# Lover or Significant Other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2004, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846 "2004-09-24T08:47:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/1 "2004-09-24T08:47:26Z")
A question for single dopers. Do you normally refer to your boyfriend/girlfriend as SO or lover? The former is more the fashion in Hong Kong, but I note that lover is used quite a bit on the boards. It strikes me as quite emotive, but then I’m a bit of a fuddy-duddy, I suppose. Is it mainly confined to the younger generation? ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/2 "2004-09-24T08:57:55Z")
I’m still not even sure what SO is supposed to mean. I get the abstract idea, but my dogs are significant to me. Does that make my Pugs SO’s? What euphemism is next? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/3 "2004-09-24T09:13:05Z")
“Significant other” usually includes any person to whom you are romantically and socially linked; your current date, boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé/e, spouse, or spouse-equivalent. I usually introduce my boyfriend, should I have one, as my boyfriend (a.k.a. boyf, love thang). Should I end up getting engaged, he’ll be my fiancé, and subsequently my husband. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/4 "2004-09-24T09:46:31Z")
i would never introduce my partner as my lover. Don’t know why really. Having said that i don’t like the term Significant Other either. I’ll stick with partner or fiancee. Next year i can upgrade to wife 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/5 "2004-09-24T11:00:33Z")
I’m married now, but previously I typically used “partner.” Boyfriend seemed a bit young of a term, “significant other” had too many syllables, and “lover” is TMI for most situations. These days, the use of the word “lover” has pretty humorously been ruined for me by those Saturday Night Live sketches of the hippie-ish couple who overuse “lover” and give romantic pep-talks. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/6 "2004-09-24T11:05:03Z")
Does no one say “my sweetie” any more? One of my friends uses that and I’ve used it more than once to refer to my spousal unit. ---
**Author:** ![Snyper1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/51bf81/32.png) [@Snyper1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snyper1977)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/7 "2004-09-24T11:14:39Z")
I dunno. For me I always been unconfortable useing the term “lover” if I’m introducing my girlfriend. Might be just me but it always seemed too foward or insensative if those are the right words. Like I would be better off saying “Hi I’m \_\_\_ and this is \_\_\_ the women i bend over and mount like a stuffed deer head every night”. I never used the term Significant Other either, it just seems cold and uncareing to me. Normally I stick with either Girlfriend or Partner and should ever the time come I will go with Fiance and finally Wife. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/8 "2004-09-24T11:26:26Z")
“Lover” has a sordid connotation to me; I would only use it to describe someone with whom I was having an extramarital affair. I prefer the common simplicity of “girlfriend,” although “the love of my life” is used in more jovial atmospheres. ---
**Author:** ![smartini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@smartini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smartini)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/9 "2004-09-24T11:41:44Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#): > > and “lover” is TMI for most situations. These days, the use of the word “lover” has pretty humorously been ruined for me by those Saturday Night Live sketches of the hippie-ish couple who overuse “lover” and give romantic pep-talks. 😃 I agree. Lover would be TMI in a lot of situations and would lose its “specialness” if overused for the general public. SO & Partner, IMO, usually means a more serious and committed relationship than boyfriend & girlfriend (or just friend, if someone feels the boy-girl part is too young for them.) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/10 "2004-09-24T11:48:58Z")
I like “main squeeze,” but that might just be me. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/11 "2004-09-24T11:54:06Z")
I’m old-fashioned, so I tend to say “my best girl” or “my lady” or “my baby.” Likewise, a friend of mine calls her long-term boyfriend her “gentleman caller.” Because what goes on in my bedroom is my own business, that’s the only room I’ll use the word “lover” in. And “significant other” is so weak to me – it stinks of 90s non-committal PC. I’d rather just come out and say “girlfriend” or “fiancée”. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/12 "2004-09-24T12:22:02Z")
I concur with what has been said before (mainly). I find ‘partner’ a boring, non commital word. What concerns me is that I agree with Fairy Chat Mom on everything! ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/13 "2004-09-24T13:03:44Z")
For some reason, I find the term “girlfriend” perfectly acceptable no matter what the ages are of the individuals involved in the relationship BUT the word “boyfriend” for anyone over the (randomly picked age of) 21, just seems wrong. I know it’s inconsistent of me and probably somehow sexist or something. I guess the word boyfriend for some reason has a much more juvenile connotation to me than the word girlfriend does. But I have yet to come up with another word that I can comfortably use. I tend to use things like “the guy she is seeing”, but things like that are wordy and not always telling of the seriousness of the relationship. There’s got to be a (verbally) simple way to express the relationship that’s somewhere in between “dating” and engaged or married. Boyfriend just sounds so giggly. But SO, lover, partner, mate just don’t seem right, either. Manfriend? Guyfriend? GuythatIloveandaminanexclusiverelationshipwithbutamnotreadytodeclaremy- undyingcommitmenttoinfrontofgodandmyfamily? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/14 "2004-09-24T13:17:27Z")
I hate girlfriend, I hate boyfriend. I like lover, but every time I say it someone giggles (not me) and so I’ve stopped using it. I’m reduced to significant other, and I don’t really like that either but at least you can type it as SO. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/15 "2004-09-24T14:01:30Z")
Well, you could introduce them as your interpreter or bodyguard but without any further explanation. One mistake to avoid is making the little quotation marks with your hands when you say, “Significant.” ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/16 "2004-09-24T14:19:12Z")
**FCM** I used to use “sweetie” to refer to my (well he is NOW) husband - before he was my husband. All the time. Now, though, as we approach our second wedding anniversary, I just call him asshole. People know who I’m talking about. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/17 "2004-09-24T14:27:37Z")
Boyfriend is too juvenile. SO is too unwieldy for any non-typed medium. Lover implies things that are none of anyone’s business whether we do them or not, as well as overemphasizing physical aspects of a relationship. For the moment, due to a Freudian slip my mom made on the telephone some months back, I just call him my husboyfriend. Correspondingly, I am his wigirlfriend. (pronounced “wigglefriend”) Post-marriage, we’d be boyband and girlfife! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/18 "2004-09-24T14:34:24Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > What concerns me is that I agree with Fairy Chat Mom on everything! You say that like it’s a bad thing… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mlerose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mlerose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlerose)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/19 "2004-09-24T14:53:06Z")
Most times I call him my boyfriend, though I’m particularly fond of calling him my person. ---
**Author:** ![badmana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@badmana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badmana)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/20 "2004-09-24T15:03:30Z")
I use “SO” on the boards because it’s simple. In RL I use girlfriend when introducing my GF to someone but among friends I use the term “my better half” when I talk about my GF. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846.md?page=2)