# Loud Pants **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 26, 2000, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433 "2000-10-26T15:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malarky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Malarky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malarky)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/1 "2000-10-26T15:33:38Z")
Ok this is gunna seem reeeeeally dumb but I GOTTA know…I have this really awesome pair of pants…I think they’re pleather…but I can’t wear them cause they squeak too damn much! I was thinking of spraying Pam on them…would that work? Or would that ruin them? ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/2 "2000-10-26T17:36:08Z")
If they are leather, you might try mink oil… You can usually get it anywhere that sells shoeshine stuff. Mink oil is a very popular leather conditioner, and is also used at times to shine up fake leather as well. It is oily and will stop the squeaking. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/3 "2000-10-26T18:11:25Z")
Armor All. Think of it, you could be a knight in shining armor all. :: ducks and runs :: ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/4 "2000-10-26T18:25:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*Armor All. Think of it, you could be a knight in shining armor all. > > :: ducks and runs ::\*\* Hey! that was pretty slick, Zenster! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malarky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Malarky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malarky)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/5 "2000-10-27T14:36:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Meephead \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > > \*\*Armor All. Think of it, you could be a knight in shining armor all. > > > > :: ducks and runs ::\*\* > > Hey! that was pretty slick, Zenster! 😃 \*\* Heh yeah…but I didn’t think females could be knights…that’s Ok it was funni anyway! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/6 "2000-10-27T15:14:17Z")
I think cum would work for this, if you have any left over from your facial. I know it worked miracles for my loud underwear. ---
**Author:** ![Turpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Turpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turpentine)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/7 "2000-10-27T15:52:27Z")
Malarky- You’re an idiot. And I think I love you. I think my suggestion would be to just learn to live with it. It will be like singing birds between your legs all day long. ---
**Author:** ![Malarky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Malarky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malarky)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2000, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/8 "2000-10-29T01:01:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Turpentine \* > \*\*Malarky- > > You’re an idiot. And I think I love you. > I think my suggestion would be to just learn to live with it. It will be like singing birds between your legs all day long. \*\* LOL! I’m an idiot, but you love me…should I be flattered or pissed? 🙂 😉 I don’t think I can live w/it tho, cause it doesn’t really sound like birds at all, it sounds like I shoved a mouse in my crotch and the poor think is screaming to death 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/9 "2000-10-29T01:19:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malarky \* > \*\*it sounds like I shoved a mouse in my crotch and the poor think is screaming to death 🙂 \*\* Now you just have to find someone who finds this attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Malarky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Malarky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malarky)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2000, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loud-pants/38433/10 "2000-10-29T01:22:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by panache45 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Malarky \* > > \*\*it sounds like I shoved a mouse in my crotch and the poor think is screaming to death 🙂 \*\* > > Now you just have to find someone who finds this attractive. \*\* Should I make a new thread? I dunno man, I’d be kinda scared of someone who likes mice in my crotch! 😛 Hey…what do YOU think of mice in my crotch?