# LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 14, 2005, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438 "2005-03-14T08:53:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/1 "2005-03-14T08:53:16Z")
The title says it all - summarise a novel, any novel {OK, or a play or poem} in limerick form. _The Lord Of The Rings_ Young halfling, get rid of that Ring Bewitching, malevolent thing! Dwarves, wizardly ken Elves, Hobbits and Men Lent a hand {and enthroned the True King}. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/2 "2005-03-14T09:36:19Z")
I’m no good at limericks. But I’m okay at haiku, so here’s a couple: - Indiana Jones, Seeker of lost treasures Watch out for Nazis Rudy wants to play Too small for Irish football But the kid’s got heart Machines run the world But Neo is the one who Will free humanity Hey, Look! An Iceberg! Kate Winslet has nice boobies DiCaprio dies \* The extremely random and esoteric bonus movie: \* Take to the hills, kids The Russians have invaded No more school today\* ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/3 "2005-03-14T09:45:05Z")
> [@picker](#): > > I’m no good at limericks. But I’m okay at haiku, so here’s a couple: No! I should have specified in the OP: NO haikus in this thread! _Any_ fool can write them. Limericks only! This has been a public service announcement brought to you on behalf of rhyme, rhythm and meter. Normal service will now resume. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/4 "2005-03-14T09:46:27Z")
Oh yeah, and the bonus was _Red Dawn_. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/5 "2005-03-14T10:01:57Z")
Sorry. \* A serial killer named Gumb Turned out to be pretty dumb Starling and Hannibal, Agent and cannibal Soon had him under their thumb. \* ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/6 "2005-03-14T12:46:30Z")
A telemachy artist named Dedalus Spent whole chapters inside of his headalus A jewanderer named Bloom Tried to rent him a room With a view of his wife Molly’s bedalus. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/7 "2005-03-14T14:14:55Z")
Let’s see if I remember the details correctly… _007 hooked up with a gal, And worked with his CIA pal, To catch a Russian defector, Now working for SPECTRE, While at the Casino Royale._ ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/8 "2005-03-14T16:28:01Z")
Because I’m in a French lit-y mood: _A prostitute named Butterball Wouldn’t sleep with the Prussians at all. Said one haughty dame, “She cries because of her shame,” while pretending to be appall’_ ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/9 "2005-03-14T16:38:58Z")
A fool will bring up the Templars, And ways we relate to the stars. An innocent notion Will swing into motion Things possibly linked to Cathars. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/10 "2005-03-14T17:28:16Z")
The Captain stood up on his peg “A whale has made off with my leg! I must have his head before I am dead!” Alas! Twas the end of Queequeg. Say, do we need spoiler warnings here? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/11 "2005-03-14T20:12:57Z")
Seldon created a myst’ry Based on his work psychohis’try Terminus abided Till dark ages subsided And Trantor was left all Blis’try This is fun, I’ll probably do more later. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/12 "2005-03-14T20:36:56Z")
Election by Tom Perrotta: A high school teacher whose friend was a knob, Schemed behind the election to rob The goody-girl slut. But when teach did rut His friend’s ex, he lost wife, home, and job. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/13 "2005-03-14T20:44:58Z")
Louis Wu saw a wonderous thing A star with a habitable ring Three million miles wide A hell of a ride But off it they eventually did fling! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/14 "2005-03-14T20:47:18Z")
He was a good little feller’ Tracker, protector, and smeller. Till he had to be shot for rabies he’d got And that was the end of Old Yeller. In Boston this book was banned Preachers said the book couldn’t stand It was pure smut Fanny Hill was a smut. “You’re telling me!” said John Cleland. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/15 "2005-03-14T22:40:20Z")
Said Major, "We’re tired of these gigs, We’ll take over the farm, get new digs! Revolution erupted The swine were corrupted 'Til you couldn’t tell humans from pigs ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/16 "2005-03-14T22:55:10Z")
These docs are the Pros from Dover, Who are better with bones than Rover. With friends like ‘Me Lay’, ‘Painless Pole’, and, hey, With them you’ll be rolling in clover. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/17 "2005-03-14T23:24:33Z")
Cthulhu came out of the blue To enslave and/or eat me and you. Ere long the Great Old Ones Will hoist a few cold ones While dining on humanoid stew. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/18 "2005-03-14T23:50:50Z")
## Guy Montag was tired of fire lightin’ Cuz firemen should be out firefightin’ He took leave of those nasties Became Ecclesiastes With some outcasts who memorized writin’ Ford Prefect and old Arthur Dent Hitchiking with Vogons they went The big answer, turns out: 42. No doubt! For what question was that answer meant? ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/19 "2005-03-15T00:05:06Z")
Raskolnikov picked up an axe, And gave two dames forty whacks; Said he, “It’s depressing, And I’ll be confessing, It’s all about violence and sax.” ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/20 "2005-03-15T00:05:45Z")
Some terrorists in search of a buck Run a brand new skyscraper amok A cop not from LA with no shoes saves the day Yipee-ka-yay, mutherfuck! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=2)