# Losing virginity in teen years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 10, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903 "2019-03-10T18:13:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/61 "2019-03-12T13:20:31Z")
I respect your right to think whatever you want. Just understand that I am in control of my own reproductive functions, not you, not Trump, not the Evangelicals who basically want to practice the Christian version Sharia Law, and not even the Supreme Court. \*\*I DO. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/62 "2019-03-12T14:30:29Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > If animals didn’t get pleasure from sex, why would the do it? > > And in evolutionary terms, an animal that enjoy sex is likely to do it more than one who has none, so they would be selected. They have sex because it is an instinct to reproduce. I’m guessing that some animals feel pleasure but that’s not why they do it. Most animals have sex only when the female is in heat/fertile. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/63 "2019-03-12T15:28:30Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > I’m not saying it should be a law of some sort, just a standard. Unlike those other risky activities, they do not carry the possibility of unwanted children. As much education we have done on having safe sex: 1) people who need to listen to the education the most don’t listen, and 2) they are not fully effective. While unwanted children are a problem, I would content it is not the _worst_ problem a person can have. Death, brain damage, paralysis, from activities such as football and driving seem to be worse than getting pregnant when you’d rather not. Many people end up quite happy with their children they didn’t want or expect (or so they say). Also, for many people abortion is a viable option of they end up with an unplanned pregnancy. The prevailing attitude when I was younger seemed to be “I will have recreational sex and be relatively careful to avoid pregnancy. If pregnancy results, I will/she will have an abortion and move on.” [I had one girlfriend who was a liberal Catholic, and while she had no qualms about premarital sex, she would never have an abortion. As a result, we didn’t have PIV sex, since no amount of risk was acceptable.] ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/64 "2019-03-12T18:22:35Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > While unwanted children are a problem, I would content it is not the _worst_ problem a person can have. Death, brain damage, paralysis, from activities such as football and driving seem to be worse than getting pregnant when you’d rather not. Many people end up quite happy with their children they didn’t want or expect (or so they say). Also, for many people abortion is a viable option of they end up with an unplanned pregnancy. The prevailing attitude when I was younger seemed to be “I will have recreational sex and be relatively careful to avoid pregnancy. If pregnancy results, I will/she will have an abortion and move on.” [I had one girlfriend who was a liberal Catholic, and while she had no qualms about premarital sex, she would never have an abortion. As a result, we didn’t have PIV sex, since no amount of risk was acceptable.] And everyone I knew as a young adult was screwing like unmarried rabbits, but there wasn’t an unplanned pregnancy among us. None of our kids - those who have been sexual active - have gotten pregnant either. Turns out, when you are on some sort of hormonal birth control and then using condoms to protect against STDs as well, pregnancy is pretty low risk. Give teens good sex ed, an understanding of consent, self and partner respect, and the means to protect themselves against pregnancy and STDs and no one should really give a damn about when people are having sex and with whom. I’ve always figured someone else’s sex life isn’t any of my business - unless they are having sex with me. (And yes, that includes my own children). ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/65 "2019-03-13T03:53:00Z")
My wife and I waited for marriage. I was 22. For religious reasons. I admit we probably wouldn’t have gotten married so young of we weren’t so damn horny. That’s the only part I regret, getting married so young. Screw anyone with this uncool business. I’ve never shied away from admitting I abstained. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/66 "2019-03-13T08:30:08Z")
I’ve long said that if you aren’t just as free to say “no” as to say “yes” then you aren’t really free - it _should_ be just as OK to wait until your 20’s to have sex as to have it at 15. In my mind proper sex education isn’t just about the mechanics, it’s also about deciding if you do or don’t want to have it at a particular time or place or with a particular person. ---
**Author:** ![road\_lobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d78d45/32.png) [@road\_lobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/road_lobo)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/67 "2019-03-13T10:11:37Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > …one problem with abortion being illegal is that the planet becomes overpopulated. What? There is no settled opinion that human overpopulation is a realistic problem, it’s mostly a goldilocks zone. Overpopulation is corrected by famine and disease, which humans have largely addressed with agriculture and medicine. > [@scarface54345](#): > > Did you know that HALF OF ALL PREGNANCIES ARE UNPLANNED? Doesn’t really matter if unplanned does not mean unwanted IMO. On top of that, 25% of all women in the US will have an abortion at some point in their lifetime. The main reason why so many unplanned pregnancies (and abortions) happen is because we have intercourse for PLEASURE, while most mammals have intercourse solely for reproducing. Because we also do it for pleasure and not just reproducing, we have this peer pressure thing where a person should lose their virginity before age 20, or else they are considered “uncool”. YES I DID, APPROXIMATELY. DID YOU KNOW typing in all caps is frowned upon, and indicates a failure to use logic to persuade, in favor of amplitude? This isn’t a pulpit; shouting indicates a misunderstanding of authority in logical argument. So it’s not surprising your logic has already been shown faulty. You claim we have this peer pressure thing because we engage in sex for pleasure. I would counter this peer pressure functions to force individuals to prove their fertility, and to encourage reproduction, as an evolutionary counter in societies where reproduction is ideally postponed into the second and third decades and additionally restricted to a monogamous marriage partner. If you are post-pubescent and non-sexual, you are reasonably considered weird in an evolutionary context. It’s worth asking if you would advocate peer pressure for homosexuality before marriage, with heterosexual sex encouraged only for married couples planning to have children? This would reduce abortions, without an unrealistic insistence on decade(s) of chastity, and is evident in human culture in history. Please ask your priest/pastor/rabbi/imam/coven priestess why human females have a menstrual cycle and concealed ovulation. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/68 "2019-03-13T12:25:23Z")
> [@scarface54345](#): > > Frankly, this is why I think our society has FAILED. I’m still scratching my head over this. How exactly has society failed? Things are pretty damn good and, aside from lunatic politics, getting better. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/69 "2019-03-13T17:25:40Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Uh, the laws changed. It was very hard to get divorced in the US prior to that, and there was an enormous backlog of miserable couples aching to be set free. They’ve declined since then in large part because of no more backlog. And probably also because kids are marrying later and with more experience. Why did the laws change? Was that a symptom or a cure? I don’t want to hijack the thread, but a bit of a digression: what actually IS the point of marriage anymore? I’ve never been one to argue that the left is “destroying” or “redefining” marriage, but if you don’t need to be married to have sex, to live together, to have children together, to own property together, and even if you are married, you can get out of it like getting out of an apartment lease, what real purpose does it serve? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/70 "2019-03-13T22:07:21Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > I don’t want to hijack the thread, but a bit of a digression: what actually IS the point of marriage anymore? I’ve never been one to argue that the left is “destroying” or “redefining” marriage, but if you don’t need to be married to have sex, to live together, to have children together, to own property together, and even if you are married, you can get out of it like getting out of an apartment lease, what real purpose does it serve? Marriage is a convenient way to designate a next-of-kin for those of us with few family left. Much cheaper than drawing up equivalent documentation with a lawyer. It can simplify some inheritance matters. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/71 "2019-03-13T22:26:07Z")
Inheritance, yes, also decision-making authority if you’re incapacitated or unavailable. In polyamory circles, there’s a concept of a “nesting partner,” the person you share a household with and share long-term practical decision-making authority, etc. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/72 "2019-03-13T23:07:36Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Why did the laws change? Was that a symptom or a cure? A cure. I don’t know about the USA, but I suspect it wasn’t massively different. In France, people would set up situations that would allow divorce. For instance, the husband would rent a room in a hotel for himself and his mistress, and the wife would show up with witnesses so that adultery could be established and divorce pronounced. Plenty of people were unhappy, or even extremely unhappy with their marriage and wanted out. Being able to got it out of it simply because both wanted it was a progress. You can’t really expect two 20 yo to know what they really want. Being able to put an end to a mismatched marriage (for sex related reasons or any other reason) is a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903/73 "2019-03-13T23:11:14Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Why did the laws change? Was that a symptom or a cure? > > I don’t want to hijack the thread, but a bit of a digression: what actually IS the point of marriage anymore? I’ve never been one to argue that the left is “destroying” or “redefining” marriage, but if you don’t need to be married to have sex, to live together, to have children together, to own property together, and even if you are married, you can get out of it like getting out of an apartment lease, what real purpose does it serve? Health insurance. And my wife and I both wanted a public declaration that we are a permanent couple. That’s marriage. Under different circumstances I may make a different decision. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity-in-teen-years/830903.md?page=3)