# Mafia in Space! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641 "2003-09-10T00:33:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sir\_Dirx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@Sir\_Dirx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Dirx)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/21 "2003-09-11T21:29:20Z")
Two murders in the night? I don’t like the sound of this… Everyone’s pointing fingers at d\_redguy. I can’t say I agree. Look at 'im, muttering to himself about chupacabras and the like. He’s off, I think. And I certainly _don’t_ think the murders were the work of a crazy guy. Super Gnat looks just as nuts, it seems. He’s going on in his foil hat about d\_redguy being some kind of mutant space alien. Is this a space ship or a psycho ward? Who’s that jumping around over there? Oh, **Kantalooppi** , if I remember correctly. He looks awfully nervous. Did he do it? Perhaps he’s worried someone will find him out… Yeah, my money’s on **Kantalooppi**. I say we go for him. Too suspicious, if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/22 "2003-09-11T22:02:59Z")
[clarification]I’m a she! I’m a she![/clarification] ---
**Author:** ![poiema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@poiema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poiema)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/23 "2003-09-11T22:10:31Z")
poiema has heard the buzz about ship that a murderer lurks among the passengers. she walks quietly among the others, taking quick mental notes of the actions and reactions of her fellow travelers. “hmmmm…that thizzlewit has barely moved since all of this happened. he’s just been sitting there by himself sipping that drink. i wonder… but then, sir dirx has been looking around at everyone as if he’s scared they might know something about him…he definitely has something to hide. i wonder what it could be.” she walks around to the far side of the room. looking back, she sees notices ronincyberpunk swallow something that looks like a pain killer. “he looks like he’s feeling guilty for some reason…what could he possibly…oh my gosh!!! it was him!! **ronincyberpunk** is the killer!” quickly glancing around, poiema sees that the closest person to her is thizzlewit. she makes her way over to where he sits at the bar nursing his drink. she nods to the bartender and sits down shakely, stunned by her revelation…“i’ll have what he’s having.” ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/24 "2003-09-11T22:14:35Z")
Feeling his head clear from the light headache and the remnants of the hang over he heads up to his room to change clothes and relax. He’s not a fighter, he’s a lover. Or so he tells himself. He takes a shower, gets some clean clothes on and freshens up. He heads back down to the on ship movie theatre and settles in for a nice comedy. ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/25 "2003-09-11T22:20:47Z")
I had a really bad experience on Mars. I’m thinking with a name like \*\* d\_redguy \*\*, he’s from there. Maybe he even knows the guy who jilted me. Yep, my vote’s for him. -Lil ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/26 "2003-09-11T22:26:00Z")
That said, anyone interested in discussing a business proposition with me, maybe in this lovely hot tub? I’ll bring the refreshments. -Lil ---
**Author:** ![Ferg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/cdc98d/32.png) [@Ferg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferg)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/27 "2003-09-11T23:10:44Z")
Ferg sits quietly, watching the situation spiral out of control. Now they’re talking about lynchings? What happened to the great human civilisation? “Still”, he thought, “if they’re going to hang somebody, I’d better make sure it’s not me.” With a heavy heart and an apologetic look, Ferg joined the faceless crowd, calling for **d\_redguy** ’s blood. ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/28 "2003-09-11T23:18:15Z")
Mirror sat quietly in the corner of the room, stunned by her bloodthirsty companions. Unnoticed, she stood and slipped out of the room before she could see anything worse. She wasn’t sure, but she had her suspicions that d\_redguy was not a killer. There was another person who had stirred her interest: **XWalrus2**. ---
**Author:** ![d\_redguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@d\_redguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d_redguy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/29 "2003-09-11T23:25:11Z")
“I can’t believe this!” d\_redguy exclaimed,“You are all actually talking about killing me!!” “So what’s the scam here, are you all in cahoots? Or are you just scared? Bah. Of course your scared. Two people died last night. ‘I got an idea, lets kill some **more** people!’ What a bunch of crap. I’ll tell ya what, you bastards. I’m changing my vote.” “I vote that we kill nobody. If you all are going to kill me, I’m going to die knowing that I wasn’t responsible for anyone else having suspicion cast on them unwarranted. Not that I couldn’t turn the tables around just as easy.” ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/30 "2003-09-11T23:29:01Z")
He’s trying to explain himself, that’s not very average citizenlike! _Get 'im!_ ---
**Author:** ![d\_redguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@d\_redguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d_redguy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/31 "2003-09-11T23:32:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ryle Dup \* > \*\*He’s trying to explain himself, that’s not very average citizenlike! _Get 'im!_ \*\* “Heh. Nice. Is that another vote?” ---
**Author:** ![Aslan\_of\_Narnia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Aslan\_of\_Narnia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aslan_of_Narnia)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/32 "2003-09-11T23:39:53Z")
So far I have gotten 6 votes for d\_redguy(one of which is email). And 3 for others. So, we must reach a majority of 15 before we can proceed to the lynch and then to Night, if you guys didn’t know. Good stories so far, but the votes don’t have to be RP’ed, as one player asked. ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/33 "2003-09-11T23:46:34Z")
[Aslan: I emailed you and then remembered to post here, so make sure you don’t double count me… sorry if it caused confusion] ---
**Author:** ![Thizzlewit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@Thizzlewit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thizzlewit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/34 "2003-09-12T00:35:16Z")
> [@](#): > > I vote that we kill nobody. "Ya hear that, everyone? **d\_redguy** is voting that we do nothing. That’s right, **nothing**. It is a mathematical certainty that if we simply stand by and kill no one, the mafia will kill us all; therefore, d\_redguy is voting to kill us all. I conclude that d\_redguy must be either suicidal or part of the mafia. “Fellow passengers, vote with caution. Barkeep, I’ll have another lemonade.” ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/35 "2003-09-12T00:44:10Z")
This mob mentality is making Lisa-go-Blind uncomfortable. “My crewmates are calling for a murder just because he was brave enough to introduce himself to us! He seems like such a nice guy. Why don’t we give him a chance?” Lisa searches the spaceship for relief. Another passenger, **Mirror Image egamI rorriM** , seems as disgusted by the display as she. Lisa follows **Mirror Image** ’s gaze: she is watching **XWalrus2**. Lisa catches **Mirror Image** ’s eye, as if to say, “If it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for me.” My vote: **XWalrus2**. ---
**Author:** ![poiema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@poiema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poiema)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/36 "2003-09-12T01:10:58Z")
poiema glances nervously over at thizzlewit as he sips another lemonade. “how can you be so certain it’s d\_redguy?” she asks hesitantly. “i mean, it could be anybody.” she glances around the bar nervously, looking around for **ronincyberpunk** to make sure he is still on the far side of the room. “he’s gone!” she mutters to herself. “where could he be hiding???” her hands trembling with fear, poiema looks at the bartender. “i’ll have another one of these as well.” ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/37 "2003-09-12T01:57:16Z")
percypercy notices the conspicious lack of her fellow travellers in the hot tub. With a sigh, she decides to return to the bar to see where the winds are blowing. No one will meet her eye. This isn’t quite the relaxing cruise through the galaxy she had planned. She grabs a seat at the bar and signals the bartender. -Lil ---
**Author:** ![Thizzlewit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@Thizzlewit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thizzlewit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/38 "2003-09-12T02:16:11Z")
Biting his straw, Thizzlewit ponders for a moment, before answering **poiema** ’s question. “I didn’t say **d\_redguy** was definitely part of the mafia. I said he was either part of the mafia, or suicidal.” “It’s simple logic, really. Today, the only concrete evidence we have is the two dead bodies found earlier this morning. Unfortunately, those corpses tell us of nothing save the existence of two killers somewhere among the passengers of this ship. As I have explained already, to have any chance of staying alive, we must choose to lynch someone, but with a complete and utter lack of concrete evidence, how do you choose who to lynch? It’s a difficult choice, one that no human should ever have to face. But the fact remains, we must face it today, and use every shred of evidence at our disposal to make the best choice possible.” Thizzlewit leans forward on his barstool, resting his elbows on the bar and folding his hands together. “That’s why I believe we should lynch **d\_redguy**. See, when I first voted for hi, I was taking a wild guess, but now, as I mentioned earlier, we have valid reason to think he is a mental case or a mafioso. No, I don’t know he’s the killer. I don’t even think he’s the killer; however, I believe that his words have indicated that he is more likely to be the killer than any other passenger we know of right now. If we lynch any other passenger, we’re just shooting in the dark, so to speak. If we lynch d\_redguy, at least we have some reason to suspect him.” “Of course, I could have missed some important clues that could point toward other suspects. Can you enlighten me as to why you suspect **ronincyberpunk** , or did you choose randomly, as I did at first?” A slight smile tugs at the corners of Thizzlewit’s mouth. “Hrmm… I supose if I’m likely to die before I reach my destination, I might as well be a gentleman on the way. Barkeep! The lady’s drinks are on me.” ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/39 "2003-09-12T02:19:54Z")
"Of course the evirl space arien wants ush to do nurfing! That’s sho that he can feasht on our brain waves and kill ush at is pleashure! Barrkeep, anudder vodka on da rocks. An dis time, make shure it has ishe in it! Y’hear me! Gee, I dun feel sho good. Mebbe I shoud go ta bed now. Shee y’all in the mornin… exchept for you, **d\_redguy** , heh heh heh. * * * Apologies for my meager attempts at making a “drunk” accent. You get the idea. Also, **Aslan** , will the death scenes give any clues to who the killer is? ---
**Author:** ![d\_redguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@d\_redguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d_redguy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641/40 "2003-09-12T02:40:07Z")
> [@](#): > > “That’s why I believe we should lynch d\_redguy. See, when I first voted for hi, I was taking a wild guess, but now, as I mentioned earlier, we have valid reason to think he is a mental case or a mafioso. No, I don’t know he’s the killer. I don’t even think he’s the killer; however, I believe that his words have indicated that he is more likely to be the killer than any other passenger we know of right now. If we lynch any other passenger, we’re just shooting in the dark, so to speak. If we lynch d\_redguy, at least we have some reason to suspect him.” “I hear you flapping you gums over there, **Thizzlewit**. Pretty thin reasoning if you ask me. Let me just test my understanding of what you are saying, if I may. I don’t want us to kill anybody, because we have no evidence. Thus, we have just as good a chance to kill a tourist as we do one of these mafioso. So therefore, I’m indirectly condemning someone to death. So I must be mafioso. So you want to condemn **me** to death. Nice tight little logic circle that you have there.” d\_redguy shifts in his seat, looking directly into Thizzlewit’s eyes,“The mafioso may hit tonight. You all know I’m a reporter. I know I’m a bad one, or else my boss wouldn’t a set me up in this tin can in the cheapest room he could find to send me to some damn worthless planet to watch the natives rub blue mud into their bellybuttons.” “But they don’t want a reporter here. **ronincyberpunk** made that clear enough in his little drunken soliloquy. So why bother lynching me? They’re gonna take me out anyway. Find some other scapegoat, my friend, because I’m not it.” “Unless, of course, you want this gang of folks here to do the dirty work for you. In which case you are gonna have to present a better argument, because the lady hear seems smarter than that. She isn’t going to just toss someones life away because a charming young buck bought her a drink.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mafia-in-space/200641.md?page=3)