# Lover or Significant Other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2004, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846 "2004-09-24T08:47:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/21 "2004-09-24T15:09:00Z")
My b/f imforms me that I am refered to as “our lass.” If he ever did this while I was there, I may have to hit him. I always say “boyfriend” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/22 "2004-09-24T15:20:51Z")
Girlfriend. Back when I had girlfriends, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/23 "2004-09-24T15:29:01Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Well, you could introduce them as your interpreter or bodyguard but without any further explanation. > > One mistake to avoid is making the little quotation marks with your hands when you say, “Significant.” **Hypno-Toad** , I like you. And not just because of your hypnotic eyes… :smack: That’s better. No, seriously, welcome to the SDMB. I hope you stay. I say boyfriend, though it does feel childish to me. When I’m including a group of people, as in an invitation, I say “you and your significant other are invited” because saying “you and your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, partner or friend are invited” is slightly unwieldy. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/24 "2004-09-24T15:53:42Z")
My SO and I have been living together for over a decade. So the relationship is like a marriage, we’ve just never seen the need for a license. On boards, he is my SO To people I don’t know from Adam, (ie telemarketers, hotel checkin…) he is my husband (it’s just easier then explaining) To people I have repeated contact with, he is my partner (co-workers) > [@](#): > > I just call him my husboyfriend. Correspondingly, I am his wigirlfriend. (pronounced “wigglefriend”) Post-marriage, we’d be boyband and girlfife! But I really like these. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/25 "2004-09-24T16:02:57Z")
[QUOTE=But I really like these.[/QUOTE] Glad you like. We’ve determined that any formal marriage proposal between us absolutely MUST contain the question, “Will you play girlfife in my boyband?” (Or, if I’m doing the asking, “Can I play girlfife in your boyband?”) Maybe I can get some sort of engagement fife! (Hey, I did play the flute for a while…) ---
**Author:** ![MrPeabody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@MrPeabody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrPeabody)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/26 "2004-09-24T16:25:39Z")
Be careful how you refer to your SO. In my state In the event of a disagreement (she says we are married he said we are not) If you present yourself to the public as man and wife you could be considered common law married. cite [http://www.divorcenet.com/ok/ok-art02.html](http://www.divorcenet.com/ok/ok-art02.html) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/27 "2004-09-24T16:25:45Z")
Interestingly, “lover” has a pretty long history in the Queer community and is more or less standard and non-double-entendrish (“Hi, I’m Urvashi and this is my lover, Kate”). ---
**Author:** ![bdandhr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@bdandhr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdandhr)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/28 "2004-09-24T16:26:47Z")
I just say “friend.” I’ve had family ask me “how good of a friend” and that’s when I add “with benefits.” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/29 "2004-09-24T16:35:03Z")
> [@bdandhr](#): > > I just say “friend.” I’ve had family ask me “how good of a friend” and that’s when I add “with benefits.” Oh, god, please don’t do that. I would MUCH prefer that no existing words with separate meanings get used to euphemize a completely different kind of relationship. I’m fed up to here with people going, “So, is **Hamish** your roommate, or your _roommate_?” Or, “Friend-friend or euphemism-friend?” ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/30 "2004-09-24T17:12:22Z")
“Girlfriend” for me. Or “the missus” if she’s out of earshot. ---
**Author:** ![dcordell1960](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@dcordell1960](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dcordell1960)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/31 "2004-09-24T17:30:38Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Does no one say “my sweetie” any more? I use “sweetie” almost everyday. Sometimes when I am talking directly to her. We like “sweetheart”, it conveys enough information that we love and care for each other but does not give TMI. I think that even if we do get married we will still be sweethearts, since we have talked that way for so long. Sometimes she calls me her ‘Beau’, it is rather sweet actually. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/32 "2004-09-24T18:03:39Z")
Thanks **Filmgeek.** I intend to stay but am squeezing maximum mileage out of the free guest period. **Colophon,** be careful. Out of Earshot isn’t always the distance you think. I knew a real pig back in college whose girlfriend was “The Ol’ Ball And Chain” when she was out of the room. The minimal humor doesn’t seem worth the potential conflict. “Partner,” “SO” seem like poor fixes for a social problem. Traditional terms like “Girlfriend” seem dismissive and childish because of the way relationships have changed. Women used to be Old Maids if they weren’t married by 20. So all the dating terminology really only applied to teens. So I guess we either get used to SO until it becomes the norm or find new terms. Let’s break out the thesaurus, people! ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/33 "2004-09-24T20:48:11Z")
I tend to use “the guy I’m seeing” if we’re not exclusive, then “my boyfriend” when we are. I squirm a little over using “boy” to refer to men my age, but I figure it beats the alternatives and everyone knows what I mean (and I don’t mind being called “girlfriend”…but only by my boyfriends; I don’t like being called “girlfriend” in the girly, female bonding way). Frankly, I prefer not to meet new people so that I can just refer to my SO (a catch-all I use when referring to no one in particular) by his first name. 😉 I don’t mind if my SO calls me “sweetie,” and I might even do the same in return, but I don’t think I’d care for it being used in public – and I know I wouldn’t care to be introduced that way. > [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Interestingly, “lover” has a pretty long history in the Queer community and is more or less standard and non-double-entendrish (“Hi, I’m Urvashi and this is my lover, Kate”). Ya know, that’s the first thing I thought of when I started reading this thread: I’ve often heard gay people introduce their, well, lovers as their lovers. I’ve also heard “boyfriend”/“girlfriend” in the community, but “lover” is used interchangeably. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a breeder introduce someone as “my lover” unless there was some kind of TMI being implied. I wonder if “lover” started being used in the community as a way for gay folks to be a little in-your-face (in a good way) about their sexuality: after years of having to introduce your “friend,” you could finally call him/her exactly what they were. (“No, mom, George isn’t my roommate, he’s my LOVER. Can you say LOVER?”) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/34 "2004-09-24T21:12:28Z")
I find both odious and trite. I refer to her by name, and introduce her the same way, without any referral to the status of our relationship. It should be obvious from the way we interact. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/35 "2004-09-24T22:31:26Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Does no one say “my sweetie” any more? One of my friends uses that and I’ve used it more than once to refer to my spousal unit. I’ve referred to my romantic partner as “my sweetie” in a few posts to this board, and generally call her “sweetie” when we’re conversing over the phone or face-to-face. I’ve also thought up the term “common-courtesy husband/wife” (inspired by “common-law spouse”) to refer to someone in a situation akin to mine – not married to the partner, or even necessarily sharing an address with him/her, but who, as a matter of common courtesy, can expect to be invited to certain social events as one-half of the established couple. Furthermore, such invitations should incorporate the names of both partners, as opposed to being directed to “Sternvogel and Guest”. Count me in the “_Significant Other_ is too clinically bureaucratic, _lover_ is too forthcoming” camp. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/36 "2004-09-24T22:50:47Z")
I prefer the terms “my concubine”, “my domestic partner and co-convenant of sexual congress”, or simply “my bitch” (good for a woman, good for a man, good for a prisoner- I predict that _bitch_ will be this decade’s _ass_ in terms of depejorification and social acceptability, particularly after the passage of the Domestic Bitch Benefits Act). ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/37 "2004-09-24T22:56:32Z")
> [@mlerose](#): > > Most times I call him my boyfriend, though I’m particularly fond of calling him my person. I’m not the only one! I use “person” for anyone who doesn’t have an obvious title. My sister, for example, is in a committed, cohabitating relationship with a man going on ten years. He is her person. People laugh when I use it, but no one ever misunderstands and it’s easy to say, unlike the rather squicky “lover.” “My sister and her person just bought a new house.” (To my husband) “Have you met so-and-so’s person? What did you think?” ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/38 "2004-09-24T23:07:20Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > I find both odious and trite. I refer to her by name, and introduce her the same way, without any referral to the status of our relationship. It should be obvious from the way we interact. Hoo boy. Sorry for this. This is patently not true. I think I was irritable and looking for an innocent thread to pollute. Now that I’m home from work and much more mellow, let me say that while I do most often refer to her by name, I also introduce her and refer to her as “girlfriend.” I really hate the term "lovaaaaaahhhr, and “Significant Other” sounds extremely uptight and more like a business deal than a relationship. So I avoid those. ---
**Author:** ![JayElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@JayElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JayElle)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/39 "2004-09-24T23:15:28Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#): > > I’m married now, but previously I typically used “partner.” Boyfriend seemed a bit young of a term, “significant other” had too many syllables, and “lover” is TMI for most situations. These days, the use of the word “lover” has pretty humorously been ruined for me by those Saturday Night Live sketches of the hippie-ish couple who overuse “lover” and give romantic pep-talks. 😃 I usually just refer to him as “my guy”. “Boyfriend” sound a little juvenile for a 40 year old. In private I mockingly call him my “Lovaaaah” in honor of those Saturday Night Life skits. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/77aa72/32.png) [@Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_On_My_Sleeve)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/40 "2004-09-24T23:17:51Z")
How about “old man/old lady”? 😃 Seriously, I’ve been married for 12+ years and now I work with my husband. So when I return a business call on his behalf I have to say something like, “Hi, I’m returning your call to (my old man). We’re partners.” :smack: “In business…” :smack: “Well, he’s my sexual partner, too.” :smack: 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846.md?page=3)