# Losing Steam with Husband Situation **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 3, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975 "2011-12-03T20:34:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/61 "2011-12-05T00:53:14Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > CitizenPained, I was pretty much completely agoraphobic for over the past decade. I just got ‘well’ enough to hold down a part-time job in late 2009. I held that until I left in July to take care of Jaceson. And as a side note, I do really miss my Meals on Wheels folks. They were terrific. ☹ Anyway, they made him leave work around the first of October, saying it was FMLA until he got well. If he didn’t, he’d transition to short- and then long-term disability seamlessly. Sigh. We live in a strange world. I hear you on the agoraphobic thing - me, too. I just can’t believe that people can go nearly homeless in a snap. It’s just not right. clearing out PM box. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/62 "2011-12-05T01:01:24Z")
Everyone has such good advice. I don’t know that I could add anything useful as far as Jaceson goes. I do know how hard you’ve worked on the agoraphobia. I still struggle, too, though I’m much better than I was a few years ago. I know how easy it is to let yourself slip back into that. Please do what you can to take care of yourself too. As always, you and Jaceson are in my prayers. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/63 "2011-12-05T01:01:30Z")
No one should be homeless. That sucks. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/64 "2011-12-05T02:19:30Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > I am sorry to hear your news. Nothing I can say will make it better, so I’ll just say that you are in my thoughts. Thank you **Khadaji**. I always know that you keep us in your thoughts. It’s much appreciated. > [@Becky2844](#): > > **faithfool** (I tried to Bold your name, just like in my reply to BMalion, but it didn’t work then. Maybe now.) > Anyway, about the Medicaid. Since we’re in the FL panhandle and you’re in Texas things might be different. But my brother was 53 years old when he got it. (After a lifetime of being alright.) Can’t remember which came first…the Disability or the Medicaid. And his coverage was called something snappy like “Easy Pass or Quick Pay.” Vernacular like that. And I talked to a young woman in her 20s who got Medicaid…so maybe there’s a way? Maybe not, but if you add checking on it once again to your list of many things to do, it might work out. > > I was wondering if your husband has slight dementia, like from a build-up of toxins? My brother had it and took 10mg of Aricept. They said it was for memory. Whatever it was I could really tell a difference the few times we couldn’t get it refilled immediately. > > Good about the cane! > > Please PM me IF you want. I hesitate to say that; you’re swamped right now and I don’t want you to feel obligated. But I’m around if you ever get the urge. Hang in there. > Hugz **Becky** , I will indeed check on the Medicaid again. I’m going to print this thread out, highlight what I need and make that notebook, like has been suggested. It can only help me to stay more organized (since I’m feeling pretty scattered right now) and that’s a good thing. Well, as to toxin build-up, that’s supposedly what the Generlac is for. As long as he takes it, he seems good. It’s only when he’s skipping doses that there’s a problem. However, I’ll check into that too. Thank you for the offer of PMing. I really appreciate that and so far this time, I think I’m staying on top of them. 🙂 Hopefully that’ll stay the case. So I’m sure at some point I’ll be taking you up on your offer. Thank you again so much for all your help. > [@Ruby](#): > > **faithfool** , I can’t even imagine what you and Jaceson are going through right now. I know if my normally loving husband turned into Mr. Hyde, I would be very hurt, resentful, angry, and probably hostile right back. > > I’ve been following your story here on the boards and just want to help a little. > > You’ve gotten a lot of good advice in this thread and I can’t add to the fray. However, I would like to make a contribution to the “cause”. Please send me your Paypal info via PM. Thank you so much **Ruby**. I really appreciate what everyone is doing for us. The money couldn’t come at a better time, of course, but it’s the fact that everyone cares so much that has my heart about to burst. I’ll PM you as soon as I can. > [@CitizenPained](#): > > Sigh. We live in a strange world. I hear you on the agoraphobic thing - me, too. I just can’t believe that people can go nearly homeless in a snap. It’s just not right. > > clearing out PM box. It’s crazy, isn’t it? And I tried to PM you one last time (obviously before you posted this), but I’ll try again. And as since you’ve been there, I can honestly say that I’m so very sorry for that. Agoraphobia was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through personally. I hope you’re better now and if you ever need to talk about it (or related mental health stuff), please consider giving me a holler. If nothing else, I can listen. > [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > Everyone has such good advice. I don’t know that I could add anything useful as far as Jaceson goes. I do know how hard you’ve worked on the agoraphobia. I still struggle, too, though I’m much better than I was a few years ago. I know how easy it is to let yourself slip back into that. Please do what you can to take care of yourself too. As always, you and Jaceson are in my prayers. Thank you honey. I know we haven’t gotten to talk as much as I’d like recently, but I always keep up with you on the boards. I’m always pleased when what I read seems to imply that you’re out there kicking butt and taking names. That’s amazing. So know that I’m still jealously guarding my mental health and that I’m confident we’ll get through this. And I appreciate your prayers, just like always. Thank you so much that. > [@BMalion](#): > > No one should be homeless. That sucks. :mad: Don’t worry. We’ll find a way around that, no matter what we have to do. I’m not sure what that may be, but I’ll be damned if I give up without a fight. 🙂 Now I’m off to catch up on PMs. Thank you all again. As I can’t say enough, you guys are great. If it wasn’t for the place, I really don’t know what I’d do. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/65 "2011-12-05T03:15:15Z")
Another thought - about disability. A friend of mine works for Binder and Binder. They’re a national law firm that specializes in disability claims. There are also other firms like this. The way it works is…they take your case pro bono. They hold your hand and help you through the process. If you win the case, there is a bulk payment for benefits that would have accrued starting from when you applies - they get a set amount of that (20%? 40%? I forget). You get the rest, plus your monthly payments after that. It’s typically worth it to not have to deal with the system yourself. SSI takes a long time to process. Your state representative can help push it along. His office will have staffers who read e-mails and bring worthy cases to the right people’s attention. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/66 "2011-12-05T04:58:09Z")
Kemi, I took the liberty of copying and pasting part of your OP in a board where several friends of mine hang out that live in the Dallas area. I asked them to provide me with phone numbers and/or email addresses of any organization they could possibly think of that might help you. If I get any responses, I’ll PM them to you as soon as I see them. Best wishes to you and your hubby. We’re all pulling for ya here. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/67 "2011-12-05T05:37:22Z")
Kemi, I can’t do much like others but I’d like to at least put you on my Christmas card list if you would not mind. I’ve followed your saga from the other thread and kept up with the updates. It sucks, and I’m sorry. There has already been alot of good advice given. Just remember we are here when you do get fed up! And it’s ok to get fed up sometimes! ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/68 "2011-12-05T11:18:18Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > . > > Yes, they fired me right before I was diagnosed. I’m dealing with it. :(:mad: ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/69 "2011-12-05T13:05:25Z")
We are all in this together. I feel less alone. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/70 "2011-12-05T15:41:03Z")
> [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > Another thought - about disability. A friend of mine works for Binder and Binder. They’re a national law firm that specializes in disability claims. There are also other firms like this. > The way it works is..they take your case pro bono. They hold your hand and help you through the process. If you win the case, there is a bulk payment for benefits that would have accrued starting from when you applies - they get a set amount of that (20%? 40%? I forget). You get the rest, plus your monthly payments after that. It’s typically worth it to not have to deal with the system yourself. > > SSI takes a long time to process. Your state representative can help push it along. His office will have staffers who read e-mails and bring worthy cases to the right people’s attention. > -D/a **D/a** , since we’ve already filed, I don’t think we need an attorney, at least not according to the information I’ve been getting. However, the state representative thing sounds promising. I’ve been recommended something similar, so I’ll definitely check into that. Thanks again. > [@Clothahump](#): > > Kemi, I took the liberty of copying and pasting part of your OP in a board where several friends of mine hang out that live in the Dallas area. I asked them to provide me with phone numbers and/or email addresses of any organization they could possibly think of that might help you. > > If I get any responses, I’ll PM them to you as soon as I see them. > > Best wishes to you and your hubby. We’re all pulling for ya here. **Clothahump** , thank you for that. Help in general is good, but local is awesome. I also saw that you PMd last night. Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner. Hopefully, I can catch up on the rest today. Thanks again so much. > [@ShelliBean](#): > > Kemi, I can’t do much like others but I’d like to at least put you on my Christmas card list if you would not mind. I’ve followed your saga from the other thread and kept up with the updates. It sucks, and I’m sorry. There has already been alot of good advice given. Just remember we are here when you do get fed up! And it’s ok to get fed up sometimes! **Shelli** , we’d love a Christmas card. We’ve had to tell our meager circle (mostly my parents and his son) that we’re not ‘doing’ Christmas this year, so it would be amazing to receive some holiday cheer in the mail. Thank you for thinking of us. > [@BMalion](#): > > We are all in this together. I feel less alone. Thank you. I’m so glad you feel less alone. {{{HUGS}}} I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who has PMd. I had a whopping migraine last night and didn’t get to finish replying and today we have doctor’s appointments, so I may not get to them until this evening. I apologize for the delay. Just know that they mean so much to us and, once again, I’m grateful for every offer of help, in any manner. I love you guys. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/71 "2011-12-05T17:55:01Z")
I wish I could just send you $10,000.00. you are in my thoughts, for what its worth. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/72 "2011-12-07T23:00:58Z")
Sorry I haven’t updated sooner. We’ve been inundated with doctor’s visits, being on the phone with the various insurance companies and fighting. I’m just exhausted and all I’d really like to do is sleep and post the occasional bon mot (or so I hope). We had a talk about how we’re going to handle things going forward and that’s only served, it seems, to make things even worse. Argh. Anyway, I’m still trying to catch up on all the PMs. If I haven’t gotten to you yet, I should by tonight. The rest will still, hopefully, happen this week. Thanks again to everyone. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2011, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/73 "2011-12-07T23:23:43Z")
Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/74 "2011-12-08T15:13:45Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > We’ve been inundated with doctor’s visits, being on the phone with the various insurance companies and fighting… We had a talk about how we’re going to handle things going forward and that’s only served, it seems, to make things even worse. Argh. The mantra I hang on to in times like this: Progress is not linear. Keep your head up, and keep asking for the help you need. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/75 "2011-12-09T02:18:58Z")
Just popping in to say Hi and send some good magic wishes. I escaped my own issues for a few days and went to Disney World. Mickey Mouse said to give you a hug. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/76 "2011-12-09T14:27:17Z")
I skimmed most of the thread, so I apologize if I missed a few bits of information. Regarding SSI/SSDI: is your claim still pending at the initial level? If you’re denied, I would absolutely appeal. It varies widely by state and caseloads, but the average processing time for a hearing usually takes 6-12 months. Appeal, appeal, appeal. Your case is seen by an administrative law judge (ALJ), and it is almost entirely up to his discretion at that point. The initial claim is much more “by the book” and decided without any face-to-face interaction. The reversal rate in our office seems to hover around 50-60%, so make sure you appeal if you are denied. That said, getting an attorney for the appeal stage is a good idea. Many unrepresented claimants do a poor job at their hearings, which is expected. Attorneys ask the right questions and know all the ropes (and usually even give you tips about the Judge that will be hearing the case). Most of them are pro-bono and charge 25% or $6,000 of your winnings, whichever is less. There is also an issue of backpayments, but that is dependent on your claim. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/77 "2011-12-09T22:20:50Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Sorry I haven’t updated sooner. We’ve been inundated with doctor’s visits, being on the phone with the various insurance companies and fighting. I’m just exhausted and all I’d really like to do is sleep and post the occasional bon mot (or so I hope). \ Don’t let us become another source of stress - update when you can, and don’t worry about it. I hope I can safely speak for everyone when I say we understand if you can’t get back to us too quickly. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/78 "2011-12-09T22:30:19Z")
Take your time. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/79 "2011-12-10T01:28:46Z")
> [@elninost0rm](#): > > I skimmed most of the thread, so I apologize if I missed a few bits of information. > > Regarding SSI/SSDI: is your claim still pending at the initial level? If you’re denied, I would absolutely appeal. It varies widely by state and caseloads, but the average processing time for a hearing usually takes 6-12 months. Appeal, appeal, appeal. Your case is seen by an administrative law judge (ALJ), and it is almost entirely up to his discretion at that point. The initial claim is much more “by the book” and decided without any face-to-face interaction. The reversal rate in our office seems to hover around 50-60%, so make sure you appeal if you are denied. > > That said, getting an attorney for the appeal stage is a good idea. Many unrepresented claimants do a poor job at their hearings, which is expected. Attorneys ask the right questions and know all the ropes (and usually even give you tips about the Judge that will be hearing the case). Most of them are pro-bono and charge 25% or $6,000 of your winnings, whichever is less. There is also an issue of backpayments, but that is dependent on your claim. We just went through this exact situation with my gf. Denied twice through the regular channels, secured an attorney who filed another appeal. It never made it to the ALJ hearing. Whoever looked at it at that level approved it without any more questions. And the reason they couldn’t have done that two years ago is… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975/80 "2011-12-10T03:22:02Z")
I’m very sorry about all the crap you’re going through, **faithfool** and **BMalion**. I am not sure if this really helps, but: when you get to a point where you’re out of ideas and don’t know how you’ll keep going, you’ll find something that allows you to continue. I hope your paths get easier. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-steam-with-husband-situation/604975.md?page=5)