# Loving an addict **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2011, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956 "2011-07-22T07:03:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/21 "2011-07-24T05:04:27Z")
Ditto for everyone Alice said, Rushgeekgirl. I’m sure you’ll be able to do what you need to in order to make a good life for your self and your daughter. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/22 "2011-07-24T06:34:41Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > My little girl saw that too, and I saw her scared little face and I knew this has to end. I love him, but I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what we’ll do. He’s left me in such a position with his dog collecting (we have four, two are pits I can’t handle, I just feed through the fence), no car, no money, no rent and it’s due next week. A whopper of a light bill, and STILL called and yelled at me tonight because I can’t come bail him out. I can’t. I have no money. I’ve been living in this hell for eight years. He doesn’t want me to work so I haven’t worked outside the house. I don’t have any decent clothes and I can’t get my license renewed until I get my glasses replaced. I have never been in a situation like this in my life but I’m sick to death of living this way. I just need to find some work. I don’t know who would hire me. I have few marketable skills and I’m fat and forty. And I have such bad anxiety I try to stay home in my cave as much as possible. > > And now he’s calling, cussing because I won’t come bail him out. I don’t have any money. I don’t know that I’d bail him out if I DID. I just want to have a normal life, the life I had before I met him. I think even if he was dead I wouldn’t be this torn up. > > Thanks for starting this thread. It has helped me to write it all down. I’m not panicking so much now. I’m starting to feel angry instead of distraught. I’m just concerned about how it will be if he finds someone else to bail him out. I don’t like confrontation. He wouldn’t hurt me. Worse, he’ll be repentant and pitiful. I’ll stutter and cry and get weak. And I do love him, or I love what he used to be. I looked at his mugshot on the jail website. He has so many charges, and on top of all that he refused a BAC test. No license, no insurance, public intoxication, DUI. He looks like a different person. He’s not that guy I fell in love with. I mean, he drank even back then but not like this. And the pot, and he gets some special kind, I think he calls it coosh? It stinks. I don’t let him smoke it anywhere near the house but I smell it on him. I know it’s not as big a deal in some places but in TN it is. And he’s already got a court date in August for possession (a roach in his pocket was enough to get him taken to jail), so this added to it will just add to his jail time. Why would I bail him out when he’s caused all this grief for us? And my little girl is asking when we’re going to get him. SHe saw them put cuffs on him and take him away. I don’t want her having these bad memories. Wow. What a sad situation. I feel bad for all three of you (even though I think he is responsible for his poor choices, it is still sad that things turned out this way because it sounds like he really has wrecked his life). You might want to start a new thread about all this so that others may see this and be able to give better advice about how to get help with managing things. Maybe some dopers in TN will have some ideas about what to do about the dogs and finding a place to stay. I think you are totally justified in not wanting to deal with all this chaos anymore. Your daughter doesn’t need to grow up this way. You both deserve to be able to live in a stable and secure environment. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/23 "2011-07-24T06:53:00Z")
Aw Rush, I’m so sorry to hear that things are so hard right now. As I’m sure you already know, this too will pass. In the meantime, here’s what looks like a pretty comprehensive list of resources (emergency housing, women’s resources, etc.) in the Memphis area… Not sure if anything would be suited to your specific situation, but if you found something close and called, I bet they could direct you to the right place: [http://www.hud.gov/local/tn/homeless/shelters.cfm](http://www.hud.gov/local/tn/homeless/shelters.cfm) Holding good thoughts for you and your children. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/24 "2011-07-24T07:09:42Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I broke up with him tonight. He’s in jail and he totaled our car while under the influence. My six year old daughter saw the wreck because we were behind him. It’s pure luck that he didn’t hit my older daughter’s car. When I was standing there waiting for the cops I fainted in the street. It was about 98 degrees and I was already having a panic attack. My little girl saw that too, and I saw her scared little face and I knew this has to end. I love him, but I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what we’ll do. He’s left me in such a position with his dog collecting (we have four, two are pits I can’t handle, I just feed through the fence), no car, no money, no rent and it’s due next week. A whopper of a light bill, and STILL called and yelled at me tonight because I can’t come bail him out. I can’t. I have no money. I’ve been living in this hell for eight years. He doesn’t want me to work so I haven’t worked outside the house. I don’t have any decent clothes and I can’t get my license renewed until I get my glasses replaced. I have never been in a situation like this in my life but I’m sick to death of living this way. I just need to find some work. I don’t know who would hire me. I have few marketable skills and I’m fat and forty. And I have such bad anxiety I try to stay home in my cave as much as possible. > > And now he’s calling, cussing because I won’t come bail him out. I don’t have any money. I don’t know that I’d bail him out if I DID. I just want to have a normal life, the life I had before I met him. I think even if he was dead I wouldn’t be this torn up. > > Thanks for starting this thread. It has helped me to write it all down. I’m not panicking so much now. I’m starting to feel angry instead of distraught. I’m just concerned about how it will be if he finds someone else to bail him out. I don’t like confrontation. He wouldn’t hurt me. Worse, he’ll be repentant and pitiful. I’ll stutter and cry and get weak. And I do love him, or I love what he used to be. I looked at his mugshot on the jail website. He has so many charges, and on top of all that he refused a BAC test. No license, no insurance, public intoxication, DUI. He looks like a different person. He’s not that guy I fell in love with. I mean, he drank even back then but not like this. And the pot, and he gets some special kind, I think he calls it coosh? It stinks. I don’t let him smoke it anywhere near the house but I smell it on him. I know it’s not as big a deal in some places but in TN it is. And he’s already got a court date in August for possession (a roach in his pocket was enough to get him taken to jail), so this added to it will just add to his jail time. Why would I bail him out when he’s caused all this grief for us? And my little girl is asking when we’re going to get him. SHe saw them put cuffs on him and take him away. I don’t want her having these bad memories. My heart goes out to you. If this thread helps get your feelings and thoughts down in a clearer, more realistic way, that’s great. Maybe it will help you find the path that leads you to the personal strength you need. ---
**Author:** ![LVBoPeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/858c86/32.png) [@LVBoPeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVBoPeep)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/25 "2011-07-24T16:15:33Z")
I lived with an alcoholic and meth addict for over three years. He was good person, brilliant muscian, kind and I will say the drug never made him mean or abusive. He did lie to cover the extent of his addiction on several occasions (often “losing” money that we needed, pawning my possessions, etc). However, I realized at some point that he didn’t want to recover and that his addictions were such that he would have to want it for himself. I know he loved me very much and when I first left him, I thought we could remain friends but there came a time when I broke it off completely and no longer returned his calls. He badly wanted to get back together, went through the motions of “recovery” but I knew it was not going to be any different without professional help. That was ten years ago and I was informed by his family recently that he committed suicide earlier this year. I do wish I could have managed to keep in contact with him but I don’t see how I could have. I found out about his death the day after his memorial service but I would have attended. We had some good memories and he was in many ways a loving and good person but the drugs and alcohol had taken him over well before I met him. I look back on it as the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, getting involved with him in the first place, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss the intelligent, kind and talented person he was. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/26 "2011-07-24T20:54:02Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I’ve given up morphine and its relatives, along with alcohol and nicotine. Nicotine was in many ways the hardest. Could you expand on this? I’ve heard others say this and am curious why this is. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/27 "2011-07-24T20:56:08Z")
> [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](#): > > Could you expand on this? I’ve heard others say this and am curious why this is. That’s a topic for a whole 'nuther thread. Rather than derail this one, I’ll just say that the cravings were more subtle and more persistent. Opiates were a monkey on my back. Nicotine was a siren song in my ear. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/28 "2011-07-24T21:28:03Z")
Rushgeekgirl…I am so sorry. I lived with an alcoholic boyfriend years ago, for almost three years. And my father was an alcoholic (it killed him: liver cancer) as am I (I ditto the sentiment that quitting nicotine is the toughest of all to break; I still smoke) and over the years I have been close to a heroin addict, a meth addict and a few other alcoholics. A very good friend of mine almost died recently from liver toxicity; he spent two weeks detoxing in hospital and is almost 90 days sober now…hopefully sobriety will stick for him this time. What I have learned: you can’t help an addict stop using. You just can’t. Trite and timeworn advice holds true in my experience: the addicted person has to want to stop for him or herself, and all you can do is offer support when needed and be ready to stand aside and let the addict crash on their own, without getting too emotionally involved. (RIP Amy Winehouse.) ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/29 "2011-07-25T02:53:00Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I broke up with him tonight. He’s in jail and he totaled our car while under the influence. My six year old daughter saw the wreck because we were behind him. It’s pure luck that he didn’t hit my older daughter’s car. When I was standing there waiting for the cops I fainted in the street. It was about 98 degrees and I was already having a panic attack. My little girl saw that too, and I saw her scared little face and I knew this has to end. I love him, but I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what we’ll do. He’s left me in such a position with his dog collecting (we have four, two are pits I can’t handle, I just feed through the fence), no car, no money, no rent and it’s due next week. A whopper of a light bill, and STILL called and yelled at me tonight because I can’t come bail him out. I can’t. I have no money. I’ve been living in this hell for eight years. He doesn’t want me to work so I haven’t worked outside the house. I don’t have any decent clothes and I can’t get my license renewed until I get my glasses replaced. I have never been in a situation like this in my life but I’m sick to death of living this way. I just need to find some work. I don’t know who would hire me. I have few marketable skills and I’m fat and forty. And I have such bad anxiety I try to stay home in my cave as much as possible. > > Please don’t get back with him. It’s never going to get easier to do but this is the perfect time to break it off for good. Your daughter wants to know when you’re going to go get him----even tho she saw what all went on. Doesn’t that tell you what she’s learning? that this is to be accepted? But it’s not acceptable, for her or for you. Being a woman AND having a child puts you in the most apt part of society to be helped…1) your local domestic abuse program (yes, claim it) will give you a place to stay until you get on your feet. (they’ll even give you & your daughter proper clothes. 2) They, & social workers, will help you get training for a job & possbly even find a job for you. 3) go to DCF. not only will they help you with food (not just SNAP but “emergency” food right now,) they’ll also help pay your phone bill & can steer you toward getting help wth your light bill. You will have support everywhere you look, just ask for it & take ppl’s suggestions. A year from now you’re going to be 41 yrs old, taking care of a child NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. Don’t you want to be “doing better”? sry, just noticed I’ve somehow typed inside your post, but have typed too much to do over. Please take this opportunity to have a better life. Best of luck to you. > > And now he’s calling, cussing because I won’t come bail him out. I don’t have any money. I don’t know that I’d bail him out if I DID. I just want to have a normal life, the life I had before I met him. I think even if he was dead I wouldn’t be this torn up. > > Thanks for starting this thread. It has helped me to write it all down. I’m not panicking so much now. I’m starting to feel angry instead of distraught. I’m just concerned about how it will be if he finds someone else to bail him out. I don’t like confrontation. He wouldn’t hurt me. Worse, he’ll be repentant and pitiful. I’ll stutter and cry and get weak. And I do love him, or I love what he used to be. I looked at his mugshot on the jail website. He has so many charges, and on top of all that he refused a BAC test. No license, no insurance, public intoxication, DUI. He looks like a different person. He’s not that guy I fell in love with. I mean, he drank even back then but not like this. And the pot, and he gets some special kind, I think he calls it coosh? It stinks. I don’t let him smoke it anywhere near the house but I smell it on him. I know it’s not as big a deal in some places but in TN it is. And he’s already got a court date in August for possession (a roach in his pocket was enough to get him taken to jail), so this added to it will just add to his jail time. Why would I bail him out when he’s caused all this grief for us? And my little girl is asking when we’re going to get him. SHe saw them put cuffs on him and take him away. I don’t want her having these bad memories. Please don’t get back with him. It’s never going to get easier to do but this is the perfect time to break it off for good. Your daughter wants to know when you’re going to go get him----even tho she saw what all went on. Doesn’t that tell you what she’s learning? that this is to be accepted? But it’s not acceptable, for her or for you. Being a woman AND having a child puts you in the most apt part of society to be helped…1) your local domestic abuse program (yes, claim it) will give you a place to stay until you get on your feet. (they’ll even give you & your daughter proper clothes. 2) They, & social workers, will help you get training for a job & possbly even find a job for you. 3) go to DCF. not only will they help you with food (not just SNAP but “emergency” food right now,) they’ll also help pay your phone bill & can steer you toward getting help wth your light bill. You will have support everywhere you look, just ask for it & take ppl’s suggestions. A year from now you’re going to be 41 yrs old, taking care of a child NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. Don’t you want to be “doing better”? sry, just noticed I’ve somehow typed inside your post, but have typed too much to do over. Please take this opportunity to have a better life. Best of luck to you. (also, I just took the leap & learned how to copy & paste) ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/30 "2011-07-25T03:17:43Z")
Another seconding the “don’t go back”. He’s in the process of hitting rock bottom - and you & your daughter do NOT need to be caught up in it. Local churchs sometimes can assist with clothing and food… . Make the calls others have suggested above and use this terrible situation to start building a better life for yourself and your daughter. {{{hugs}}} ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/31 "2011-07-26T04:50:00Z")
Thanks everybody. For now I guess I don’t have to worry about getting back with him because he’s still tucked away in jail. The arraignment was this morning and his bond is 7500 dollars. Before that it was just 1500 and several of his friends and his brother got together and wanted to go see a bail bondsman. I don’t know if they could have accomplished that…honestly I don’t even really know how all that stuff works. But anyway, once they did the arraignment that became impossible, and I’m honestly glad. It will give me time to get myself used to this. He hasn’t called me since Saturday night when he thought I could just come on down and pick him up. I have been blessed with some great friends and family so I’m building a support system. I am missing him, and I realize it’s normal. I miss the good stuff. There was a lot of it, which is why it’s so hard. Just those little things like the casual back scratches as he walked by, and the snuggling at night. I’d say 70 percent of the time we were a happy loving couple but lately it’s dropped down considerably. But there was still a lot of affection and a quiet sort of rhythm to our evenings I miss. And he has this huge garden that I can’t even get to because he never put in a gate; he just jumps right over the fence. I don’t know how much water it needs or if it needs food or the insect stuff. He’s just really left me with a pile of shit to deal with here. And it’s killing me trying to explain to our daughter. She cried today because her daddy plays with her every night at least a little while. I tried to make up for it, but it’s not the same. He’s the rough and tumble type, carrying her around on his shoulders and getting her to “help” him work on little projects. I don’t know if he can’t or won’t call back, but if he could I sure wish he would so she could hear his voice. He’s sitting there in jail thinking it’s so bad for him, but he’s getting free room and board at least. He doesn’t have to worry about how the rent will be paid. I don’t even know if he’s even considered what this is doing to me. The alcohol has him so self-absorbed it’s like he doesn’t think of anything else. I applied at the employment office today with my daughter and her girlfriend and requested a change form from the Dept. of Human Services. It shouldn’t be too hard to get assistance since they already have my youngest in the system for Tenncare. I applied for disability for her so I’m waiting to hear back about that. I was told it’s not likely she’ll get it because she isn’t delayed enough, even with autism. I don’t know if they tell everyone that so they have to appeal with a lawyer or what but it sure would help with her needs. We’re always buying one thing or another at her therapists’ recommendations, from weighted vests to modulated music therapy supplies to art supplies. Luckily school is about to start so she’ll be getting more therapy there. I’m sorry I’m rambling. Getting it all out and clearing my head. It’s very strange being alone after 8 years. I feel really, really lost. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/32 "2011-07-26T05:09:36Z")
You’re not alone - you have your daughter. I know you’re feeling lonely. One of the hardest things about leaving someone destructive is remembering the good times - somehow they look better and more frequent when the other side of the bed is empty. Keep your chin up and vent on here whenever you need to. You are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Bloody\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bloody\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloody_L)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/33 "2011-07-26T05:35:30Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I’m sorry I’m rambling. Getting it all out and clearing my head. It’s very strange being alone after 8 years. I feel really, really lost. Aww, Momma, you’re not alone. I’ll always be here for you and I promise I’ll do everything within my ability to take care of you and Isabella. Don’t ever forget that I love you very much and you two are the reason I keep fighting onward through my anxiety and depression to make the phone calls and meet with the people I’m scared of meeting. I’m trying so hard to get into school and get a better job so I can help out more. Please be patient and strong with me! I love you! ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/34 "2011-07-26T05:47:57Z")
> [@Bloody\_L](#): > > Aww, Momma, you’re not alone. I’ll always be here for you and I promise I’ll do everything within my ability to take care of you and Isabella. Don’t ever forget that I love you very much and you two are the reason I keep fighting onward through my anxiety and depression to make the phone calls and meet with the people I’m scared of meeting. I’m trying so hard to get into school and get a better job so I can help out more. Please be patient and strong with me! I love you! Oh hush girl. I will never be as strong as you. But I will keep trying. 🙂 You’ve put up with the same crap and it’s my fault you’ve had to live with it this long. I love you too. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/35 "2011-07-27T02:46:49Z")
> [@SnakesCatLady](#): > > You’re not alone - you have your daughter. I know you’re feeling lonely. One of the hardest things about leaving someone destructive is remembering the good times - somehow they look better and more frequent when the other side of the bed is empty. > > Keep your chin up and vent on here whenever you need to. You are in my thoughts. Thanks to you and everyone else who replied and PMed. Sorry I haven’t gotten back to those PMs yet. I found a home for one of the big dogs today and it just about broke my heart to have to tell my little girl “her” dog had to go. She’s had him since the night he was born. I told her he’s moving in with a girl dog and starting a family. She asked if he was getting married and I just said yes, and they’ll live happily ever after. She hasn’t mentioned him since then. Tonight Mig called from the jail again. I wish I could accept the call but the jail uses some sort of “global tel link” rip-off pre-pay service and you have to have a credit card and add a minimum of 25 dollars to an account with the understanding that if you go over they can charge you as much as they want. I think it would be good for my little girl to talk to him but there’s not much I can do. I have no credit card and even if I did I wouldn’t trust this company. I looked them up and they have such bad reviews. It surprises me that our government would use a company with such a poor reputation, but I guess inmates don’t really matter. Or their families. I am really not missing him so much. I’m too angry. Every time I turn around something reminds me of the position he’s put me in and pisses me off again. I found his rolling papers and a bag of seeds in his drawer and raged a while. I looked up some of his treasures online and the most expensive thing he owns is sold new for 14.99. I washed his dirty clothes when I felt like throwing them in the trash. I wrote him a short note to let him know what happened when he tried to call so he will stop trying. I asked that if he has a lawyer to have them call me so I can get more information, but I didn’t offer to visit. I’m not taking my daughter to the jail to visit her father. I just can’t. I don’t know if that’s right or not, but I don’t feel good about it. I hope I’m making the right decision. She’s doing better right now anyway. She’s mentioned him several times but I think she finally understands that he won’t be home any time soon. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/36 "2011-07-27T03:01:39Z")
Thank you for the update, and for doing what you need to in order to get by. Please think of what you’re doing to help yourself and your daughter, and stay strong. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/37 "2011-07-27T16:59:24Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > I have loved an addict. A heroin addict. And I’m sure as soon as many people hear that term “heroin addict”, certain images pop into their heads; what a heroin addict would be. I know I was guilty of this, prior to becoming entangled in the life of an addict. But addicts come in all shapes, sizes and appearances and some of the last people you’d ever think are actually the most hopeless addicts. I learned not to judge a person for their addiction. I’ve heard that heroin isn’t confined to really poor people, that middle/upper class people often fall victim. I’m a little ignorant as to how, though. If you’re living a pretty normal life, how do you meet people who do heroin? Like, at parties? I’ve never once met someone who did it–even if I wanted to, I’d have no clue where to get started. How does it happen? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/38 "2011-07-27T18:56:53Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I’ve heard that heroin isn’t confined to really poor people, that middle/upper class people often fall victim. I’m a little ignorant as to how, though. If you’re living a pretty normal life, how do you meet people who do heroin? Like, at parties? I’ve never once met someone who did it–even if I wanted to, I’d have no clue where to get started. How does it happen? Well first off, you very well may have met someone who had a heroin problem-you just didn’t know. I met her at the beach, while she was clean. I only mention her sobriety here because if she hadn’t been clean, chances are she wouldn’t have been at the beach at all for me to meet her in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/39 "2011-07-27T18:58:22Z")
Well, what I meant more is how did _she_ meet people who did heroin and get into it? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956/40 "2011-07-27T19:03:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, what I meant more is how did _she_ meet people who did heroin and get into it? You would be surprised how pervasive drug use is and how easy it is to get them. In my city all you have to do is go to certain bars and you can pretty much cop whatever you want. And these aren’t scary, sketchy places. People from all walks of life are in there. Granted it’s not your neighborhood Applebee’s bar, but it’s not skid row. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loving-an-addict/589956.md?page=3)