# Love is overrated **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 28, 2018, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378 "2018-03-28T21:38:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/81 "2018-03-31T23:35:03Z")
Love love love love love Floats away like the fluffy clouds above Love love love love love I don’t even know the meaning of That’s the best I’ve got. It’s from my own song “Everybody Loves My Baby (But Me)” ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/82 "2018-04-01T00:18:56Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Love is like oxygen. Time for a ballroom blitz? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/83 "2018-04-01T00:26:57Z")
Everybody loves somebody, sometime. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/84 "2018-04-01T00:50:04Z")
_It’s savage and it’s cruel And it shines like destruction Comes in like the flood And it feels like religion It’s noble and it’s brutal It distorts and deranges And it wrenches you up Till you’re left like a zombie_ And blue. Without doubt, blue. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/85 "2018-04-01T01:32:43Z")
_I’ve been through diamonds I’ve been through minks I’ve been through it all…_ **Love stinks!** ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/86 "2018-04-01T02:51:28Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > How is this different from your other threads? You question a Human’s ability to believe in _anything_ they experience, yes? > > Humans are frail. Yes. One can only choose How to Live in a way that works for them. That often includes Love. Your call. Except once you see love for the illusion that it is it isn’t the same thing again. YOu can’t just go with it and it’s spell is broken. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/87 "2018-04-01T04:19:59Z")
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/88 "2018-04-01T04:27:55Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Except once you see love for the illusion that it is it isn’t the same thing again. YOu can’t just go with it and it’s spell is broken. Sorry, but that is insensate bullshit. You learn to deal with your emotions, rein them in when you have to and let them loose when you can and, um, feel like it. If you shut them down, you go through life as little more than a floating log. Once you understand their nature and how it relates to your existence, you can master them and get the best out of what they have to offer. If you say “fuck love because it blinds us”, well, there are people who navigate through life without sight and seem to get by ok. And anyway, the world can be quite ugly when you look to hard at it, so love gives us a chance to close our eyes and ride the current. And have orgasms. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/89 "2018-04-01T05:16:22Z")
Loves burns alright. But it hurts so good. It’s worth it, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/90 "2018-04-01T10:12:56Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Except once you see love for the illusion that it is it isn’t the same thing again. YOu can’t just go with it and it’s spell is broken. Again, how is this different from your other threads? ALL experiences in life can be framed as illusory - _that’s what you do in all your threads!_. And yet here we are, and some folks experience Love in a way that works for them. Now what? Keep chasing your tail, or acknowledge there are ways that work that you have not opened your mind to? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/91 "2018-04-01T11:33:30Z")
\*‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to be stuck with that psycho girl forever.” \* But seriously, folks… Love is a beautiful thing. One can hurt, and can be hurt, certainly. And heartache can ache in the chest and can hurt all over. I’ve had my heart broken before, and it sucks. But I’ve been married to my wife (“version 2.0” as I like to say) for 15+ years and our love and friendship is strong. It’s no illusion. Is it a fragile thing? Well, yes, I suppose, in that at any moment either one of us can end it. But it’s no illusion, it is very real. Life’s been good to me so far. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/92 "2018-04-01T20:17:23Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Again, how is this different from your other threads? ALL experiences in life can be framed as illusory - _that’s what you do in all your threads!_. > > And yet here we are, and some folks experience Love in a way that works for them. > > Now what? Keep chasing your tail, or acknowledge there are ways that work that you have not opened your mind to? The 'ways that work" involve living a lie, in a sense. How can people put up with that? Humans are born alone and we die alone. The “love” we feel is more a chemical rush, and it isn’t toward the person but to traits and behaviors. Like in the OP where one doesn’t love their mother but maternity, if she was cruel you wouldn’t love her. We make the mistake that people are the traits, but they aren’t. If they were then they would be that way all the time. What we think of as the person we love is just the actions that that body does, their isn’t a person (or self) to love. The love we think we feel from others is little more than our own imagination. Even then, people aren’t “with us” in hard times. The feelings and struggles we go through during turbulent times are only felt by us. We are in the sea, trying to stay above water. Others are on the shore waving. Like I said, I just cannot logically support the feel good notion of love anymore. I don’t see evidence to do so. Once you break the spell the love casts you see how stupid and foolish we actually are, and the concept as well. Of course, that doesn’t make it good. I would give anything to go back to that and pretend it’s real. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/93 "2018-04-01T20:28:24Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > The 'ways that work" involve living a lie, in a sense. How can people put up with that? Nevertheless, we persist. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/94 "2018-04-01T20:44:00Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > We make the mistake that people are the traits, but they aren’t. What are they then? > [@](#): > > If they were then they would be that way all the time. What we think of as the person we love is just the actions that that body does, their isn’t a person (or self) to love. The love we think we feel from others is little more than our own imagination. Your obsession with what is “really real” and what is “mere illusion” is little more than your imagination. Your axioms lead to nihilism, but there is nothing particularly true about your set of axioms. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/95 "2018-04-01T21:17:55Z")
I don’t know about you, but there were several people in the room when I was born. And in my experience, my loved ones were not alone when they died. All that said, love is fickle. It does physical things to you even when you’re miles apart. That ache for someone you miss is so bittersweet. Or the loss of a loved one through death or other reasons really pricks the heart. The coming together of lovers or loved ones, after an absence, is so jarringly precious, you cannot deny your happiness. I am sorry, OP, you don’t have those feelings. It’s kinda sad, really. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/96 "2018-04-01T22:48:12Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I don’t know about you, but there were several people in the room when I was born. And in my experience, my loved ones were not alone when they died. All that said, love is fickle. It does physical things to you even when you’re miles apart. That ache for someone you miss is so bittersweet. Or the loss of a loved one through death or other reasons really pricks the heart. The coming together of lovers or loved ones, after an absence, is so jarringly precious, you cannot deny your happiness. > I am sorry, OP, you don’t have those feelings. It’s kinda sad, really. I had them, until the illusion was dispelled and then they were no more. Like I said, I can’t realistically keep believing in the illusion anymore. And we are born and die alone. We view and experience the world through our eyes and senses, and only are privy to our own thoughts. Love and friendship can briefly make the illusion that we aren’t but even those are illusions that fade. Once you see through it, life just isn’t the same. Sometimes I wish I didn’t think too hard about it. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/97 "2018-04-01T22:59:38Z")
I am sad for you. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/98 "2018-04-01T23:01:00Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > … we are born and die alone. We view and experience the world through our eyes and senses, and only are privy to our own thoughts. … I got some news for you, there. I was playing with a 3-year-old, probably babysitting, and suddenly I found myself looking the the world through her eyes. That is an unparalleled experience, but you have to have the right kind of empathy for it to happen. I am not sure that everybody has that kind of empathy. ---
**Author:** ![Lost\_girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lost\_girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lost_girl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2018, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/99 "2018-04-02T08:07:01Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > I got some news for you, there. I was playing with a 3-year-old, probably babysitting, and suddenly I found myself looking the the world through her eyes. That is an unparalleled experience, but you have to have the right kind of empathy for it to happen. I am not sure that everybody has that kind of empathy. Your right, not everyone experiences emapthy in it’s purest form allowing some to see the most beautiful thing you’ll ever see, also rumored to drive some crazy when they see what they feel. I’ve researched finding they call these people empaths. Empathy on this level, proves to me love is way underrated. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2018, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378/100 "2018-04-02T10:10:53Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > The 'ways that work" involve living a lie, in a sense. How can people put up with that? > > Humans are born alone and we die alone. The “love” we feel is more a chemical rush, and it isn’t toward the person but to traits and behaviors. Like in the OP where one doesn’t love their mother but maternity, if she was cruel you wouldn’t love her. We make the mistake that people are the traits, but they aren’t. If they were then they would be that way all the time. What we think of as the person we love is just the actions that that body does, their isn’t a person (or self) to love. The love we think we feel from others is little more than our own imagination. > > Even then, people aren’t “with us” in hard times. The feelings and struggles we go through during turbulent times are only felt by us. We are in the sea, trying to stay above water. Others are on the shore waving. > > Like I said, I just cannot logically support the feel good notion of love anymore. I don’t see evidence to do so. Once you break the spell the love casts you see how stupid and foolish we actually are, and the concept as well. Of course, that doesn’t make it good. I would give anything to go back to that and pretend it’s real. I choose to be optimistic, happy, and enjoy life. I recommend others make the same choice. And under most life circumstances, this is very possible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-is-overrated/811378.md?page=6)