of good wishes and support. E-mail me if you need to know you, and know that you are very much liked and respected. {{{Tiburon}}} Take care, CJ ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/31 "2002-07-29T22:53:51Z")
I am so sorry. I hope your heart will heal soon. love lisa. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/32 "2002-07-29T23:31:40Z")
i am so very sorry. please remember we are here for you, day or night. ---
**Author:** ![Sinshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sinshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinshine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/33 "2002-07-29T23:53:40Z")
Rough luck, **Tiburon**. I feel for you. And will pray for you, and your ex. Both of you need the healing. ---
**Author:** ![jazzmine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/34 "2002-07-30T00:10:24Z")
Aw, damn, Tibs. I’m so very sorry for your double loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/35 "2002-07-30T00:33:36Z")
Damn. ☹ My condolences for you, and your ex: times like these are never easy. Just remember to take things one step at a time: enough steps and suddenly you’ll realize that you’re now feeling better and the world is all right once again. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/36 "2002-07-30T01:00:04Z")
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I _know_ the caring prayers of others helped me through the loss of my daughter 8 years ago. Things will get better, but I know the terrible pain you’re suffering now and understand. Take care. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/37 "2002-07-30T01:34:17Z")
{{Tiburon}} My heart goes out to you. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/38 "2002-07-30T01:44:36Z")
{{{{{{ **Tibs** }}}}}} Nothing markedly poetic to add except two more outstretched arms. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/39 "2002-07-30T01:51:00Z")
My thoughts are with you in what must be the most difficult time. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391/40 "2002-07-30T02:21:28Z")
Damn, that really sucks. When my world crumbled, I bought a heavy bag and mounted it in the garage. (Tip: Use wrist supports. Sometimes you’re angrier than you thought, and sprained wrists hurt a lot.) In any event…best wishes for happier times, and good luck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-a-baby-has-proven-too-much/121391.md?page=3)