# MAJOR SYSTEM PROBLEMS **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [September 2, 1999, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474 "1999-09-02T04:55:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/1 "1999-09-02T04:55:00Z")
As I’m sure everybody now knows, we’re having some serious problems here. The technical word for it is “screwed.” General Questions is totally non functioning. The other forums seem to be all right – so far – but I’m not making any promises. As our techs work to get things happening, we ask for your patience. We’re trying to get things back to normal – or what passes for normal around here – soonest. Thanks. your humble TubaDiva/SDStaffDiv for the Straight Dope ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/2 "1999-09-02T05:02:00Z")
Oh Great Goddess Of The Board, if you have to do a complete reboot of the board, I for one would understand. Go forth and kill the problem, be it human or machine. Our prayers, spells and incantations are with you. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/3 "1999-09-02T05:13:00Z")
Our ace technical staff, crosses and skulls in hand, have already laid major juju on the board and it’s still not responding. Apparently this fix is gonna take a little more than the usual chanting and etc. Anybody got any spare chickens lying around? (I’d go looking for a virgin but I suspect we’re fresh out.) your humble TubaDiva/SDStaffDiv for the Straight Dope Moral: Never buy software with the “Mattel Symbol of Excellence” on the box. ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/4 "1999-09-02T05:42:00Z")
Hey, if you all reboot and something goes wrong and out names are all mixed up, Can I be Satan? Or God? Any major diety is better than a young elephant king! Oh, wait, maybe some Dopers are Indian… ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/5 "1999-09-02T05:58:00Z")
You need a virgin? Hey ARG220, we need you! ---
**Author:** ![EnigmaOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EnigmaOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnigmaOne)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/6 "1999-09-02T05:59:00Z")
{{{I’d go looking for a virgin but I suspect we’re fresh out.}}}—TubaDiva :::checking eBay listings::: Oxen Bulls Rams Lambs…two for the price of one. Turtledoves Spinning toilets…nope! No virgins this week. ## :::hiding my kids::: – **Kalél** _Common ¢ for all ages…_ “Well, there was that thing with the Cheese-Wiz…but I’m feeling _much_ better now!” – John Astin, _Night Court_ ---
**Author:** ![EnigmaOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EnigmaOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnigmaOne)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/7 "1999-09-02T06:10:00Z")
Geeze Jen, I see what you mean about the meltdown in GQ! Maybe the evaluation period, or even the warranty expired? * * * – **Kalél** _Common ¢ for all ages…_ “Well, there was that thing with the Cheese-Wiz…but I’m feeling _much_ better now!” – John Astin, _Night Court_ ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/8 "1999-09-02T11:33:00Z")
Well, I wasn’t expecting much in the genital, I mean general forum anyway. What’s with these lame topics? I don’t often think of a General question on the level of holes in shoepolish cans, but…still ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/9 "1999-09-02T13:45:00Z")
TubaDiva wrote: > [@](#): > > (I’d go looking for a virgin but I suspect we’re fresh out.) :::Ahem!::: I saw the Batvirgin light shining in the clouds. Where am I needed? I’m ready to be of service. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/10 "1999-09-02T15:41:00Z")
LOL! Snark, I was trying to come up with a witty repsonse like that, but you beat me to it! Well, if the Batvirgin needs a sidekick, I’m ready to serve as well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/11 "1999-09-03T05:32:00Z")
Would you consider becoming a bat-eunuch? (Or are you female?) ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/12 "1999-09-03T05:51:00Z")
I’m female, dear. So, no. 😉 And apparently our powers worked to bring GQ back up… (And y’all can take that any damn way you want. ;)) ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/major-system-problems/474/13 "1999-09-03T05:52:00Z")
Ya know, I once bought a sweater made of virgin wool but it was too tight.