# Madonna Publishes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 15, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815 "2003-09-15T21:50:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/1 "2003-09-15T21:50:42Z")
[And here’s the LINK to her book on Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0670036781/ref=amb_center-2_7753/002-3837579-5961658) But, we should pick the name of her next children’s book. 😃 How about… [ul] [li]Winnie Wields A Whip[/li][li]Black Leather For Bad Little Boys[/li][li]Hi **Opal** [/li][li]100 New Funny Ways To Play Doctor With A Lit Candle[/li][li]Alice’s Happy New Friend, The Marquis[/li][li]A Kindergarten Guide To Spike-Heeled Leather Hip Boots[/li][li]Girls Are Great: Boys Need To Be Punished![/li][li]Simone Says: ON YOUR KNEES![/li][/ul] _Your_ title suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/2 "2003-09-16T00:02:15Z")
I only hope she can top the literary and critical success of _Sex_. Or bottom it; whatever floats her boat. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/3 "2003-09-16T01:32:00Z")
I bought her children’s book today. ($11.?) at Costco. Y’know what. I like it. It isn’t the best children’s book, it is hardly a new theme, but it is done nicely with a good, positive, non preachy ending. My only complaint is that there are about two lines in the book that really sound snarky like someone from Brooklyn or something copping an attitude, it’s a little odd, the voice of telling the story. Maybe when I read it a few more times it will work in with the feel of the story better. The illustrations are wonderfully different. The basic story line is: The English Roses are four girls who are inseperable. There is a girl that is very pretty and sooo goooood at everything she does and they (being girls) instantly don’t like her. they go out of their way to snub this girl (Binah.) and not be very nice. Then, during a sleepover, they all have the same dream about a Fairy Godmother who gives them the chance to live in someone else’s life…invisible. They decide to try out first and pooof, they are in Binah’s kitchen, invisible and there is Binah cleaning the floor, preparing dinner, doing a buttload of drudge work. Y’see Binda’s dad works all day and she has to do all this work because her mother died years ago. Why she is pretty much like Cinderella. So, as you can imagine, none of the English Roses wants to change their nice little lives for Binah’s life at all, and …poof…they wake up…discuss and decide to invite Binah over for tea. And they all become friends and eventually inseperable, with the other four learning to help out Binda at her house with the cooking and do things together. Not just " he kissed her on the lips, she woke up and they lived happily ever after" crap. I’m quite tired of co-dependents from Disney. I’ll definately buy her next book. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/4 "2003-09-16T17:04:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shirley Ujest \* > \*\*I bought her children’s book today. ($11.?) at Costco. > > Y’know what. > > I like it.\*\* :eek: > [@](#): > > **It isn’t the best children’s book, it is hardly a new theme, but it is done nicely with a good, positive, non preachy ending. My only complaint is that there are about two lines in the book that really sound snarky like someone from Brooklyn or something copping an attitude, it’s a little odd, the voice of telling the story. Maybe when I read it a few more times it will work in with the feel of the story better.** A reviewer’s take on that was that the narrator’s voice was “delightfully bossy”, whatever that means. I think it was to keep up the theme that the story was teaching a moral. > [@](#): > > \ \*\*Not just " he kissed her on the lips, she woke up and they lived happily ever after" crap. > > I’m quite tired of co-dependents from Disney.\*\* In an interview with [_The Sunday Times_](http://www.madonnalicious.com/articles.html), Madonna said something like (paraphrasing here, I can get the interview on my screen but the print is way too small to read): "When the prince kisses the princess and they go off and get married together, I say to my daughter, ‘But no one asked her what SHE wanted!’ [Fairytales imply that], ‘If you’re pretty, you get this. If you’re pretty, you get that.’ " So I guess as a mother, she’s tired of them, too. \*\* > [@](#): > > I’ll definately buy her next book. \*\* Woo and hoo! BTW, Madonna’s next book will be titled _Mr. Peabody’s Apples_. Also, the illustrations will be done by a different “celebrated” illustrator. The ones for _The English Roses_ were done by a man who usually does fashion sketches, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/5 "2003-09-17T02:09:05Z")
[Here](http://www.madonnatribe.com/images/peabody_wallpaper.jpg) is some promo for _Mr. Peabody’s Apples_, which was posted at [Madonnatribe.com](http://Madonnatribe.com). ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/6 "2003-09-17T02:52:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*[And here’s the LINK to her book on Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0670036781/ref=amb_center-2_7753/002-3837579-5961658) > > But, we should pick the name of her next children’s book. 😃 > > How about… > [ul] > [li]Winnie Wields A Whip[/li][li]Black Leather For Bad Little Boys[/li][li]Hi **Opal** [/li][li]100 New Funny Ways To Play Doctor With A Lit Candle[/li][li]Alice’s Happy New Friend, The Marquis[/li][li]A Kindergarten Guide To Spike-Heeled Leather Hip Boots[/li][li]Girls Are Great: Boys Need To Be Punished![/li][li]Simone Says: ON YOUR KNEES![/li][/ul] > > _Your_ title suggestions? \*\* All excellent suggestions, but “Mr. Peabody’s Apples” seems to outdo them all. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/7 "2003-09-17T03:50:01Z")
I’d like to see her do the book entitled, \*\*Hi Opal! \*\* 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/8 "2003-10-02T01:05:45Z")
Go here– [http://www.greystoneinn.net/comics/20031001.gif](http://www.greystoneinn.net/comics/20031001.gif) for further, illuminating commentary on this facinating subject. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/9 "2003-10-02T04:15:05Z")
Hee hee, that is so cute. But at the same time, it kind of irks me, because it’s the same old American thing where celebrities are expected to be one-trick ponies. Every time Madonna tries to go in a new direction, people get out the spade and start exhuming mouldy old stuff from 10 years ago. It’s like, who cares? Why not discuss the _new_ possibilities and _new_ horizons that are being explored? Argh, it’s always the same old thing. And don’t get me started on the “Material Girl” thing, and all of its descendants, “Maternal Girl”, “Spiritual Girl”, etc. I can imagine that being called a “Girl” of any kind, at 45, is irksome. So here is the plot of **Mr. Peabody’s Apples** : A boy sees his teacher take some apples from a fruit vendor without paying for them. He then spreads a rumour that Mr. Peabody is a thief. When Peabody gets wind of this, he informs the boy that he has an agreement with the grocer to pay him at the end of each week. To teach the boy a lesson about opening his mouth before he has all the facts, Mr. Peabody takes the boy to a field and has him open up a feather pillow. The wind carries the feathers all over the field, just as easily as the boy spread the rumour. Then the boy has to take each feather and put it back inside the pillow. This illustrates how hard it is (nearly impossible) to rebuild a shattered reputation. Truly, it provides a valuble lesson to tabloid journalists - uh, I mean, children everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Alto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Alto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alto)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/10 "2003-10-02T15:46:12Z")
Hey **kung fu lola** , how come you know the plot of the next book already? Isn’t it supposed to be a deep dark secret? ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/11 "2003-10-02T16:02:16Z")
I have further details on _Mr Peabody’s Apples_: [spoiler]…Then the boy has to take each feather and put it back inside the pillow. This illustrates how hard it is (nearly impossible) to rebuild a shattered reputation. Then, to really rub it in, Mr Peabody hires a crack team of lawyers and sues the boy for defamation.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/12 "2003-10-02T16:03:41Z")
Aww, man! My spoiler would have been better if it hadn’t been rendered unnecessary by the final sentence of **kung fu lola** ’s post. ---
**Author:** ![Peach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@Peach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peach)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/13 "2003-10-02T16:13:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Alto \* > \*\*Hey **kung fu lola** , how come you know the plot of the next book already? Isn’t it supposed to be a deep dark secret? \*\* go to any madonna fansite on the web!! The secret is out! ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/14 "2003-10-02T23:56:40Z")
Yeppers. The other books will be titled; [ul]**[li] Jacob and The Seven Thieves[/li][li] The adventures of Abdi[/li][li]Lotsa De Casha**[/ul][/li] [From here](http://www.madonnatribe.com/forum/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=681). ---
**Author:** ![Alto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Alto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alto)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/15 "2003-10-03T14:19:14Z")
Wow. I worked on these books. Before they gave me the manuscripts I had to practically sign an agreement in blood that I wouldn’t breathe a word about them, and I understood that if I did there would be “more than monetary damages.” I had to keep the manuscripts in a locked drawer. The sales reps had to sell to the bookstores without knowing the plot or even the illustrators. I guess once the first book is out they’re not being so secretive about the others. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/16 "2003-10-03T18:53:39Z")
Well, they _are_ still being tight-lipped about the illustrators. “More than monetary damages”, huh. How very Soprano of them. ---
**Author:** ![rmbnxs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b9e5f3/32.png) [@rmbnxs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rmbnxs)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/17 "2003-10-03T21:40:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*…we should pick the name of her next children’s book… > > _Your_ title suggestions? \*\* _Big Fucking Deal_ ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/madonna-publishes/201815/18 "2003-10-04T02:00:42Z")
If you’re not interested, don’t click. Also, no “f” word in CS. Have you _really_ been around for two years? 'Cause it looks like you don’t know the rules we’ve all been beaten over the head with.