# Losing virginity **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758 "2004-10-29T00:03:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![alterego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@alterego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alterego)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/21 "2004-10-29T01:32:15Z")
It would be extra-ordinarily cool of you to buy the condoms for him. “hey good going buddy!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/22 "2004-10-29T01:46:43Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Really, the only logical conclusion you’re saying is that nobody should have sex unless they’re fully capable of bringing up a resultant child. Pretty out there, isn’t it? That people should be responsible for the potential consequences of their actions. What’ll they think of next?! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sensualips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7c8e57/32.png) [@Sensualips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sensualips)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/23 "2004-10-29T01:57:03Z")
I am allowing my son to see everything you are posting here. This way he is getting the benefit of all sides. So far he has enjoyed all of it and we have had a good time. We also discussed some of the consequences. I am a very proud mother at this very moment. AND a very proud Doper. He has decided to wait a while longer to have sex with her. He really doesn’t know her that well and is in no rush to hurt anyone. He still has feelings for another girl he dated a year ago and thinks he should at least give this girl the chance to override those feelings. I am so proud… 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/24 "2004-10-29T01:57:59Z")
> [@Sensualips](#): > > I thought the title might attract the guys to this. :smack: And this would just happen to be the first thread I open when I entered MPSIMS this morning. :o ☹ Are we really that predictable? Yeah, its weird that he told you. I would never tell my parents about any of my sexual endeavours. (Ughhh… do we have a smiley for _grossed-out_?) But maybe he’s got some questions for you later? Or he could just be gloating. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/25 "2004-10-29T02:00:25Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Really, the only logical conclusion you’re saying is that nobody should have sex unless they’re fully capable of bringing up a resultant child. Well, what is the alternative here? That the mom help him support the child? Isn’t she entitled to at least _ask_ what would happen if the girl were to get pregnant and keep the child? It _is_ a possibility. Would he quit school? Would he get a part time job? Would he expect his mom to help him out? Is this a discussion that you feel that she _should not_ be able to have with her son? ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/26 "2004-10-29T02:06:51Z")
> [@Sensualips](#): > > . But I don’t know what a man would say to him. Other than “hey good going buddy!”…yeckkkkkk Apart from the obvious speech about condoms, etc…, I would tell him not to expect too much. The likehood that he’ll screw up on the first time is quite high. It might not be as fulfilling as he could expect, nor for him, nor for her. And if such is the case, not to worry about it (we guys tend to worry a lot about our failures, especially when we were totally unexperienced). I know that some people had great “first time”, but it seems to be the exception rather than the norm. I would also remind him to stop whatever he’s doing if he or she doesn’t feel anymore like having sex, just in case it wouldn’t be obvious. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/27 "2004-10-29T02:09:14Z")
> [@Soapbox Monkey](#): > > You people are actually suggesting that she buy the condoms _for him_!? > > Jesus Christ! If he is afraid of a little embarrassment at the pharmacy, the kid is not ready to have sex. It shouldn’t be mommy’s job to get her son contraceptives. :rolleyes: You’re right in theory, but I think it’s better to have the condoms provided by mom or dad than not buying them out of embarassment and having sex anyway (which is always a possibility). ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/28 "2004-10-29T02:11:49Z")
**Sensuallips** , I think everyone’s given the best advice you can get. Just let him know you’re there for him, and wish him good luck with the girl. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Oat1957](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Oat1957](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oat1957)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/29 "2004-10-29T02:19:28Z")
Good for you that your son will talk to you about this. When my 17 year old son got a steady GF I asked him about birth control and he told me he was pulling out. :smack: I went to Planned Parenthood and they gave me half of a brown grocery bag of condoms. I dropped 10 bucks into the donation jar and it was the best 10 bucks I ever spent. Now several years later they have a beautiful daughter named Abegail and I have a grandchild to spoil. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/30 "2004-10-29T02:24:14Z")
> [@Garfield226](#): > > Pretty out there, isn’t it? That people should be responsible for the potential consequences of their actions. What’ll they think of next? Sure!!! I drive a car…if the brakes fail, and I hit somebody, I’m a murderer!! What could be fairer than that!!! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/31 "2004-10-29T02:24:52Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Apart from the obvious speech about condoms, etc…, I would tell him not to expect too much. The likehood that he’ll screw up on the first time is quite high. It might not be as fulfilling as he could expect, nor for him, nor for her. And if such is the case, not to worry about it (we guys tend to worry a lot about our failures, especially when we were totally unexperienced). I know that some people had great “first time”, but it seems to be the exception rather than the norm. Do **not** tell him this! It’s of course absolutely true, but it’s also just going to add to any worry or pressure he’s already putting on himself. Not to mention the fact that, no matter how cool your relationship is, you’re still his mother. No one wants their mother telling them “it’s OK if you blow your load too early, dear” right before they have sex for the first time. Come to think of it, no one wants to hear that ever. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/32 "2004-10-29T02:30:58Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > You can also make sure that your 16-year-old child has all of the knowledge at his fingertips (no pun intended) about the proper use of condoms. . Oh, yes, sure. Condoms do break, especially if not used properly (how to use them properly is clearly explained with drawings in the package). It’s not that rare. So indeed tell him not to overlook the proper handling of condoms just because it seems so obvious. Did I mention he should not put too much in this, be ready to all sorts of failures and not to worry about them? It’s worth repeating, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/33 "2004-10-29T02:35:34Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Sure!!! I drive a car…if the brakes fail, and I hit somebody, I’m a murderer!! What could be fairer than that!!! No, but hopefully you’ve planned for that chance by 1. Having working brakes on your car and 1. Carrying insurance. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/34 "2004-10-29T02:37:26Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > Well, what is the alternative here? That the mom help him support the child? Isn’t she entitled to at least _ask_ what would happen if the girl were to get pregnant and keep the child? It _is_ a possibility. Would he quit school? Would he get a part time job? Would he expect his mom to help him out? Is this a discussion that you feel that she _should not_ be able to have with her son? No, my question was not whether she should ever have a discussion, rather should she feel compelled to have such a discussion every time he has sex (and by extrapolation you expect every parent to enforce the same discussion? or if not why not?) ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/35 "2004-10-29T02:39:10Z")
> [@Garfield226](#): > > 1. Having working brakes on your car They’re called ‘condoms’. Brakes fail. (I’ve been there, duhhh, read the thread) > [@](#): > > Carrying insurance. Oh yeah, that widely-touted ‘unexpected pregnancy’ insurance. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/36 "2004-10-29T02:43:03Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Do **not** tell him this! It’s of course absolutely true, but it’s also just going to add to any worry or pressure he’s already putting on himself. Too late, since apparently he’s reading the thread. Anyway, I think that if he’s worrying a lot, it even more of a Not to mention the fact that, no matter how cool your relationship is, you’re still his mother. No one wants their mother telling them “it’s OK if you blow your load too early, dear” right before they have sex for the first time. Come to think of it, no one wants to hear that ever. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/37 "2004-10-29T02:45:30Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > They’re called ‘condoms’. Brakes fail. (I’ve been there, duhhh, read the thread) Yes, and if your brakes fail and you hit someone, you get a ticket for faulty equipment on your car (sometimes) and you hopefully have insurance to cover any damage to another person’s property or any injuries you might cause. In other words, you don’t rely 100% on your brakes to work, you take the chance that they might fail, and you prepare for that, "just in case. " You’re the one who made the analogy, I’m sorry if it’s more applicable than you originally anticipated. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/38 "2004-10-29T02:47:48Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Sure!!! I drive a car…if the brakes fail, and I hit somebody, I’m a murderer!! What could be fairer than that!!! You drive a car, and you make sure you have insurance. You drive a car that is in good repair, or at least don’t drive a car that you _know_ has failing brakes. That’s your plan to responsible if (God Forbid) something happens. You don’t get into a car with no insurance, or is ready to fall apart, and then act as if it’s beyond unreasonable for someone to ask you what you’ll do if you get into an accident. > [@](#): > > No, my question was not whether she should ever have a discussion, rather should she feel compelled to have such a discussion every time he has sex (and by extrapolation you expect every parent to enforce the same discussion? or if not why not?) Not _every_ time. Where did you get that? But this is his _first_ time, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to want to know what he would do if he became a daddy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her finding out what his “plan” is, or if he even has one. It’s not unreasonable to ask him how he’d deal with that, is it? Especially since she (his mom) is still legally responsible for him? Is it unreasonable for _any_ parent to find out what their (minor) child has planned? After all, if their kid gets someone pregnant (or gets pregnant) the parent may very well (probably very likely) be expected to be involved in the support of the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/39 "2004-10-29T02:57:29Z")
My brother had a similar discussion with his son, and his best advice was, make sure the girl doesn’t look back on this night as a bad thing years from now. Not sure what kind of talk he had with his daughter a few years later… ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758/40 "2004-10-29T03:11:55Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Do **not** tell him this! It’s of course absolutely true, but it’s also just going to add to any worry or pressure he’s already putting on himself. Too late, since apparently he’s reading the thread. Besides, if he’s worrying a lot, I think it’s even more of a reason to tell him. It’s better to know these problems are very common the first time and that’s it’s no big deal. Personnally I felt horrible for…let’s say coming quite quickly…the first time (the fact that I had prepared myself for this special occurence by not masturbating for some time obviously didn’t help). I didn’t dare to try again on that night and was very anxious the following times. If he’s expecting a major firework for both of them, he could be very dissapointed if he has some sort of issue, or if his gf doesn’t enjoy it, etc… He should know that yes, it’s very possible, and even likely. And that’s it’s no big deal. They always can revert to some other practices he probably knows about, or wait a moment, relax and try again, and that anyway it will likely be better in the future, when they’ll be less stressed, became accustomed to one another, etc… > [@](#): > > Not to mention the fact that, no matter how cool your relationship is, you’re still his mother. No one wants their mother telling them “it’s OK if you blow your load too early, dear” right before they have sex for the first time. > > Come to think of it, no one wants to hear that ever. She asked what I would tell him as a man, not what she should tell him as a mother. And I would tell him exactly that. And I would have prefered that someone would have told me so. I would have felt better when it actually happened. And wouldn’t have blown the issue out of proportion. Mom told us he’s a bright guy. Bright guys don’t fear the truth. Some perspective isn’t a bad thing. Besides, as you said, he’s probably already worrying about his “performance”. Most probably way more than he should. Better let him know that if it turns out to be less satisfying than he/they expect, they’ll just be experiencing what the wide majority of us experienced the first time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/losing-virginity/271758.md?page=3)