# Lover filmed sex w/o consent...illegal? Options? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522 "2015-03-20T18:50:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/21 "2015-03-21T00:30:30Z")
File a police report so it is on record. Though they may laugh in the break room, they have a job to do. Due diligence and all that. Make a note of everything that was said to the police, case number and such and inform the soon to be ex boyfriend of it. Registered mail. This could very probably get him on a sex offender list. She may or may not want to mention that in the letter. Getting on that list could fuck him up for a very long time. Then have her make him her ex boyfriend (that should have been the very first step). Extortion for friendship? Um no. End it immediately and fully. Damn the torpedoes. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/22 "2015-03-21T00:43:39Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > Well, the thread _is_ titled “Lover films sex w/o **my** consent…”. Yeah, tried to fix that in the edit window but apparently we can’t edit titles, only post content. I’m a dude. This really is about a situation with a female friend. Could a mod possibly fix the post title to read “Lover filmed sex w/o consent. Illegal? Options?” Thanks if you can. Also, not really looking for legal advice, just more exploring how she can resolve this. Getting the police involved is probably not something she is willing to do since he is a low-life asshole who might slash her tires or whatever if she pisses him off. Right now she is thinking of playing nice, asking to see the video, saying she doesn’t think it’s very good and persuading him to delete it with a vague agreement to film again and get a better vid. But then as soon as she is reasonably sure he really has deleted it (including checking and emptying recycle bin), dump him. If he threatens to post it, then I hope I can persuade her to file a police report and get a search warrant for his video camera/computers/iphones etc as was done in the link posted upthread. Personally, I’d love to see this asshole arrested, end up as a registered sex offender and never victimize anyone again. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/23 "2015-03-21T00:44:56Z")
Maybe my post above is a little too harsh. And may be a bit more work than the OP’s friend needs to deal with. But the ex-boyfriend needs to know that this is what is going it happen. Let him know that it ain’t worth it, and she is prepared to wreck his life. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/24 "2015-03-21T00:47:31Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > She is not very bright, is she? Fuck no, no blaming the victim. That’d be totally obnoxious, like blaming [torture victims for the crimes of other people](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=743070), or blaming [poor people for the businesses that exploit them](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17843440#post17843440). None of that victim blaming around here, please! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/25 "2015-03-21T00:55:48Z")
> [@Chetumal](#): > > Right now she is thinking of playing nice, asking to see the video, saying she doesn’t think it’s very good and persuading him to delete it with a vague agreement to film again and get a better vid. But then as soon as she is reasonably sure he really has deleted it (including checking and emptying recycle bin), dump him. Setting aside any . . . **inconsistency** on the OP’s part, I’ll just say that this is a terrible and naive idea. This jackass has already shown a willingness to lie to her. If he says he’ll delete it, what’s to stop him from lying about that (say, having a backup copy)? If she goes through some deceptive scheme–however justified–to get him to delete it, and he has a backup, and THEN she dumps him, in the lowlife’s mind she’s likely just validating his decision: she’s a lying bitch, so what does he owe her? Better, I think, to be honest in her dealings with him, whether or not she involves the police. Make it clear to him that she does not want the video posted, and that his threat to do so has destroyed their relationship, and that she expects him to be a decent human being and delete the video. Police involvement optional. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/26 "2015-03-21T01:04:42Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Setting aside any . . . **inconsistency** on the OP’s part, I’ll just say that this is a terrible and naive idea. This jackass has already shown a willingness to lie to her. If he says he’ll delete it, what’s to stop him from lying about that (say, having a backup copy)? If she goes through some deceptive scheme–however justified–to get him to delete it, and he has a backup, and THEN she dumps him, in the lowlife’s mind she’s likely just validating his decision: she’s a lying bitch, so what does he owe her? > > Better, I think, to be honest in her dealings with him, whether or not she involves the police. Make it clear to him that she does not want the video posted, and that his threat to do so has destroyed their relationship, and that she expects him to be a decent human being and delete the video. Police involvement optional. I know, and I agree with you. She just has a terrible time standing up for herself. If it were me, I’d already be at the police station ready and willing to give this asshole exactly what he deserves. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/27 "2015-03-21T01:08:20Z")
If she knows where he posts it, she may be able to issue a [DCMA Takedown](http://www.dmca.com/FAQ/What-is-a-DMCA-Takedown) to the website. > [@](#): > > This Act directly addresses the take down of (copyright) infringed content from a website which is publishing content in violation of copyright protection act or content being **used without permission** or not in accordance to the sworn statement of the content owner. I guess the important question relates to whether or not she is considered an “owner” of the video surreptitiously filmed in her home on his camera. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/28 "2015-03-21T01:14:35Z")
> [@Chetumal](#): > > …Also, not really looking for legal advice, just more exploring how she can resolve this. Getting the police involved is probably not something she is willing to do since he is a low-life asshole who might slash her tires or whatever if she pisses him off… Is there a risk he’d do worse? Should she quietly pack up and leave the state? Serious question. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/29 "2015-03-21T01:20:27Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Is there a risk he’d do worse? Should she quietly pack up and leave the state? Serious question. I’ll risk the friendship to protect her and report him myself if that’s possible. I don’t know his full name but am trying to find out and go talk to the sheriff to see if he already has a criminal record. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/30 "2015-03-21T01:25:12Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Is there a risk he’d do worse? Should she quietly pack up and leave the state? Serious question. She has family, friends, a job here, she’s in her 40’s, not some young woman who can just up and leave. Asshole needs to be put in prison. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/31 "2015-03-21T01:26:57Z")
> [@Chetumal](#): > > I know, and I agree with you. She just has a terrible time standing up for herself. If it were me, I’d already be at the police station ready and willing to give this asshole exactly what he deserves. Hopefully this will be a lesson on how to stand up for herself. May I ask how old she is? Perhaps an advocate for your friend. Another friend, like yourself should let the ‘boyfriend’ know that the world is going to fall on his head if he makes the video public. Pick a lawfirm out of the phone book, and tell him you are planning to speak to them. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/32 "2015-03-21T01:33:02Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Hopefully this will be a lesson on how to stand up for herself. May I ask how old she is? > > Perhaps an advocate for your friend. Another friend, like yourself should let the ‘boyfriend’ know that the world is going to fall on his head if he makes the video public. Pick a lawfirm out of the phone book, and tell him you are planning to speak to them. She’s in her early 40’s. I have thought of texting him, saying what he did is a crime and that he WILL be arrested, prosecuted, get prison time and end up a registered sex offender. But he really is a dangerous piece of lowlife shit and and he could retaliate against me as well. Shitty situation but I want/need to help my friend. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/33 "2015-03-21T01:40:40Z")
She’s in her 40’s? Yep, it was time to stand up for herself a long, long time ago. Oye. Well we have all made bad decisions, ex-boyfriend (which is the first move no mater what) was one of them for your friend. I thought this was some sort of high school college thing. Still, what I posted still stands. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/34 "2015-03-21T01:52:43Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > She’s in her 40’s? Yep, it was time to stand up for herself a long, long time ago. I know, it’s sad and frustrating to try to help someone, when what I would do is just go to the police and nail the asshole to the wall. She just doesn’t have the…self-esteem/assertiveness and this f\*cktard is such a predator. Bummed and worried and frustrated on how to help. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/35 "2015-03-21T01:54:13Z")
Gah. Consider County Social Services. No reason for your friend to be embarrassed. Shit happens. They’ve seen it all. They may be able to direct your friend. This is also a way to document things with out getting the police immediately involved. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/36 "2015-03-21T03:08:07Z")
> [@Chetumal](#): > > Yeah, tried to fix that in the edit window but apparently we can’t edit titles, only post content. > > I’m a dude. This really is about a situation with a female friend. Could a mod possibly fix the post title to read “Lover filmed sex w/o consent. Illegal? Options?” Thanks if you can. Title edited to remove the word “my” at the request of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/37 "2015-03-21T03:11:37Z")
Ok, pillory me if you will, but I don’t believe your friend. He just happened to set up _his_ video camera in _her_ bedroom, pointing toward her bed, with no prior discussion about what was going to be taped? I assume that from the way her refusal is described – instantly dismissive as if she would never ever consider such a thing. Sorry, I don’t buy it. ---
**Author:** ![buddy431](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@buddy431](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddy431)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/38 "2015-03-21T03:40:05Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > If she knows where he posts it, she may be able to issue a [DCMA Takedown](http://www.dmca.com/FAQ/What-is-a-DMCA-Takedown) to the website. > > I guess the important question relates to whether or not she is considered an “owner” of the video surreptitiously filmed in her home on his camera. This isn’t a copyright issue. The creator of the video owns the copyright to it. There might be other laws that can be leveraged, depending greatly based on where you are. Wiretap laws in all party consent states, specific laws aimed at this, etc. But these will vary, and you need to talk to a lawyer who practices where it occurred. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/39 "2015-03-21T15:50:11Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Title edited to remove the word “my” at the request of the OP. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Chetumal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@Chetumal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chetumal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522/40 "2015-03-21T17:07:58Z")
I’ve decided to call the cop shop and ask about options without naming names. Question: This is in the US - which agency would take action, the city police, county sheriff or state police? Not sure who to call. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-filmed-sex-w-o-consent-illegal-options/715522.md?page=3)