# Lost my Dad today. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690 "2016-04-20T00:40:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/1 "2016-04-20T00:40:05Z")
My father passed away today. Two weeks ago he had been cleared for a heart valve replacement surgery, scheduled for this morning. Then, over last weekend, he began having pain in his groin, which his cardiologist gave him some Percocet. Yesterday, he complained of lightheadedness, so my sister took him to the ER of the hospital where the surgery was scheduled. While there, he collapsed, and his BP crashed. He recovered some when they administered vasopressors, so they decided to just admit him early so he could be rested for the 7:30 a.m. procedure. During the night, when the nursing staff began to turn him to a more comfortable position, his BP crashed again, and his abdomen began distending. When my sister arrived at 0530, they had been administering vasopressors for some time; they also gave him two units of blood. This was of only marginal utility; he was NOT going to stabilize enough for the heart surgery, so they cancelled that. At about 7:30, they told her that she should have us all come ASAP. I reached the hospital a little after 9, and a doctor was explaining to my sister and brothers that they could do an MRI to try to diagnose the cause of the blood loss, but he wouldn’t likely stabilize enough to do anything about it, even if they discovered anything. We called my sister in Michigan (who has his DPOA), and she agreed with the recommended course, which was to put one last bag of vasopressors into his PIC line, to give another brother, sister, and a couple of his grandkids time to get there for goodbyes, then discontinue the attempts to raise his BP, and start some morphine to keep him comfortable. That took place at 10:35. At 11:15, the nurse at the telemetry station came in to notify us that his vitals had stopped and at 11:45 the charge nurse came in to perform the final physical examination and call the time of death. Dad had been married to Mom from 1951 to 2009, when she passed. We had been worried at the time that he wouldn’t do well without her and might fail rapidly, but, he rallied remarkably. He joined a bereavement group, and began volunteering at the Hospice that had supported Mom during her final days, becoming an indispensable part of the office team (I picked him up to take him to lunch last week, and I saw some dated charts showing vast improvement in their KPIs during the past few months). He also became the virtual leader of the bereavement group. Services will be scheduled early next week, when his kids and grandkids are all able to gather from as far away as Ukraine. Thanks for letting me ramble. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/2 "2016-04-20T00:43:54Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **kaylasdad**. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/3 "2016-04-20T00:47:31Z")
My heart-felt tears. um…don’t know what to say beyond that - other than hugs. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/4 "2016-04-20T00:50:52Z")
Losing a parent is hard. My condolences. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/5 "2016-04-20T00:54:27Z")
You have our thoughts and prayers in your time of bereavement. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/6 "2016-04-20T01:04:35Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss, May he rest in peace and may your memories give you comfort. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/7 "2016-04-20T01:08:06Z")
So sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself and family. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/8 "2016-04-20T01:17:18Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Thanks for letting me ramble. Ramble all you want. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/9 "2016-04-20T02:52:47Z")
I’m so very sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/10 "2016-04-20T02:55:30Z")
So sorry for your loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/11 "2016-04-20T03:43:20Z")
I’m so sorry. Your dad sounds very special and like someone who made a difference for a lot of people. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/12 "2016-04-20T03:47:36Z")
What they said. I’m half-expecting the call on mine any day now. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/13 "2016-04-20T03:49:55Z")
I’m sorry. I wish you peace and comfort. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/14 "2016-04-20T03:52:10Z")
Thank you all for your kind words. > [@Cabin\_Fever](#): > > Ramble all you want. 🙂 Thanks. I’ma pass the mic to my little sister for a sec. While I no longer share many of the metaphysical beliefs of my sister and our parents, every word she wrote is true. > [@kaylasauntie](#): > > Family is everything. Today our earthly family shrank a lot with the passing of our Papa. I am so grateful for the tremendous love my mom and dad had for each other that, by God’s generous grace, loved each of my sisters and brothers and I into existence. Papa took his last earthly breath this afternoon (this morning, California time). He was surrounded by as many of his children as could be there. (I did not get to be one of them.) The intensive care unit is ordinarily limited to two visitors at a time, but Papa was no ordinary man. I suspect that one point there were probably ten or more people keeping vigil with him. Tonight he and mom are no doubt enjoying a candlelight dinner, to be followed by dancing with [_their best friends_]. > > Our hearts ache that Papa will never again be on the other end of the telephone line, Skype, or wrapping us up in one of his exuberant, yet sometimes crushing, bear hugs. He was always ready to cheer others. After Mom went home to God in 2009, Papa was like a boat without an anchor. He found new meaning, direction, and purpose in life by volunteering with Torrance Memorial Hospice and bereavement support. He worked every day he was able, always looking forward to “going to work” supporting the patients, their families, and the bereaved served by TMMC. He welcomed strangers at his table and gave them shelter in his home. He visited the sick and clothed the naked. He lived Matthew 25 well. > > We do not know why today was the day God chose to welcome Papa into His loving arms and eternal life, but trust that God most certainly knows what God is doing. Papa was proud as punch of each of his kids. The lives we live from this point forward, and the grace and dignity we bring to the people we meet and relationships we enjoy will be a lasting tribute to that first love of [**kaylasgrandpa and kaylasgrandma**] ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/15 "2016-04-20T03:56:59Z")
Oh, I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/16 "2016-04-20T10:58:14Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Thank you all for your kind words. > Thanks. I’ma pass the mic to my little sister for a sec. While I no longer share many of the metaphysical beliefs of my sister and our parents, every word she wrote is true. That is an awesome tribute. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/17 "2016-04-20T11:52:05Z")
My condolences. It’s never easy losing a parent. All my best wishes for you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/18 "2016-04-20T11:55:25Z")
Thank you for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/19 "2016-04-20T12:08:57Z")
Your sister has a way with words. My sincere condolences on your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690/20 "2016-04-20T12:16:41Z")
My sincere condolences on your loss. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lost-my-dad-today/752690.md?page=2)