# Lover or Significant Other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2004, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846 "2004-09-24T08:47:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/41 "2004-09-25T01:06:47Z")
I never use lover. It’s too TMI and if the situation calls for TMI, there are much better descriptors. 😉 Significant other is too PC, impersonal for me. But I do use it on the boards because I’m a lazy typist. :rolleyes: For introductions, it’s just “This is X”, no qualifier needed. As **Ogre** said (and then retracted 😛 ), our relationship should be obvious. When I’m talking about him outside of his presence, I tend to use “the guy I’m seeing” more than boyfriend. But I don’t really like either. Maybe I’ll try sweetie for a while… ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/42 "2004-09-25T03:38:25Z")
I’ve never liked using the term “lover” when referring to emotionally involved relationships; it’s pretty much the same as calling someone “the person I have sex with”, and introducing someone like that implies to me that sex is the defining characteristic of the relationship. If sex _is_ the defining characteristic, then that’s a bit different. I’m not overfond of SO, either, but I don’t particularly mind it. At least it doesn’t carry the same connotations as lover. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/43 "2004-09-25T10:56:15Z")
> [@Snyper1977](#): > > “Hi I’m \_\_\_ and this is \_\_\_ **the women i bend over and mount like a stuffed deer head every night** ”. sooo…you’re single? _hides aforementioned Pugs_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/44 "2004-09-25T11:05:08Z")
Since this is basically a poll, I’ll move it to [**In My Humble Opinion**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?f=&forumid=12) for you. **Cajun Man** for the SDMB ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/45 "2004-09-25T13:51:31Z")
The problem with “sweetie” is that it’s my main endearment for close friends – including many, male and female, who I’m not sleeping with. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/46 "2004-09-25T14:09:31Z")
It depends on what stage of the relationship it is. First, that cute chick. Then, GF. Baby Ohhh, baby, baby Lover Sweetums Partner Live-in Companion Fiance Wife SO The one to come home to The one to run away from The ol’ Ball & Chain The Ex That Bitch I once called “Baby” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/47 "2004-09-25T15:37:39Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I wonder if “lover” started being used in the community as a way for gay folks to be a little in-your-face (in a good way) about their sexuality: after years of having to introduce your “friend,” you could finally call him/her exactly what they were. (“No, mom, George isn’t my roommate, he’s my LOVER. Can you say LOVER?”) My guess is that it started as a term for “spouse equivalent,” but your idea is very interesting too. Romanovsky and Phillips wrote a song about that once: > [@](#): > > When you first met him you were quite civilized > When I said, “This is my lover,” you didn’t act surprised > You reached out to shake his hand, > You said “hello” and then > You called out to the family, “Hey! Come here and meet Paul’s … friend!” > > Well he’s not just my buddy, he’s more than a friend > He’s not my sidekick, so … guess again! > Yes he’s my partner, and sometimes a brother, > More than an ally… he’s my lover! ---
**Author:** ![PussyCow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/22d042/32.png) [@PussyCow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PussyCow)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/48 "2004-09-25T17:47:44Z")
Well my husband (even since before he was my husband) prefers I call him “Edna”. Particularly after a good slap. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/49 "2004-09-25T19:07:10Z")
Well, we don’t live in a place where we can legally call each other “husband,” so it’s always been “My Guy” for both of us. But if someone’s flirting with him (and there’s \*\*always \*\*someone flirting with him), I have to point out to them that he’s “My Bitch.” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/50 "2004-09-25T19:33:56Z")
I called him “My Man”. Short, simple, true. He’s male, and he’s MINE. Back off. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bdandhr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@bdandhr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdandhr)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/51 "2004-09-25T20:11:34Z")
Originally posted by Colophon: “Girlfriend” for me. Or “the missus” if she’s out of earshot. Does this mean you’re not married yet but plan to be? As far as \*\*Matt\_mcl \*\* asking me not to label my friend as a “friend,” I’m just stating fact. We are friends who spend time together and yes, occasionally, we have sex. Right now, this person is _my best friend_, because we enjoy so many of the same things. If it would ever evolve into something different, I would handle the introductions accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/52 "2004-09-25T22:02:31Z")
Okay, I misunderstood. Most of the rest of the posts are referring to romantic associations, not friendly ones (with or without sex). ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/53 "2004-09-26T05:55:01Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > My guess is that it started as a term for “spouse equivalent,” but your idea is very interesting too. Romanovsky and Phillips wrote a song about that once… LOL! I’m not familiar with Romanovsky and Phillips, but those are great lyrics. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/54 "2004-10-02T21:37:41Z")
I was sitting at a party with Ardred one night and a girl I didn’t know walked up and introduced herself. Girl: Hi, I’m Jane. Me: Hi, I’m FilmGeek Jane: And… (looking pointedly at Ardred) who do you love? Me: giggling. Ardred. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/55 "2004-10-03T04:04:06Z")
He’s MINE. Back off. (as **Antigen** said) I refer to him as my boyfriend… he’s not my lover, since that’s not an option. ☹ However, he is my sweetie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/56 "2004-10-03T14:46:35Z")
If I’m making introductions, I say “this is my husband Thom”. I usually refer to him as Thom too but will occasionally say hubbie. We usually call each other “honey”. Sometimes just to irritate when talking to our kids I’ll call him “your Daddy”. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/57 "2004-10-03T15:28:25Z")
I don’t believe anyone in this thread has mentioned **POSSLQ.** Pronounced “PAHS-el-cue.” It first surfaced on census forms (1990?) as standing for Persons of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters. Non-judgemental, all-encompassing, and the feds found it useful. It has morphed into “…of Same Sex…” as an alternate, and was once used on _Cheers_ by Frasier. I thought it would take off into common use, but it hasn’t. “And this is Ann, my POSSLQ.” Has a nice ring, doncha think? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/58 "2004-10-04T03:38:24Z")
I hear “boyfriend” quite a bit, even when it’s faintly ludicrous. Leave it to Mel Brooks to have seized upon that in YF: [Frau Blucher] “He… was… my… BOYFRIEND!”[/FB] ---
**Author:** ![alphaFemale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecb155/32.png) [@alphaFemale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaFemale)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/59 "2004-10-04T18:31:09Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > Is it mainly confined to the younger generation? “Lover” is often used in place of BF/GF/SO outside the United States. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846/60 "2004-10-04T18:41:34Z")
I have never and will never use the word “lover.” And that was before the SNL sketch; the sketch just drove the point home. It’s not just too-much-information, it’s that it also comes across as insufferably pretentious. And for Americans, wannabe-European. “I wish to announce that I have taken a lovah.” I’d go for a combination of **Ogre** and **Misnomer** ’s answers. Currently he’s “the guy I’m seeing,” and I hope that he will become “my boyfriend.” If things go well, then “my fiance” and “my husband” (whether or not the law recognizes it). If he’s around and I’m introducing him, though, I’ll just introduce him by name, “Colin Farrell.” (As long as it’s all imaginary, why not?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lover-or-significant-other/265846.md?page=4)