# Mad Scientist Curriculum-What courses? Are You On The Faculty Yet? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 28, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209 "2005-02-28T00:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/41 "2005-03-02T16:04:10Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > I don’t know if it’s horribly sad, but I would **love** to sign up for these courses. > > Other ideas > > - Mad Scientist grooming: More than goggles and big hair > - Mutants: human, animal, and other > - Animal armies I: Radio-controlled cats > - Animal armies II: Flying monkeys > - Animal armies III: Sharks with laser beams on their heads I’d rather take the graduate level Animal Armies course, cuz the sharks have frikkin laserbeams on their heads, not the ordinary kind. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/42 "2005-03-02T16:32:25Z")
Re Victor Von Doom I strongly recommend his “Iron Face, Zefiro Blood” to mad scientists of any kind. While many mad scientists have downplayed their cultural heritage, or concealed it altogether, Doom celebrates who he is and where he came from. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/43 "2005-03-02T16:37:48Z")
Is it too late to enrol? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/44 "2005-03-02T17:00:19Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Re Victor Von Doom > > I strongly recommend his “Iron Face, Zefiro Blood” to mad scientists of any kind. While many mad scientists have downplayed their cultural heritage, or concealed it altogether, Doom celebrates who he is and where he came from. You know, I always suspected that he lied about his heritaige. I heard that most Latverians have Dark hair, but I believe that I have seen pictures of how he would look without the mask, and he has brown hair and looks kinda like his biographer, Stanley Lee. Except he has a scar on his chin. (Ok, so it’s really an anctedote in the collection called “Bring On the Bad Guys”. Still, he looks Like Stan Lee. I always found that to be really cool.) ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/45 "2005-03-02T17:20:01Z")
I would like to apply for the position of Guest Lecturer in the Medical Department. Self Care 502: Nursing a grudge. Recommended prerequisite: PSY 356: They laughed at Newton, they laughed at Einstein! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/46 "2005-03-02T17:28:12Z")
Whoa hey! Forget enrolling, can I be a professor? I’ll teach Seduction 101. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/47 "2005-03-02T17:28:13Z")
> [@Scott\_plaid](#): > > You know, I always suspected that he lied about his heritaige. I heard that most Latverians have Dark hair, but I believe that I have seen pictures of how he would look without the mask, and he has brown hair and looks kinda like his biographer, Stanley Lee. Except he has a scar on his chin. There is considerable gossip on the subject of the Doctor’s scars. Some say it is a tiny imperfection. Others insist on massive disfigurement due to to extensive third-degree burns. I have never heard the allegation that Doom has lied about his heritage. Before he rose to power, the Zefiro were second class citizens at best. Zefiro ancestors were something to be hidden. If he were going to lie about his past, I’d think he’d design a better lie. Both Lee and Kirby have Latverian roots. Kirby could never get past his view of Doom as a “Tin faced Nazi” and this prejudice colors several decades of work. As a member of a group has also been subjected to centuries of hatred, and one which Hitler attempted to destroy, Doom found the comparison to a Nazi particularly hurtful. ---
**Author:** ![Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f04885/32.png) [@Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ninja_Pizza_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/48 "2005-03-03T04:16:02Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > I’m sorry, no. > > Apocalyptic Studies are either Postgraduate or Honor Program courses, quite clearly. > **Ninja Pizza Guy** , you are obviously not Faculty material. > > However, be of Good Cheer! You _can, indeed_ play an important role in the Advancement of Science. You have been nominated as a candidate, **and approved to be a participant in** 🙂 , our Human Guinea Pig Program. Housing (complete with exercise wheel) and meals (what flavor pellets do you prefer?) are included! It is important to remember, as you participate as a Human Guinea Pig, that our students are trying to study. As such, your consideration in stifling your howls of shame, pain & degradation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. 🙂 See? **See?** They laugh at me **now** … But soon, soon, oh, so soon now the stars will be right… A sacrifice here, an ancient artifact defaced there, a “misplaced” h-bomb in the right place, a bit of super-science applied just so, a case of My Little Ponies and Tickle-Me-Elmos distributed in the correct pattern… It’s easy, really… then we’ll see who laughs. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/49 "2005-03-03T12:54:26Z")
> [@Ninja Pizza Guy](#): > > See? **See?** They laugh at me **now** … > > But soon, soon, oh, so soon now the stars will be right… > > A sacrifice here, an ancient artifact defaced there, a “misplaced” h-bomb in the right place, a bit of super-science applied just so, a case of My Little Ponies and Tickle-Me-Elmos distributed in the correct pattern… > > It’s easy, really… > > then we’ll see who laughs. Then…that would be _asparagus_-flavored pellets, then? ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/50 "2005-03-03T13:00:15Z")
> [@Ninja Pizza Guy](#): > > See? **See?** They laugh at me **now** … > > But soon, soon, oh, so soon now the stars will be right… > > A sacrifice here, an ancient artifact defaced there, a “misplaced” h-bomb in the right place, a bit of super-science applied just so, a case of My Little Ponies and Tickle-Me-Elmos distributed in the correct pattern… > > It’s easy, really… > > then we’ll see who laughs. Very good. B+ Next time, try a little more fist shaking, and a little less premature bean-spilling about your Master Plan. ™ ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/51 "2005-03-03T13:33:42Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > Next time, try a little more fist shaking, and a little less premature bean-spilling about your Master Plan. ™ What! I can not believe this! Premature bean-spilling in front of ones victims is a hallowed tradition of People with Evil Plots. (PEPs) now available in marshmallow, thanks to my metamorph-o ray. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/52 "2005-03-03T14:47:31Z")
B-047; Cybernetic enhancement of your minions B-048; Linking the minds of your minions together as one mind (it makes it easier for them to follow orders if you only have to control one mind) B-049; Profit! B-050; conquering your enemies system by system, incorporating them into your shared conciousness and turning them against their freinds/family/cow-orkers/government/world prerequisites; decentralized control points 101 creepy lair design 102 (steam, dripping pipes, plasma panels) Hardware-to-Wetware interfaces and nanotech theory 103 designing multiply redundant networks 104 designing multiply redundant networks 104.a designing multiply redundant networks 104.b designing multiply redundant networks 104.c hiding the plasma-coolant tanks someplace inaccesable 105 isolating new initiates behind a firewall until their wetware systems have been fully integrated into the group and thouroughly tested for faults and security holes 106 choosing a creepy catchphrase 107 geometric lair/ship design 108 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/53 "2005-03-04T02:49:22Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > creepy lair design 102 (steam, dripping pipes, plasma panels) This is another stereotype. Regardless of whether work to aid the world or to rule it, Mad Scientists don’t have to have creepy lairs. There are myriad styles. Consider Sterile- Everything is spotless and gleaming, all equipment shines like new, not only could you eat off the floors, they’re clean enough to perform brain surgery. Streamlined- All visible materials are new and gleaming, doors, cabinets, etc are barely visible, displays and equipment emerge from hidden recesses at the press of a button. It’s easy for visitors to become lost in this kind of laboratory- they can’t tell if their standing in an elevator, a communications center, or the disintegration chamber. Cluttered- This works best for a solitary scientist. Every available surface is covered in piles of notes, schematics, newspaper articles, and spare parts. Even the walls are covered in scribbled equations. Flea Market- This style is used by sentimental scientists who favor nostaligia and/or function over appearance. Cutting edge technology and materials are used when necessary, but old reliable equipment is in abundance. Much of this equipment (Commodore 64s, Heathkit oscilloscopes, etc) reminds people of flea markets, hence the name. Military- No wasted space. All equipment and materials are standard. Chiaroscuro- Contrasting areas of deep shadow, and very bright light. Transparent and/or illuminated lucite is mixed with matte stone and steel. For some reason, this style of decor is found mostly among scientists who work in computers, programing, and datamorphic artificial life forms. Zoo/Vivarium/Museum- Specimens, living or preserved by various means, are arranged to make for an impressive display. Obviously, such styles are favored by scientists working in transgenics, or cybernetic enhancement of animals. There are many more. But, the point is clear. The lab doesn’t have to be gloomy. > [@](#): > > hiding the plasma-coolant tanks someplace inaccesable 105 I recommend heavy armoring, and/or force shields instead. While coolant systems need to be protected from sabateurs or armed intruders, they should be easy to locate in case of system overheat. When steam is filling the lab, and the computer is alternating sirens with a countdown to core meltdown, wondering which panel you hid the coolant system behind can cause fatal delays. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/54 "2005-03-04T13:14:16Z")
And I’ve found our University Football Team Mascot!! [AIN’T HE CUTE?!](http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1284726.html) The 3-eyed fish was taken. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/55 "2005-03-04T16:21:12Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Chiaroscuro- Contrasting areas of deep shadow, and very bright light. Transparent and/or illuminated lucite is mixed with matte stone and steel. For some reason, this style of decor is found mostly among scientists who work in computers, programing, and datamorphic artificial life forms. **For some reason?** Haven’t you ever experiment with creating mostly biological unstoppable four-assed hunter-killers? When they run into a stone column, they don’t bring down the ceiling in the same way they would with a mere wood support beam, and if they crash through a Lucite room divider, well, I can always fabricate more. > [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > [AIN’T HE CUTE?!](http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1284726.html) Aw, shoooo kuuuuuute! 😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/56 "2005-03-04T17:00:20Z")
[How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0811846660/qid=1109956588/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/104-0049530-7333579?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/57 "2005-03-04T17:04:33Z")
> [@](#): > > [AIN’T **S** HE CUTE?!](http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1284726.html) Helen? Is that you? Anyway, I could come in as a guest lecturer, although I would love to become part of the faculty. Seminar: How to properly store sources of ultimate power - If you answered “across the ocean of deceit, over the desert of Forgotten Heroes, in a cave located on the mountain of Pain, and guarded by a dragon”, this seminar is for you. Guest speaker: [Baron Silas Greenback](http://www.dangermouse.org/images/gb/GB_in_command.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/58 "2005-03-04T17:04:47Z")
> [@Scott\_plaid](#): > > What! I can not believe this! Premature bean-spilling in front of ones victims is a hallowed tradition of People with Evil Plots. (PEPs) now available in marshmallow, thanks to my metamorph-o ray. And how many of there People with Evil Plots actually succeded in taking over the world? You’re studying to be a Mad Scientist here, boy, not some B-movie stock villian. You keep that attitude, and you’ll find yourself defeted at the hands of any old fictional spy who happens along. Now I want a essay on why all good guys must be dispatched with a quick shot to the head. Now, boy! Hop to it! ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/59 "2005-03-04T17:19:05Z")
::Written on a black-board: I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot…I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot.I will dispach my enemies with a simple head s…:: On the ground is a robotic hand releasing a huge amount of smoke into the air. The following is visible on it’s display panel for i:=1 to 100 do begin write('I will dispach my enemies with a simple head shot. '); end; Scott is nowhere to be found. ---
**Author:** ![Humanist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/71c47a/32.png) [@Humanist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humanist)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209/60 "2005-03-04T17:40:53Z")
Well, I graciously suggest myself as the head of the Humanities department. What? Somebody has to show them the all-important subtext and symbolism inherent in such lines as “Fools! I’ll destroy them all!” and “Next time you shall not escape so easily!” Not to mention the Freudian implications behind tying up the hero’s girlfriend to the laser doomsday device. If we are to be a university, turning out socially inept, mentally imbalanced future warlords, we need to ensure that they have a thorough, broad-based, non-Euro Centric understanding of the cultures they intend to conquer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mad-scientist-curriculum-what-courses-are-you-on-the-faculty-yet/292209.md?page=4)