# Lunch theives, I need a way to lock my lunch. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488 "2006-01-11T14:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/21 "2006-01-11T20:54:10Z")
I think this is the perfect time to missuse a biohazard container and tamper evident tape. Seriously, if this is a chronic problem then maybe your supervisor would install a padlock on the refrigerator and make you get a supervisor to get your lunch out. I doubt anyone has the balls to take someone else’s lunch right in front of someone. Also, if it turns out to be the night janitor or something, they won’t have access. If you want to make management take notice, start calling the police and filing a report. After all, it is theft. The person who is taking your lunch will likely see or hear about the cops being on the case and stop taking your lunch. I successfully stopped prank calls that way (I knew who was doing it, and they lived within eyesight of me). Or, take a hypodermic needle and inject the food coloring suggested above, perhaps one that makes you urinate interesting colors. When your food dissappears again, look for the person with the easter egg colored lips. Or start eating haggas for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/22 "2006-01-11T22:06:08Z")
Can I really be the first person to suggest laxatives? ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/23 "2006-01-11T22:09:50Z")
Discard the other, more sensible, ideas and get even. Open the box and container without being obvious. Smear food with something foul but not toxic. Reseal. Allow the thief to strike. The next day leave a note pasted to your food explaining exactly what you have done. Of course he will try and get revenge so you must now be vigilant in watching the fridge. Personally I’d setup a remote web camera that I could monitor from my desk. Once I caught the guy I’d have him fired. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/24 "2006-01-11T22:26:05Z")
UFO on top? Ashtray? It’s a halo! It’s a goddamn halo! [It’s over on the right](http://www.lexpix.com/main_skyline/b/b_09.html). Obviously the halo exists because I’ve never stolen anyone’s lunch. Well, except for the frozen entrees that were a few months old. C’mon, if your Stouffer’s turkey dinner has been there since September, you really don’t want it any more, right? Right? …right? ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/25 "2006-01-12T01:01:19Z")
My revenge would be much nastier than what **Bongmaster** suggests. I’d prepare a special meal for the thief. The main course would be feces (for example, a couple of scoops from the cat box). Side dishes could include a bloody tampon, used toilet paper, and/or a pool of spit. A nurse should access to all kinds of nasty stuff. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/26 "2006-01-12T03:03:51Z")
Well, I’m not a Nurse. Heck. I’m not even a Carmen. I’m a male Macintosh computer geek in a large ad agency. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/27 "2006-01-12T03:16:21Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > My revenge would be much nastier than what **Bongmaster** suggests. I’d prepare a special meal for the thief. The main course would be feces (for example, a couple of scoops from the cat box). Side dishes could include a bloody tampon, used toilet paper, and/or a pool of spit. A nurse should access to all kinds of nasty stuff. You don’t even need to go that far. You prepare a guerilla lunch with the help of rather hot spices. We had a guy at work who used to steal lunch and would drink cartons of milk that people brought in because the whitener in the coffee machines is horrible. He got caught when a woman brought a small carton of milk (half pint), upended an entire jar of paprika into it, shook it well, then left it in the fridge as a trap. The perp came rushing out of the meal room unable to speak. Everyone laughed at him. Nothing was ever said, but he never did it again. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/28 "2006-01-12T03:21:46Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > Well, I’m not a Nurse. > > Heck. I’m not even a Carmen. > > I’m a male Macintosh computer geek in a large ad agency. Dude, my reality has sooo been warped. I’m gonna have to start drinking again. But it would make the biohazard bag more effective, a fellow nurse could’ve just autoclaved the meal and eaten it. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/29 "2006-01-12T13:46:48Z")
I like the idea of revenge, but if it were me, I would just start keeping my lunch at my desk. A question: Does the perp even know who you are? I once worked at a company that had several facilities around the country, all of which were large enough that you didn’t necessarily know everyone that shared your break room. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/30 "2006-01-12T14:13:13Z")
Just one very important thing: If you tamper with one of the boxes of food, make sure to remember which one you tampered with. Otherwise, _you_ could be in for a very nasty surprise. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/31 "2006-01-12T15:01:27Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Does the perp even know who you are? I write my name on the lunch, and since I work in IT every knows who I am, so yeah. Thanks. That makes it worse, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/32 "2006-01-12T17:45:12Z")
What you need to do is take a couple slices of leftover pizza and spike them with sliced magic mushrooms, then wait. When someone jumps onto the copier and starts screaming that their keyboard is trying to kill them, you’ve found your thief. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/33 "2006-01-12T18:01:14Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > What you need to do is take a couple slices of leftover pizza and spike them with sliced magic mushrooms, then wait. > > When someone jumps onto the copier and starts screaming that their keyboard is trying to kill them, you’ve found your thief. A keyboard never tried to kill me but a laser printer once cussed at me. It kept flashing “MF” at me. If you can afford it \*\*NurseCarmen{/b], and you’re company will allow it, invest in one of those mini fridges. I loves me my mini fridge. We don’t have any trouble with lunch theft (well, not since the thief left) but I do like having an ice cold soda or bottle of water right beside my desk when I want it. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/34 "2006-01-12T18:15:03Z")
> [@TheLoadedDog](#): > > He got caught when a woman brought a small carton of milk (half pint), upended an entire jar of paprika into it, shook it well, then left it in the fridge as a trap. The perp came rushing out of the meal room unable to speak. Everyone laughed at him. Nothing was ever said, but he never did it again. I fully support this route. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/35 "2006-01-12T19:06:25Z")
> [@TheLoadedDog](#): > > You don’t even need to go that far. You prepare a guerilla lunch with the help of rather hot spices. We had a guy at work who used to steal lunch and would drink cartons of milk that people brought in because the whitener in the coffee machines is horrible. He got caught when a woman brought a small carton of milk (half pint), upended an entire jar of paprika into it, shook it well, then left it in the fridge as a trap. The perp came rushing out of the meal room unable to speak. Everyone laughed at him. Nothing was ever said, but he never did it again. Dose a salad with Castor Oil. To make an impression. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/36 "2006-01-13T00:21:29Z")
[Moderator Underoos On]No more posts about doctoring lunches, please. It is dangerous and most likely illegal.[/Moderator Underoos On] ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/37 "2006-01-13T01:38:03Z")
All you have to do is post something on the meal: > [@](#): > > **You are being watched.** I am tracking employee attendance and lunch theft. I have ruled out most of the staff except you and a few others. I will know who you are soon, and when I do, I will take my proof to the boss. Put a date on the note, and update the note frequently, with ever-more dire warnings showing that you are closing in. The thief isn’t likely to stop completely, or stop forever, but it may scare them off — long enough for you to begin tracking it for real. Hopefully the thief isn’t smart enough to realize how difficult it would be to track two simultaneous thieves. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/38 "2006-01-13T03:04:01Z")
Perhaps a delicate-wash bag? I have a small one I wash my bras in, but I know they make larger ones for sweaters and stuff like that. Mine’s made by Woolite, and has a fabric loop to cover and secure the zipper once the bag is closed; you could padlock the zipper to the loop. Again, you’re not looking for impenetrable security, just something to make it a time-consuming and noticeable PITA to steal your lunch, seeing as the thief would have to literally destroy the fabric to get past the lock. It wouldn’t take up much room in the freezer either. You can find them at Wal-Mart (and places like that) in the aisle where they sell ironing boards and ironing-board covers, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/39 "2006-01-13T05:16:58Z")
You could buy a big bag of frozen brussel sprouts, empty the bag (do what you will with the sprouts) and keep your lunches in the bag. You may want to keep a few of the sprouts in the bag so it has the proper lumpy effect. I once used this technique successfully to keep some ice cream bars from getting eaten, except I used a bag of frozen broccoli but too many people actually like broccoli so brussel spouts might be better. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488/40 "2006-01-16T20:39:33Z")
I would caution against a mini fridge if you are bringing in frozen food. It will not stay frozen over the course of the week at a safe temperature. Bring one in daily, or get a sack or freezer sack (they have them here, it’s a foil padded bag at the supermarket) that has a handle and you can clip a lock onto. When I was pregnant I had a medium sized zippered lunch bag that was broken into quite often and used (opened) or new food was stolen quite often. At that time there were only a couple dozen of us on staff and it was very unlikely to be one of them (I was mostly in sight of the kitchen) - turned out to be the janitorial staff (this was after my new block of cheese was stolen, on the same day the staff ‘kindly’ and without warning “cleaned out the fridge”, leaving empty containers (including my bag) on the kitchen table. This bag, for example, can easily get a lock on it through the pull tabs (metal or cloth if those are loops). [http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001XJ3E0](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001XJ3E0) It’s a nice color, maybe you can put crime scene tape on it. If they have it in red, get something “biohazardy” to mark it with. Before you “lock” it, though, maybe set it in the fridge (not freezer) on top of one of those ‘motion’ alarm things you can get cheaply at the drugstore - way in the back of the fridge so no one has to move it unless they want in it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lunch-theives-i-need-a-way-to-lock-my-lunch/339488.md?page=3)