# Lucky Shmucks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437 "2011-06-30T22:57:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/21 "2011-07-02T03:41:06Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Uh… why does it have to be different from what you’d say when you were face to face with anyone else? Because if you are a person who cares about others’ feelings, you don’t want to commit a faux pas that would potentially make the wheelchair-bound person uncomfortable. So you become ultra conscious of what you are saying, which can backfire mightily. Example: Wheelchair-bound person: “My boss pushes me around too much, I should say something to him.” Able-bodied person: “Yeah, you really should stand up for yourself.” See? Awkward. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/22 "2011-07-02T04:07:38Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > Yes. And I will. So what happened with the malpractice suit (i.e., win, lose, settle)? ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/23 "2011-07-02T04:26:45Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > It can be hard to tell sometimes with written words. And it’s not like this board is lacking for sarcasm. 😃 If I erred in my assessment, Voltaire please accept my apologies. Yeah, I was agreeing with you, but no apology necessary. In my book, cutting corners during cardiac surgery IS malpractice. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/24 "2011-07-02T05:38:07Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Uh… why does it have to be different from what you’d say when you were face to face with anyone else? It doesn’t and it shouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/25 "2011-07-02T05:43:51Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Because if you are a person who cares about others’ feelings, you don’t want to commit a faux pas that would potentially make the wheelchair-bound person uncomfortable. So you become ultra conscious of what you are saying, which can backfire mightily. > > Example: > > Wheelchair-bound person: “My boss pushes me around too much, I should say something to him.” > > Able-bodied person: “Yeah, you really should stand up for yourself.” > > See? Awkward. > mmm LMFAO! Are you kidding me? You actually think an exchange like that is going to make someone who uses a wheelchair uncomfortable? Perhaps it’ll make them LAUGH but uncomfortable, no. It’s the person thinking about changing their behavior who is uncomfortable, NOT the disabled individual. It’s their lives, I’m pretty sure they can handle an innocent “double entendre” like that. 🙂 Just be yourself, dont try to anticipate how the disabled person might or might not react to something. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/26 "2011-07-02T05:45:39Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Example: > > Wheelchair-bound person: “My boss pushes me around too much, I should say something to him.” > > Able-bodied person: “Yeah, you really should stand up for yourself.” > > See? Awkward. In fairness, the wheel-chair bound person started the puns there… ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/27 "2011-07-02T05:46:52Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > So what happened with the malpractice suit (i.e., win, lose, settle)? For what it’s worth, post #17 suggests that **jamiemcgarry** won in court. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/28 "2011-07-02T05:52:04Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > For what it’s worth, post #17 suggests that **jamiemcgarry** won in court. Yeah, it took three years and it was not an enjoyable experience at all but I won (or more approp my lawyers and their team won). ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/29 "2011-07-02T11:32:55Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > LMFAO! Are you kidding me? You actually think an exchange like that is going to make someone who uses a wheelchair uncomfortable? Perhaps it’ll make them LAUGH but uncomfortable, no. It’s the person thinking about changing their behavior who is uncomfortable, NOT the disabled individual. It’s their lives, I’m pretty sure they can handle an innocent “double entendre” like that. 🙂 Just be yourself, dont try to anticipate how the disabled person might or might not react to something. Now that I re-read it, I see that you are correct. Sorry 'bout that. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/30 "2011-07-02T14:43:19Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > It doesn’t and it shouldn’t. And that’s certainly my goal when I interact with anyone in unusual circumstances, whether it’s a disability or anything else that might be discomfitting or unfamiliar. I focus on the person and talk about whatever they want to talk about (or whatever _I_ want to talk about) just like anyone else. But when the situation _does_ come up in conversation (as it clearly has any time you’re describing what happened), it can be hard to know how to respond to _any_ “tale of woe” whether it’s you describing your accident, or someone going through a divorce, or suffering the loss of a loved one, or even just complaining about what a jerk their boss is. One thing I often say (if it happens to be true) is that the situation sounds tough, but the individual seems to be handling it well. I hope that’s a good thing to say (when it’s true) because, well … your situation sounds tough, but you _do_ seem to be handling it well! I’m glad you had the cojones to take the doctor to court. I certainly understand people who don’t want to deal with things legally, given how trauma-inducing our legal system is, but (unlike a lot of people) I think it helps everyone when these things get litigated. (No one likes _frivolous_ lawsuits, but legitimate ones play a key role in how our society governs itself.) I hope you won a big settlement! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437/31 "2011-07-02T18:30:02Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#): > > And that’s certainly my goal when I interact with anyone in unusual circumstances, whether it’s a disability or anything else that might be discomfitting or unfamiliar. I focus on the person and talk about whatever they want to talk about (or whatever _I_ want to talk about) just like anyone else. But when the situation _does_ come up in conversation (as it clearly has any time you’re describing what happened), it can be hard to know how to respond to _any_ “tale of woe” whether it’s you describing your accident, or someone going through a divorce, or suffering the loss of a loved one, or even just complaining about what a jerk their boss is. > > One thing I often say (if it happens to be true) is that the situation sounds tough, but the individual seems to be handling it well. I hope that’s a good thing to say (when it’s true) because, well … your situation sounds tough, but you _do_ seem to be handling it well! > > I’m glad you had the cojones to take the doctor to court. I certainly understand people who don’t want to deal with things legally, given how trauma-inducing our legal system is, but (unlike a lot of people) I think it helps everyone when these things get litigated. (No one likes _frivolous_ lawsuits, but legitimate ones play a key role in how our society governs itself.) I hope you won a big settlement! “One thing I often say (if it happens to be true) is that the situation sounds tough, but the individual seems to be handling it well. I hope that’s a good thing to say (when it’s true) because, well … your situation sounds tough, but you _do_ seem to be handling it well!”…This is a much different, and much more proper way, to address someone with a disability 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lucky-shmucks/587437.md?page=1)