# LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 14, 2005, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438 "2005-03-14T08:53:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/101 "2005-03-19T01:42:54Z")
Mr. Finn was a (technical) wizard Who devised a (mechanical) lizard. With his lover Louise They sailed over the seas And caused a (metaphorical) blizzard. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/102 "2005-03-19T03:18:14Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > Didn’t get your latest gem, **S the D**. Care to help? [The Purpose-Driven Life](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0310205719/qid=1111203116/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/102-6648869-5844919), by Reverend Rick Warren is a recent surprise best-seller, with sales driven largely by wildfire word-of-mouth raves among the Christian community. It’s a 40-day course in discovering the purpose of life through exploration of Biblical scripture. It has inspired countless reading groups and has become a touchstone for heart-to-heart evangelism. This month, a woman held hostage by fugitive killer Brian G. Nichols managed to “talk him down” and apparently allow himself to be captured after discussing her faith, and particularly this book and its theology. Her story, reported in newspapers and other media nationwide, has sparked a resurgence in sales. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/103 "2005-03-19T10:00:46Z")
I seem to be stuck with the Shakespearean tragedies. _Lese majeste_? Barbarian! Scots _parvenu_ vulgarian! Although she’s ambitious Eschew your wife’s wishes One tip: look up “caesarean” By the way, thanks to all for the fantastic input on this thread so far- one of the funniest and cleverest I’ve seen in - well, ever, and I think we owe ourselves a collective pat on the back: I _will_ get round to providing a complete bibliography of everything we’ve truncated, I promise {although some are still eluding me… thanks to whoever started not providing titles for theirs - a lovely touch, which added that element of “Oh, _I_ get it.” ---
**Author:** ![Peyton\_Farquhar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Peyton\_Farquhar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peyton_Farquhar)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/104 "2005-03-19T12:35:39Z")
A lady schoolteacher named Dunn Would take home strange men for her fun The lesson for sluts? Some bars contain nuts Just take Mr. Goodbar, for one If a man wants to act he should hire a Good teacher, though she may require a Student to deal With the question “what’s real?” Especially if her name is Myra The Amity beach crowd withdrew As the water turned redder than blue The season’s a dud Though the red’s only blood They think it’s red dye #2 ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/105 "2005-03-19T12:55:04Z")
Welcome on board, **Peyton Farquhar**. An auspicious debut, if I may say so. ---
**Author:** ![Peyton\_Farquhar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Peyton\_Farquhar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peyton_Farquhar)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/106 "2005-03-19T13:07:57Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Welcome on board, **Peyton Farquhar**. An auspicious debut, if I may say so. You may. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/107 "2005-03-19T15:00:08Z")
Those Gilead boys, for the fun of it, Fixed the banks so the girls would have none of it. Young Offred, I’m afraid, Must get laid to get paid, But says “Fuck this” and runs off to Nunavut. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/108 "2005-03-19T15:05:53Z")
Grace Marks a Canuck life has built Till her boss and his lass wind up kilt. She says he’d distressed her And her best friend possessed her; Goes to jail, gets out, then makes a quilt. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/109 "2005-03-19T15:39:36Z")
## Roughneck mobile infantry bucks Joined by Rico–a warrior deluxe Don’t say he looks cute In his mechanized suit (And the movie su-hu-hu-hu-hucks) In a U.S. controlled by Japan Wu is trinketized by one young man Hawthorne looked to the stars Saw the real world was ours Found his book under a German ban ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/110 "2005-03-19T20:16:59Z")
Sent to bed without dinner again, Max’s bad attitude is a sin! Took a dream boat, you see, To where Wild Things roam free And he Let The Wild Rumpus Begin! Ichabod, up the Hudson, we follow To Tareytown, and Sleepy Hollow I can buy “He’s a teacher” and the “Hot Heiress” feature But a ghost Horseman? Too much to swallow. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/111 "2005-03-19T20:33:44Z")
When Grendel grasp’d Heorot and rent it, a great Geat sailed off to defend it. First they had a fine feast, then he disarmed the beast. And when he said “Your mama!”… he meant it! ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/112 "2005-03-19T21:41:33Z")
This writer took a bad job in Paris Bad, but what’s really unfair is When he got back to London He tramped - causing bunions - And being down and out, was embarrassed. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/113 "2005-03-20T02:29:35Z")
(Not a novel - ‘novel’ is a socially contructed memetic trope - but staying with George Orwell…) Filled with radical socialist zeal Young Eric went to taste war for real. Swapping doss-house for trench Diff’rent people, same stench, He returned with less zeal but more real ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/114 "2005-03-20T04:38:34Z")
A mole in the jury. That’s wacky! “Care to purchase a verdict?” How tacky! But our mole takes both sides For a twelve-million ride In a lawsuit against big Tobacc-y ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/115 "2005-03-20T09:52:42Z")
Excellent, **NPC** - perfect summation of the book - and a rattling good read it was. Whereas _King of Torts_ was dire. Daughter and horse get hit by a truck. Mum and Dad aren’t having much luck. Back on the range, Things are most strange. Jesus heals all with a fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/116 "2005-03-20T18:56:53Z")
A young New York Catholic punk lives for basketball, ganja, and junk. Though he longs to be pure, prostitution’s no cure. (By the way… the movie was bunk!) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/117 "2005-03-21T04:52:22Z")
The Superflu brought so much pain, oh, And with evil a raging volcano Flagg’s triumph seemed certain Until King drew the curtain By pulling a _deus ex ano_ :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/118 "2005-03-21T05:10:58Z")
A handsome ex-soldier named Jay, Turned to crime and he made it pay. He took up with Daisy Her husband went crazy And Wilson then blew Jay away. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/119 "2005-03-21T05:52:57Z")
_deus ex ano_ is my new favorite phrase! Thanks, **BG**. And it reminds me of this book… When a deep-space ebola descends, the fate of the whole world depends on some guys underground who almost melt down. When the bug self destructs, the book ends. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438/120 "2005-03-21T06:34:12Z")
Hats off to the admirable Crichton For demystifying medieval fighting Despite the quantum travel The plot starts to unravel With characters colder than Triton [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lotr-limerick-smackdown-summarise-a-novel-in-a-limerick/294438.md?page=7)