# Maintaining professional distance **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 29, 2013, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392 "2013-12-29T05:06:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/21 "2013-12-29T13:07:23Z")
> [@saje](#): > > How about this: > > Patient asks question. > You answer with a head nod or shake and a semi distracted sounding yes or no, then look at them directly, put on your best dazzling smile and with your warmest, most caring tone of voice say “I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to ignore you but this takes a a bit of concentration to get all the correct information. I want to make sure we get it right the first time so your procedure goes as smoothly as possible, and you don’t have to come back and do this all over again” (More winning smile). “I know it’s boring, but I’ll be as quick as I can, and if you have questions about this later I’ll be happy to answer them!” > > And then go back to work. > > Most people have NO clue how things like this work, all they know is that they are bored, they don’t like silence, and they’re probably scared. A caring-sounding blow-off should keep them happy enough to not complain to your boss. This is good too! I guess repetition is key. I will just have to keep at it till it sticks… honestly I’m more terrified of making a mistake and having our surgeon request a quality assurance evaluation of my work vs a patient complaining that I’m not talkative/boring/rude etc. I do not want to be put on ‘that’ list. Our Chatty Cathy has patients request only her, bring her home baked treats etc. little do they know that she’s so busy entertaining them, other people are sometimes asked to double check or redo her exams prior surgical intervention ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/22 "2013-12-29T13:19:08Z")
I’m a teacher, and so also have to maintain some professional distance. I usually respond with “That’s rather a personal question, isn’t it?”. ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/23 "2013-12-29T13:20:48Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > You might be surprised. People can be pretty oblivious when they are talking about themselves. And you can give a little spiel early on “I have to focus pretty hard on these results; feel free to talk, but if I don’t always respond, it’s because I am triple-checking everything! I am listening!” > > If it helps at all, most of the people that are asking you these questions are trying to be nice. They are trying to show that they see you as a person, not just as a faceless tech. They aren’t looking for reasons to judge you, and they aren’t going to spend time thinking about you after they are gone. Somewhere, on some other board, some other tech is bitching “You know I am a person, right?” because all their patients treat them like a cog in a machine, don’t even bother to make a little small talk in a 90-minute session. > > One more thing: whatever this screening is, is it for something people may be embarrassed about? A health problem with some sort of negative connotation? If so, the chatting and talking and the trying to connect with you may be related to the fact that deep inside they are screaming: “Don’t judge me please don’t judge me I am a person too! A nice person! I am sorry I am [whatever], I know I didn’t do it right, I know I didn’t do what I was supposed to, I am so embarrassed, so ashamed, so destroyed to even be sitting here. Please don’t go back in the break room and talk about how pathetic I am, how weak, don’t look at me with scorn. Like me! If you like me, you won’t hold me in contempt!” > > Honest to god, my back teeth are a mess and when I am at the dentist, that’s my internal monologue. You know how it comes out when I am talking to the tech? “So . . Are you from around here?” Yeah some people are ‘talkers’, and are able to get through everything without the possibility of missing anything. Not sure what field the tech that’s complaining about pple ignoring them is in, but I obviously fall on the other end of the spectrum! Lol it’s probly the Chatty Cathy from my office over there haha! At our office we see advanced stages of disease. these conditions are not associated with any stigmas. Sure there are risk factors to avoid, but none that would cause embarrassment. ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/24 "2013-12-29T13:28:43Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m a teacher, and so also have to maintain some professional distance. I usually respond with “That’s rather a personal question, isn’t it?”. ☹ too ballsy for me, I couldn’t pull that off. I’d feel like I’m confronting them. I guess I need to work on my ability to set those definitive boundaries ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/25 "2013-12-29T14:12:51Z")
> [@Blindsided](#): > > Yes! Thanks for getting it! People just don’t understand that it’s not polite conversation to force a stranger to tell you about their infertility issues when they ask if you have children and why not?? Or to ask if you are married ‘yet’ after seeing that you’re visibly pregnant. Or lecture you when you say you don’t want children. Or judge you when they realize that you’re not married, but not single because you’ve been with your partner for 20+ years. Or pester you with the dangers of an at home birth after they ask if you’re delivering your baby at the affiliated hospital. These are all issues that my coworkers have faced. Yes patients might be bored, but that does not entitle them to a front row seat into our lives. > > Gone are the days where people simply want you to be good at what you do. Now they want cucumber water, hand holding, entertainment, and the whole dog and pony show…all while we are expected to evaluate more and more patients, in less time, and still perform highly quality exams. :smack: I get that it feels that way, and I agree that it is private and that you have absolutely no obligation to tell them anything private. But at the same time, I think the above is a bit strong. Your job asks that you spend a pretty long time with another person, engaging in _their_ deeply personal life (ie their body). People seek a bit of humanity, reassurance, normalcy, and reciprocity. I don’t think they want cucumber water. Being in a room with someone for 2 hours, having that person examine you and not having a chat sounds… terrifying… to me. It wouldn’t have to be about your children or relationship. It could be anything. How your knitting is getting on for all I care. How my knitting is getting on. But just in a room with you for a long time, with no conversation? :eek: It sounds like conversation of some sort is just a part of your job. You’ll have to balance saying “sorry I’m a little distracted, I need to get this right” with the occasional “so, do you have pets?”\* (or whatever) if you notice the patient is desperately unhappy and uncomfortable. Just another thought: would it be possible for you to talk through what you’re doing? It keeps convo going, they know what’s up and it might be less awkward. Might not be possible though, depending on what you’re doing? \*I suggest: “So, have you declawed your pit bull, and are you breeding?” to keep them going 😉 ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/26 "2013-12-29T14:29:11Z")
Small talk is a part of any human-focused job. You may not like it, and that’s fine, but it’s still part of the job. Do you think waitstaff really enjoys smiling all day, or that therapists actually enjoy hearing everyone’s mundane problems? Probably not. But creating a warm and comfortable environment is important when working with customers, and for most people human interaction is an important part of that. Of course you don’t have to play along, but that will turn off a certain amount of people, and it shouldn’t be surprising that a certain percentage of people prefer chattier providers. Family is a common topic because for many people it’s easy common ground- most people have some kind of family. People asking about family aren’t really trying to mine your personal details or dig into sensitive subjects, they just want to find something in common and are going for the low-hanging fruit. I’d suggest thinking of small talk as a skill that can be improved. Asking questions is a good one- when people ask about you, often they are looking for an excuse to talk about themselves. You may also want to figure out some “safe” topics you can steer the conversation towards. If you don’t want to talk about your family or homeland, try to steer the conversation towards television or sports or whatever. I use an app every morning (the one I use is “Potluck”, but there are others) specifically designed to keep you up to date on small talk conversations. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/27 "2013-12-29T15:04:00Z")
> [@Blindsided](#): > > I perform diagnostic exams, so if I’m distracted I can miss something…if I miss something, then the interpreting physician misses it also. One of our chatty Cathy’s is beloved by our patients because she entertains them. However she has missed pathology on several occasions, and as a result the the quality of her exams have been called into question by our physicians. Our patients are taken to surgery or not, based on our exams. And they are not happy when they take a patient to the OR, and discover something that contradicts our exam! For these reasons, I don’t like making small talk at all during exams. The stakes are just too high! I really need to focus on the test that I am performing. We don’t have patient satisfaction surveys, our work performance is based on the accuracy of our studies . (Granted if I were to have a ton of complaints then I’m sure management would look into it) > > Aside from those reasons, I don’t like talking about myself because things get blown out of proportion. For example when I first started, everyone wanted to know where I was from…ok I get that, but then I had to deal with everybody saying how exotic my home must be, what an amazing childhood I must have had, how could anybody leave a vacation spot to live here etc. on and on and on! And I just had to smile and nod/because how do I say that despite it being a wonderful vacation spot, locals suffer from extreme poverty, dengue fever, an intolerant society, government corruption, lack of opportunity, high crime rates, the fact that I personally know over 10 pple that have been murderd, etc? I just have to smile and nod because to clarify will only cause more of an issue. This is why I don’t like talking about these seemingly mundane personal things. Sure my sttending physician knows all these facts about me, but when patients spend 5 of their 15 minute appt with him discussing OUR personal life it gets old fast. > > Currently I’m giving brief, vague answers to their direct questions, then redirecting the attention in a subtle way back to something related to their exam. Some if them are just relentless though! So you’re from Louisiana? 🙂 Seriously though, I’d politely tell them the truth- that you really need to concentrate on their exam because you don’t want to miss anything that might cause them to either need to go to surgery or not. Most people will shut the f–k up tout suite if they hear that, and won’t think you’re being rude. Then after the exam, chat for a few minutes if you have the time- to sort of prove that you’re not just an unfriendly ass and send them on their way feeling good. The best of both worlds, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/28 "2013-12-29T19:59:46Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I get that it feels that way, and I agree that it is private and that you have absolutely no obligation to tell them anything private. > > But at the same time, I think the above is a bit strong. > > Your job asks that you spend a pretty long time with another person, engaging in _their_ deeply personal life (ie their body). People seek a bit of humanity, reassurance, normalcy, and reciprocity. I don’t think they want cucumber water. Being in a room with someone for 2 hours, having that person examine you and not having a chat sounds… terrifying… to me. It wouldn’t have to be about your children or relationship. It could be anything. How your knitting is getting on for all I care. How my knitting is getting on. But just in a room with you for a long time, with no conversation? :eek: > > It sounds like conversation of some sort is just a part of your job. You’ll have to balance saying “sorry I’m a little distracted, I need to get this right” with the occasional “so, do you have pets?”\* (or whatever) if you notice the patient is desperately unhappy and uncomfortable. > > Just another thought: would it be possible for you to talk through what you’re doing? It keeps convo going, they know what’s up and it might be less awkward. Might not be possible though, depending on what you’re doing? > \*I suggest: “So, have you declawed your pit bull, and are you breeding?” to keep them going 😉 I have no problem with the occasional brief chit chat through the exam. My problem is with people that want constant banter. I had a patient the other day who I chatted with after the test. When I was finished answering her questions I asked ‘is there anything else I can do for you today?’ Lol she asked me I could make her a coffee. I looked at her to see if she was joking, and when I realized she wasn’t I told her that we don’t have coffee, but that we do have water in the waiting room. She gave me an annoyed look! Lol we also have a lady that has complained so much about the standard medical grade hospital gowns that she now brings in her own plush robe and pillow. So I don’t think I was reaching with the cucumber water comment. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/29 "2013-12-29T22:37:03Z")
Is there any way your can intubate these people before the exams? I’ve found that really shuts people up. ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/30 "2013-12-29T22:47:26Z")
Blindsided, I can understand the frustration with the medical industry in USA. Its a real pain to deal with at times, esp in light of the fact that medical personnel are be called upon to do more with less all the time. And that it irks us when our colleagues dont seem to be pulling their fair share of weight by being ChattyCathy’s (yet still get good patient satisfaction scores). Thats when the Art of Medicine comes into play. It cant just be all science (unless as Arrendajo says, “intubate them” :D) when there are humans involved. Its messy to have to juggle it all, but it makes the job a lot more satisfying if you can empathize and really connect with a patient at the same time you do the technical part. Otherwise, maybe a different field would be a better fit for you. I realize you’re just venting tho. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/31 "2013-12-29T23:13:09Z")
Bear in mind that some of these people are quite possibly pretty nervous of you. You have a lot of power over them, both in the immediate physical sense and in the more long-term sense that you can have a big impact on their future health. Some of them are probably trying to build up rapport because at some level they feel you’ll be more likely to treat them well if there’s some bond between you. Saje’s approach is great. It focuses on the fact that you really are doing your best for the patient, and highlights the fact that in order to do your best you need to not get into small talk. They get ressured, you don’t have to get into your personal life. Everyone wins. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/32 "2013-12-29T23:52:04Z")
It irks that you seem to do a better job, but they like Chatty Cathy better, doesn’t it? Just don’t let it irk you so much you swing too far the other way and hate all conversation. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/33 "2013-12-30T00:38:18Z")
Speaking from a patient’s PoV, what is an everyday procedure for you can be strange, unfamiliar and sometimes scary to the other person involved. Talking to you and reassuring themselves that you are a compassionate human being is a way for them to relax a bit. Again, from the patient’s perspective, I totally get that you need to concentrate on what you are doing and a gentle reminder isn’t out of place. Just make the line of communication clear and let them know what’s happening. ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/34 "2013-12-30T00:43:00Z")
^^ good points missred. What about this: if you feel pressured to keep up convo, why not make pertinent comments about the exam, such as, “mmhmm… good heartsounds/lungsounds/whatever … now testing your strength here …” in order to focus on the task and let them know whats going on/reassure them. Just a thought, you probably already do that Im sure. ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/35 "2013-12-30T00:45:04Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Is there any way your can intubate these people before the exams? I’ve found that really shuts people up. Lmao!!! ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/36 "2013-12-30T00:58:44Z")
> [@SerafinaPekala](#): > > Blindsided, I can understand the frustration with the medical industry in USA. Its a real pain to deal with at times, esp in light of the fact that medical personnel are be called upon to do more with less all the time. And that it irks us when our colleagues dont seem to be pulling their fair share of weight by being ChattyCathy’s (yet still get good patient satisfaction scores). > > Thats when the Art of Medicine comes into play. It cant just be all science (unless as Arrendajo says, “intubate them” :D) when there are humans involved. Its messy to have to juggle it all, but it makes the job a lot more satisfying if you can empathize and really connect with a patient at the same time you do the technical part. Otherwise, maybe a different field would be a better fit for you. I realize you’re just venting tho. It’s pretty common in my field to discourage talking during these exams. My technical director gives patients the opportunity to ask questions before starting, then tells them must be quiet for the exam, as talking can interfere with the test. But that they can ask questions after. I try not to be that much if a hard ass, but my point is that is the standard that my manager has set. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/37 "2013-12-30T01:05:24Z")
Just start making things up until they get more and more outrageous, to see if they notice ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/38 "2013-12-30T01:06:25Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > It irks that you seem to do a better job, but they like Chatty Cathy better, doesn’t it? Just don’t let it irk you so much you swing too far the other way and hate all conversation. No not at all, it’s not a popularity contest. I’d rather be highly regarded by our physicians, all that really matters to them is accuracy and efficiency. They don’t care who miss congeniality is. (As long as there aren’t tons of complaints obviously) as I mentioned earlier, my manager does not allow them to talk during the test, only before/after, and they seem to do just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Blindsided](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Blindsided](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blindsided)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/39 "2013-12-30T01:08:08Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Just start making things up until they get more and more outrageous, to see if they notice Lol I LOVE this!! Sounds pretty entertaining heehee 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Amara\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7993a0/32.png) [@Amara\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amara_1)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392/40 "2013-12-30T01:31:17Z")
People (me) may also be talking because they’re nervous and have nothing else to focus on. Medical exams are always scary/nerve wracking and/or uncomfortable. It’s even worse since I don’t have anything else to distract myself with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maintaining-professional-distance/677392.md?page=3)