# Machete Kills (spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 20, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703 "2013-10-20T03:19:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/1 "2013-10-20T03:19:36Z")
I had fun at _Machete Kills_. I suppose I’m disposed to think the ‘70s grind house imitation technique, set in Rodriguez’ Mexicanized comic book world, is funny. Machete, played by Danny Trejo, is basically a Superman kind of hero. He has a direct line to the POTUS, who sends him on missions, reluctantly agreed to on the promise of instant citizenship and a presidential pardon of his extensive criminal record. It is said that “Machete doesn’t die”, and while you just don’t believe it, the dude takes a tremendous beating without seeming fazed for long. Let’s see, he is hung by his neck- he just hangs there angrily staring until the POTUS calls the corrupt border police murderers and tells them to put Machete on the phone. He gets shot point-blank by several semi-automatics, which leads to his capture, sure, but relax, Machete is fine. He rides a nuclear missile Dr. Strangelove-style and just ditches the thing in a pond and hops off, thanks to the obvious strategy of cutting the blue wire with his omnipresent machete. Machete says, “Machete doesn’t tweet”, but when it is one of the slutty glamour girls with the Machiavellian moral compass tweeting him, sure, he’ll text back. So the joke is Machete is a Mexican James Bond, the cell phone is a high tech piece of equipment lent him by his ostensible helper, Miss Texas (formerly Miss San Antonio, apparently she is humping and murdering her way to Miss America. Unlike the randy James Bond, Machete only bangs this one chick this episode, and mostly because she insists), and this is about as much character growth as we’ll see. Machete doesn’t need it- they already literally sing his praises throughout Mexico (in fact, one character claims Machete _is_ Mexico). The relentless use of jokes based on negative cliches or prejudices about Mexicans is shakily funny- the movie is purposefully '70s bad like that, and Rodriguez (I guess) knows what he is doing with it. Machete himself couldn’t care less, since he overcomes anything and everything. The movie is perfectly comfortable being a movie- the impossible happens over and over again. The villain, played by Mel Gibson, can usually read the future, but apparently things get cloudy when Machete and his zenlike attitude are around. Charlie Sheen plays Mr. President- a tequila-shooting, insulting, crooked-deal making kind of guy with 3 or 4 sleeping glamour girls in his bed when he gets that 3 AM call. The first installment, _Machete_, seemed to be a social commentary or satire masquerading as a '70s grindhouse movie. This one didn’t seem to have much of an overt message, unless it is that an audience can almost take the corrupt, lawless, Mexicanized setting for granted. Machete doesn’t exactly get his man this time- no, the bad guy escapes in his rocket to space right as Machete spoils his plans to start a global nuclear war (the reason Machete’s gang agreed to help at all is because, hey, no world, no Mexico). It’s a commercial for the trequel: _Machete Kills Again, In Space_. I’m not kidding, the 3rd implausible movie in this series involves Machete in a space suit or fighting bad guys with a machete that has a huge resemblance to a light sabre. The whole movie starts with a super-scratchy '70s style trailer for the next sequel that you can’t at first believe is for real. _Machete Kills, In Space_? C’mon! Elon Musk even has a cameo where he shakes Machete’s hand and wishes him success before launching Machete into space in a Space X rocket as the movie ends. I soooo can’t wait 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/2 "2013-10-20T03:44:18Z")
This is actually Machete’s sixth movie. (Seventh if you count\* Grindhouse\*.) He’s also a recurring character in the _Spy Kids_ series - he’s the mysterious uncle who supplies the kids with weapons. And Robert Rodriguez has confirmed it is the same character. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/3 "2013-10-20T03:50:56Z")
I heard a radio interview with Danny Trejo. Very funny guy. He said he had a love scene with Amber Heard and when the director yelled action she cracked up. The director asks what is so funny According to DT she said: It’s Danny he keeps saying thank you Jesus over and over. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/4 "2013-10-20T12:38:33Z")
Saw it, liked it, actually thought it was better than the first. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/5 "2013-10-20T13:01:34Z")
Whenever I see Trejo I still think of the first movie I saw him in. A quote… _“Lowly dog!!! Kneel, and worship at the feet of Santanico Pandemonium!!!”_ That was one heck of a dance Salma Hayek did in From _Dusk til Dawn_ ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/6 "2013-10-20T17:45:23Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > So the joke is Machete is a Mexican James Bond… Machete’s dark secret is that he’s actually a honey badger, cunningly disguised by wearing a fake mustache. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/7 "2013-10-20T18:19:03Z")
That was an awesome OP, very descriptive! I’ve seen it and I want to see it again based your OP. > [@](#): > > Charlie Sheen… No, you’re mistaken. Charlie Sheen wasn’t in this. A guy who looked uncannily like him made his film debut here. Some dude, not too bad, named “Carlos Estevez” played the president. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/8 "2013-10-20T20:38:05Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > That was an awesome OP, very descriptive! I’ve seen it and I want to see it again based your OP. Gee, glad you liked it. You’ve had some successful threads yourself 😉 Funny thing is, I only scratched the surface of how many jokes and entertaining things are packed into this movie. At the time I wondered if I’d been had, since message-wise the thing seemed pretty empty. But I’m still laughing about it, and want to go see it again too! And nice of ‘Carlos Estevez’ to legalize marijuana in 42 states like he does in the movie, no? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2013, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/9 "2013-10-21T06:26:04Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Whenever I see Trejo I still think of the first movie I saw him in. A quote… > > _“Lowly dog!!! Kneel, and worship at the feet of Santanico Pandemonium!!!”_ > > That was one heck of a dance Salma Hayek did in From _Dusk til Dawn_ There were a couple of shout outs to FDTD, ‘best in Mexico.’ ‘bring me my strap-on.’ ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/10 "2013-10-21T16:42:41Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > This is actually Machete’s sixth movie. (Seventh if you count\* Grindhouse\*.) He’s also a recurring character in the _Spy Kids_ series - he’s the mysterious uncle who supplies the kids with weapons. And Robert Rodriguez has confirmed it is the same character. If that’s true I wonder how he explains Alexa Vega’s role(s)…she’s the daughter in the “Spy Kids” movies but in Machete Kills she’s a thong-wearing gun-toting hooker assassin. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2013, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/machete-kills-spoilers/671703/11 "2013-10-21T19:39:45Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > If that’s true I wonder how he explains Alexa Vega’s role(s)…she’s the daughter in the “Spy Kids” movies but in Machete Kills she’s a thong-wearing gun-toting hooker assassin. Kids…they grow up so fast on you…