# Lots of us ladies have been down this road before **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 19, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550 "2007-12-19T03:34:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/1 "2007-12-19T03:34:50Z")
the subject is: mysterious lumps in the female breast. disclaimer: anything i type from here on out is subject - and influenced - by the effects of a large bottle of faily decent merlot, most of which i have consumed. dear old doctor smith (a really pretty okay female doc that i now have as a GP) says i have a granular mass at 3 o’clock in the right breast. not the first time i’ve been there, as a matter of fact. yes, i went through this last year with another doctor for the same thing. yes, i am very drunk AND rather nuts right now but frankly, i can’t recall if it was the same goddamn breast. i’m up for the usual annual mammogram on jan. 3, 2008. this oughta be tons of fun. last time i went through this it turned out to be nothing, but, i got bitched out tonight by the dive master who said, ’ i told you i felt something!’ yeah, okay, but at the same god-damned time, yeah, you also told me you felt the exact SAME THING in the left breast! therefore i wasn’t all that concerned at the time because it was SYMMETRICAL!!! whatever… lady dopers (guys too who have been through this with your ladies) please pray for me to whatever god or dogs you worship that this time will be no different than the time before. and tell me good things about how i’m over-reacting, and tell me how there isn’t anything to it. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/2 "2007-12-19T03:59:11Z")
The dear sweet mostly four legged Tulip who is only occasionally well behaved yet is not too stinky has been advised to think welll of you, as have I. Mebbe you should have gone for the Pinot. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/3 "2007-12-19T04:07:52Z")
alas,my dear **kuboydal** , i am but a child of merlot, but thank milady tulip in any case. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/4 "2007-12-19T04:09:46Z")
Been there, done it, spent all day at the University of Michigan Cancer Center wondering why they didn’t send me to the Probably-Not-Cancer Center instead, had 7 extremely vigorous manual exams, got drawn on in ballpoint pen, had an ultrasound and for the piece de resistance, they stuck needles in my boobs. Yeah boob_s_. I had a lump in each breast. Some kind of overachiever I guess. It was good times. But, there was good news. Not cancer. Just stupid lumpy boobs driving me crazy. Good luck with your boobs, sister. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/5 "2007-12-19T04:12:15Z")
thank you, **hello again**. i dare to dream that **there IS hope**! ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/6 "2007-12-19T04:13:20Z")
Stupid lumpy boobs drive me crazy sometimes, too. The good thing is they don’t read the papers and things turn out fine. Tulip slobbers on you. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/7 "2007-12-19T04:43:56Z")
I have lumpy boob syndrome too. In fact, I had 2 small (about the size of a quarter) fibroadenomas removed from my right breast at age 16. When I was 20 I found another lump in my left breast, which I had aspirated and was found to be a cyst. Yeah, it’s a hassle, but at least I’ve only had benign results so far - keeping my fingers crossed. Hang in there **Scubaqueen**! It’s gonna be OK!(hugs) ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/8 "2007-12-19T04:48:23Z")
Tulip gnaws on your toes. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/9 "2007-12-19T04:53:33Z")
Simone the rescued pit bull puppy sends you a look of intense concentration, indicated by her wrinkly forehead. Maybe that will help. She’s already warned us of a fire! Well, it was outdoors in someone’s brazier, and not dangerous, but she definitely warned me about it. She’s also been eyeing the pine wreath on the neighbor’s door with gravest suspicion. Breast of luck to you. Sailboat ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/10 "2007-12-19T05:01:06Z")
Tulip runs about with your slippers. ---
**Author:** ![straykat23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@straykat23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straykat23)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/11 "2007-12-19T05:42:04Z")
Um… had the lumpy boob thing in the mid-ninties; turned out to be a false alarm. Had the lumpy boob thing again in 2004; turned out to be breast cancer. Was very fortunate that I discovered it early. Did the treatment (lumpectomy, chemo and radiation), had no node involvement, was stage two, and the prognosis is good. Overwhelming odds are that there is nothing for you to worry about, but if it does turn out to be cancerous, cancer treatment (although harsh) is doable and more and more breast cancer patients are survivors. I wish you the best of luck. If you have questions, please contact me. I’ve found a few sites and message boards that are trustworthy. And yes, Merlot helps. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/12 "2007-12-19T13:56:05Z")
Brownie the WonderWienerDog brings you a old sock to play with. She says that at least 1/3 of all mammograms require a second look, and to not worry. ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/13 "2007-12-19T15:19:37Z")
[QUOTE=Scubaqueen] the subject is: mysterious lumps in the female breast. [/QUOTE] Prayers incoming. I have two lumps in my left breast, which makes for great fun in my yearly mammogram. Plus this year I found a lump in my left armpit, which my DR says is nothing . . . I’ll find out for sure I guess in Jan when the girls get squished. And congrats on the merlot–you favor my drink of choice. ---
**Author:** ![Canadiangirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Canadiangirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadiangirl)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/14 "2007-12-19T15:23:36Z")
they can send humans to the moon but can’t get the damned results any faster? Good luck, I’m up in March for the big squish. I’m lumpy too. Five. damned. days. for. results. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/15 "2007-12-19T17:16:30Z")
**Canadiangirl** , you Canadians need clinics like the ones we have here in some places, where it’s an all-in-one visit. You get squished and they take a look and if they need to repeat anything or need to do other things they do them, while you’re there. I had to get my left boob checked, once, turned out to be nothing but some extra-dense tissue, but it was weird being the youngest woman in the place (aside from staff) by at least fifteen years! Merlot is good, but I’m more of a Zin girl (_not_ white zin!) myself, at least in the winter. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/16 "2007-12-19T18:06:16Z")
How scary. All my good wishes for “its just a cyst.” And second the “even if it isn’t, breast cancer found early is very treatable now.” My sister is growing her hair back at this moment - a long year, but over - she is now as cancer free as I am - which doesn’t mean much for either of us. (Murphy is not a very worshipable dog, a little too silly - but I’m sure he will send you all the good thoughts that can stay in his head…squirrel, in the yard!..) ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/17 "2007-12-19T19:57:34Z")
This really should’ve been in another forum, as in: “I Pit my TITS!” 🙂 May your gnarly knocker nodes be benign nothings. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/18 "2007-12-19T20:16:53Z")
[QUOTE=Scubaqueen] \ last time i went through this it turned out to be nothing, but, i got bitched out tonight by the dive master who said, ’ i told you i felt something!’ [/QUOTE] You let your divemaster give you breast exams? Wow, I gotta get certified. Seriously, though. Best of luck. As a guy I have no idea what you’re going through or what you are going to go through. > [@](#): > > The Mammogram > By Julia Napier© > For years and years they told me, > Be careful of your breasts. > Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them. > And give them monthly tests. > > So I heeded all their warnings, > And protected them by law. > Guarded them very carefully, > And I always wore my bra. > > After 30 years of astute care, > My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, > Said I should get a Mammogram. > “O.K.” I said, 'let’s do it." > > “Stand up here real close” she said, > (She got my boob in line), > “And tell me when it hurts,” she said, > “Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.” > > She stepped upon a pedal, > I could not believe my eyes! > A plastic plate came slamming down, > My hooter’s in a vise! > > My skin was stretched and mangled, > From underneath my chin. > My poor boob was being squashed, > To Swedish Pancake thin. > > Excruciating pain I felt, > Within it’s vise-like grip. > A prisoner in this vicious thing, > My poor defenseless tit! > > “Take a deep breath” she said to me, > Who does she think she’s kidding?!? > My chest is mashed in her machine, > And woozy I am getting. > > “There, that’s good,” I heard her say, > (The room was slowly swaying.) > “Now, let’s have a go at the other one.” > Have mercy, I was praying. > > It squeezed me from both up and down, > It squeezed me from both sides. > I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done, > To HER tender little hide. > > Next time that they make me do this, > I will request a blindfold. > I have no wish to see again, > My knockers getting steam rolled. > > If I had no problem when I came in, > I surely have one now. > If there had been a cyst in there, > It would have gone “ker-pow!” > > This machine was created by a man, > Of this, I have no doubt. > I’d like to stick his balls in there, > And see how THEY come out! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2007, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/19 "2007-12-19T22:50:25Z")
Amen. (Prayers for your healing and your hangover, **Scubaqueen**. Most breast lumps are nothing.) Regards, Shodan (who has gone thru this with the Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan** , and everything was finefinefine) ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550/20 "2007-12-20T01:13:35Z")
Tulip bites yer bum. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lots-of-us-ladies-have-been-down-this-road-before/430550.md?page=2)