# LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 14, 2005, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438 "2005-03-14T08:53:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/61 "2005-03-16T06:26:13Z")
There once were two sirs, Mason, Dixon, Who looked at some borders needin fixin’, Thru wars, tea, and ale, Their friendship won’t fail, But reality gets a good mixin’. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/62 "2005-03-16T12:07:23Z")
They thought little Lucy was barmy. Now they lead a chimerical army. Just when things are most tragic, behold!, deeper magic. The moral? Even death cannot harm me. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/63 "2005-03-16T14:44:55Z")
## A magical nickel to wish on Grants half wishes–a tricky condition The four kids learned it’s nice to make every wish twice And to employ wit, pluck and volition When their dad left Four Murry tots A big tesseract filled his thoughts Soon the children all knew Which and Whatsit and Who And would battle IT on Camazotz ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/64 "2005-03-16T17:18:35Z")
With his charmed life, the young infant Potter Survived nasty Voldemort’s slaughter Just as Sybill foretold; But how would it have go’ed Had Lily and James had a daughter? ---
**Author:** ![wampeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wampeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wampeter)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/65 "2005-03-16T18:56:25Z")
There once was a young orphan named Pip Whose dream was to become hip He loved young Estella She snubbed the poor fella Magwitch his benefactor? What a trip! ---
**Author:** ![Brahm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Brahm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brahm)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/66 "2005-03-16T19:28:48Z")
The “Way of Bushido’s” summation Defied the changing of a nation we come to find out through hollywood no doubt The Last Samurai’s a stoopid caucasian ---
**Author:** ![wampeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wampeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wampeter)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/67 "2005-03-16T19:34:13Z")
King Lear seemed to be an old tool Who told him the truth? His old fool. Banished daughter Cordelia Started acting peculia’ Sat down and chatted with an old stool. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/68 "2005-03-16T20:17:43Z")
That old _Art of War_ of Sun Tzu’s The Gen’rals and CEOs choose But the portion that counts As advice just amounts To this tidbit: “Remember, don’t lose.” ---
**Author:** ![Scarface\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Scarface\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarface_Z)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/69 "2005-03-16T20:24:44Z")
Yossarian refuses to fly Because he’s afraid he’ll die Everyone is crazy And the law is quite hazy But hooray! Orr didn’t die! There once was a red-crosse knight Who for the parents of Una did fight A dragon he battled ‘Til it gave its death rattle And cured their terrible plight. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/70 "2005-03-16T20:36:00Z")
With the Civil War draft getting hotter Mr. Clemens lights out for Nevada where his stint as a miner and a cruise on a liner get turned into lecture hall fodder. When a young girl gets lost in a mirror things seem to get queerer and queerer. Though it all seem a mess, it’s a neat game of chess. When she reaches square 8, let us cheer her! ---
**Author:** ![Scarface\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Scarface\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarface_Z)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/71 "2005-03-16T20:51:14Z")
By rescuing a boy from the fray An rich old man saves the day He was an ex-con Whose name was Valjean He died when his angel went away ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/72 "2005-03-16T20:54:48Z")
The jewels of the smith Feanor Were light that all Ea adored But Morgoth he took 'em 'Til Manwe said “book 'im” But their sight in most cases’s no more. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/73 "2005-03-16T22:21:54Z")
Bard Edward Abbey did float Down Glen Canyon in a tiny boat Then the man took it over And built a dam over Its Lake Powell, and that’s all she wrote. Louis was a somber bloodsucker He didn’t like to take in his supper With a gift he was cursed But by far the worst He was stuck with Lestat, that mean fucker. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/74 "2005-03-16T22:35:44Z")
The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger: Working for Anna Wintour, the Boss From Hell Inspired this poison kiss-and-tell: Catching pitches and fits And scoring silk cable-knits. Fashion interships sure are a hard sell! ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/75 "2005-03-17T01:11:51Z")
There once was an old wolf named Harry who never did mingle or marry. Pablo slips him a mickey. The girls give him a quickie. But it’s life, and not magic, that’s scary. Fred got shot. It was bad. He had pain. He improves. Falls in love. Takes a train. They get stuck. He escapes. Rows a boat. With his mate. People die. In the war. In the rain. ---
**Author:** ![Omphaloskeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bcef8e/32.png) [@Omphaloskeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omphaloskeptic)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/76 "2005-03-17T02:12:26Z")
> [@NoPretentiousCodename](#): > > “This whole Wheel of Time thing’s a mess > When and how will it end? Care to guess? > In the next book, by chance > Think the plot will advance?” > She said as she straightened her dress The Wheel of Time turns; and the Ages Come and go --well, so claim the sages. I’m not convinced, though; The Third Age won’t go Even though it’s been EIGHT THOUSAND PAGES. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/77 "2005-03-17T02:49:00Z")
Young Portnoy’s dad was uncaring And Mama was real overbearing He grew up successful (Career a bit stressful) And Monkey was iffy on sharing… ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/78 "2005-03-17T04:59:40Z")
Nice work, **Krokodil**. ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/79 "2005-03-17T05:40:16Z")
I don’t know what kind of limerick rules there are, but I’m ignoring them anyway. Young Humbert falls deeply in love With a gal not quite pure as a dove He winds up in jail Where soon ends his tale For his lady was only 'round twelve. (I see **Sample** already handled that one, but I couldn’t resist.) My state will be fine, with nary a doubt Said Plato (though others would pout) For I’ve got some notions To wipe out the emotions Of verse - sorry Homer, you’re out. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/80 "2005-03-17T06:13:14Z")
## Its the end of the world, choose your sages Captain Tripps spreads in numerous stages Randall Flagg spreads his seed Send the Four with due speed For a nuclear showdown in vegas An outer-space spider, I hear Takes the form of whatever you fear Kids gone without a trace Seen that sewer clown’s face Cause baby, we all float down here Omphaloskeptic… heheh… _snort_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=5)