# LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 14, 2005, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438 "2005-03-14T08:53:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/21 "2005-03-15T00:15:07Z")
The Compson kin hardly are pure, With obsessions well past any cure: Benjy moans Caddy’s name, his bros wallow in shame, and all Dilsey can do is endure. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/22 "2005-03-15T00:17:04Z")
Uh. I was clearly going for the novelization of _Die Hard_. [sub]slinks off to write “I will actually read the OP” 100 times.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/23 "2005-03-15T00:23:44Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > Uh. I was clearly going for the novelization of _Die Hard_. > > [sub]slinks off to write “I will actually read the OP” 100 times.[/sub] Ask and ye shall [recieve.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0804102295/qid=1110847267/sr=8-4/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i4_xgl14/103-4922026-8854242?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/24 "2005-03-15T00:26:15Z")
Roger Ackroyd’s dead as a doornail, But Poirot’s instincts are without fail. In this ingenious thriller We discover the killer Is the one who is telling the tale! ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/25 "2005-03-15T00:37:32Z")
Wilbur the swine wasn’t big on headlining the dinnertime gig. An _N. domiciliorum_ said “Fern, don’t ignore 'im: that _sus scrofa_ is really Some Pig.” ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/26 "2005-03-15T00:39:08Z")
His childhood the army would steal As he trained for the coming ordeal 'Gainst an alien plot He avoided the thought That this game was disturbingly real. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/27 "2005-03-15T00:56:53Z")
Bigwig and Hazel and Fiver had skills like Crusoe and McGuyver. With the help of a seagull they unleashed the beagle. But did General Woundwort survive her? ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/28 "2005-03-15T01:04:14Z")
Adam Trask had a servent named Lee An evil whore was his pretty wife Cathy His good pal named Samual Was wise as a camel Read Genesis- it’s really the same thin’ Cervantes was caught by the Spaniards They threw him in jail, those bastards! He cunningly made Don Quixote a play I don’t think he ever said “bean curd” ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/29 "2005-03-15T01:21:24Z")
Poor Humbert, who feigned love for Charlotte, when she dies makes her daughter a harlot. But alas he’s found guilty of shooting old Quilty for making the nymphette a starlet. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/30 "2005-03-15T01:46:30Z")
Norrell’s library: quite camoflagic Strange’s marriage: turned suddenly tragic She’s a gentleman’s _cherie_ (And now Black’s king of Faerie) The return of ye olde English magic? ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/31 "2005-03-15T01:47:23Z")
**Case Sensitive** , obviously you have found my weakness – classic literature combined with lowbrow verse – the best of both worlds! I’ve enjoyed all the posts so far, especially **Gorsnak** ’s Moby Dick, **NoPretentiousCodename** ’s Animal Farm, and **ArchiveGuy** ’s The Sound and the Fury. One more before I retire for the day… Jake Barnes, that nutless guerrero, lost his love to a handsome torero. His final regret is he could have had Brett if he were, shall we say, mas entero. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/32 "2005-03-15T01:51:35Z")
A hack sci-fi writer named Trout, Shows Dwane Hoovler what life is about. Creeks pestilential… Hotels existential… And when the lithium’s gone, watch out! Young Wagstaff and Chworktap the 'bot Flew the _Hwang Ho_ to every spot He’d ask natives “Why Do we all suffer and die?” Till Old Bingo’s burped answer: “Why not?” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/33 "2005-03-15T02:50:17Z")
Winston Smith’s rebel acts weren’t deluxe – Furtive thoughtcrime, occasional fucks – Yet in Big Brother’s slammer He came under the hammer Oceanian life really sucks! ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/34 "2005-03-15T03:26:45Z")
After Lady Door’s strong assertion: “The Old Firm’s attempting coercion!” Dick finds out the hard way Trapped Below with no say And (worse?) he’s just Neil’s self-insertion. Becky’s scaled up to Vanity Fair With just bluffs and a capable air Rawdon’s off on campaign She falls out with Lord Steyne Jos Sedley, my good man, beware! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/35 "2005-03-15T03:46:20Z")
A few hundred people in Russia Periodically invaded Prussia And morons and sages filled the next thousand pages And it’s not easy to summarize this so you husha! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/36 "2005-03-15T03:48:48Z")
The Ithikan sailor Ulysses couldn’t tell just where Greece is According to Homer He was quite a roamer He just wanted to get back to the missus. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/37 "2005-03-15T03:58:27Z")
There was a new professor at the university, Ms. Christina Bright by name. She insisted that her students call her Ms. Bright, but her friends on the faculty simply called her “C.”\* It was rumored amongst the students that she was involved in a hush-hush government project, but when asked about it she always said “It’s a Time Machine!” Everyone laughed, because everyone knew that time travel was impossible. Little did they know… Oh, wait. Make a _ **novel** _ into a _ **limerick** _ . . . never mind. - There’s a possible pun here regarding traveling faster than C, and another M. C. and her carpentry tools, but I’ll let both pass. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/38 "2005-03-15T05:25:31Z")
Van’s dad had an estate and he ran it Van could diddle Jess, Kim, Blanche, and Janet But not Ada, his sister In floramors, how he missed her And some say it was all a new planet. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/39 "2005-03-15T07:38:40Z")
{With _deepest_ apologies to **Qagdop the Mercotan** } J.R.R. Tolkien’s nit-picking son Published everything Dad left half-done With Daddy’s’ waste-basket His manuscript casket Well, they’re **QtM** ’s idea of fun ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/40 "2005-03-15T12:09:44Z")
There once was a Civil War nurse who wrote scandalous chapters of verse. Never done with his edits, he coudn’t put it to bed, it’s a shame… the book kept getting worse! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=3)