# Love: It will "just happen" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 7, 2007, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351 "2007-09-07T13:33:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/241 "2007-09-12T13:19:45Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] Funny. [/QUOTE] But true. Why do tone-deaf guys who can’t read a note of music insist on lead roles? ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/242 "2007-09-12T14:01:25Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] That’s a really disturbing thing to read on a site devoted to fighting ignorance. [/QUOTE] What a bunch of crap. Priceguy’s dislike of dancing and unwillingness/inability to learn was somehow labeled “ignorance” by you. HE DOESN’T WANT TO DO IT, and says he can’t, which is probably a lack of physical coordination, not ignorance. Just because you did, and it worked for you, doesn’t mean he should. Back off it. I’m not saying _you’re_ being inauthentic, **tdn** , if you truly came to enjoy dancing. It’s only inauthentic if the sole reason for doing it is to meet chicks. If you’re also doing it for yourself and your own pleasure, then it’s totally cool. But people like Priceguy and me and Dung Beetle would not be doing it for enjoyment, we’d be doing it just to meet people who like people who dance. That’s encouraging _us_ to be inauthentic. Which is why I said, back off it. **Priceguy** , I didn’t dance at my wedding. You don’t have to, if you meet someone who shares your disinterest in dancing, which will NOT happen if you force yourself to dance when you don’t want to. If somehow my husband and I have a kid who wants us to dance at his wedding, I guess we’ll comply, awkwardly and badly. But other than that possible future occasion, there is no need to dance in the course of normal life. I don’t know why this is a topic on which normally nice people become pushy pains in the ass, but it is. Just wanted you to know that someone else knows what you mean, sympathizes, and agrees. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/243 "2007-09-12T14:18:03Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] What a bunch of crap. Priceguy’s dislike of dancing and unwillingness/inability to learn was somehow labeled “ignorance” by you. [/QUOTE] Woah. No, it wasn’t. Please stop misinterpreting what I’m saying. I’m not pushing **Priceguy** to dance. I’m just saying it’s disturbing to see someone say “I can’t learn.” We can all learn, if we apply ourselves. In the general sense, I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/244 "2007-09-12T14:22:15Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I’m not pushing **Priceguy** to dance. I’m just saying it’s disturbing to see someone say “I can’t learn.” We can all learn, if we apply ourselves. [/QUOTE] Why do you think I’m lying to you? What reason would I have for doing that? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/245 "2007-09-12T14:27:01Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] Why do you think I’m lying to you? What reason would I have for doing that? [/QUOTE] I never accused you of lying! Trust, me, I believe you. It’s just that the phrase “I can’t learn” rubs me the wrong way. It’s antithetical to the direction I’m trying to point my life in right now. But please know that I meant no offense. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/246 "2007-09-12T14:35:19Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I never accused you of lying! Trust, me, I believe you. [/QUOTE] Then why do you keep saying I could learn to dance? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/247 "2007-09-12T14:39:38Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] Then why do you keep saying I could learn to dance? [/QUOTE] If you put your mind to it you can learn anything. But of course, you have to have the desire. If you don’t, then you won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/248 "2007-09-12T14:43:49Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] If you put your mind to it you can learn anything. But of course, you have to have the desire. If you don’t, then you won’t. [/QUOTE] You just called me a liar. Read post 202. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/249 "2007-09-12T15:01:12Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] You just called me a liar. Read post 202. [/QUOTE] Post 202, where you had the imaginary conversation with yourself? I called you a liar in that post? I think you’re taking this threadlet a little too seriously. I think you (and **Rubystreak** ) are trying hard to find offense where none was intended. And hey, I’m not going to fight you on it anymore. If you’re hellbent on finding offense, no doubt you’ll find it. There’s nothing I can do to stop you. Knock yourself out. All I am saying – and this is the last time I’m going to say it – is don’t undercut yourself by saying “I can’t.” You cut yourself off at the knees that way. Instead ask “How can I?” It wasn’t accusing you of lying, it was generic advice to adopt a more positive outlook on life, and it was more directed at myself than at you. You needn’t read anything more into it than that. And that’s all I’m going to say about it. I’m done with the whole dancing topic. I’ve got more important things to do. Like painting swastikas on puppies. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/250 "2007-09-12T15:29:25Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] Which is what I’m complaining about.No I won’t.No I won’t.I’m not American. This is all besides the point, though. As I said, I _can’t_ learn. No, I can’t. No, you couldn’t teach me either. Nobody could. Yes, I have tried. [/QUOTE] OK, how about SHE will want to dance at your wedding, watch you dance with your kids at their weddings. Not that its necessarily a dealbreaker, but if its something you really CAN’T do, you are going to have to be extra charming in other ways - or find one of the few women around (and they certainly exist) who don’t give a damn about any dance occation - especially the emotionally loaded ones. The problem is that I’m guessing more women do give a damn about this than don’t - so if you choose the second option, you pool of potential candidates is going to go down. The least you need to do is understand that there is cultural baggage for women around dancing - and not dismiss this as stupid. Women are generally not going to give the time of day to a guy who tells them something they feel is important is stupid - just like a guy shouldn’t give the time of day to a girl who doesn’t respect the things important to him. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/251 "2007-09-12T16:25:27Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Post 202, where you had the imaginary conversation with yourself? I called you a liar in that post? [/quote] No, Brainiac. You called me a liar in post 247. Post 202 is where I posted what you’re calling a lie. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > OK, how about SHE will want to dance at your wedding, watch you dance with your kids at their weddings. Not that its necessarily a dealbreaker, but if its something you really CAN’T do, you are going to have to be extra charming in other ways - or find one of the few women around (and they certainly exist) who don’t give a damn about any dance occation - especially the emotionally loaded ones. The problem is that I’m guessing more women do give a damn about this than don’t - so if you choose the second option, you pool of potential candidates is going to go down. Out of interest, what exactly in this paragraph is it that you imagine is news to me? ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/252 "2007-09-12T16:26:35Z")
Even if you look stupid, the key is, you are risking looking stupid _for her_ and you don’t care. Also, no other guy is watching you dance, we are all focused on how stupid we look. And all the other women are looking at you and thinking “that guy is great”. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/253 "2007-09-12T16:32:58Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] You called me a liar in post 247. [/QUOTE] Ah, got it. No, I didn’t. Learn to distinguish words of encouragement from declarative statements. You’re 180 degrees off in your interpretation. But not to worry. I will no longer offer you words of encouragement. You can’t seem to handle it. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/254 "2007-09-12T16:39:14Z")
I’m telling you that I have tried to learn to dance, a dozen times, and failed miserably each time. Each time, someone has said exactly the things you said and tried to teach me, only to fail and eventually admit that I was right. Meanwhile, you keep claiming that I can learn, although you conveniently fail to include an explanation of the preceding, while denying that your statement is an obvious accusation of lying. You’re probably going to say something about not really wanting to learn. I covered that in post 202. You might saying something about not really trying. I covered that in post 202 as well. What I don’t get is why you and all the others who’ve said exactly the things you’re saying couldn’t just trust me. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/255 "2007-09-12T16:44:51Z")
I bet this has been said to you, Priceguy, but this is my answer- I do not learn to dance, when I dance it feels to me as if it looks like a bundle of christmas lights tangled up with various farm implements rolling slowly down a long flight of stairs. However, I still occasionally dance despite and with full knowledge of this. It gets me way more points than it would get a guy who feels like he knows how to dance. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/256 "2007-09-12T17:02:37Z")
[QUOTE=stolichnaya] I bet this has been said to you, Priceguy, but this is my answer- I do not learn to dance, when I dance it feels to me as if it looks like a bundle of christmas lights tangled up with various farm implements rolling slowly down a long flight of stairs. However, I still occasionally dance despite and with full knowledge of this. It gets me way more points than it would get a guy who feels like he knows how to dance. [/QUOTE] Yeah, like I said I’ve been known to dance too. It takes special circumstances, but sure, it happens. With the former Pricegal it happened with some frequency - in our livingroom, which is crucial. But doing it to meet prospective partners is right out, and any prospective partner who _expects_ me to do it, for points or otherwise, is in for a grave disappointment. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/257 "2007-09-12T17:04:51Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] while denying that your statement is an obvious accusation of lying. [/QUOTE] If you insist. I’m going to go headdesk now. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/258 "2007-09-12T17:06:44Z")
You do know that’s the third time in as many posts that you’ve implied that’s the last you’ll say on the topic, right? Before the fourth, would you mind explaining how two statements incompatible with each other can both be true, since that seems to be what you’re saying? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/259 "2007-09-12T17:07:59Z")
I’ve already explained myself. We’re done here. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351/260 "2007-09-12T17:09:57Z")
And we’ve hit four, still without an explanation. Impressive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/love-it-will-just-happen/418351.md?page=14)