# MAD Memories and Useless Wisdom **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 6, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040 "2014-01-06T16:05:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/21 "2014-01-07T02:49:09Z")
Mad Magazine was porn for ten-year olds given the way that Mort Drucker drew women, as in these examples: [![](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2004%202-15-13.jpg) ](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2004%202-15-13.jpg) [![](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2006%202-15-13.jpg) ](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2006%202-15-13.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/22 "2014-01-07T02:53:02Z")
Free Huey, Dewey, and Louie! Damn, those magazines and books twisted my mind from about 1964 until 1972 (when I discovered National Lampoon and girls). ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/23 "2014-01-07T03:13:00Z")
I recall one article after Star Wars came out that had the characters in real world jobs. The one I remember best is Darth Vader in advertising. From memory it went something like this: Darth Vader: “So, Mrs Smith, which do you think tastes best? Product A or Product B?” Lady: “Actually, I think I prefer-” \*\ \* Lady: “Product A_AACHGAGHACCCH_ **B** , definitely Product B!” Darth: _"Very good,_ Mrs Smith." > [@Lumpy](#): > > Mad Magazine was porn for ten-year olds given the way that Mort Drucker drew women, as in these examples: > > [http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img\_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2004%202-15-13.jpg](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2004%202-15-13.jpg) > > [http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img\_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2006%202-15-13.jpg](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2006%202-15-13.jpg) Oh, yes, that takes me back. Pre-Internet porn for early adolescence is right. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/24 "2014-01-07T03:47:59Z")
I liked stumbling on very early MADs with art by [Will Elder](http://jeffoverturf.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/woman-wonder-bill-elder-mad-mondays.html). ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/25 "2014-01-07T03:54:47Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Mad Magazine was porn for ten-year olds given the way that Mort Drucker drew women, as in these examples: > > [http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img\_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2004%202-15-13.jpg](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2004%202-15-13.jpg) > > [http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img\_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2006%202-15-13.jpg](http://www.uncleodiescollectibles.com/img_lib/The%20Towering%20Inferno%20MAD%20Magazine%2006%202-15-13.jpg) You ain’t whistling Dixie. [http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-\_tOfYtAKeDc/TYSKQeHuNPI/AAAAAAAAQE0/JNHpTu5mt8Q/s1600/Mad%2B005%2BWally%2BWood%2B%2B004.jpg](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_tOfYtAKeDc/TYSKQeHuNPI/AAAAAAAAQE0/JNHpTu5mt8Q/s1600/Mad%2B005%2BWally%2BWood%2B%2B004.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/26 "2014-01-07T04:00:46Z")
Potrzebie! I read Mad a lot when I was younger, and still have some of those old magazines somewhere. I may still have the infamous [“finger” cover](http://home.netcom.com/~moonlight/mad_finger_april_74.jpg); I do remember buying that one. I’ll admit, I do make a point of buying the annual “20 Dumbest People, Events, and Things” issue. It’s a fun look back at the previous year–this year’s “Abysmal House,” in the style of the classic Animal House poster, is a treat! ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/27 "2014-01-07T07:12:35Z")
> [@Dale\_Sams](#): > > You ain’t whistling Dixie. > > [http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-\_tOfYtAKeDc/TYSKQeHuNPI/AAAAAAAAQE0/JNHpTu5mt8Q/s1600/Mad%2B005%2BWally%2BWood%2B%2B004.jpg](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_tOfYtAKeDc/TYSKQeHuNPI/AAAAAAAAQE0/JNHpTu5mt8Q/s1600/Mad%2B005%2BWally%2BWood%2B%2B004.jpg) MORT DRUCKER?! You ain’t seen sexy art until you’ve seen Wally Wood’s! “Flesh Garden!”, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/28 "2014-01-07T07:32:29Z")
[Manduck the Magician](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S8DA_CczM0o/T2Xd1vabA-I/AAAAAAAASlM/Gp57mXvhvZg/s1600/Mad+014+Bill+Elder+001.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/29 "2014-01-07T07:45:28Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > [Manduck the Magician](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S8DA_CczM0o/T2Xd1vabA-I/AAAAAAAASlM/Gp57mXvhvZg/s1600/Mad+014+Bill+Elder+001.jpg) I remember one place in an early _MAD_ paperback where Manduck turned Loathar into a woman! I’d like to learn that trick myself… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/30 "2014-01-07T12:29:37Z")
“The usual gang of idiots!” ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/31 "2014-01-07T14:23:00Z")
I think about 75 percent of my sense of humor comes from that magazine. A few years back I bought the “Totally MAD!” archive of Mad Magazines on CD-ROM, and was surprised to realize how few of the magazines I actually had. I read the _fuck_ out of them though, over and over. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/32 "2014-01-07T14:36:10Z")
Billy Spafon: “SHAZOOM!\*” - - **S** trength, **H** ealth, **A** ptitude, **Z** eal, **O** x, Power of, **O** x, Power of another, **M** oney And he becomes [Captain Marbles](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzs2a1a6Ve1rpedmqo1_500.png)! ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/33 "2014-01-07T17:44:22Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Billy Spafon: “SHAZOOM!\*” > > - > - **S** trength, **H** ealth, **A** ptitude, **Z** eal, **O** x, Power of, **O** x, Power of another, **M** oney > > And he becomes [Captain Marbles](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzs2a1a6Ve1rpedmqo1_500.png)! Intelligo! ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/34 "2014-01-07T18:07:00Z")
My mother was a heavy smoker, and my younger brother and I both hated it. In 1971 MAD printed the “Non-Smoker’s Hate Book,” a series of illustrations with captions that began with “Don’t you hate smokers who…?” My brother and I would reference this article often over the years whenever Mom displayed any of the hated behaviors. _Don’t you hate smokers who flick their ashes out the car window when you’re sitting in the back seat? Don’t you hate smokers who leave their cigarettes to burn out in ashtrays, causing the nearest thing to a tear gas attack?_ ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/35 "2014-01-07T18:35:59Z")
From “The MAD Troubleshooting Guide”: > [@](#): > > **PROBLEM:** Magazine appears to “conk out” for brief periods. > > \*\*SOLUTION: \*\*You are reading Dave Berg’s “The Lighter Side”; no correction possible. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/36 "2014-01-07T18:57:23Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Veeblefetzer. North American Veeblefetzer? They have eliminated the decorative fins from this year’s model. Unfortunately they again neglected to tell us what it does. ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/37 "2014-01-07T19:46:24Z")
And how about “Arthur” plants? ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/38 "2014-01-07T20:10:21Z")
Another Star Wars one that I still remember ([and found on the webs!](http://imgur.com/a/Up1J4)) predicts the Star Wars prequel/sequel mess with eerie accuracy 🙂 And I do everything with my pinkies out, the Don Martin way! ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/39 "2014-01-07T20:27:16Z")
Loved MAD so much, I read Cracked too, just because it aspired to be MAD. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040/40 "2014-01-07T20:34:40Z")
I can still remember a lot of the lyrics to “[The MAD Star Wars Musical](http://www.etsy.com/listing/128745596/vintage-mad-magazine-star-wars-musical)”, 30+ years later. As Luke flies towards the Death Star (to the tune of “We’re Off To See the Wizard”): > [@](#): > > We’re off to kill the bad guys > And blow them right out of the skies! > And if we miss > You all can kiss > Our friends back there goodbye! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-memories-and-useless-wisdom/678040.md?page=3)