# Losing virginity in teen years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 10, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903 "2019-03-10T18:13:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![scarface54345](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@scarface54345](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scarface54345)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/1 "2019-03-10T18:13:46Z")
In society, still being a virgin by one’s 20th birthday is highly frowned upon. The average age in the US to lose virginity is 17. Frankly, this is why I think our society has FAILED. The point of posting this is because there is so much debate on whether or not abortion should be legal, and there is also some scientific debate on when the fetus becomes sentient (feels pain and is conscious) that plays into the abortion debate as well. I’m not going to give away my political opinion on abortion, but anyway…one problem with abortion being illegal is that the planet becomes overpopulated. Did you know that HALF OF ALL PREGNANCIES ARE UNPLANNED? Doesn’t really matter if unplanned does not mean unwanted IMO. On top of that, 25% of all women in the US will have an abortion at some point in their lifetime. The main reason why so many unplanned pregnancies (and abortions) happen is because we have intercourse for PLEASURE, while most mammals have intercourse solely for reproducing. Because we also do it for pleasure and not just reproducing, we have this peer pressure thing where a person should lose their virginity before age 20, or else they are considered “uncool”. So instead of trying to do it before 20, I think we should not feel so pressured by peers but to wait until like late 20s when many people start having kids. That’s all folks. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/2 "2019-03-10T18:26:25Z")
For the abortions I was involved, both participants were in their late 20s. I will admit, however, the intercourse was indeed for PLEASURE. 99.9% of the intercourse during my lifetime has been for PLEASURE. The remainder was probably by accident. I’ll let someone else weigh in on animals having sex for PLEASURE. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/3 "2019-03-10T18:26:56Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > In society, still being a virgin by one’s 20th birthday is highly frowned upon. Cite? What is this “society” you speak of? I think you will find different attitudes among different subcultures, families, etc. Personally, I think the whole concept of “virginity” is completely pointless, having outlived any relevance it may once have had, > [@](#): > > The main reason why so many unplanned pregnancies (and abortions) happen is because we have intercourse for PLEASURE, while most mammals have intercourse solely for reproducing. As far as I know, humans are the only animals who ever have intercourse for the express purpose of reproducing. ---
**Author:** ![Ignotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecc23a/32.png) [@Ignotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignotus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/4 "2019-03-10T18:50:32Z")
You know, _pleasure_ isn’t an inherently bad thing. As for unplanned pregnancies (and abortions), well, I’d certainly prefer freely available birth control. I bet most teens would too! ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/5 "2019-03-10T19:26:18Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > So instead of trying to do it before 20, I think we should not feel so pressured by peers but to wait until like late 20s when many people start having kids. That’s all folks. I remember people preaching (sometimes metaphorical preaching, [sometimes](https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/pa98x8/purity-culture-linday-kay-klein-pure-review) [literal](https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/the-purity-culture)) about people having sex because of peer pressure when I was a teen. It was crap then and it is crap now. Maybe _some_ teen have sex because of peer pressure, but the majority of teens have sex because when you are a teen you spend practically every moment overwhelmingly horny. (Maybe we should tell teens to [just eat udon](https://soranews24.com/2019/03/10/hilarious-japanese-anti-drug-poster-tells-would-be-addicts-to-just-eat-udon-instead/).) ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/6 "2019-03-10T19:37:02Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > […] we have intercourse for PLEASURE, while most mammals have intercourse solely for reproducing. […] Gotta call shenanigans on this one. How in the world do you know that most mammals intend reproduction with no interest in pleasure? And how do you know humans aren’t sometimes doing it for reproducing? I think it’s pretty obvious that creatures great and small are, in effect, evolutionarily designed to want sex and expect pleasure from it, to whatever extent they are able to want and expect anything. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/7 "2019-03-10T19:49:23Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > (Maybe we should tell teens to [just eat udon](https://soranews24.com/2019/03/10/hilarious-japanese-anti-drug-poster-tells-would-be-addicts-to-just-eat-udon-instead/).) You want to encourage [bukkake](https://www.seriouseats.com/2016/08/how-to-make-bukkake-udon-summer-cold-japanese-noodles.html)?! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/8 "2019-03-10T19:57:58Z")
If animals didn’t get pleasure from sex, why would the do it? And in evolutionary terms, an animal that enjoy sex is likely to do it more than one who has none, so they would be selected. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/9 "2019-03-10T20:02:01Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > … most mammals have intercourse solely for reproducing. Absolutely wrong. How many animals even associate intercourse with reproduction? They do it for pleasure. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/10 "2019-03-10T20:06:23Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Absolutely wrong. How many animals even associate intercourse with reproduction? They do it for pleasure. Well, maybe not [female bed bugs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_insemination)… ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/11 "2019-03-10T20:18:26Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > In society, still being a virgin by one’s 20th birthday is highly frowned upon. The average age in the US to lose virginity is 17. Frankly, this is why I think our society has FAILED. > > …The main reason why so many unplanned pregnancies (and abortions) happen is because we have intercourse for PLEASURE, while most mammals have intercourse solely for reproducing. Because we also do it for pleasure and not just reproducing, we have this peer pressure thing where a person should lose their virginity before age 20, or else they are considered “uncool”. … If you think peer pressure is the reason teens have sex, I would want a cite for that. In my opinion (and memory of being a teen) most of the teens who have sex do it because they can – they have means and opportunity. They have a partner and desire, and a time and place where they can get away with it. They may or may not have birth control available to them, which as already mentioned is where the emphasis should be on teens and sex and abortion. You sound kind of biblical about the pleasure thing. Is this a religious thing? I’ve long thought that people who are religious nuts about sex and pleasure are just anti-pleasure (at least for other people). For me, I think everyone should have pleasure - responsibly. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/12 "2019-03-10T20:25:08Z")
Teen pregnancies result from inadequate education, inadequate empowerment, And inadequate access to resources. People are going to have sex when they’re interested in having sex and they should be adequately prepared for it. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/13 "2019-03-10T20:47:07Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > If you think peer pressure is the reason teens have sex, I would want a cite for that. It’s pretty clear to me that human beings (including teens) have sex for a number of different motives, including but not limited to pleasure, reproduction, affection, bonding, curiosity, conquest, cash—and, yes, social expectations. > [@Acsenray](#): > > Teen pregnancies result from inadequate education, inadequate empowerment, And inadequate access to resources. And here I always thought that teen pregnancies resulted from sex. 😛 A few facts from the [U.S. Department of Health & Human Services](https://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-development/reproductive-health-and-teen-pregnancy/teen-pregnancy-and-childbearing/trends/index.html) > [@](#): > > The 2016 teen birth rate (births per 1,000 females ages 15-19 in a given year) is down nine percent from 2015, when the birth rate was 22.3, and down 67 percent from 1991 when it was at a record high of 61.8.1 The teen birth rate has declined more or less continuously over the past quarter century, and is at the lowest level ever recorded. Still, the teen birth rate in the United States remains higher than that in many other developed countries, including Canada and the United Kingdom. > [@](#): > > Teen birth rates differ substantially by age, racial and ethnic group, and region of the country. > [@](#): > > Numerous individual, family, and community characteristics have been linked to adolescent childbearing. For example, adolescents who are enrolled in school and engaged in learning (including participating in after-school activities, having positive attitudes toward school, and performing well educationally) are less likely than are other adolescents to have or to father a baby. At the family level, adolescents with mothers who gave birth as teens and/or whose mothers have only a high school degree are more likely to have a baby before age 20 than are teens whose mothers were older at their birth or who attended at least some college. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/14 "2019-03-10T20:59:03Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Personally, I think the whole concept of “virginity” is completely pointless, having outlived any relevance it may once have had, I largely agree. However, shouldn’t there be some room for a societal standard that people should fall on a line somewhere between complete chastity and casual sex? It seems in these discussions the two sides are: 1) kids should wait until marriage or at least until they are older, and 2) that is unrealistic. Do we have to be absolutist about it? Although we have largely eschewed the wait until marriage for sex idea, can’t we have a standard, especially for children, that sex is still special and should be reserved for someone with whom you are in a committed long term relationship with instead of treating sex as a pleasure sport? ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/15 "2019-03-10T21:02:25Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > Well, maybe not [female bed bugs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_insemination)… But to stick with mammals, I really don’t think cats get a lot of pleasure from the act. At least not the females, what with the males having sharp barbs on their penises and all. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/16 "2019-03-10T21:28:00Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Although we have largely eschewed the wait until marriage for sex idea, can’t we have a standard, especially for children, that sex is still special and should be reserved for someone with whom you are in a committed long term relationship with instead of treating sex as a pleasure sport? I’m not in favor of such a “standard.” Different things work for different people. When done properly, sex isn’t more risky than a lot of other things 16 to 20 year olds do. (Driving, for example, but also things like SCUBA diving, walking to school on busy streets, and playing football.) Why should we tell people “don’t have sex for pleasure at age 19?” We don’t say “don’t play football for fun.” For many people, (myself included) sex in a committed long term relationship is better. That doesn’t mean other sex should be avoided. If two people want to experience sex as a “pleasure sport” it doesn’t violate my sensibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/17 "2019-03-10T21:54:04Z")
Chuck Norris’ daughter lost her virginity. He got it back. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/18 "2019-03-10T21:55:30Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I’m not in favor of such a “standard.” Different things work for different people. > > When done properly, sex isn’t more risky than a lot of other things 16 to 20 year olds do. (Driving, for example, but also things like SCUBA diving, walking to school on busy streets, and playing football.) > > Why should we tell people “don’t have sex for pleasure at age 19?” We don’t say “don’t play football for fun.” > > For many people, (myself included) sex in a committed long term relationship is better. That doesn’t mean other sex should be avoided. If two people want to experience sex as a “pleasure sport” it doesn’t violate my sensibilities. I’m not saying it should be a law of some sort, just a standard. Unlike those other risky activities, they do not carry the possibility of unwanted children. As much education we have done on having safe sex: 1) people who need to listen to the education the most don’t listen, and 2) they are not fully effective. Further, and I know it is bad to say on these boards, but there is still the morality aspect. I contend that the proliferation of sex as a pleasure activity with many partners contributes to the decline of stable marriages. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/19 "2019-03-10T21:59:02Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Further, and I know it is bad to say on these boards, but there is still the morality aspect. I contend that the proliferation of sex as a pleasure activity with many partners contributes to the decline of stable marriages. I can’t speak for everyone, but in my view my experience with the proliferation of sex as a pleasure activity prior to my marriage increased the odds that it would be stable. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2019, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/20 "2019-03-10T22:02:20Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > I remember people preaching (sometimes metaphorical preaching, [sometimes](https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/pa98x8/purity-culture-linday-kay-klein-pure-review) [literal](https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/the-purity-culture)) about people having sex because of peer pressure when I was a teen. It was crap then and it is crap now. Maybe _some_ teen have sex because of peer pressure, but the majority of teens have sex because when you are a teen you spend practically every moment overwhelmingly horny. (Maybe we should tell teens to [just eat udon](https://soranews24.com/2019/03/10/hilarious-japanese-anti-drug-poster-tells-would-be-addicts-to-just-eat-udon-instead/).) Not really. There is such a thing as anti-slut-shaming, for want of a better word, and in the end, some kids will lie about their virginity status just to get their “friends” off their back about this. Abstinence-only education is very hurtful to kids for whom sexual activity is not an option because they cannot find a partner. Another person’s virginity status is none of anyone else’s business, and anyone over the age of 18 who expresses interest, or even obsession, about it has, in my experience, had some serious hangups. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903.md?page=2)