# Lottery winner wants to share her winngs with beloved brother; husband disagrees. Thoughts? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2013, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204 "2013-08-02T23:43:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/41 "2013-08-03T23:52:54Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Even with fictional characters, the SDMB never fails to call for divorce. I can’t believe the number of calls for divorce, when with that kinda cash she could disappear with it all (other than what she gives her bro) and leave her crazy husband wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/42 "2013-08-04T02:14:58Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > That’s a good question, actually; does anyone else in this thread think that the sibling relationship is at all squicky or creepy? If so, does that make you more sympathetic to George at all? Yes, I think the relationships sounds creepy, and Beverly sounds really obnoxious. But George is the one who married her, knowing how obnoxious and creepy she is, and he’s probably not prize himself, so no, I don’t have any sympathy for him. And if you win $60 million and have a sibling who sacrificed a lot to raise you, you’d be a complete fucking asshole to not give them a bunch of money (unless they were a drug addict, etc). ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/43 "2013-08-04T02:53:56Z")
> [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](#): > > The fact that Barry and Beverly are basically each others only living family and George thinks he should be allowed to dictate their behavior based on his comfort level is gross and controlling even before the lotto money comes in to play. Everything else they do (daily phone calls/daily emails, weekly meals) is pretty normal, but leaping into his arms and smothering him with kisses is fucking _ **WEIRD** _. If Beverly were my wife, we’d probably have a serious conversation at some point about why she thinks that’s OK. ---
**Author:** ![Mnemnosyne](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mnemnosyne/32/3347_2.png) [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/44 "2013-08-04T03:07:07Z")
Like many, I’m uncomfortable with George’s behavior here. I think Beverly needed to have a serious talk with George long before this, but especially now they need to sit down and work it out. Possibly with marriage counseling. I think in the end Beverly is right to want to help her brother because she’s so close to him, and she should give it to him; ideally, after resolving the situation with George and having him become comfortable with it, but even if that never happens and he takes it as declaring the money as hers. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/45 "2013-08-04T03:22:34Z")
I’m sorry but I don’t find this hypothetical very interesting as a point of discussion because there really isn’t one to be had. I can’t imagine anyone opining that Beverly shouldn’t give her brother a whole bunch of cash if she wants to. Not only is Barry her brother, but he raised her, too. He’s basically a brother and a father rolled into one. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/46 "2013-08-04T03:48:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > …You get a dozen ginger snaps for being the first poster to use the word _shirty_ in the thread. Ooo, goody! Thanks. I _love_ ginger snaps! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/47 "2013-08-04T05:44:58Z")
Whether Beverly and George are on community property or not, what she wants to give to her brother is less than half of the winnings. She’s giving it to him out of either her half or, if they’re not on community property, out of what’s excuse me _her_ money. Whether she’ll want to give it to him straightaway, or get a share on his business, or make sure he/they seek expert financial/management help… is up between the siblings. And if her husband protests about it after being told “it’s from my half of the money”, she should consider hiring **Oakminster**. ETA: the “jump into his arms and smother with kisses _on the cheeks_” (I think people are missing the “on the cheeks” part) is the only thing that sounds weird, but I think the “on the cheek” means it’s not as “into his arms” as many people are interpreting it. She already toned that down ages ago. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/48 "2013-08-04T13:56:11Z")
The scenario paints George in such a horrible light that it is simply impossible to side with him. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/49 "2013-08-04T14:32:00Z")
I think she should listen to her husband and not give Barry the money. She took a vow of obedience when she married George and her first priority should be to obey him. She should also reduce the contact she has with her brother for the same reason. The good example George has set for her by abstaining from gambling has been ignored by her, but she should lawn from his example. The good Lord did not send her such a righteous husband so she could disobey him and fritter his money away on games of chance. Ok, I got nothing. What would a believable argument against giving the money to Barry look like? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/50 "2013-08-04T15:52:31Z")
> [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](#): > > I’m sorry but I don’t find this hypothetical very interesting as a point of discussion because there really isn’t one to be had. I can’t imagine anyone opining that Beverly shouldn’t give her brother a whole bunch of cash if she wants to. I say that about practically every Skald hypothetical. Nine times out of ten, the deck is stacked so much for one side that anyone taking up the opposing side has to defend the actions of abusers, cheaters, assholes, or worse. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/51 "2013-08-05T18:15:23Z")
Personally, I always considered the opinion of my brother to be of the utmost importance when choosing a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I would never have married a man who objected to our friendship, and I am surprised Beverly did. But since the deed is done, I think they should go into counseling. The money is a red herring here; George is excessively controlling and jealous. God help them if they ever have kids; I imagine a goodnight kiss would give him a stroke. Beverly should have stood up for herself, and her brother, long ago. At this point I think she would need a therapist to help George accept that he’s wrong. The whole thing sounds has red flags for spousal abuse, frankly. Isolating the wife from her family and support system, trying to control the money, essentially threatening to blow up the marriage over a disagreement. It’s borderline, but it’s there. I hate to join the SDMB divorce bandwagon, but I think this marriage is doomed. However, I would certainly try counseling. If George is just a weirdo and not an abuser, maybe having a second opinion will help. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/52 "2013-08-05T18:38:42Z")
As painted, I would assume the story is being told from Barry’s perspective, an is therefore unreliably slanted against George, who I have a feeling Barry never liked anyway. I agree with other that there’s a close relationship, and then there’s a too close squicky relationship, and Beverly and Barry have that whether or not you think incest is going on (I don’t get that, but I can see where others would). I can totally understand George being disgruntled by that kind of relationship. And were I to defend him further, I would note that he didn’t immediately say he was going to divorce Beverly, or that she shouldn’t give Barry the money. He said he didn’t like the idea (whether out of it being too much ‘closeness’ or a bad business investment), but if she did it then he would assume the money was hers and not theirs. And let’s be honest, even if George knows that’s not the decision that his wife, his brother-in-law, or random posters on the dope would think highly of, it could easily be his honest, thought-out opinion. Now, I’m sure most other posters will read the above and ignore this part. I don’t think George is entirely in the right. Barry raised his sister at great sacrifice to himself, and I think it’s worthwhile to reward that, and George should understand that just as if his parents needed money for something personal. And outside of the overly physical greeting his wife gives her brother, I don’t think he should try to restrict her talking to him (although I can understand it, when you are supposed to be the main thing in someone’s else’s life and they spend all their free time talking to someone else it’s disconcerting. Even Barry recognized that) Is George totally in the clear? No, but that doesn’t make him a controlling asshole or a selfish prick that Beverly needs to dump, either. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/53 "2013-08-05T19:27:32Z")
All of these. > [@Oakminster](#): > > Hire me to divorce George’s ass for her, give Barry the $5 Million, write George a check for $27.5 million, pay her lawyer well, and get on with doing whatever the hell she wants. > [@astro](#): > > Her husband is a controlling jackass. What other conclusion did you want up to come to? You really don’t leave much wiggle room in your hypothetical. If she gives her brother the 5 million controlling hubby will go nuts and may divorce her. > > The one point in hubby’s favor re not giving the money, although not related to his motivations, is that people who are struggling in business are not necessarily the best business people. Giving her brother 5 million to bail out a failing business may not be a prudent business move. > > If I had a brother in the same circumstance I might figure out a different way to help him vs pumping cash into a struggling business. > > As a side note I don’t know the relevant law but assuming it’s all her money if she’s bringing it into a marriage in a community property state may not be legally correct. The husband may have some sort of interest in the money. > [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > George is a jerk. Give Barry the damn money. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > And investment adviser and a lifelong, monthly annuity to Barry in the form of a trust so it doesn’t go with Barry’s bad business investments. And if George doesn’t like it, George can take his divorce settlement and leave - it sounds like Barry has bothered him a LONG time. ---
**Author:** ![randomface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@randomface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomface)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/54 "2013-08-05T20:31:49Z")
Giving money to a failed business is a bad idea, but she has every right to do whatever the hell she wants with at least half the money. The only way I can see George not being a pretty bad person in this scenario is if he knows some things she doesn’t (like that Barry is some kind of sex offender or drug addict). That might explain the reaction to the close relationship or the reluctance at giving him money. Only Skald knows the truth though… If she wants to stay together, split the money in half with her husband, on the condition that they each have the final say on what happens to their own money and they mind their own business. If she wants to leave, split the money in half (since that would be roughly the result in any divorce) and leave, doing whatever you please afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/55 "2013-08-05T20:49:32Z")
+1 for setting up a lifetime monthly annuity for Barry. However, a couple should make decisions by concensus. If George stands fast, then he needs to be told that his stance jeopardizes the marriage just as much as her giving the money to Barry would. They’re at an impasse, so they need to figure out between the two of them, what’s important. She should only give the money to Barry (or set up an annuity) if she’s willing to sacrifice her marriage. Likewise, George should only make his ultimatim under the same circumstances. If she decides her marriage to blockhead is worth more than giving the big payout to her brother, that’s her choice to make. Piss on George for making her face such a decision, but it doesn’t mean she has only one reasonable choice. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/56 "2013-08-05T21:50:22Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Personally, I always considered the opinion of my brother to be of the utmost importance when choosing a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I would never have married a man who objected to our friendship, and I am surprised Beverly did \ Is this typical of people with siblings? Because it sounds crazy to me. I can’t think of anyone whose opinion is that important to me; not my parents even. Do most of you with siblings value their opinions that highly? ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/57 "2013-08-05T22:23:04Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Is this typical of people with siblings? Because it sounds crazy to me. I can’t think of anyone whose opinion is that important to me; not my parents even. Do most of you with siblings value their opinions that highly? I’m not sure I’d go that far, but it doesn’t sound incomprehensible to me. If either of my siblings (who are reasonable people, that I like, and who know me pretty well) raised red flags, I’d think at least twice. If the one that I’m closest to raised even an eyebrow, I’d take note of it. And we’re nowhere near as close as the siblings in the OP. If I win the lottery, the question is not whether I share with them, it’s how (outright gift? annuity? just buy them houses?) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/58 "2013-08-05T23:04:47Z")
> [@NotDeadYet](#): > > A lawyer could give a better answer, but some sates are “community property” and others are “equitable division”. In either case George is entitled to a % of the money no matter who bought the ticket. > > By he way, the Powerball is $300 million right now. The taxes are _really_ high where Beverly lives. 🙂 > [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Everything else they do (daily phone calls/daily emails, weekly meals) is pretty normal, but leaping into his arms and smothering him with kisses is fucking _ **WEIRD** _. If Beverly were my wife, we’d probably have a serious conversation at some point about why she thinks that’s OK. The sibling relationship sounds kind of weird to me, too - I’m keep thinking of the episode of “Friends” where Rachel was trying to date Danny, the guy who lived downstairs, and she ended it because of his inappropriate relationship with his sister. > [@kayT](#): > > Is this typical of people with siblings? Because it sounds crazy to me. I can’t think of anyone whose opinion is that important to me; not my parents even. Do most of you with siblings value their opinions that highly? I don’t. I do take their opinions into account, but they rarely get veto power over anything. As far as I know (and this can certainly vary), money won by one member of a married couple is the property of both partners. There was a guy in Ontario a few years back who won the lottery, waited until the last minute to claim the prize, and in the meantime, divorced his wife in an attempt to not give her any of his prize money. I believe the courts awarded her half anyway. It isn’t “her” money - it’s “their” money, and they need to agree on how to spend it. As for giving five million to her brother for his failing business, I’d veto that, too, and sit down to figure out a better way to help him. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/59 "2013-08-05T23:53:26Z")
George should learn to appreciate Barry a bit more considering all that he’s done for Beverly. If it wasn’t for him, Beverly wouldn’t have turned out to be the nice girl that she is. Beverly should give Barry the money and tell George to just deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204/60 "2013-08-06T12:21:03Z")
Bev should have named Barry as a co-purchaser of the ticket before it was cashed out. There’s no sense taking that huge tax hit and THEN gifting the money. Geesh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lottery-winner-wants-to-share-her-winngs-with-beloved-brother-husband-disagrees-thoughts/665204.md?page=4)