# LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 14, 2005, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438 "2005-03-14T08:53:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/41 "2005-03-15T12:29:52Z")
Did Slothrop’s ejaculation Guide the V-2’s orientation? Each sex act he commits Is a strike in the Blitz …But correlation does not mean causation. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/42 "2005-03-15T13:07:26Z")
“Please, sir, will you draw me a sheep?” “Sorry, son, I’ve appointments to keep.” “Then let’s walk to the well where the stars laugh like bells.” Little Prince, how sweetly you sleep! ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/43 "2005-03-15T13:38:57Z")
It was called Bonfires of the Vanities It was praised in numerous punditries They made it into a pic Which made people sick That it was filled with such mindless inanities ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/44 "2005-03-15T13:59:00Z")
In homage of Dashiell Hammett O’Shannesy, Gutman, Cario and Spade searched for a bird for which money would be paid But the bird was faux and they got no dough Still, it was a thing of which dreams are made ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/45 "2005-03-15T14:45:24Z")
House Atreides took over dune Harkonnen attacked them, but soon Shai Ulud were all tamed The Melenge was all claimed Led by some dude named after a moon. * * * Man’s Empire was about to burst Hari Seldon prepared for the worst A Clairvoyant foundation Would nurture a nation Lasting longer, indeed, than the first * * * “This whole Wheel of Time thing’s a mess When and how will it end? Care to guess? In the next book, by chance Think the plot will advance?” She said as she straightened her dress ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/46 "2005-03-15T16:44:38Z")
I wish this thread title didn’t begin with “LOTR”. There are several dopers who I thought would gravitate here, and who would have great fun with it, but who I’m not seeing. I wonder if while browsing titles they didn’t get past “LOTR Limerick Smackdown”. Anyhoo… one more before lunch: A handsome young fellow named Jay, from the Midwest, out old Frisco way, spent all of his money, never did get his honey, and was shot in his pool at mid-day. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/47 "2005-03-15T17:06:37Z")
Dr. Seuss wrote Mooney, Marvin K. About a boy that wouldn’t go away. The tale’s told too late The world’s post-Watergate. And the book’s about Nixon. _Oy vey!_ ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/48 "2005-03-15T17:26:29Z")
Ode to Scarlet A character in a tome by Margaret Mitchell Got married as if it were ritual In a war that was civil And not the least bit trivil She continued on as a bitchel ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/49 "2005-03-15T17:50:59Z")
Dave Bowman and Frank Poole, his pal Flew _Discovery_ to Saturn’s locale Where the Monolith did lurk, The AI went berserk “Please open the pod bay doors, HAL”. Yes, I said Saturn. This is the novel, not the movie. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/50 "2005-03-15T18:51:25Z")
## Ender’s mind was unusually keen And the games he endured were quite mean Though his shadow loomed large And he remained in charge The saga’s true hero is Bean An unhinged-in-time life I s’pose Brought Billy Pilgrim highs and lows Went to Tralfamador Lived through Dresden and more Foresaw his own death. So it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/51 "2005-03-15T19:34:58Z")
Sam Clemens and Sir Richard Burton On Riverworld found mankind’s souls hurtin’ Richard cut his own throat And Sam built riverboat To free mankind 'fore final curtain! At Tabard, towards Canterbury A pilgrim need not be too wary There’s drinking and glories And filthy, raw stories And roast Chanticleer, so no worries! A Confederate soldier named John To Martian Barsoom once was drawn He fought green and red warri’s And wed Dejah Thoris And then fixed machines for oxygen! A bi-polar young Seymour Glass At the beach, took one final pass He bummed out some children His own courage was buildin’ To pop a cap on his own ass! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/52 "2005-03-15T19:38:35Z")
There once was a traveller who’d seen a lot; From one side of the 'verse to the other he’d fought Then one day he decided In the past there resided The mom who he always felt was really hot. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/53 "2005-03-15T20:50:51Z")
A frustrated bank clerk called Possum said of fixed rhyme and meter, “Let’s toss 'em!” His marriage turned bad and his best friend went mad, but the Beats thought “The Wasteland” was awesome! A lumbering loser named Loman (much less of a salesman than showman) had no title or lands, yet our playwright demands that attention be paid to the yeoman. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/54 "2005-03-15T21:19:23Z")
Scarlett always wanted to get Ashley ensnared in her net Yet when Melanie died “I don’t want him” she cried “I don’t give a damn” said Rhett. Rosemary, I thnk you’ve been had. Moved into a place that was bad. When you had a baby Did you realized that maybe He’d be a devil of a lad. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/55 "2005-03-15T23:00:57Z")
There once was a gonzo reporter who, on the advice of his lawyer, said, “To hell with the race, let’s smash up the place!” like a drugged-up Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/56 "2005-03-16T03:20:55Z")
Ok, you’ve had 4.5 hours to jump in, but since no one has, I’ll be a thread hog… Some lads who escaped from the Gerries were surviving on roast pork and berries til Jack painted his face and burned down the place. “Fun and games?” the young officer queries. First a tribe, and then slaves, then a nation. Then the exile, and then restoration. Then the Christ came (some say) and will be back one day. Perhaps he’ll explain Revelation. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/57 "2005-03-16T03:29:36Z")
Agammemnon affronted Achilles Who sulked in his tent – the big silly! Hector slaughtered his “friend” And thus sealed his own end – You don’t come 'tween a Greek and his filly! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/58 "2005-03-16T03:34:01Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > First a tribe, and then slaves, then a nation. > Then the exile, and then restoration. > Then the Christ came (some say) > and will be back one day. > Perhaps he’ll explain Revelation. Sweet! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/59 "2005-03-16T03:38:24Z")
Oedipus and Jocasta would pucker And out of her clothes he would shuck 'er 'Till he got a surprise And he gouged out his eyes, The pitiful, sad, Freudian archetype! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/60 "2005-03-16T05:22:04Z")
Pap got drunk, and Huck Finn ran away Jim wouldn’t be sold, 'druther stray Watson’s will set Jim free And Huck’s Pap – R.I.P.! Waste of time? Not if Twain made it pay! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=4)